All I ever wanted was to be recognized. I was Celestia's most prized pupil and loved it more than anything. But everything changed when SHE was born. Now I'm back and my sister Twilight Sparkle and everyone else will pay for what they did to me.
would like to say one thing, and that is that you seem to have a lack of commas. commas help to shape the flow of your text, which is a great way to get your point across.
so much for a reason to hide dark magic, seriously if it wasn't illegal why.. never mind still no point in not having dark magic now. ( Also might be time to call the guard and report everyone there for breaking and entering, also royalty or not crime should still be the same.)
You are hands down getting better at writing, keep at it.
would like to say one thing, and that is that you seem to have a lack of commas. commas help to shape the flow of your text, which is a great way to get your point across.
And now...
CHAOS!
5741181
I agree. This story would; flow so much better, make a lot more sense, and be easier to read if more commas were included.
so much for a reason to hide dark magic, seriously if it wasn't illegal why.. never mind still no point in not having dark magic now. ( Also might be time to call the guard and report everyone there for breaking and entering, also royalty or not crime should still be the same.)
Great story, just hope for more chapters
Update?
Apprentice to King Sombra? Knows how to use dark magic? Definitly a like and favorite!
Also, cdn.meme.am/instances/55377693.jpg
6518465 Now commence evil laughing!