I Make Movies

by The Good Dark Lord

979 - Love on Wings

The first movie I made in Equestria was one I really did not want to do. Some cheap romantic comedy called "Love on Wings". I was a rookie and I needed the money so it was either that or work retail. To my surprise it was a moderate success with lukewarm reviews. I had expected it to bomb, honestly.

Oh, sorry, I suppose I should give you a couple paragraphs of exposition.

I was just a regular twenty-seven year old man named John Miles who lived in Los Angeles. Then one night I went to bed as a human, and I woke up in a back street alley as a red unicorn with a brown mane. At first I thought I was tripping on some bad drugs, or having a lucid dream, so I took it in stride. I found a newspaper in a trash bin and read it. Apparently I was in Equestria, that place where that pony cartoon takes place. I also soon found out I was specifically in a city called Las Pegasus. The year was May 5, 979. That made me laugh. It was around noon that I realized it was all real and I freaked the hell out for the rest of the day. The next day I think I went insane because I suddenly decided to tough up and deal with my plight.

I had no money and no home except for a cardboard box in the back alley I first woke up in, so I got a job at some fast food joint that served hayburgers and hay fries. A month after that I got a job at a grocery store. By that time I had managed to save enough for a cheap apartment that cost fifty 'bits' a month. One day a pony asked me why I didn't work at Applewood (their version of Hollywood). I asked them why they thought that , and they responded by saying that my Cutie Mark was a movie camera, so movies must be my special talent. I had heard talk of Cutie Marks during my time here, but I never really looked into it. I went to the library and did research on Cutie Marks. Apparently Cutie Marks represent what a pony is skilled in. I figured "Screw it" and went to Applewood for a job.

So I walked into Applewood hoping to get an easy job like one of those microphone guys or even just a janitor. Instead I almost immediately became a director. Here's how it went down.

I walked into an office building that was offering job positions. I went up to the receptionist. "Hi, I'm looking for a job. My Cutie Mark is a movie camera so I figured I'd look for a job here."

The mare behind the desk gave me a bored look and popped her gum. "Yeah just give me a minute sir I'll find something for you."

Not five seconds later an angry brown earth pony stallion burst through some doors and stormed out the building. "I refuse to direct such a useless piece of trash! I only work on TRUE art!"

A fat blue pegasus in a nice suit ran after him. "Wait! You can't bail now! We already spent the budget and signed all the contracts!" But the angry pony was already gone. "Oh jeez, this is terrible! I need a director now to finish this movie! Anypony would do!"

"Sir," the receptionist mare said, "I've got a new guy here lookin' for a job. He seems like the diretin' type."

The fat pegasus snapped towards me. "You! Can you direct?"

I blinked. "Um, I made some home movies when I was young?"

"Great! You got the job! What's your name sport?"

"John Miles."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Strange name."

"Uh, it's foreign."

"Ah, okay. Name's Big Bucks, by the way, and I'm one of the top executives in Applewood, if I do say so myself. I need you to direct a movie called 'Love on Wings'. Are you up to it?"

"Sure. How hard can it be?"

I had a shit time making that fucking movie. The original script sucked ballsack so I rewrote half of it. It was full of dull cliches and lame jokes and oh god just thinking of that first script makes my head hurt. Big Bucks and the other executives didn't like the changes I made, but since nobody else wanted to make the movie I had ultimate job security. The only good part about making that movie were the actors. Sure they were a little whiny, but at the end of the day they were cooperative and nice enough. Some of them even approved of the changes I made.

"Love on Wings" only took two months to make. Upon theatrical release it made $20 million bits, which compared to its $5 million bit budget isn't that bad. The general reaction from critics and audiences was "Meh, it was okay."

A week after that Big Bucks called me up to his office. "You did great kid," He said while chomping on a Cuban(?!) cigar, "You actually managed to make that movie turn a profit! So I tell you what, for your next movie I'll let you make whatever you want."

"Any movie I want?" I repeated. I guess this was my life now.

Big Bucks nodded. "Anything, John. So long as it's, y'know, marketable. So hey come back to me later when you have an idea, or if there's something on your mind now just tell me."

... Actually, there was something on my mind for a while now. A certain episode from season 2 that had a lot of potential, but was just utterly wasted. That and it would be fun freaking the hell out of these childish ponies. "Actually, yeah, there is one project I've been wanting to do."

"That's great, so what is it?"

"I want to make a superhero movie."

Big Bucks smiled. "Ah, so you want to direct the sequel to the Power Ponies movie? Smart, that should be an easy one to market."

"No. I don't want to direct a Power Ponies movie. I don't even want to direct a kid's movie."

"Uh, you do know we're not goats right?"

"Look boss, my point is I want to direct a superhero movie that takes itself seriously and shows how superheroes would actually function in the real world."

"Jeez, you're really taking this to heart, ain't ya?"

"Yep."

"Well, if that's what you wanna do next. So, do you got a title for the movie?"

"... Mare Do Well."

Author's Note:

This story is basically an excuse to shock the ponies by showing them ponified versions of human movies.

Love on Wings is not based on any specific movie, and basically represents every generic romcom that nobody cares about.

Next chapter, John's Mare Do Well movie will basically be a pony adaptation of The Dark Knight. Why so serious?

Comments

[skybest_92]

Who crazy enough to pull a Heath Ledger style of Joker

[nightmaster0]

Oh this should be good.

Will you be showing the reactions of the mane six and other mlp characters to his movies in this story? I personally hope you do.

I'm sure the mane six will be surprised when the Mare Do Well movie comes out.

[A Drunk Soviet]

I would pay to see how the ponies would react to a movie like The Road.

[Jigoku Luna]

Or any horror film that we created. Hmmm.. maybe The Grudge or Evil Dead.

[Romalisk]

Let's not waste any time. Blade Series. All three movies.

[Nivarion]

This almost demands star wars. Ponies...with light sabers.

[FrostTheWolf]

Wait til there's Power Ponies: Age of Coltron

[lousyfistfighter]

my movie requests are
starship troopers,
mad max1,2,3
alien,
aliens,
predator,
terminator1,2,3,
edge of tomorrow,
the transporter,
and last but not least smokey and the bandit. wooot i love classics

[SweetAutumns]

Cabin in the Woods, Saw, something to do with zombies, a gritty Twilight reboot that will probably suck just as ma y balls, Troll Hunter, Lord of the Rings, Alien, Friday 13th, a film with the title 'Sluts on a Bus 69: Robot Lesbians of Mars and Beyond', the 60's Batman movie, Barbed Wire and Patch Adams- 'cause the way they buggered that was absolutely horrifying.

[skybest_92]

Teach these ponies the magic of green screen

[Oddboy]

Well, this looks like it could be interesting. Imma watch it.

[Ariel Schnee]

Die Hard, yeah!^_^

[Radio]

Fight Club

[Darth Atrox]

Will it be an adaptation of The Dark Knight, or Batman Begins?

Batman Begins was a good batman/superhero origin story, but The Dark Knight is a great film. Like, Academy award winning level.

And how faithful will the adaptation be? The Dark Knight could get pretty dark. You didn't spend a lot of time on world building, so will the ponies be okay watching something like that?

[unknown2]

How about:
Terminator, Jurassic Park, V for Vendetta, Alien, 1984, and Star Wars.

[Toobert]

You MUST do Forrest Gump. Must.

[Darkscowl]

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR A STORY LIKE THIS FOR SOOOOOOOOO LOOOOOOOOOOOONG

[Rhombicosidodecahedron]

6048134 Hear, hear!

[Scorch215]

You have my interest.

And might I suggest Green Mile? That would freak them out.

[The oracle]

Lord of the rings. The time of the orcs has come!