• Member Since 10th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen Jan 21st, 2019

SpunkyBrony


THE BIGGEST FAG EVER!

T
Source

Applejack has lost the one Pony that meant more than the world to her, Once the revelation arrives how will she handle the problems to come.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 8 )

I've only seen one mistake in this so far. For your first time it's pretty good. But that could be the grandmother in the hospital talking.

First Twilight seemed cold. No one in their right mind... never mind but still I don't think she would push her away. Two, I get your where your going but I place Zecora in the right minded group and you do not put the choice of suicide on the table when someone is grieving. She's already pulling at straws and agreeing at necromancy. And three, no one knows spells about necromancy for the sake of knowing them. And continuing that, if it's illegal how the Hell did she get a hold on the spells.

Still pretty good. If I hadn't already read about the five stages of grief, this would actually have some suspense. But something I would suggest is not posting all the chapters at once. I used to and still do treat the favorite button as a watch later button so it pays to leave them with something to look forward too.

Maybe have them all written out but only post one every Thursday or something. A bit of subtle manipulation, if they're your fans they'll be able to wait.

Hey, is this supposed to be humanized or anthro? If it's regular than they shouldn't have hands. The other stuff seemed simply like a lack of better terminology but she shouldn't be holding the poison in her hands if she's a pony.

You've got a few more mistakes. Also the dialogue did not sound right for the circumstances. At first I thought Luna should have been a bit more caring but some tough love could have been used.

But the yeah and nah made her sound indifferent not the sad depressed and scared that she was supposed to sound like. She's not going to say what the Hell to the princess after actively ignoring her. Plus she knows exactly what it was for. I'm also pretty sure something should be on fire in her room.

Why was she questioning whether or not big Mac missed her. How long was she out? Ask the things she did could have taken place in a single day, not enough time to set up an entire funeral especially with a family so large. I know summer wars seems to disagree but Japan is tiny compared to equestria.

I think you missed out with Applejack neglecting to talk to Big Mac. Also what was with the big Mac neglect. Not from her but from you? Using Luna seems a little unnecessary and a bit of a dues ex machina.
It would have been a lot more powerful from him. He was her grandson. Luna knew her for a single night.

A death affects everyone and is not something you want to tackle alone. You had her realize that she can still turn to her friends and family, why did she still go out, running out on big Mac to handle this alone anyway.

5490502 Sometime's I forget about the hands and hoofs thing.

5490758 Thanks for the feedback, I'll be sure to check over my stories a lot more often and determine the emotional output of them, Thank You. = )

5490932 no problem. Feedback is important and I always try to give some.

First off, Twilight you're a bitch, Second, Zecora, you're seriously suggesting that Apple Jack commits suicide?! WTF is wrong with these two?!?!?!!!!!???!?!?!?!!????

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