• Published 15th Jan 2015
  • 4,654 Views, 1,358 Comments

Equestria Was Merely a Setback! - Thunderscourge



Trixie, stranded from Equestria and in a mysterious land named Azeroth, tries to get by day by day...but it'd be easier if there weren't so many Crack Elves, zombies, and pesky gnomes getting in her way! Comedy/satire crossover with World of Warcraft

  • ...
24
 1,358
 4,654

PreviousChapters Next
Level 23: The Hangover Part: Trixie, Starring Alcohol and Poisoning

A/N: Special thanks to Amethyst Blade, GamerGoddessDin, refferee, SilentMech, Mister E, Oubliette, and Freya for your comments last chapter and for making this quick update possible! I hope to hear from you again, and I hope you all enjoy!

Stormwind's stint is over, and it's time to move onwards to the realm of the Undead and the crusaders who fight them! Hope you enjoy, and hope to hear from you in the comments below!


Brigitte Abbendis slipped on her left glove with the aid of her recently gloved right hand, her mind blank as she stared at each individual finger. There was so much to think about at that point that she did not even know where to begin.

While unsure, she did manage to make a decision after brushing her tussled hair out of her eyes: for someone as dedicated to her duty as she was, thinking of the Scarlet Crusade and their duty to it came easily for her as compared to what else she had on her mind.

"The Monastery is going to be engaging in conflicts of increased frequency and scope soon. They'll need more healers, and you have been assigned to go join them I hear."

"I apologize," came the voice of the other in the room.

Brigitte looked back to the man sitting still on his own bed. She had found her admirer just in time for them to have to leave. Still, she had sought to spend time with him before he left for what might be months for his new post.

"No, it's fine..."

The Crusade had once accepted other races such as Elves into its ranks, but the growing paranoia of the organization had led to them being run out or even executed. In this instance the only non-Human blood in him was the lithe body he held, as well as his unnatural control for magic. Sure, some Humans could be skinnier than others and some just had a knack for magic, but Brigitte felt that there was more than simple chance behind the high cheekbones and the mysterious powers he brought to his job as a Priest in the ranks of the Crusade. Perhaps generations ago his family had accepted Elven blood into it…trading the resilient spirit of Humanity for the gift of magic.

Abbendis turned away from him. She had best keep her mind from analyzing things too much, lest she become too attached. As his superior officer the relationship was already forbidden, and to let her mind wander further

"Just come back in one piece, okay?"

While it was selfish to say, Brigitte wished that for each of her soldiers for an unselfish reason: each of them that fell in battle could be raised from the dead to serve the Scourge. Still, in this circumstance it was a more selfish rather than pragmatic one.

"I’ll try.”

Uncomfortable, Brigitte made her way to the door and paused to listen: no noises outside showed that, as arranged, no-one was on patrol.

"I should go now.”

And like that, Brigitte departed the room in the early hours of the morning, her mind already flooding with what else she had to do that day…after, of course, actually sleeping and freeing her body of aches it was not used to.

Coming events would introduce her to even new kinds.


Half the morning had passed by before the light shining through a tent managed to stir Trixie, whose head was exploding in pain as she moved to get up.

Unfortunately for her, her feeble attempt to get up only resulted in her flopping right back down the moment she rose up at all.

With the sunlight burning her eyes and her head in such great pain, Trixie fumbled about to bring an arm over her face. Was this what the dreaded hangover felt like?

“I hate everything…”

“No you don’t.”

Trixie felt a body move next to her, and she suddenly became aware of Kael’s presence in the tent. Him sharing a tent with her did not irritate her, but the splitting headache she was suffering put anyone in close proximity to her in her bad graces.

Still prone on her back, Trixie tried using her other arm to find and shove Kael away in her blinded state, “And I hate you the most. How could you let me drink enough to actually feel it?”

Kael caught her arm and gently held it, easily able to manage himself against Trixie’s sluggish struggle despite her strength. She was not thinking straight and might actually inflict damage on him if her arm lashed out without control, “If I remember correctly, you went off on your own and drank without any input from me.”

Unable to shift the blame, Trixie sighed and admitted her own guilt. She honestly had no clue why she drank so much the previous night, but she did remember kicking someone’s face for something perverted. Whatever the case, she was sure nothing had happened or else Kael wouldn’t be happily brushing her hair away from her and stroking her cheek. He’d be committing atrocities and burning someone alive, perhaps even making a new sport out of how long he could make them scream.

And that’s why Trixie felt herself blushing as Kael sat beside her. She would blame it on her hangover if asked of course, but even in her searing pain she could realize that whatever had happened, Kael had found her and brought her back safely.

She was too weak to put up any mental barriers around what she might otherwise ignore or pretend to not notice: was Lavitz correct about Kael having feelings for her?

Trixie hoped the soldier was wrong…she wouldn’t know what to even do if her best friend no longer treated her as a partner but rather a woman. The way things were, she was happy…and if she was to be honest, she could not remember feeling this comfortable in what felt like years. They were in danger constantly, people sought to kill them, and they had to fight just to eke out a living, but every step of the way she was with her trusted companion who always was there to help her…even fight through an entire death of thieves and killers to save her.

He’d taken care of her after she passed out the night before…even if he had let her go off alone. Trixie couldn’t even tell then if she had wanted him to argue and come with her, or if her logical explanation about why he shouldn’t was the truth of the matter.

“Then promise to never leave me again and I’ll forgive you for your lapse in judgment.”

Kael let go of her now still arm, letting it fall gently to one of the blankets they had before moving his same hand down to take hers and gently squeeze it.

“I promise,” Kael softly spoke, though even that was enough for the increasingly awake Trixie to realize another of her problems: that noises made her headache worse.

Trixie squeezed Kael’s hand and rolled her head away from him, “Not so loud. Hurts…”

Kael smirked, part of him curious just how much alcohol Trixie had consumed before he came across her. His own head hurt and he had only had a few, “Even my head is tingling a bit.”

Trixie broke out in a small grin at the thought that she could outdrink her partner, since he was bigger and all…while she was in this form, “You Elf princelings and your weakness to alcohol…you drank like a hundredth of what I did.”

Kael moved a hand to his head as a wave of dizziness washed over him, his attention shifting from Trixie as he noticed his own pains more, “Possibly, though it is hard to tally up just how much you drank since I wasn’t there when you were doing it.”

“When are we leaving?” Trixie yawned.

“When you are feeling good enough to do so. I wouldn’t wait too long though. Your adoring fans might leave you if you don’t attend to them.”

“Yes, yes…” Trixie pulled the soft blanket she had available to her over her body and stretched out spread-eagle to perhaps release some of her body’s tense achiness, “Let me sleep more…tired…”

Realizing that Trixie would probably be out awhile more, Kael nodded and moved to stand up. He would have to be productive to keep things going in case anything came up, since Trixie needed to recover from her poor decisions of the last night.

Unfortunately, Kael stumbled as he rose to his feet. The pain wracking his head was revealed to not be unique: upon moving his body upwards he felt the pain also take place in his other limbs in a slow but searing manner, as if something was cutting into him.

Put off by this, Kael barely managed to start explaining what he was going to do before he lost the ability to speak, “I’ll…”

The wave of pain passed and Kael fought an inner-battle to stay upright, giving him time to start speaking again.

“I’ll…”

Trixie’s closed eyes and half-awake status kept her from watching him fall onto his knees and then complete the fall right on top of her, his head resting on her body as he lay strewn about in an unconscious and unmoving state.

“Yes, you can sleep next to me…sleepy time…no moving…”


"Trixie, remember to sit up straight. I will not have my student slouching at the only dinner she remembers to attend."

"My apologies, Princess Luna."

"It is okay. I just want to make sure you look your best. Celestia and Twilight will be attending too, and from what I hear Twilight has poor eating habits. This is a good opportunity to look good, so we must take every precaution."

"Are you sure I can wear this?"

"That jewelry once was mine when I was younger...it does not fit me anymore, so you should wear it for formality's sake."

"Thank you, Princess..."


"How foolish of you to come alone...but who am I to judge? Vengeance makes us do the most foolish of things..."

"Welcome to the future...a pity you're too late to stop it. No one can stop me now."

"You gambled...and lost."

"I'll turn your world...upside...down."

"My demise accomplishes nothing! The Master will have you! You will drown in your own blood! The world shall burn!"


“Kael, Trixie! It’s time to get up!”

The unwelcomed alarm clock of a yell came from Lavitz, who was outside the very spacious tent reserved for Trixie and Kael. The former stirred at the noise, having slept off a good deal of her remaining hangover over whatever period of rest she had accrued since she last woke.

“I hear you…”

Trixie realized that her immediate attempt to sit up was hindered by a body on top of her. With long blonde hair laying across her face and a head nestled in her chest, Trixie rolled her eyes at how Kael had decided to sleep, only letting it go because she doubted he slept so brazenly on purpose.

“Kael, wakie-wakie.”

He didn’t respond whatsoever, though the small breathing he displayed at least confirmed to her that he was alive. Besides being on top of her, his arms had moved to tangle themselves with her body, as if he had been hugging her in his sleep.

She didn’t want to be rude by forcefully moving him off her, so she continued to try and wake him up with her voice.

“You can stop hugging me now…for Mother’s sake, come on Kael…I know you’re comfortable and all, but—”

Something caught Trixie’s attention and she quickly went about moving his head to confirm her fears: her shirt had been wet, and Kael’s eyes were wet.

He was crying in his sleep.

“Kael?”

Trixie shook him gently, fear rising in her as the issue moved from merely getting him off her to worrying if he was okay.

“Kael, this isn’t funny. Get up.”

When her shaking of his body did nothing to stir him at all, Trixie found herself panicking. She forced him off her and placed him down where she had been, increasing the strength with which she shook him in a futile effort to get him up.

“Lavitz!”

Without any hesitation the soldier burst into the tent, spear bared and prepared to fight off any threat. To his surprise though all he saw was Trixie shaking an unresponsive Kael, whose face looked pained and even seemed paler than usual.

“What the hell?”

Trixie waved for Lavitz to approach and the Warrior did so, kneeling down next to Kael to get a better look at him. As he did his own examining Trixie began to vent her own worries.

“What the Hel is right! Dear Luna, he won’t wake up, and look at how pale he is!”

It didn’t take long for Lavitz to realize what was wrong, and he stood up while shaking his head.

“After the battle at the arena, you two were healed by the officiators of the event. Normal healing does not remove poisons. If he didn’t know, he couldn’t have asked to have it fixed.”

“You mean that woman poisoned him during the fight?” Trixie gaped, her detest for the awful woman rising even greater than it had been previously.

“At some point, yes. Given that she’s been intent on hunting you, it seems that whatever it is seeks to render its victim vulnerable. A fast acting poison would have been disallowed and she would have been punished by arena and Stormwind officials alike, since poison in matches is forbidden and many forms are illegal substances.”

“There has to be someone who can help him,” Trixie pleaded, though Lavitz’s head hung glumly as he thought through their position.

“If we bring him into town to be healed, recover, and then rest, he’ll surely be identified at some point along the way.”

“Bolvar Fordragon, the regent of Stormwind, won’t want to keep an allied, yet publically opposed, person around…the political scandal could prove disastrous, and we can’t trust that Kael would be safe in anything less than Stormwind’s keep,” he paused to sigh in exasperation, the situation unfolding before them making him more and more uncertain about what to do, “That’s not even accounting for the task Fordragon has given us of taking down the Scarlet Monastery…”

Interrupting them, Kael coughed up blood and writhed in pain for a moment before settling down where Trixie had lain him.

Not willing to let him break his promise so soon after making it, Trixie clasped her hands over one of his and pleaded with him, “Kael, come on, you can’t die like this. Wake up, you idiot!”

Lavitz thought over the poison’s circumstances more and began to posit out loud his thoughts on it, “The effect seems to be slow. It must have crept up on him during the night: a perfect poison for a possibly long lasting hunt that could not involve the usage of fast acting poisons. This slow speed might serve to our advantage, as it will give us more time…”

He smashed the pole of his spear into the ground in anger. While experienced, he could only personally handle the most mundane of poisons with a full medical kit. He had neither conditions working for him with this odd poison that was putting his companion through so much pain.

“Damnit. I’ll be sure when I write to Anduin to have that woman’s sentence extended.”

Trixie nodded weakly, her own pains forgotten as she watched her friend suffer beside her. She needed to do something to save her beloved friend, but what to do did not come easily to her since all the simple options she could think of were not viable.

“We can’t return, and I don’t really know what to do, but…”

Something Lavitz had just said struck her like an arrow and Trixie felt her tension lower as she found her solution.

“Scarlet Monastery.”

Lavitz tilted his head, not seeing yet what Trixie meant, “What?”

“It’s a Monastery. Are there Priests there? They can heal people, right?”

“You’re right. We had best make haste then.”

Trixie nodded, “We rush to them and, if we do not find someone who can help on the way, we force one of them to save him. Their healing magic helped at the arena, and it can help now.”

“As you wish.”


To move out they all needed to gather up everything from their makeshift camp, which would go quicker with as many hands as they could manage to have working on it. It was for this reason that Trixie found herself approaching the mercenary man who had tagged along with them, a man named Bronn whose unscrupulous morality meant that while he was hunting them a day ago he now was aiding them.

He was sitting around the long since dead campfire fixing his nails with a kukri when Trixie approached him, but he put the blade away in a sheath on his back when she drew near.

“Brawn, so what specifically is it that you do?”

She did not want to demean a trained soldier by telling him to act as a servant, but she also did want to use him however she could if it meant she could save Kael. The more she knew about her allies’ capabilities, the more she could use them.

Bronn shrugged, not getting up to bow to her or anything formal, “Just about anything if the pay is right, though past employers have bought my services with my capacity for…” he glanced down to the sword at his side, “Aggressive diplomacy.”

Trixie rose her eyebrow at the euphemism, “Aggressive diplomacy?”

A flat affect met Trixie and put her off with how casually the man spoke about the subject, “I’m the sort that when you’re done talking all nice with someone, you give me a nod and when the unfortunate fellow you were talking to leaves, he just so happens to disappear and never be seen again.”

Trixie fought to keep from having her voice waver, “Murder.”

“A rose by any other name. I can also guard and fight on the frontlines of war, but the pay has to be worth it,” Bronn offered as an alternative.

That gave Trixie an option that didn’t go against her morals, so she pounced on it, “Guarding is fine for now. We have gold to pay you now, but I’d like to know how much you charge.”

“You’re looking for fame, and the prince is looking for his crown,” Bronn rubbed his thumb and index finger together, “Me? Some gold will do. Twenty percent of your total earnings across the board comes my way, or twenty five percent if it is only you, the prince, the soldier, and I.”

Trixie studied the bold yet calm man as she thought over his claim. Kael had more experience with the man, but she knew he was a capable soldier. As far as his business proposition, it was actually reasonable…except for how the flat rate for a group larger than four could mean that if they had twenty people he would be taking in one fifth of the total income.

Lavitz moved towards the two and took his place silently behind Trixie as she made her counter offer, “Twenty five when we are in a group of four is completely fair. Until you prove your worth though, you’ll get ten percent of our group’s earnings. When Kael awakens we’ll renegotiate. Until then, you’ll protect us, up until either we terminate your employment or you allow harm to befall Kael or I that you can possibly prevent.”

“You have the mind of a businesswoman,” Bronn smirked at Trixie, “I won’t look a gift horse in the mouth. We’ll go by your terms.”

Pleased that she had acquired the services of a decent soldier for her personal use, Trixie realized that Kael was alone in the tent and they had no way of knowing if he was getting any worse. They likely shouldn’t leave him alone until they knew more.

“Brawn, go with Lavitz. Organize the others and get them ready for our journey. You report to him just as you report to Kael and I.”

Trixie left the other two and moved back to her own tent, where Kael still was. A silence remained between the Stormwind soldier and the mercenary, each looking over the other and feeling them out.

Once Trixie was out of earshot, Lavitz finally spoke up, “You’re working for money, and I understand people like you. Let’s get this straight though. I do not trust you, mercenary, but we need help.”

“Perceptive, aren’t we?” Bronn snarked as he stood up, rising up to look the Warrior straight in the eye all the while smiling.

Lavitz ignored the smug look and stared into the man’s black eyes, “If someone tries to buy you out, you come to me first. I am in charge of protecting those two, and I would like to keep them from having to deal with such shady situations.”

“You’ll make up the difference in gold?”

Lavitz nodded, for he was willing to do whatever he could to protect the others, “I will, or otherwise make it up to you.”

Bronn nodded and stepped back, moving to grab a pair of mugs that sat nearby the campfire. Ale still remained in them, and the mercenary offered one to the other man.

“To a beautiful partnership.”

Lavitz held a hand up and smiled, grateful for the gesture but also not desiring the drink.

“I do not drink on duty.”

Bronn smirked again, as if he had been validated.

“There it is.”

Without outward antagonism, the two went about gathering and rounding up the others who were coming with them. While some were suffering from some minor hangovers, everyone still was willing to go on the journey, and with their help the camp was quickly put away.

The last part to be finished was the largest tent, out of which Trixie emerged with Kael slung over one shoulder. Everyone except Lavitz and Bronn seemed surprised while those two just appeared amused, as Trixie had fully dressed Kael in his armor so that he would be protected, yet she still managed to lift him up like she was just putting on a backpack.

“Okay everyone, we’re heading out. Destination: the Scarlet Monastery!”

Noticing that everyone was in awe of her once again, Trixie chuckled at their expressions.

“Don’t mind my friend here. He’ll be fine. Hopefully by the time he wakes up we will have already captured the Scarlet Crusade’s base.”

She was lying of course, but telling them the truth would do little good. For now she could pass off his illness as merely a hangover, and reveal once they were already on the road more about his condition. Starting the journey off on the foot of “my partner is dying” would not instill much morale.

They’d make it through this…everyone, if she had any say in the matter. Even their opponents, which would be the real trick…but if she could pull such a feat off, Trixie was sure she’d be an instant idol.

If she had to accomplish it with Kael over her shoulder, so be it.

Author's Note:

Huntards don't play fair and should die. Except Reuenthal...though I'm sure a certain Rogue feels differently.

Hope you enjoyed, and I hope to hear from you in the comments below!

PreviousChapters Next