• Published 4th May 2012
  • 21,449 Views, 247 Comments

Magical Pony Ultrasounds - AbsoluteAnonymous



Pinkie Pie wants babies. Rainbow Dash is having none of that.

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Magical Pony Ultrasounds

Daring Do was grappling with an alligator of enormous size, deep in the murkiest swamps of South Zebrica. For days, she'd been on the trail of the fiendish mad scientist Dr. Hoofenschmidstr, locked in a battle of wits and might against countless foes as she struggled to track down the legendary ...

... and suddenly Rainbow Dash realized that a real life alligator was being shoved in her face by a pair of bright pink hooves. With a startled cry, wings flaring in surprise, Rainbow dropped the book and scooted back as far as she could so that she was pressed up against the backboard.

"Pinkie Pie, don't do that!" she snapped, heart still pounding as she leaned over the edge of the bed to fetch her book from the floor. She grimaced. It was a brand new copy, and the spine was already broken from landing facedown and open. If she'd been the kind of egghead who obsessed over details like that, she might've been annoyed - but she wasn't. Much.

"Sorry, Dashie," Pinkie replied sweetly, not sounding sorry at all. "But I had to get your attention somehow, and you told me once not to talk to you when you're reading."

"Like shoving Gummy in my face is so much better," Dash muttered under her breath.

The alligator in question was currently cuddled against Pinkie's chest, his face as blank as ever. His wide purple eyes were void of any expression, destroying any impressions of sentience he might have otherwise given. It looked as though he had no idea what was going on, and it didn't bother him in the slightest. "But I needed to talk to you!" his mistress protested.

"About what?"

Pinkie leaned forward, setting Gummy on the floor. He stood perfectly still for a moment before tipping sideways, knocked over by some invisible force. Rainbow stared at him, but the pink pony didn't even seem to notice, occupied as she was with joining the pegasus on the bed and scootching over as close to Rainbow Dash as possible.

It had only been a few weeks since they'd made their relationship official, and Rainbow was still yet to get used to how affectionate Pinkie Pie could be at times. As a plain old ordinary boring normal friend, she'd been affectionate enough; as an actual marefriend, it was like all boundaries between them had disappeared completely.

Not that Rainbow Dash actually minded that much. It just got weird sometimes - how Pinkie seemed so determined to constantly be with and around her. It was kind of nice, in a way. Different from all of the other relationships Dash had had in the past, where it was like a contest to see who could care the least about stuff like intimacy and commitment.

"Um, Pinkie? What did you need to talk to me about?" Rainbow asked.

"I have something I wanna tell you!" Pinkie Pie said, gently nuzzling Dash.

"Okay ... go ahead."

"It's kind of big and important, though."

"All right."

"Really, really important. Super duper hugey-huge important, even."

"Are you gonna tell me what it is, or do I have to guess?" Rainbow asked as Pinkie Pie slid her forelegs around her, burying her face in the crook of Dash's neck.

Pinkie only giggled. "Guess!"

"Tickets to the Wonderbolts?"

"Nope!"

"Yeah? Then ... hmmm." Rainbow Dash's brow furrowed. "Hey, how'd you even get up here?"

"Cloud walk charm from Twilight!" Pinkie Pie answered promptly, looking quite pleased with herself as she proudly showed Rainbow Dash the necklace that Dash hadn't noticed before. "She infused it with the spell, so as long as I have it on and it doesn't wear off or anything, I can come see you whenever! Neat, huh?"

"Yeah, but how did you actually get - never mind. Okay, lemme see ... " Rainbow Dash tapped her chin, folding a foreleg over her chest in an exaggerated display of thought. Her eyes fell on the cover of her new Daring Do novel, which now lay forgotten on her dressing table. The illustration on the front depicted the eponymous heroine swinging away from danger yet again, this time through the jungles of Zebrica as she was chased by hordes of furious howler monkeys wielding crude spears.

"You're the author of the Daring Do books."

"Nope!"

"Your parents are coming to visit and you need me to play along with whatever crazy story you gave them about what you've been doing away from home all these years."

"Noooooooo!"

"You're pregnant."

Pinkie Pie burst out laughing. Gummy at some point had mysteriously righted himself and had promptly latched onto Pinkie's curly mane, gumming it, true to his name. As Pinkie laughed, he began to swing about, but resolutely held fast, his standard vapid expression never faltering once.

Rainbow Dash began to snicker as well, until Pinkie's laughter finally died down and she singsonged "Actually ..."

Rainbow's eyes grew wide.

"I'm not pregnant right now or anything," Pinkie continued, happily oblivious to the sudden terror on her friend's face. "But I've been thinking about something lately. And Dashie?"

"Y-yeah?"

"I want babies like the Cakes."

"You ... you're kidding, right?"

"Of course I'm not kidding!" Pinkie Pie pouted. "I wouldn't joke about something super duper hugey-huge like this!"

"Whoa. Whoa." Rainbow Dash began to untangle herself from Pinkie's hug, drawing back, hooves stretched before her, ready to keep personal space invaders at bay. A flash of hurt crossed Pinkie Pie's face. “Pinkie, you can’t be serious! Do you even know what you’re saying?”

“Of course I know what I’m saying! I’m saying I want babies like the Cakes! It isn’t that complicated, you know!” The pink mare retorted. The expression of hurt was quickly replaced by a look of steely determination as she crossed her forelegs over her chest, glaring at Rainbow with as much ferocity as she could muster.

“Uh, yeah, it’s complicated! What’re you even talking about?! There’s kind of a massively huge problem with that!”

“Like what?”

“Like for one thing, where would the babies come from? Were you planning to just go take somepony’s kid off the street, you dork?”

“Shame on you, Dashie!” Pinkie Pie said sternly, shaking her head. She sighed, blue eyes brimming with disappointment. “How can you be this old already and not even know where babies come from? See, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much - ”

“I know where babies come from, but that’s the problem! We’re both girls, if you haven’t noticed – there is no daddy!”

Pinkie Pie blinked. “So?” she asked.

Rainbow Dash groaned, slapping her forehead with a hoof in frustration.

They were both seated on Rainbow’s bed. Pinkie had removed Gummy from her mane and was now stroking his rough skin as affectionately as if he’d been a cat covered in fur. She knelt before Rainbow Dash on the cloud mattress, an unusually placid expression on her otherwise childish face.

“Well,” Dash spluttered. Pinkie looked so freaking serious, but she couldn’t possibly have meant it. It had to be some kind of incredibly, unbelievably stupid joke. Any second now, Pinkie would burst out laughing because of the doozy she'd just pulled over Rainbow. Any second now. “Well, it’s … it’s not like either of us have the necessary, um … equipment. Right? That’s kind of a big part of making babies.”

“Equipment … ? Oh, you mean a wee-wee!”

“Pinkie Pie!” Dash hissed, eyes widening in horror, suddenly struck with the fear that somepony somewhere may have somehow heard.

“You can say it, you know!” Pinkie scolded in the face of Rainbow’s scandalized blush. “We’re all adults here! I never thought you’d be the kind of pony to be embarrassed by stuff like that!"

“I’m not!”

“Then just say it!”

“Oh, for – it’s not like either of us have those, so we can’t have babies. Girls can’t get each other pregnant, duh. Isn’t that obvious?”

But Pinkie was shaking her head now, a new air of urgency about her as she leaned forward, staring at Rainbow with huge, serious eyes. “That’s not true! I’m sure we can figure something out! Like, we can adopt! Or maybe Twilight knows some kind of science-magic way of making babies!”

In her head, Rainbow Dash suddenly envisioned Twilight Sparkle leaning over a Pinkie Pie that was stretched on her back, horn glowing softly as she prodded Pinkie’s stomach. “There,” imaginary Twilight said with great satisfaction, wearing a triumphant smile. “That’s all there is to it. Creating life is easy when you’ve read the right manuals!”

“We’re not asking Twilight if she can get you pregnant.” Rainbow said curtly.

“Why not?”

“Hasn’t it occurred to you that maybe I don’t want kids? I’m horrible with kids! They totally hate me!”

“That’s not true, silly! Scootaloo loves you,” Pinkie answered confidently.

“Pinkie Pie,” Rainbow Dash groaned, covering her eyes. With a sigh, she uncovered them. Pinkie was still there, having not spontaneously combusted or disappeared during the time her eyes had been shut. “Do you really think I could take care of some squirmy little foal who’s always running around and screaming and crying and stuff? I can’t even keep track of my pet tortoise 90% of the time. I mean, have you seen him around lately? I sure haven’t. I can’t be somepony’s mommy all of a sudden.”

“You wouldn’t be the mommy," Pinkie corrected with a prim attitude. "You’d be the daddy.”

Rainbow Dash blinked.

“Huh?”

“I said you’d be the daddy.” Pinkie Pie repeated, taking care to enunciate clearly this time. “Because I’d be the mommy.”

“Why can’t I be the mommy?” Rainbow found herself asking. “Can’t we both be mommies?”

“Well, yeah! But you’re still the boy, mostly.”

“Why?”

“Because you top, duh.”

Rainbow Dash blushed a furious scarlet, shoving a hoof over Pinkie Pie’s mouth to silence her. “Shut up!” she hissed, eyes narrowing before Pinkie’s unashamed blue ones. “Don’t say stuff like that totally out of nowhere!”

Pinkie shrugged her head away, freeing her mouth to continue talking. “It’s not like anypony can hear us, you know,” she replied calmly. “In a healthy relationship, both partners are supposed to be open with each other. That’s how - ”

“Oh, gag! You sound like a self-help book - and since when did you want kids, anyway? You’ve never said anything about having them before.”

Pinkie Pie’s eyes took on a faraway look. She smiled, a distant expression coming over her.

“Since the twins came,” she answered softly. “I know they can be really fussy sometimes, but I still really, really love them, and I bet having babies of our own would be the snuggliest, cosiest thing ever.”

Oh, no. Rainbow Dash could feel herself mentally beginning to squirm. She was defenseless against the ol’ puppy dog eyes routine, and that was exactly what Pinkie was doing now.

Luckily, Pinkie didn’t seem to be conscious of that particular weakness, and apparently had no interest in taking advantage of it anyway, immediately switching gears. “Besides!” Pinkie continued, flipping back into her normal energetic self, face shining as she failed to notice Dash’s relief. “We’d be so good at it, dontcha think? I know all about being responsible, and I’ve had lots of practice by now with Pound and Pumpkin, so I won’t be as overwhelmed as I was before! I know what to expect now, and I can totally help you, since I know you’ll be really new at all that kinda stuff!”

“I’ve never really thought of you as the ‘wanting kids’ type,” Rainbow Dash said warily.

Pinkie Pie was now hugging Dash's middle, snuggling up against her chest as the pegasus absent-mindedly stroked her bright pink mane. “Huh? Why not?” she asked, voice muffled.

“I dunno. I guess ‘cuz the Cakes are old, so they can have kids, but we’re still really young, so it’d be weird for us. I thought it was only older mares who started worrying about … biological clocks and stuff.”

“I’m not worrying about that!”

Dash sighed yet again and ceased her stroking of Pinkie’s mane, leaving her hoof tangled in the wildly curly pink hair. Pinkie Pie made a mewling sound in protest before reaching up and firmly seizing Rainbow’s hoof, forcing her to begin again. “I’m not ready for something like that, though – and neither are you, ya know. All you’ve ever done is foalsit and take care of Gummy, and I don’t think that’s enough to know how to take care of a foal of your own.”

“But I take such good care of Gummy!” the pink pony cried.

“Yeah, but he doesn’t count.”

At this, Pinkie Pie abruptly pulled back, popping upright and glaring at Rainbow through narrowed eyes.

“Why not?” she asked, voice soft and dangerous.

“Look at him,” Rainbow Dash explained, waving a hoof at the alligator in question, who was lying perfectly still on his side and not even blinking. Somehow, he’d fallen over yet again, but this time made no move to stand up. “He’s barely sentient.”

“RAINBOW DASH, YOU TAKE THAT BACK.”

“Oh, come on – it’s true!”

“YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW OR I’LL NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN.”

Rainbow shrugged. “All right.”

She picked up the Daring Do novel and opened it back up to the page that she’d left it on, beginning to read in silence.

Pinkie stood by and watched for a few minutes, glaring at the pegasus as she cuddled Gummy protectively, before finally whirling around and stomping out of the room with a noisy hmmph. The effect was somewhat ruined by the fact that it’s impossible to properly stomp in a house made of clouds.

A moment later, Pinkie Pie peeked her head through the door yet again, looking plaintive.

“Dashie?”

Silence, except for the sound of turning pages.

Pinkie crept forward, gently taking Rainbow Dash by the shoulders and shaking her.

“Dashie, you did that wrong,” she explained patiently. “You’re not supposed to just be okay with me never speaking to you ever again. You’re supposed to be very upset now and beg for my forgiveness.”

Rainbow grunted non-committedly.

"Dashie?"

Silence.

“Mrs. Cake told me once that they had a unicorn doctor who did something called an ultrasound on her that let them see the twins when they were still inside her – do you think Twilight knows how to do that, too?”

Rainbow twitched, but continued to ignore her.

"I'm gonna go see if Twilight knows about baby science-magic! Maybe she knows how to do a magical pony ultrasound, too!"

“NO YOU’RE NOT!”

And for the second time that day, Rainbow’s new Daring Do novel fell forgotten to the floor as she raced after the giggling maniac known as Pinkie Pie.


-----


It was a beautiful, sunny day in Ponyville, and Twilight Sparkle awoke to the sound of somepony pounding on her door with enough force to raise the dead. Groaning and muttering to herself darkly, she forced herself to march out of bed and go answer it herself, not waiting to rouse Spike from what looked to be a fairly peaceful slumber - unlike her own had been. The door swung open, and Twilight was confronted by a pair of bright blue eyes that practically crackled with energy and life.

She winced and drew back. Pinkie was far too bright for this early in the morning.

"Hi!" the pink pony chirped.

"What's going on?" the unicorn asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes as she suppressed a yawn. It was only then that she noticed Pinkie Pie's face hadn't been shoved into her own by accident, and that Rainbow Dash was actually standing behind her, thrusting her marefriend's head towards Twilight.

"Do something!" Dash barked. "Tell her why us having kids would be totally crazy!"

Silence fell over the three of them.

Twilight Sparkle quietly shut the door.

Seconds later, the pounding resumed. With a frustrated sigh, Twilight opened it once more. This time, Pinkie and Rainbow had reversed positions, with Pinkie bearing an expression of comically serious severity.

"Do something!" she demanded, attempting to match the scowl Rainbow Dash had previously worn. "Tell Dashie why it's not totally crazy for us!"

"We can't have babies, you idiot! We're both girls!" Dash snarled before Twilight could answer.

"That's why I wanted to talk to Twilight! I told you, I bet she knows some kind of super amazing magic way to make babies! Right, Twily?"

"TWILIGHT IS NOT GETTING YOU PREGNANT!"

"Please don't call me Twily," Twilight managed to say, ignoring Rainbow Dash's screeching and instead focusing on the one part of the conversation so far that made even one iota of sense. "That's my brother's name for me from when we were foals. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I don't really like it much. It sounds silly."

"Okie dokie, Twily! Do you know some super amazing baby-making magic?"

This shouldn't be surprising me, Twilight Sparkle told herself firmly. I've lived in Ponyville long enough to know how bizarre life can be at times. Stay calm, Twilight.

"Well - " she slowly began, struggling to think of what to say next. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow now seemed to be locked in some sort of pseudo-playful wrestling match on her doorstep, Dash looking furious as Pinkie giggled while they both tried to pin each other down. When Twilight spoke, though, the pegasus suddenly stopped, relinquishing her hold on the other mare in favor of looking horrified.

"Oh my gosh, don't tell me you actually know any spells like that?!" she cried in alarm.

"I don't know any spells like that, but I know they exist, so ... uh, can we talk about this inside?" Twilight answered as she noticed the audience of curious bystanders that had gathered because of all the shouting.

Once they were safely indoors and away from the prying eyes of the public, Twilight Sparkle refused to speak until she'd poured herself a cup of coffee. After having her caffeine, she immediately felt a little more awake, and was able to make herself face Rainbow and Pinkie with something like a smile. She no longer felt like she was dying on the inside; that was a plus.

"Okay," she said, her gaze flickering between the two of them. Upon entering the library, the three of them had gathered around her desk, and now Rainbow and Pinkie were sitting across from her while she sipped from her mug. "What exactly is going on?"

"I think me and Dashie should have foals together, 'cuz then we'd be a big happy family like the Cakes!" Pinkie cheerfully explained. Dash was glaring at the wooden surface of the table, obviously upset, but didn't seem especially concerned with the way her marefriend was in the process of draping herself all over the pegasus.

"And ... you're not happy with this idea, Rainbow Dash?" Twilight prompted, trying to keep her voice steady. All she wanted to do was flip the table and go back to bed.

"Of course not!" Rainbow snapped. "Who would be? I have my whole life ahead of me, and so does Pinks! We can't be saddled down with a bunch of squealing foals we don't even know what to do with!"

"But Dashie - "

"Girls can't have babies together anyway, so you'd have to find some stallion or something, and I'm not cool with that, okay?!"

"What I was saying before is that there are ways for couples like you to have kids together, actually," Twilight Sparkle interrupted. Keeping a straight face was proving to be very, very difficult; she was torn between wanting to laugh hysterically and wanting to just get up and walk out. "There's artificial insemination, for one. Or you could just adopt."

"I already told her that, but dumb dodo Dashie's being stubborn!" Pinkie pouted from her place stretched across Rainbow Dash's lap.

"Stop giving her ideas!" Dash shouted, shooting a dirty look at the unicorn, voice cracking into a slightly higher octave when she did so. "You're supposed to be telling her why stuff like that won't work!"

Twilight shrugged and took another sip of her coffee. Ah. Just what she needed. "I'm just being frank."

"Can I be Stan, then?" Pinkie interrupted.

Twilight didn't miss a beat. "I think this is something that you two will have to discuss and figure out on your own together," she said primly. "But for the record, yes, there are ways for you to have children if you really want them. Although that should only be if you really do want them. You can't just jump into something like this - it's a big decision that will change your life forever. Give yourselves time."

Finishing her coffee and before either of them could protest, Twilight Sparkle rose on all fours and sent a magical gust towards the couple, shoving them through the entrance. Feeling proud of how well she'd handled that unexpected wake-up call, she slammed and locked the door shut before going to get more coffee.

It was far too early for this kind of nonsense, she decided bitterly.


-----


"I just don't get where it came from," Rainbow Dash muttered, trotting through the marketplace alongside her bounding pink companion.

"Where what came from? That pumpkin?" Pinkie asked breezily, pointing to a rather impressively-sized pumpkin set out by a nearby vegetable stand.

"No, the baby thing. Why today?"

"I dunno!" Pinkie Pie sang.

Rainbow sighed for what was probably the thousand millionth time that day and cast a sweeping glance over the market, searching for a place to get breakfast. There were plenty of food stands, but few of them had anypony around to mind them yet. Pinkie had visited her unusually early that day, and neither of them had had time to eat yet. The only reason she'd been awake when Pinkie had popped in was because she'd been up all night reading - something she vowed never to do again, now that she knew how horrible and cranky a pony could feel after a night of no sleep.

"Let's go say hi to AJ!" Pinkie suddenly suggested, gripping Rainbow Dash by the neck and swivelling her around so that they were both looking at the apple stand off to the side where the farmer was setting up shop for the day.

Twily, AJ - "Since when did you have nicknames for everypony?"

"Huh?"

"Well, howdy there, you two!" Applejack called as she caught sight of them, an easy grin on her face. "What're you up to so early this mornin'?"

And Pinkie bounded forward to cheerfully answer, "I'm trying to convince Dashie that we totally need to have babies some - mmmph!" She was cut off by the hoof Rainbow Dash clamped over her mouth, but for some reason, continued to talk in spite of her muffled speech.

Applejack burst out laughing. "What was that?" she cried. "Babies? Is she serious? 'Cuz I think you two might be missin' a mighty big part of the equation, there - "

"Stop using big words like equation just to sound smart," Rainbow ordered fiercely. "Everypony knows you suck at math." Applejack shot her a glare before Dash remembered to add, "We're not having a baby, anyway. She's just being weird again."

"But Twilight said there's stuff we could do!" Pinkie protested once she'd pushed Rainbow Dash's hoof away.

"Is that right?" Applejack asked, a curious glint in her green eyes as she adjusted her hat. "Y'know, I'd heard about some couples now that - "

"No! No!" Dash loudly interrupted, covering her ears with her hooves to block out the sound of her so-called friends voices. "The problem isn't whether we could actually do it or not, the problem is that I don't want to!"

"Dashie - "

"Hey! You two gonna buy somethin'?" Applejack asked curtly. "Yer holdin' up my line."

Flushing, Rainbow Dash uncovered her ears and glanced behind her. A line had formed, but none of the ponies waiting seemed annoyed that she and Pinkie were taking up space. Instead, they seemed to be listening, ear pricked and their faces wearing expressions of interest.

"Gimme a couple of those fritters," Dash muttered. "How much?"

"Well, gee, I dunno! Why're you askin' me? Everypony knows I can't do math, what with all them fancy numbers!" Applejack said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, come on!"

After finally managing to coerce AJ into selling them the fritters rather than kick them out of her line, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie found a bench in the village square where they could eat in peace. The day was just beginning to pick up, the sun steadily making its way across the sky. The streets were truly bustling by now, and nopony seemed to notice or care about the bickering couple on the bench.

"Dashie?" Pinkie Pie asked after practically inhaling the fritter Rainbow had bought her. "Do you really not want kids? I think maybe we were supposed to go see Fluttershy and Rarity next, so that we'd have talked to all of our friends to see what they say 'cuz that would've been funny, but we should probably have a serious grown-up talk first, to figure stuff out."

Rainbow Dash stared down at her uneaten fritter. She wasn't as hungry as she'd thought. "It's not that I don't want kids," she grudgingly admitted after a moment. "That might be cool someday. Kids are cute, right? And it'd be nice to have somepony who always looks up to me. But we've only been going out for a month! I'm not ready for something as big as that!"

"Dashie?" Pinkie interrupted,

Rainbow ignored her. "Seriously, Pinkie!" she cried, feeling herself beginning to grow angry again. "I can't take care of a kid yet! I don't know how to do anything! I don't even know how to make breakfast for myself! And even if I could, it's not fair for you to try and pressure me - I've barely had you to myself for a month yet, I don't wanna share - "

"Dashie! Quit being such a goober and listen to me!"

"..."

"..."

"...what did you just call me?"

"I said, quit being such a goober! Geez!" Pinkie repeated, now standing before the bewildered pegasus on her hind legs, hooves planted on her hips in a dramatic stance. "I keep trying to tell you that - "

And suddenly, her eyes widened. She gasped, grabbing Rainbow's shoulders and shaking her until her teeth rattled in her head. "Ohmygosh, that's why!" Pinkie Pie squealed. "You've been jealous! Is that it?"

"I have not," Dash muttered, trying to squirm her way out of the vise-like hug she now found herself trapped in.

"That's so silly, though! Why'd you be jealous? Are you some kinda secret jealous judgmental McJealousy pants? Gooey relationship stuff shouldn't be this big a deal to you! You've had marefriends before and stuff, right?" Pinkie babbled, ignoring Rainbow Dash's struggling in favor of keeping her locked in the hug. "You keep acting all flustery and embarrassed, but this shouldn't be new to you, goofball! Why're you acting all prickly? There's no reason for you to be jealous!"

"It's different when you actually like somepony! I just used to mess around before, so I didn't even care that much when - "

"D'awwwwww!" Pinkie Pie squeezed even tighter, making Rainbow gasp for air as the pink pony smothered her in noisy, smacking kisses, despite the fact they were in such a very public place. "That's so sweet!" she squealed. "You just don't want a little itty bitty foal taking me away from you! You're so cute sometimes! But I think maybe you - "

"It's not that I'd be jealous of a kid! I'm not that self-centered," Rainbow shot back, wresting herself free from Pinkie's hold. "It's that we've barely been going out for a month! This is way too soon for the baby talk!"

"Well," Pinkie Pie said diplomatically, reclaiming her seat beside the pegasus on the bench. "We did make out a lot even before we really started dating for realsies, so it's kind of like it's been longer. And anyway - did you think I meant now?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...huh?"

"I didn't mean I want babies now, you silly head!" Pinkie Pie chastised tenderly, patting Rainbow on the head like a little filly. "Of course a month is too soon for stuff like that. We're too young, anyway. I just meant eventually. Well, sheesh, no wonder you got all flustery! You thought I meant babies, like, today?"

Dash blinked.

"So ... " the pegasus said, her wings ruffling uneasily. "You just meant ... someday? You don't actually want a stallion knocking you up or Twilight getting you pregnant tonight or anything?"

"Of course not!"

" ... oh."

Rainbow Dash blinked again. "Um, do you ... do you really think ... "

Do you really think we'll be together that long?

But Pinkie was looking at her with such shining, happy eyes that she couldn't bring herself to finish. "Do you really think I'd be an okay parent? I wouldn't, like, screw up the kid or anything?" she asked instead.

Pinkie Pie began to nod emphatically, shaking her head so hard that it look as though it would jar loose any second. "Yeah-huh! Of course I do! You'd be the best mom ever!" she chirped.

"Well, then ... maybe. I dunno. We shouldn't worry about it yet, then. But I guess I wouldn't totally mind having kids one day," Rainbow finally conceded, rubbing the back of her head and glancing off to the side, refusing to meet Pinkie's probing gaze. "Not anytime really soon, though - that would be nuts. So for now, just keep taking care of Gummy."

"And Tank, too! They can be our pretend family!" Pinkie Pie added eagerly, sliding off the bench. Rainbow followed suit. "First we gotta find Tank, though. But when we do, Gummy can be the older brother away in college and Tank can be the surly teenager who stays out all night and rebels against our authority and - hey! You never apologized to Gummy for calling him a dummy! Say you're sorry, or - "

"Pinkie Pie, shut up," Rainbow Dash said affectionately, curling a wing around her marefriend's shoulder.

"'Kay!" Pinkie agreed happily, snuggling close.


-----


Across town, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were on a quest, hunting for the tortoise known as Tank so that they could play dress-up with him and Gummy. At least, that was Pinkie's ultimate intention - Rainbow was none the wiser, mistakenly assuming that they were simply searching for her missing pet.

Fluttershy, fortunately, was spared the untold embarrassment that she would've suffered had she been a part of the events that had transpired in the village that morning, never learning of the strange conversations among her friends that had stemmed from Pinkie's whimsy and Rainbow's panic - especially since said conversations were promptly forgotten by the instigators, not to be brought up again for a long, long time.

And in Carousel Boutique, Twilight Sparkle sat across the table from Rarity the unicorn, staring miserably into the cup of tea her hostess had provided - for Twilight had run out of coffee, and tea wasn't even close to an adequate substitute, which only served to confirm her fears that today was doomed to be a terrible, terrible day.

"They didn't even give me an explanation! It just came completely the feather out of nowhere! I swear, this place is going to drive me crazy someday!" Twilight cried, burying her face in her hooves as she leaned against the table.

"Well," Rarity answered, lifting an elegant eyebrow and absently smoothing Twilight Sparkle's mane in a vaguely-comforting gesture. She had to remain tactful, but the truth was undeniable. "It is Pinkie Pie we're talking about."

"And Rainbow Dash! What ever happened to her? Didn't she used to be a little more normal? Didn't she used to be the one who reined Pinkie Pie in for us?" Twilight pleaded.

"They encourage each other's foalishness and bring out the worst in one another," the white unicorn said wisely, giving a sad little nod. "Although they have been spending more time together as of late. They're probably bad influences. Or perhaps Pinkie's Pinkie-ness is contagious."

Twilight shuddered and slumped in her chair.

"Sweet Celestia, I hope not."

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Comments ( 245 )

>reads description
>oh gawd

edit

I LOLD SO HARD!!!!!

IM CRYING CUS IM LOLING SO HARD

I swear, you write too fast.

It makes the rest of us look bad.

Good on you anyway, though. :P

Not sure if want, to be honest.

This looks interesting. :moustache: Will mark as 'Read Later'. :twilightsmile:

Another one, seriously.
AA, I swear do you want to give others a shot at featured?

6 legged pinkie? DO WANT. :pinkiegasp:

edit- hahahahha! good story! made me laugh out loud a few times. :pinkiehappy:

"Your parents are coming to visit and you need me to play along with whatever crazy story you gave them about what you've been doing away from home all these years."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!:rainbowlaugh:

This is a great story. The "punchline" if you might call it that is both hilarious and, when you get to it, quite logical; there is a method to Pinkie's madness and you get why she do her crazy Pinkie thing, instead of her just being random.:twilightsmile:

A brief summary of my reaction to this story:
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4595-1335650485601.gif
A solid giggly feel-good story. I even d'awwed a little at Dash at the end, and I'm not a d'awwing type.

Oh, and:
:facehoof: : "That's my brother's name for me from when we were foals. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I don't really like it much. It sounds silly."
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1354_hAtAq.png

Well, scratch that, amazing story. :ajsmug:

:rainbowlaugh::pinkiehappy: awesome oneshot, really good relationship you've developed there between Rainbow and Pinkie!

Too late, I've already decided I'm totes going to take this seriously.

You know, it's not as random as I had expected.

:rainbowlaugh:

That was funny. Very cute too.

My comment will surely say somthing importanat, Ahem:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

...okay I'm done laughing...

P.S. Do more stories like this, okay?:pinkiehappy:

Double P.S. I'm not kidding.

Triple P.S. No seriously, I'm not kidding.

Quadruple P.S. I'm being entirely serious and I mean that 100% honestly.

Quintuple P.S. I'm not joking okay!

Hextuple P.S. Why are you still reading my comment?

Holy crap, you write fast! Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Another excellent story; it regularly cracked me up and actually left me somewhat intrigued by the possibilities of these two with foals :rainbowlaugh:. Twilight's and Rarity's closing remarks were very nice as well.

Pfffffft hahahahahahaha! Very funny. I can see Pinkie's thought process taking this exact route. Very enjoyable, and I'm not even a fan of PinkieDash! :rainbowwild:

Quite, quite. I say, jolly good!

:pinkiegasp: How could Dash say such a thing?

Don't worry Gummy. We all know you're secretly a genius. :pinkiesad2:

This is awesome, boss. I was laughing the whole way through - your Pinkie/Dash dynamic is just incredible. And hey, look - a second story where Pinkie isn't psychologically traumatised. :pinkiegasp: And you did this one excellently, too.

I now forgive you for declaring OTP day after it was already May 5th here. And the ending is hilarious, too. :rainbowlaugh:

Oh pinkie you are so random....i hope tank is ok

544105

No way, I actually beat you to something AbsoluteAnonymous posted... the world just ended...

Lol
PresentPerfect and I both had fics with this premises in the works. Hah!

This story was pregnant with possibilities and gravid with joy. It was a fecund festival of fun!

I won't lie. I am of the firm belief that this is the single greatest story I have ever written.

544169

You. Are. Correct. :pinkiehappy:

Pinkie Pie is so delightfully random. I now want to see a story where Twilight's worst fear comes true, and Pinkie-ness is contagious.

Great story.

I was skeptical in the beginning, but your effective dialogue and good characerization left me feeling good and smiling throughout the rest of the piece. I'm not one to ship, but here I felt the relationship was plausible and downright amusing. Fantastic job. :pinkiesad2::rainbowkiss:

I absolutely loved that story; my Luna that was too funny.

Pretty good, made me smile a few times :pinkiehappy:

Noticed two cases of missing words: "Because you top, duh", and the other one I completely forgot while writing this.

Mind-bogglingly accurate characterization!:pinkiehappy: Have a mustache.:moustache:

544310
Hahahahaha! No, that wasn't a missing word. She meant that Rainbow topped. SEXUALLY.

I generally only read girlxguy fics, but this was pretty cute as well. I guess it's good to venture out now and then. Silly, cute, romantic in its own way. Keep writing! I look forward to more from you! :pinkiesmile: :rainbowderp:

544329 Yeah I got that, but I've never heard someone say it like that before. Would expect something like 'you go on top' or 'you prefer to ride' instead.

Not a missing word then, nevermind.

I think my favorite part of this, actually, is the implication that 'wee-wee' is an Incredibly Naughty Word.

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Pinkie teaching Dashie the facts of life... oh man. I haven't giggled this hard in a while.:pinkiehappy:

I'd think Rainbow would make a great dad! :rainbowhuh:
Can anyone picture Rainbow Dash breastfeeding? :rainbowderp:
Cute story! Needs more Fluttershy though. :rainbowlaugh::yay:

And it's a featured story already, about 2 hours after it was posted.. Most impressive.

Lol, this is awesome! :twilightsmile:

I'm going to laugh so hard when this one reaches "Pinkie Watche Paint Dry" levels of "I didn't mean it to be taken this seriously"

544169
I wouldn't say best, but you've most certainly done it again!

Rainbow's eyes grow wide.

GAH TENSE CHANGE TENSE CHANGE, IT BURNSESSSSS USSSSSSS!:raritydespair:

thrusting her marefriend's head towardsTwilight.

You missed a space between "towardsTwilight". Also marefriend = ladyfriend, fillyfriend = girlfriend.

Anyway, this story was funny and adorable and completely pointless. Thumbs up, but can't say it's a favorite. Funny, deja vu for the other 2 of your stories I've read.

> Oh, you mean a wee-wee!
:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Nice random comedy your wrote there. All of Rainbow Dash's suffering could have been avoided if she'd just asked the when question sooner.

I have little doubt that Dash was freaking out while thinking her marefriend was the fastest pony in Equestria instead of her.

"Only a month of dating and now suddenly we're having foals?!" :rainbowderp:

Wow, this was brilliant!
I especially liked the Tank part.

Great job!

5-stars once it hits EQD and a +1 for now.

Some little things: the ending with Twilight could've been better with more sleepy/exasperated motions.

Since your writing is nearly grammatically flawless, I'd like to point out an error that is extremely common in fics.
"Fluttershy, [...] that morning, never learning of the strange conversations among her friends [...]"
-ing words are technically supposed to be next to the words they apply to. This rule gets annoying fast, but in long sentences like this one, it's probably worth watching out for.

Personally, I prefer Rainbow Sparkle... Gah, that sounds awful. I prefer Twilight Dash ships, but this was a good read.:derpytongue2:

Rainbow Pie baby story? I want more, if you please.

544626
That's not actually a rule, though.

this was good
i enjoyed it a lot

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