• Member Since 15th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 10th, 2014

Doctoroctagonapus21


Check out my deviantArt for reviews and other stories Check out my YouTube for funny a/o cool videos

E

Twilight's in a big hurry to get her errands done for the day. But why? What could be so important that she yells at her friends? Only one way to find out...

A One-Shot

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 19 )

so whats the secret?:derpyderp1:

This felt pointless.

AUGH

I won't do something as immature as thumbs-downing you but...

AUGH

539198

Thumbs-downing isn't immature when the story is bad.

Just sayin'

way to leave a cliffhanger

So either Twilight has a penis, or she laid a dragon egg... like in this other story I read. Other wise, this really was a massacre upon my thoughts. You could have done so much better if this was an attempt at a troll fic.

539286

But... but... hopes and dreams... :applecry::fluttercry:
I... I can't! :facehoof:

539376

Hopes and dreams can only be reached when one is aware of their shortcomings and knows where they need improvement.

That's why I put my fics up for public viewing. So people will tell me what is bad about them. :ajsmug:

539408
Well, yes, I agree wholeheartedly. I even encourage the same for my own work.

But I just can't bring myself to give anyone a thumbs down. I prefer to just leave a comment. In this particular case, I wasn't so much saying the story was bad... just that the unreveal at the end made me upset. I'm not going to say the story doesn't need polishing, but it definitely wasn't the worst thing I've read.

DocOc21, for the record, you could work on your pacing. The story went by a little too quickly for me to enjoy it properly. Show, don't tell. Also, I wasn't particularly fond of using the unreveal as the punch line to the whole thing. It left a bad taste in my mouth.

Too much dialogue, you could have developed much more by expressing character thoughts and actions.

here's what I'm going to do to this story with twilights help
i45.tinypic.com/2jakd2c.jpg

539424

I appreciate the criticism.I am aware that I have pacing issues but i'm trying to work on it and it seems to be fine with (what is apparently) the only GOOD story I've written on here: CKF, which is far from finished

I also hastily (meaning in about and hour and a half) threw this together on a whim so I never expected it to be much good. And as for that bad taste in your mouth, I hate to say it but that's supposed to be there.

If you want some of my non-pony work, check my dA gallery

539861 :rainbowlaugh:

539363 Your thoughts have been massacred.

540401 That looks like Pinkies fingering twighlight ahaha

540401 Dude i wish everyone was like you for that i'm liking all your stories.

539145 I believe the point was to leave it to the readers' imagination, so they could decide on how it ends. Sort of a make-your-own-ending. Not very common, but allows you to decide how YOU want it to be over.

As a trollfic...I didn't think this was half bad.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!