• Published 14th Jan 2015
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Friendship is Grievous - Snake Staff



All welcome the latest visitor to Equestria... General Grievous?

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The Battle of Canterlot (IV)

Princess Celestia moved first. Her horn unleashed another ray of golden magic at Count Dooku, hoping to catch him while his back was turned. Such hope was to be disappointed as the old man’s lightsaber once again imposed itself in the magic’s path, where it dissipated as easily as it always did. Simultaneously, his left hand made a three-fingered gesture, emitting a powerful shockwave in the Force that staggered Kenobi several steps backwards.

Dooku lunged abruptly for the princess, his red lightsaber stabbing straight out, with his whole body behind it. But he was no more successful than the alicorn had been, for Celestia had already dissolved once more into golden mist, reforming seconds later at the side of the Jedi Master. The count regarded both of them with a distinctly icy expression.

“Surrender, Dooku,” Kenobi demanded. “You’ve no way off this planet even if you prevail here. Call off your droids and cooperate, and perhaps the Senate will show you some mercy.”

Celestia thought that was more than the man deserved, but bit her tongue.

“Master Kenobi,” Dooku said with a tight smile. “While I appreciate your offer and the sincerity with which it is made, I am afraid it must be rejected. Things have come much too far to be stopped now. The galaxy will be remade in the Sith’s image, whether the stagnant and corrupt Jedi Order likes it or not.”

“I don’t think so,” said Obi Wan, eyes narrowed.

Dooku extended his right hand. Immediately, all the glass in the storefront that had somehow survived was shattered, hundreds of razor-sharp shards hurling themselves through the air at the duo. But a golden sphere took shape around them, weathering the assault as easily an umbrella weathers a light rain.

“I find myself curious, however,” Dooku said, taking a few cautious steps forward towards the entrance. “Has that particular demand ever succeeded?”

Without warning, Obi Wan leaped into the air, flipped, and landed in front of the count with a powerful swing of his lightsaber in the classic pattern of Form IV, Ataru. Red and blue blades waged a contest of strength mere inches between the two men.

“Because when I was a Jedi,” Dooku continued as though they were simply having a friendly chat rather than engaged in a heated combat in the middle of a warzone. “I found that those inclined to actually surrender prior to a battle usually did so of their own accord when it became clear with whom they were faced. Demands to do so almost inevitably resulted in some variety of insult or violence.”

“I happen to believe in observance of the formalities,” Kenobi retorted.

Debris throughout the shop picked itself from the ground in response to Celestia’s bidding and, without warning, threw itself through the air and at Dooku’s back. The count shoved his left palm at the ground, creating an invisible shockwave that spread in all directions. The debris storm was broken and tossed back the way it came, while Master Kenobi was only staggered back a few steps.

Still, Dooku took advantage and made a lunge for the Jedi with a trio of quick Makashi jabs and slashes. Obi Wan’s blue blade parried them all with characteristic Soresu minimalism. The two sword blades seemed to become blurs as both men engaged in a high-stakes, high-speed lightsaber duel.

Celestia had no intentions of being relegated to the sidelines. She vanished in a flash of light, reappearing within the ruined café entrance, hell-bent on dealing with the man who had brought her nation to the edge of annihilation. Her golden fire lashed out one more time, again targeted at the count’s exposed back.

Dooku’s left hand again moved without the assistance of his eyes. Pointed backwards, bolts of all-too-familiar blue Force lightning leapt from his curled fingertips, racing out to meet the incoming flames. This time, however, caught between attempting to duel Kenobi with his right hand and conjure lightning with his left, it was his energy that began to be pushed back.

And then Obi Wan kicked him in the face.

Dooku stumbled several steps back, barely managing to perform a backflip that carried him safely over the jet of magical flames. Kenobi simply took two steps backwards to avoid the fire that came between them. It died away rapidly, Celestia again vanishing from where she stood to reappear at the side of the Jedi Master.

Count Dooku faced them both, a small amount of blood trickling down his upper lip and staining his distinguished white hair with crimson. His face now bore a deep, unpleasant-looking frown. He raised his right hand once again, invoking the Force.

Kenobi shoved both of his own hands forward, calling on the power of the light. Celestia’s horn shone brightly as she added her own magic into the mix. For a moment, nothing happened, the three simply standing there making gestures at one another and looking almost comedic in their intense expressions.

And then it was Count Dooku who was swept from his feet.

The old man was thrown a short distance by the combined push of Jedi and alicorn. He landed on his feet, knees bent and left hand to the ground. He grimaced, appearing for the first time to be slightly in pain. Still, he rose back to his full, regal height and swept his elegant blade in an unmistakable display of challenge.

Celestia’s eyes met those of Obi Wan for a fraction of a second. Blue and purple glanced at each other, and then at the Sith Lord. With an unspoken agreement, the two went in together.

The alicorn princess shot into the air on her graceful wings before unleashing a massive cone of fire straight at the elderly human. Count Dooku raised a single hand and the flames diverted themselves to flow around him, scorching the surrounding stone and fluttering his cape, but little more. In an instant, the fire stopped, to be immediately replaced by the descending form of Kenobi. The Jedi unleashed a series of powerful Ataru offensive moves in quick succession, all of which were met by the lightning-fast parries of Makashi. The count’s form and finesse were impeccable, and very quickly his defensive parries became whirling offensive slashes at Obi Wan’s torso. The younger man leaped backwards after deflecting one such move and without giving her opponent even a second to recover Celestia launched another beam of magic at him.

Dooku’s lightsaber again rose to parry the magic, but this time Celestia didn’t let up on the pressure. Even as the red blade dissipated the golden magic, Obi Wan made a gesture of his own. A sizable piece of burnt marble picked itself up from the ruin of a Canterlot house and flew at Dooku. The count’s left hand sent it crashing in another direction, but even as he did so Kenobi threw himself forward and stabbed at his chest.

Count Dooku contorted to avoid the blue lightsaber, stepping nimbly backwards out of the reach of both attacks before abruptly deactivating his blade. Celestia’s magic, without anything to block it, impacted on the road and exploded. The shockwave covered both humans in dust and grit, but while Kenobi staggered and used his arms to protect his face from sharp bits of stone, Dooku rode the wave in a graceful backflip, putting some distance between him and his opponent.

Nonetheless, as the Sith Lord took several more steps backwards, it was clear his breathing had sped up substantially.


General Grievous stormed through the hole he had cut into the castle’s wall, an army of droids pouring in behind him. Most of the buildings themselves were already evacuated because of the princesses’ orders, but the courtyard and actual battlements on the walls still hosted some number of Royal Guard and clone troopers. These already-overstretched troops turned to the sudden breach with cries of alarm as B-2 and B-X droids rushed forwards to engage them.

Beyond unceremoniously cutting down a pair of ponies that had made the very bold and deeply stupid decision to charge him, Grievous could not be bothered to interfere in the combat that ensued. His MagnaGuards formed a protective perimeter around him as he advanced through the beautiful – though becoming less so with every second – palace grounds, heading jerking his head this way and that. Around him, ponies, men, and droids alike were falling by the dozen, ancient statuary defaced or blasted to rubble, elegant gardens trampled under metal feet and set aflame, and a certain hedge maze was playing host to a running battle between squads of commando droids and clone troopers. The general had eyes for none of it, his baleful yellow orbs scanning for his true target.

“Oh princess!” the fire-blackened cyborg called out above the din of battle. “Come out come out wherever you are!” When nothing responded, he pointed a blue lightsaber backwards. “Don’t forget about your dear friend here and what I might do to him!”

“Don’t do it!” came the voice of a certain white unicorn stallion. “Save yourself or kill him, but don’t bother with me! I’m not worth it!”

Grievous turned his head back to Shining Armor, still held securely between two MagnaGuards, his face of defiance. “You really don’t know when to shut up, do you?”

Shining Armor met the cyborg’s gaze with resolution and hate in his eyes. “I’m not afraid to die,” he declared.

“So I see,” Grievous glared balefully at him before looking up at the two droids securing the prisoner. “Shut his irritating mouth already.”

The bodyguard droids tossed the unicorn prince roughly to the ground, and before he could do any more than groan, one of them jabbed its electrostaff onto his back. The effect was immediate, Shining’s body jerking wildly as the current overwhelmed and sent his nervous system into an uncontrollable frenzy. Seconds later, his eyes rolled back in his head as his overtaxed body at last collapsed into unconsciousness.

“That’s better,” said Grievous as the two droids again hoisted the prisoner between them. “Now then,” he raised his voice. “Princess Luna! Your kingdom is lost! Your city is taken! Come out and fight like a warrior and I shall grant you a warrior’s death! Continue to hide away and I swear I will make your captain and your people suffer even further before they die!”

“We have hidden nowhere, General Grievous,” came the sound of the princess’ voice.

A commando droid came flying backwards through one of the garden’s flowering bushes, crashing and rolling against the ground to land at the cyborg’s feet. Its chest was covered by an enormous gash that exposed sparking, smoking electronic equipment. Princess Luna stepped through the now-ruined rose bush, a dark blue sword hovering close to her head.

“Finally decided to meet your end with a little dignity, have you?” Grievous narrowed his eyes. “Or are you going to scurry away into the shadows again?”

“That beeth rich, coming from the one who fleeth whenever he is outmatched,” Luna snorted. “But we shall meet thee on thy terms, if thou shalt give us something in return.”

“There’s nothing to be given to the dead.”

“Call off thy droids, Grievous, and we shall face thee in the sword duel thou so clearly desirest.”

“No,” Grievous answered. “Look around you: I’ve already won, there’s no need to do something that stupid.”

Luna looked around at the scene of her palace, bedecked in fresh corpses and rapidly being flooded by ever more super battle droids. She gritted her teeth angrily, remembering the wounded and children sheltering in deeper underground parts. If she could not save everypony, it was her duty at the very least to save as many as she could. What else was there for her to do? Slink away into the shadows and try to save herself like some wretched coward? She would not dishonor herself that way.

“Then call off thy assault on our castle, Grievous,” she said. “And give thy word that if we prevail, our subjects here shall go free.”

Grievous looked around at the scenes of carnage for several seconds before raising his hand. Instantly, the flow of droids through the hole he had cut ceased. The droids already inside lowered their weapons, taking several steps back from the relieved and confused remnants of the palace guards. Yellow and blue eyes locked as their owners stared one another down intensely.

“I accept your terms.”

He was lying, of course. Their fate had already been determined by Lord Sidious. But if it made her stay in one place, he was happy enough to play along with her delusions.

“So be it,” Luna said. “Of course, there is one other thing…”

“Huh?”

“It hardly striketh us as fair that thou shouldst have four of thy swords when we have only one.” Her horn glowed again, causing two additional blades to appear.

“Fine,” Grievous stepped forward, brandishing his lightsabers. “Now then – wha?”

The final cylinder around the cyborg’s waist gave a twitch, and then broke its magnetic bond. The lightsaber that had once belonged to Jedi Master Hera Ceidia flew through the air to the alicorn princess, igniting into a bright blade of bronze.

“Now,” Luna said. “It is fair.”

Four blades spinning and a murderous glare in his eyes, Grievous charged the alicorn.

His attack was ruthless and fast-paced, even by his own standards. Four lightsaber blades spun, danced, hacked, slashed, stabbed, and swiped at complete random. Operating on pure instinct and the powerful computers slaved to his brain, the cyborg general unleashed almost seven blows in the space of a single second and only got faster from there. Hatred empowered him, hunger for vengeance drove him to ignore caution and press directly forward.

The lunar princess staggered under the fury of his assault, her teeth gritted with the effort as she struggled to interpose her blades between herself and the cyborg’s lightsabers. She had an advantage in that she did not have to worry about guarding the hilts of three of her four blades, and played that to its full effect in defending herself. It was immediately clear to Grievous that she was a higher caliber of duelist than Shining Armor had been.

But not high-caliber enough.

What little remained of Grievous’ organic mouth twisted into an obscene parody of a smile underneath his mask. The cyborg stomped forward aggressively, not letting up on his blade-work for even a nanosecond. Luna slowly but surely gave ground, unable to find even the slightest pause in the offensive to catch her breath. Sweating heavily, the alicorn back into the entrance of one of the ruined towers. It was then that two of Grievous’ blades descended in a powerful overhand blow straight into one of her conjured swords.

Shattering it utterly.

The cyborg had already redoubled his attack before Luna had had time to blink, now knowing exactly what to do. As the princess retreated backwards up a grand staircase, Grievous targeted each one of her summoned blades for destruction one by one. They were hardy things of pure magic, but their existence was tied to the energies of the summoner. And after hours of intense combat, Luna’s energy was fading.

One sword shattered when Grievous pinned it to the ground with one lightsaber and brought the other three down on top of it. He gave the princess no chance to create any more, continuing to press her heavily as the alicorn gave more and more ground to the cyborg general. The two MagnaGuards hoisting Shining Armor in tow a good distance behind him, Grievous forced Princess Luna back further and further, to the very open doors of the throne room itself. On the brink of it, he destroyed her final conjured blade with a well-aimed slash to its midsection.

As Grievous pushed her into the throne room, Luna was down to merely her stolen lightsaber.

The bronze lightsaber blade was a blur of motion as it clashed with the blades of green and blue, Luna’s magic proving the equal of Grievous’ cybernetic strength. The throne room was lit up with a dazzling display of color as the plasma blades crashed together in noisy collisions. Impossibly, she was somehow managing to fend off the general’s assault with only one blade despite her exhausted state. Grievous was by then putting out somewhere around fifteen withering attacks per second, a truly prestigious amount even by his lofty standards, his tireless cyborg frame invulnerable to pain or wear.

It was at that moment that the general saw his opponent had made one small but fatal mistake: in the heat of dealing with his four lightsabers, she had forgotten to account for his legs.

They always forgot to account for his legs.

General Grievous’ taloned foot shot out lightning-fast, seizing one of Princess Luna’s forelegs in its grip. With a powerful tug, he pulled the alicorn forward just a few steps. But that was more than enough for the cyborg. His leftmost lightsaber darted in under the princess’ guard in a blur of motion and light.

And sliced the alicorn’s horn right off.

Princess Luna screamed her torment as her own immense arcane energies coursed through her ancient in a spectacular display of magical backlash. The stolen lightsaber dropped to the ground, its blade extinguished. It and its temporary owner hit the throne room’s floor at around the same time with a pair of resounding thuds. The latter did not remain there for long: a clawed mechanical hand reached down to seize her by the scruff of her neck, hoisting her easily despite her size.

“Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh! Hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah!” Grievous roared with triumphant laughter. “HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!”

Luna’s eyes were scrunched up against the agony that threatened to overwhelm her, but she could hear the cyborg’s booming voice just fine.

“Little fool,” gloated Grievous as the hum of a lightsaber blade grew uncomfortably loud in her ears. “Only now, at the end, do you understand. You were a fool to betray me! Your cowardice has cost you everything! And very soon it will cost your entire world everything! Do you hear me?”

From the booming sound of his voice, Luna got the distinct impression that the cyborg general had his face mere inches from her own.

“Do you understand what is about to happen, Princess Luna? You have failed. Your sister has failed. Your people have failed. I am going to kill you now, and then I shall kill each and every one of your subjects,” Grievous’ voice was surprisingly level. “Think about that. Really think about it. I want you to go to your grave with the images in your head of every single person you have ever loved… dead. Slaughtered like filthy animals and piled up to be burned like so much garbage. Your people extinct, your planet a wretched ruin, your very existence nothing but a fading memory in an uncaring universe. And all of it, every last miserable equine that is sent screaming into the void this day?” Luna could practically feel the cyborg’s armored mask brushing against her fur. “It is. All. Because. Of. You! Think on that, Luna. Really think hard on it. I want you to suffer as you die.”

So Luna did.

The princes of the night thought of all the little fillies and colts of Ponyville. She thought of adorable little Pipsqueak, her ever-eager young friend. She thought of Scootaloo and Sweetie Bell, whose dreams she had freed of their nightmares. She thought of Twilight Sparkle, the mare who had rescued her first from the curse of Nightmare Moon, and then from her own shackles of social backwardness. But most of all, Luna thought of her sister. Celestia, dear Tia, who had always been there for her. Who had only ever wanted to help her. Who she had rejected. Who she had tried to kill out of petty jealousy. Who had all welcomed her back into Equestria with open arms regardless of it all.

And then she thought of them all, brutally massacred to sate the bloodlust of this mad alien monstrosity. Their bodies mutilated and defiled, burned like rubbish in a landfill or even left out to rot in dishonor. Their homes burned to the ground and trod on by the metal soles of filthy alien butchers. Their hopes and dreams and loves gone, like everything else. No proud legacy left behind, no no descendants or friends to keep their spirits and memories alive. Merely a barren rock floating eternally in the cold void of space.

Many feelings boiled up in Luna’s mind. The first was fear. Not for herself, but for those she loved, those that she would now have to leave behind. She could protect them no more. The second was anger. Anger at Kenobi and Tarkin for roping them into this. Anger at herself, for failing to defeat the horrible creature that now held her when she had had the chance. But most of all, anger at Grievous. For his crimes, for his utterly merciless genocide of her people, and more than anything, for making sympathize with him. He deserved no sympathy, only the most wretched and miserable death the universe could conceive.

The final emotion that Luna felt was hatred. She hated the Republic for bringing this war down on them. She hated herself, her sister, and all of Equestria for being too weak to stop the Separatists. But of course, the uttermost depths of her hate were reserved for the incarnation of all that was evil and wrong in her world: General Grievous.

It was this last feeling that seemed almost to whisper to the princess of the night. In a voice that she found uncomfortably familiar yet at the same time completely foreign, it seemed to speak to her. It said that if she would embrace it, it would save her. It would save her people.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Luna embraced it.

The lunar alicorn opened her eyes again. They were the color of burning sulfur.

Before Grievous had any chance to do anything more than look puzzled, lightning burst from the charred ruin of the alicorn’s once-majestic horn and flew at the cyborg. At point-blank range, it could hardly miss.

It was General Grievous’ turn to scream in agony as the electricity coursed throughout his systems, shorting out cybernetic equipment and sending his limbs into wild spams of uncontrollable movement. Luna felt his grip on her throat melt away, her wingbeats serving to keep her from falling to the ground. Her attack did not stop there, leaping from the cyborg to the two MagnaGuards. They two were enveloped in the wild electrical current, dropping their unconscious captive to the hard floor below as their own systems went completely haywire.

Without letting up on the surging electricity for even a second, Luna pulled her head back and then jerked it abruptly forward. Cyborg and droids alike were blasted by an invisible force of immense magnitude, smashing straight through the stained glass windows of the palace’s throne room.

Screaming wildly and flailing his limbs, General Grievous went sailing straight over the edge of the Canterlot cliffs. He soon vanished from all sight, the sound of his shrieks swallowed up by the winds and the sounds of the battle outside. Inside the throne room, all was, for the moment, still. The night princess breathed heavily, the strength she had so recently felt coursing through her slipping away like a ghost on the wind. Pain replaced hate and adrenaline as her burning yellow eyes faded back to blue.

Still, she had a small amount of strength left.

Luna walked on unsteady, aching legs to the broken stained glass window through which the cyborg had been thrown. She looked out over the edge, to the distant ground at the foot of the great mountain.

She spat.