Born to be (not so) Wild

by Stonetribe

Wrong for the wrong reason

Thanks to Pinkie Pie’s light hearted donut charade, Ash was able to join the other three ponies in a relatively guilt-free breakfast. Even Fluttershy, who was still a good deal weary of Ash, was feeling pretty relaxed about things. As the last donut was consumed, Cornelius stood up.

“Alright Ash, I’m going to go to the local hospital and apply for a part-time job. I’m not sure how long it will take, but afterwards I’m going to drop by the postal office to send for some of our personal belongings back home. So I want you to make a list of things you want by the time I get back, okay?” Cornelius explained.

“Really? We can do that? Alright then, cool,” Ash said, surprised.

Ash briefly went through her head on what things she might want. The first thing that came to her mind was probably going to cause the most controversy.

“Oh! Hey! Can I get my-” she began.

“I know what you’re going to say,” Cornelius cut in. “And the answer is yes, but ONLY, if you promise not to flash it around like last time.”

“Alright, but you have to admit, it was pretty boss,” Ash said.

“Whatcha talking about Ashy?” Pinkie Pie inquired.

“Oh nothing, I’ll show you when it gets here,” Ash replied.

“It, it’s not another gun… Is it?” Fluttershy quietly said, her sense of security that she had only just recently acquired around the black manned biker starting to fade.

“What? No, I mean well, it IS a weapon, but it was made for decoration purposes, right Neal?” Ash said.

‘Pshhh, if only she had that mindset back in high school. Almost got us both expelled doing that little stunt’ Cornelius thought.

He could recount the history behind this Celestia forsaken item to Ash’s two new friends, but decided against it. Fluttershy had been frightened by Ash’s antics enough as it is.

“Oh sure, that thing’s no more dangerous than a toothbrush. There isn't anything to worry about,” he assured Fluttershy.

That seemed to do the trick as the timid yellow pony visibly relaxed at the statement. Living with Ash has taught Cornelius how to effectively lie when he needed to, a skill he was both proud, and ashamed of at the same time.

“Anyways, I’ll be leaving now. Try not to cause anymore trouble than usual, okay Ash?” he said.

Ash let out a playful chuckle and said, “Okay, I’ll do my best”

Satisfied with her answer, Cornelius went back outside to find his hopefully soon-to-be work place. After he shut the door, Pinkie Pie turned to Ash.

“Hey Ash, can I ask you a question?” said Pinkie.

“Sure, go ahead,” Ash replied.

“Why does Cornelius act and talk to you like he’s your dad and you are a little filly? Are you two playing a never ending game of make believe? Because I tried that once and it didn't get very far,” she said.

“He what?” Ash paused for bit to process what the pink pony asked. “Oh. Yeah, I guess it does kind of sound like that doesn't it? Well see, you might not know it yet, but I have a tendency to impulsively do things without thinking them through.”

Ash gestured at Pinkie Pie’s injured leg and gave a guilty grin.

“I suppose you’re a living testament to that fact. So I guess that because me and him have spent most of our lives together, it’s probably become something of a habit for him to try and keep me out of trouble.”

“Oh I get it, kind of like how Fluttershy here is super shy of everything, so I have to come and drag her along so that she can have some fun once in a while,” Pinkie reasoned.

Fluttershy had the slightest look of annoyance on her face, so small, you would need a microscope to notice it.

“I wouldn't say I’m too shy to have fun,” she said softly.

“Uh, yeah. Sure,” Ash said, “So do you guys have anything planed for today? Other than that list, which I probably would have made at the last second anyways, I don’t have anything else to do.”

“We sure do!” answered the party-throwing pony.

“You see, today is Fluttershy and Rarity’s weekly spa day. Normally just the two of them go, but Fluttershy felt bad about me being shot in the leg so she decided to invite me along for the day. You can come too if you’d like, right Fluttershy?”

She turned her head back to Fluttershy. With all eyes on her, Fluttershy’s voice went softer than usual.

“Well, if you want to, it’s um, its okay with me.”

“Great! What do ya say Ashy?” Pinkie replied.

Ash wasn't so sure about this one. She was never into cosmetics or make up as a filly, and that had never changed in her life.

“I don’t know, what do you usually do at the spa Flutters?” Ash asked.

“Oh, well, me and Rarity usually start off with a mud mask treatment and a hooficure and then we end with a relaxing message and sit a spell in the steam room,” Fluttershy explained.

“Oh, hell yeah. I was worried that the whole thing would be an elaborate make over, but I’m definitely down for a massage and hot tub,” Ash said.

“Great! Let’s get going then,” Pinkie said as she bounced out of the room with two ponies in tow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So this is Ponyville General. It’s a bit bigger than I imagined?”

Aside from asking a local once to send him in the right direction, finding the place was easy enough with the red cross perched atop the building and placed out front on a sign to the side of the building. He walked through the doors into the waiting lobby and front desk. The buildings interior smelled of sanitation and disinfectant agents, as expected of a hospital. Cornelius had always been aligned with hygiene, so he welcomed this odor.

‘I belong in a place like this,’ he thought.

As he was taking in the atmosphere the receptionist spoke.

“Hello there, welcome to Ponyville General Hospital. Can I help you today?”

Cornelius brought his attention back to the front desk.

“Oh hello, my name is Cornelius. I’m new here in Ponyville and I was hoping I could apply for a job here. Would you happen to have an application I could fill out?”

“You’re looking for work?” She inquired. “Excellent! I can take you in for an interview right now if you’d like.”

Cornelius was surprised at this. “Really?” He asked.

“Sure,” she said. “We actually don’t have many ponies with medical training here in Ponyville, so we’ll take all the help we can get.”

“Oh, that’s rather convenient,” he said.

“Very much so, yes. Let me introduce myself, my name is Nurse Redheart,” she said.

The receptionist stood up from her stool and stretched a little. She looked to the hallway behind her.

“Tenderheart, would you watch the front desk for me? This stallion is looking applying for a job so I’ll be interviewing him.”

“Sure thing, Reddy,” another pony said as she walked up and took the receptionist’s place.

“Excellent,” she said. “Right this way, sir.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

True to Pinkie’s word, Ash accompanied her, Fluttershy, and Rarity to the spa.

“Wait wait wait, hold up,” Ash said. “You mean to tell me that not only had you managed to control Cerberus, the giant three headed canine guardian of the gates of Tartarus, but you got him on his back and gave it a tummy rub? That’s crazier than half of the things I've done. And quite frankly, most of the ponies I meet genuinely think I belong in an asylum!”

The four mares laughed as they relaxed in the sauna.

“It’s true, dearie,” Rarity said. “When it comes to animals, Fluttershy here simply can’t be beat.”

“She sure can’t!” Pinkie exclaimed. “That’s why she’s in charge of our weekly pet play dates. Isn't that right Fluttershy?”

The timid yellow hid her eyes behind her single bang at the sudden praise. “Oh well, you know…” she whispered.

“Weekly pet play dates? What are those like?” Ash asked.

“Oh, it’s simply wonderful!” Fluttershy said. Since animals are her comfort zone, her increase in volume, albeit not much, wasn't much of a surprise to Rarity and Pinkie Pie.

“Usually having them all together playing in one place is more than enough, but I like to organize activities for them once in a while. Oh, they all have so much fun,” she gushed.

“It’s usually just the six of us, but we've been trying to convince other ponies in Ponyville to join us and make it an unofficial official thing! If you and Cornelius ever get a pet you’re more than welcome to come!” Pinkie added.

“Funny you should mention that. Me and Neal did talk a little about getting a pet before coming here, but I’m not sure if we could find something we’d both be entirely happy with,” Ash said.

“Then you should talk to Fluttershy, she’s the best pet match maker in all of Equestria!”

At first, Ash giggled at Pinkie’s enthusiasm. After a moment of silence however, she was struck with an idea.

“Say Fluttershy, tell me. What do you know about Mountain Lions?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well Cornelius, you certainly seem more then qualified to work at a hospital. Tell me, what prior experience do you have working in medical professions?”

Nurse Redheart led the still somewhat taken aback Cornelius into a conference room. The two sat down and after a bit of small talk and examining his resume, she began the interview.

“None, really,” he said, “I’m a bounty hunter you see, so I apply most of my knowledge tending to the wounds of my colleague and the outlaws we capture.”

“A, a bounty hunter?” she said, a curious expression on her face.

Cornelius’s eyes widened in realization.

‘Oh no, I should have known this was going way too smoothly,’ he thought. ‘I’m going to have to choose the rest of my words carefully.’

“Can you tell me a bit about that?” she asked.

‘Very carefully,’ he thought.

“R-rest assured, it’s nothing to worry about. We’re registered and everything. I don’t even do any of the fighting, that’s my partner’s job. Y-you know, hypocritical oath and all,” he explained.

“Fighting? This sounds like awfully dangerous work,” Redheart said.

‘Oh Celestia this is going down hill fast,’ he thought.

“Well, yes. I mean being fugitives of the law, the ponies we capture aren't very willing to go to jail. Much of my medical experience comes from treating bullet wounds.”

“Bullet wounds? You mean to say that you've been shot before?” Redheart said. She was utterly fascinated at this point.

“Err, well yes but, uh… N-not to say that bullet wounds are all I can treat! I mean, I...”

Cornelius was beginning to panic now. He had to try and steer the conversation in a different direction and away from his career as a bounty hunter. Meanwhile, Nurse Redheart’s mind was equally occupied. Life in Ponyville was so quiet and relaxed. However, this stallion’s life seemed to be anything but. Living on the road and capturing criminals sounded so brash, so difficult, so… Exciting…

She was brought back to reality from her imaginative trance when Cornelius spoke.

“Perhaps we should change the subject. I’m sure you have a few questions regarding my medical education from the University of Baltimare,” he said.

“Huh?” She muttered. “Oh, um no no, I've heard enough. Yes Cornelius, we’d be glad to hire you.”

“Wha- Really? I mean, thank you but, that was awfully short for an interview,” he said.

“Yeah, sure. It’s, uh, like I said it’s a tad hard to come by ponies with medical training around here so we’re not too picky when it comes to hiring,” she nodded her head, “Yeah that’s it.”

“Well, if you say so,” he said, perhaps just a tad reluctantly.

“Excellent! Now if you’ll just follow me to Dr. Stable’s office, he can get you set up with the paper work,” she said as she stood up.

Cornelius followed suit, but as he stood up and faced the door again he saw something he hadn’t expected. Out in the hallway were three ponies, all of them mares, including Nurse Tenderheart who was supposedly supposed to be at the front desk. They all wore the same intrigued expressions that Redheart had when asking him about his bounty hunting career. As Redheart lead him out of the room and back into the hallway, the gathered mares donned sheepish expressions as they disbanded.

‘Wait a minute…’ he thought. ‘I think I’m missing something’
But before he could gather his thoughts, he and Redheart had entered an office occupied by a unicorn pony with autumn fur and brown hair. He wore a lab coat and head mirror. He looked up from the papers he was examining and spoke.

“Ah there you are Redheart. How did the interview go? Will we be hiring Cornelius today?” he said.

“Yes sir, he just needs to fill out the forms and he’ll be able to start as soon as next week,” Redheart replied.

“Very good then, that’ll be all thank you,” he said.

Nurse Redheart nodded and after taking one last glance at Cornelius, left the room. Dr. Stable motioned for him to sit down.

“So,” he said. “You’re the new employee I've been hearing about. I must say, the rest of the staff seems to have taken a liking to you rather quickly hmm?” He gave a knowing grin.

‘What is he talking abou- oh. Oh! Oh no’ He thought.

“No, uh, I’m already in a relationship I’m afraid. I’m just here for the job thank you,” Cornelius said.

“Is that so? Well I hope she’s not the jealous type, because I happen to know that every one of them are single,” Dr. Stable said.

‘Oh dear no, that’s even worse. Ash couldn't be any more of a jealous type,’ he thought.

Dr. Stable went on, “Yes, if I was younger then I am now, tending to patients wouldn't be the only thing I do here.”

Cornelius cleared his throat. “If I could just fill out my papers and leave that would be great.”

“In a hurry are you? I didn't know you had already managed to pencil in a date or two. You must quite the mare’s stallion,” Dr. Stable raised his eyebrows as he said this.

“Please, don’t,” was all Cornelius could say at this point.

He quickly signed his signature on the provided papers and hastily exited the building, but not without receiving a few curious looks from his soon to be co-workers. He began talking to himself on his way home.

‘Well, I certainly wasn't expecting things to happen like that. I figured the residents here in Ponyville to lean away from the whole bounty hunter scenario, not actually be attracted to it. I have enough trouble keeping Ash from going medieval on mares that she thought were looking at me the wrong way, much less openly flirting. Well, as long as I make it clear that I’m not available, I’m sure they’ll respect that and leave it be. Regardless, I should probably do what I can to keep Ash away from the hospital.’

He stopped and shook his head.

“Phhft, look at me, acting like I’m some singer in a boy band with dozens of mares lining up to meet me. I’m sure it will be fine,” he said aloud. He was standing just in front of his new house now.

“Speaking of which, I wonder if Ash made her list yet. Knowing her, she probably just started,” he let out a fond sigh.

“Oh Ash, what am I going to do with you?”

He trotted up the porch stairs and opened the door.

“Hey Ash, guess who just got a job at the hosp-”

Cornelius froze in mid sentence at what he saw. Rarity had a sheet of instructions held with her magic while Pinkie Pie was building, something, with various construction tools and pieces of lumber splayed out across the floor. Meanwhile, Fluttershy and Ash were laying on the ground, the former pointing out things to the latter in a few open books. None of this is what made Cornelius at a loss for words though. No, the thing that made him stand still in stock was the thing lying right next to Ash: a tawny colored feline, roughly as big, or quite possibly bigger, than an average pony. As attention was brought to him when he opened the door, Ash was the first to speak.

“Hey Neal, what’s up?” she said casually.

But Cornelius didn't reply. Instead, he stepped back, closed the door, and waited a whole thirty seconds before re-opening it only to witness the same scene.

“So how did the job thing go?” Pinkie Pie asked.

Cornelius ignored her. “Ash…” he said. “What is that?”

“Oh this? This is a book. Pfft, and you call yourself the smart one,” Ash said. She didn't show it, but she was having fun with this moment. Way too much fun in fact.

Cornelius had bear witness to Ash’s antics so many times before, he couldn't tell if he was about to flip out or not, and instinctively kept his (usually) calm voice when stuff like this happened.

“Oh, you’re referring to this little girl here aren't you?” Ash petted the feline as she said this.

“Yes, yes I am.”

“Okay. Well, remember when we were talking about getting a pet when we moved here in Ponyville?”

“Regrettably, yes.”

“And remember how I suggested a mountain lion, but you wouldn’t take the idea seriously?”

“Y-yes”

“Great!” Ash clapped her hooves together. “Then we’re all caught up. So what do you want to name her?”

“Now hold on a minute. How in Equestria did you manage to convince a fully grown predator to just follow you into our new house?”

“That part wasn't me, we can thank Fluttershy for that. The mare’s a freaking miracle worker with animals!”

Being the animal lover she is, Fluttershy felt compelled to support this.

“I can see you’re not entirely sure about this Cornelius, but I can assure you that keeping mountain lions as companions isn’t that much different than regular domesticated cats,” Fluttershy said.

“Is that so?” he said, still not entirely sold on the idea.

“Fluttershy even lent us some books about mountain lions and keeping them as pets,” Ash said.

“Wait, they actually have books on the subject?” he said.

“I know, I didn't believe it either until she showed me,” Ash picked on up and brought it to Cornelius for him to see.

He levitated the book to his face and read the title aloud, “Big Cats as Pets.”

“Okay, so what are you two doing over there?” he said as he motioned over to Pinkie Pie and Rarity.

“Easy!” Pinkie said. “We’re making a jumbo sized litter box”

Rarity pitched in, “Normally, we’d just buy one but seeing as how this isn't an ordinary house cat the ones in stock at the pet store were all too small.”

Cornelius briefly stopped again to re-take in his surroundings before he spoke again.

“You really took out all the stops on this one didn't you?” he said.

“What can I say? I’m an ambitious mare,” Ash replied.

“And you’re really prepared to take responsibility for caring for a pet?” he added.

“Neal, I’m reading books for this. The only read books I've ever read are the textbooks in school, and that was mandatory. You know me well enough to know that says something,” she said.

Cornelius let out a deep, long sigh.

“Oh for the love of this earth and all who inhabit it I can’t believe I’m about to say this but…”

Ash’s eyes doubled in size.

“Ash, you can keep the Mountain Lion.”

“AWWW YEAHHH!” Ash shouted.

“Okay, okay, no need to shout now,” he said.

“By the way, Ash”

“Yeah Neal?”

“Did you make your list of things that you wanted sent to us from home yet?”

Ash had a blank look on her face now and after a moderate moment of not saying anything, spoke.

“Killjoy.”

Author's Note:

Sorry for the inexcusable lateness on this one guys. I started this chapter a while ago but hit a bit of a road block and only just recently finished it. If you have long since forgotten about this fan fiction and have moved on to better, more frequently updated stories, then you made the right choice. If you've been reading the story as a whole and had been waiting patiently for this chapter, you made the wrong choice, but I am humbled regardless.

Comments

[Stonetribe]

1929108Ha ha, not dead yet. It's nice to know that at least a small few people look forward to my story.

[Neon Icy Wings]

I smiled when I saw this update. This is one of my favorite fics just because I have yet to see anything like it done, it's hilarious and the characters are very interesting. I am glad it's back!

[Stonetribe]

1929416Thanks, I'm very glad you like it.

[-Brutus]

I'm very happy that I gave you a push unknowingly haha. I can't wait til I see chapter five popping in sometimes soon!

[-Brutus]

I just gave this a another read, reminds me why I love this fanfic lol.

[-Brutus]

Psst. update anytime soon?

[Stonetribe]

2487662
I'd have to check with my proof reader. Sorry, I know things have been slow and how much you've been waiting.

[-Brutus]

2490486 Aww all right, I shalt wait more!

[-Brutus]

Update? o: