• Published 14th Jan 2015
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Friendship is Grievous - Snake Staff



All welcome the latest visitor to Equestria... General Grievous?

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Pall of the Dark Side

General Grievous followed in Count Dooku’s footsteps as the old man walked briskly out of the detention level, his feet brushing aside the corpses of clone and droid alike as he did so. The cyborg, being both larger and feeling more vindictive, made certain to tread atop the mangled remains of his brief jailers on the way out. The feel of armor and clone flesh crushed beneath his talons did the general’s mood some good. He was briefly curious as to why several doors had been deployed further back on the detention level, but reasoned that they probably all had been, and Count Dooku had simply forced the ones in his way open.

Once the pair had exited the detention level, the count made a quick right turn and led his armless general through a winding series of nearly-identical corridors. Grievous noted on the way the presence of a number of clone bodies bearing what he recognized as the distinctive marks of Force Lightning and lightsaber cuts. His yellow eyes flicked back to his lord, feeling inspired. It was hard not to respect his combat prowess, especially considering his species and advanced age.

Dooku said not a word during their convoluted journey through the bowls of the Star Destroyer, and only once raised his hands. When the pair heard the sounds of battle around a bend, the count motioned for Grievous to wait before rounding the corner himself. There was a crackle of electricity and sound of screaming, and then the old man returned and nodded. Grievous was treated to the sight of several sparking, twitching clone corpses being marched over by a unit of super battle droids.

The minions went their own way, as did the count and the cyborg. After a few more minutes’ journey through the ship, they arrived in a secondary hanger bay that had been overrun by battle droids. The thick durasteel doors to space were sealed shut and scarred by blaster fire. B-2 and B-X droids offered their leaders salutes as they passed by, standing at crisp attention. Count Dooku climbed into a slightly-singed Nu-class shuttle, and Grievous followed him inside.

To the cyborg’s lack of surprise, the shuttle had already been crewed by a number of black-armored commando droids. The Sith Lord, as always, had planned for everything. At an unspoken signal, the droids outside triggered a set of explosive charges, rending the bay doors apart and sucking everything in docking bay into the void.

Debris, corpses, and helpless droids alike spun out into the vacuum while the hijacked shuttle raced hastily for the Separatist fleet, and safety. Dozens of Vulture droids swarmed about the transport, driving back enemy fighter attacks and even hurling themselves into the guns of capital ships to buy their masters the time they needed. The Republic’s fleet took a heavy toll on the droid fighters, but at last they broke free, zooming straight for the massive silhouette of the Invisible Hand.


Obi Wan Kenobi, supported under one arm by a clone trooper, limped into the medical bay of the Liberator some minutes later. Already overflowing with injured clone soldiers, the doctors present were prepared to offer the Jedi General a bed nonetheless, but he refused to push any of the soldiers from their places of rest. Instead he was given a shot of painkiller and several bacta patches for the worst of his burns, and a rather uncomfortable chair to sit down in.

Very soon after his most immediate treatments, the Jedi Master received a holoprojector from one of the medical officers. A small image of Admiral Tarkin stood looking at him.

“General Kenobi,” the admiral said. “It would seem that despite my men’s repelling of the enemy boarders, General Grievous managed to escape both his cell and the ship while under your guard. Would you care to provide an explanation?”

That was no way for a lesser officer to speak to his superior, but Kenobi wasn’t particularly feeling like squabbling over protocol.

“Count Dooku,” he answered, rubbing one of his lightning burns and wincing. “Count Dooku came onboard. He broke Grievous out.”

“I see,” Tarkin rubbed his chin. “It is a shame that you were unable to contain the general after my tactic lead to his capture and you insisted on our not retreating. Chancellor Palpatine will be disappointed to hear that.”

Obi Wan frowned, already planning his own petition to the Republic’s Supreme Chancellor.

“Still,” Tarkin continued after a moment. “All is not yet lost. If we can win the space battle, we may yet be able to recapture our foe, and perhaps even his master as well. Take your rest, Master Kenobi. I shall see to our victory myself.”

The hologram disappeared. Obi Wan Kenobi leaned back in his seat and breathed a heavy sigh.


Onboard the Invisible Hand, General Grievous was undergoing repairs. As his personal flagship, the Providence-class vessel was well-equipped with spare parts for the cyborg and the appropriate tools with which to attach them. After all, one did not do battle regularly with the likes of Jedi Masters and expect to always come out of it with all of one’s limbs intact.

Medical droids swarmed about the cyborg general, scurrying this way and that in their hurry to bring their master back to full repair. The nubs that remained of his lost arms had been removed at the shoulders, leaving two empty socket joints awaiting parts. Small machines were frantically scrubbing Grievous’ armor with antiseptic cleaning fluids, rubbing away the dried blood and dirt that had coated his bone-white shell. Files were being applied to his taloned feet, smoothing away the wear and tear, as well as making them sharper weapons.

A pair of medical droids entered the med bay, carrying a long white cyborg arm between them. Carefully, they joined the ball at its end with the waiting right socket on Grievous’ body, using a fusion torch to seal it into place. Grievous flexed the new arm experimentally, checking its range of movement before examining the hand at the end. He then split the arm into two, repeating the process with each.

“Good as new,” he pronounced, causing the two arms to merge back into one. “Now go get the other one.”

As the medical droids hurried off to fulfil his orders, another figure stepped through the medical bay’s doorway.

“General,” said Count Dooku, his voice and tone now sounding pleasant once more, if slightly weary. “I take it your recovery is proceeding well?”

“As well as could be expected, my lord,” answered Grievous.

“That is good to hear,” Dooku smiled benevolently. “Lord Sidious wishes to speak with you as soon as you are put back together, but first, I have something for you.”

From somewhere – where exactly, Grievous could not tell – Dooku produced a small box, which he offered the cyborg. The Kalessh took it curiously, not exactly knowing what to expect. Gifts were not something he was accustomed to receiving, especially not from a Sith Lord. He pressed the small button on the side, causing the package to slide open.

Grievous’ yellow eyes widened. Inside the box, laid carefully out inside cloth containers, were five lightsabers. And not just any five, but the very same five he had been carrying on the planet below, that had been taken from him by Kenobi. He knew their stories and appearances very intimately – he could hardly fail to recognize them.

“My lord,” Grievous looked up, feeling an extremely unusual sensation that he couldn’t quite identify. “Where did you get these?”

“I took a small amount of time to retrieve for you them while on board the Republic warship,” Dooku answered with another smile. “I thought you might like them back.”

Grievous blinked and looked back down at the five weapons he had taken as trophies from slain Jedi. Was he actually feeling a bit… touched? It was very rare that anyone showed any concern for him – granted, it was an even rarer occasion that he actually wanted any. Splitting an arm off, he reached down and grasped one of the blades in his new hand. It ignited with the familiar *snap-hiss*, forming a green blade of channeled plasma.

As he stared at the lightsaber, Grievous came to a realization. This moment, and what had happened so recently, he concluded, hammered home yet again a very important life lesson for the warrior of Kalee. Everyone else was faithless, worthless, had abandoned him in his times of need or even sold him out.

He could only trust the Sith.


“So,” said the holographic form of Darth Sidious, rubbing two fingers across his chin. “These creatures. You say they are strong in the Force?”

“Yes, Lord Sidious,” Grievous said from his kneeling position. There were very few beings in the galaxy he would willingly bow to, but Sidious was one of them. The Dark Lord’s plans were always complex and multifaceted, and he often did not know the end to which he worked. Still, they always seemed to lead him to more victories and more dead Jedi, so he wasn’t about to complain. He had also witnessed the Sith’s combat prowess on the one occasion they had met in the flesh, when they had traveled to Dathomir to do battle against the witch Mother Talzin and the rogue apprentice Darth Maul. It had been a very impressive display, to say the least.

“And their leaders? They can truly move celestial bodies through their sorcery alone?”

“I saw it with my own eyes, my lord.”

“And they have allied themselves with the Jedi,” Sidious looked thoughtful. “Hmmm…”

Grievous waited in silence and on one knee while the Dark Lord of the Sith considered what the cyborg had said to him. He had told Sidious everything he had seen, from how a full third of their kind seemed to use telekinesis at will to the way that their leaders could perform epic feats of magical prowess.

“These creatures must not be permitted to interfere in our plans, general,” the hologram declared at last.

“What is to be done, my lord?” Grievous asked, virtually salivating at the answer he knew must be coming.

“Wipe them out,” Sidious commanded. “All of them.”

If Grievous were capable of smiling, he would have done so. “Yes, Lord Sidious.”


General Grievous stormed aboard the ship’s bridge without any particular ceremony, Count Dooku following shortly behind him. General Kalani saluted their arrival and relinquished the command throne to Grievous, who settled into it. Dooku chose to stand in the background, arms folded behind his back, face neutral.

“Sir,” Kalani said to Grievous from his position directly beside the command chair. “Our fleet has fully engaged Republic forces, but our fighter contingent has suffered heavy losses. In addition, one of our frigates has been destroyed. The fleet is now outgunned. I recommend a tactical withdrawal from the field.”

“No,” said Grievous, dismissively. “We have a new mission. Move the fleet into orbit above the planet and prepare to initiate a full-scale bombardment."

“But, the Republic fleet!” Kalani protested.

“Is no longer relevant,” Grievous countered. “Our orders come directly from Lord Sidious. The creatures on the planet are our new target.”

“But sir, our fleet will be torn to pieces while our guns are fixed on the planet!”

“Acceptable losses.”

Kalani looked to Count Dooku for support, but the old man only nodded at the super tactical droid. With both his superiors against him, the meticulous strategist had little choice but to do as bid. General Kalani gave the orders, and the Separatist fleet began to move.


“Sir!” said one of the clones seated in the Star Destroyer’s bridge to Admiral Tarkin.

“Yes?” the admiral glanced at him.

“The clanker fleet is firing up its engines and making a move.”

“They’re retreating?” Tarkin asked, already devising a way to halt such a move.

The clone officer shook his head. “No sir. They’re not trying to get away, they’re coming towards us.”

“Let me see that,” Tarkin said, looking over the display console. Sure enough, scanners were showing the Confederacy warships angling down and in their direction. At their present course, the enemy fleet would pass beneath the Republic’s Star Destroyers and wind up in orbit over the nearby planet. It would put them in a good position to bombard the planet, but they would be an easy target for Republic guns while they passed beneath and exposed their vulnerable engines.

What were they playing at? The Separatists were outgunned and outnumbered, and instead of trying to get away they were going to trap themselves between Tarkin’s fleet and the planet? It didn’t make any sense.

Admiral Tarkin considered for a moment before the solution came to him. General Grievous had presumably just assumed command over the enemy armada. The general was well-known for being both reckless and vengeful, as well as having a great talent for slipping away from the scenes of his defeat.

Tarkin wanted to laugh. The insane cyborg was so consumed with avenging the equines’ betrayal that he was going to sacrifice the entire engagement just for the chance to get revenge on some insignificant primitives!

“Sir, should we move to intercept?” one of the clone officers asked.

Tarkin shook his head. “No. Let them pass and give them everything we’ve got along the way,” he pointed to a large icon representing a Lucrehulk-class battleship near the rear. “Concentrate your fire on that ship. It has seen the least action so far and represents one of their largest assets.”

“Yes sir!” the clones saluted, and began obediently implementing their admiral’s orders.

Letting Grievous trap himself against the planet was clearly the best move. Yes, he would probably get the chance to unleash his cannons against the primitives below, but so what? Every shot he fired against them was one that wasn’t hitting Tarkin’s fleet. While he concentrated on destroying the lowly inhabitants of a strategically worthless backwater, Tarkin could take his fleet apart piece by piece, then swoop in to capture the Separatists’ two primary leaders! And he would even be able to show a relatively light Republic casualty figure to boot!

Master Kenobi might object with the usual Jedi moralistic babble about the inherent sanctity of all life or other such nonsense. He would most likely propose some idiotic scheme of blocking their path, which would not only be sacrificing Republic lives and resources for the sake of backward equines, but would give Grievous and Dooku a much better chance of escaping. He didn’t understand that that the state’s needs came before the needs of the common citizen, much less the needs of unaffiliated primitives in the Unknown Regions. But Master Kenobi was in the medical bay recovering.

He, Tarkin decided with a slight smile, hardly needed to know.


General Grievous sat in his command throne, watching as the planet in the viewscreen grew larger and larger before his eyes. As the Invisible Hand and its accompanying fleet moved into optimal targeting range, he savored the moment. Now the filthy traitors would learn the price of selling him to Kenobi.

Behind the Separatist armada, the Lucrehulk-class battleship had suffered crippling damage to its engines and was being pounded by the guns of all five of the Republic’s Star Destroyers. It would only last a few more minutes, and then the enemy fleet would be on his tail. But it didn’t matter – there was plenty of time to do what Grievous needed done and then be away. The Invisible Hand was more than just a Providence-class carrier/destroyer; it was Grievous’ personal flagship, with all the upgrades that entailed. Among them was an engine more than capable of outracing any Star Destroyer the Galactic Republic could field.

“Sir,” said General Kalani, breaking the cyborg’s silent reverie. “The fleet has assumed bombardment position.”

“All turbolasers target the designated coordinates,” Grievous commanded, clenching his right hand into a fist. “And fire!”

The massive guns of the Separatist fleet swiveled to aim at the targets their commander had given to them. Then, as one, they unleashed hell.

Hundreds of red energy beams descended from the vacuum of space onto the blue-green planet below. They sliced through the atmosphere at unbelievable speeds, targeting cities, villages, forests, plains, and lakes alike, with no distinctions made. They fell to the planet in patterns calculated by unfeeling mechanical minds to most efficiently end all life in the targeted zones.

Where the beams struck, they exploded with tremendous force, smashing trees, vaporizing water, flattening buildings, pulverizing the earth, and setting the world alight. Fires raged out of all control through forests and grasslands, wherever material was to be found. Hundreds of ponies died in the first seconds, vaporized, crushed, incinerated, choked, or otherwise sent screaming into the next life beneath the guns of the Confederacy of Independent Systems. But not thousands. Certainly not the millions Grievous had intended.

For the princesses had not been idle.

From the day the alien visitor had first arrived on their world, the idea that they could come under attack at any time had foremost in the princesses’ minds. There were limits on what they could do, and as always they had hoped first in diplomacy and in friendship to shield their subjects from harm. Shield spells were an ancient and well-practiced form of magic in the land of Equestria. It had been no coincidence that certain groups of unicorns had been seen performing ritual warding around some of the nations most populated and important areas. Nor had it been a matter of chance that Shining Armor, the leading modern-day specialist in such magic, had been paying a visit to more than a few of the nation’s cities in those weeks. There had even been whispers about a certain draconequus getting involved. So it was that the worst of the initial bombardment was absorbed by magic, a very impressive feat.

Unfortunately, there were limits. There was nopony in the world who knew enough to shield the entire nation from orbital attack. The unpopulated areas of wilderness suffered the worst. With nothing to protect them, dozens of square miles of terrain were reduced to smoking craters in an instant. And worse, every strike that hit near the slightest bit of flammable terrain started another fire, all of which spread rapidly. Smaller towns and villages were almost as vulnerable, with several having no protection at all. These were vaporized outright, or set aflame, or crushed in the massive earthquakes that rocked the nation. Thousands more were to die in the minutes after the first strike as much of the environment, so long under equine control, was turned into a blasted hellscape.

By the end of the initial round of bombardment, scanners showed that Equestria was aflame. But she was alive.

“Good,” thought Grievous.

Behind the Separatist fleet, the abandoned Lucrehulk-class vessel at last succumbed to the Republic’s guns, exploding in a spectacular fireball that sent debris flying in all directions. With the enemy’s biggest battleship now dealt with, five Star Destroyers began rapidly accelerating towards the planet and the remainder of the Separatists.

“Sir?” asked General Kalani, urgently. “What should we do?”

Grievous looked up at the super tactical droid. “Begin landing our troops.”

“Sir?” the droid sounded confused.

“Take the fleet,” Grievous ordered, rising from his command chair. “Lead the Republic scum on a merry chase around the planet,” he pointed out into the void. “Keep them occupied. Let them think our invasion is the true distraction.”

“Sir, I have studied Kenobi’s profile. There is a 96.21% chance he will choose to defend the civilians before-”

“And that’s why,” Grievous cut the droid off. “You’re going to continue our bombardments. Target other lands, other places on the planet. It doesn’t matter where. It doesn’t matter what you hit. Don’t bother halting for better targeting. Just make sure something is bleeding, and they’ll chase you to the ends of the galaxy and back!” He let out a bark of laughter. “Even if he recognizes you for what you are, he’ll have no choice but to split his forces if he wants to come down and play.” Grievous rubbed his hands together. “And he has no troop transport ships! We’ll outnumber him on the ground. Best of all, the Jedi would never try to use orbital bombardment on our armies once we’re in among the civilians.” Grievous laughed again and began making for the bridge’s exit.

“Where are you going, sir?” asked Kalani.

Grievous turned his head around. “To finish this personally.”