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It’s one misadventure after another for Pinkie Pie and Rarity as they hoof it home. They'll throw down with angry locals, empty stomachs, tourist traps and the largest confection this side of Equestria. It's not just a question of can make it home. Can they do it together?
Inspired by classic comedy duos, you'll find a bit of Laurel & Hardy, a smidgen of Abbott & Costello, a dose of Martin & Lewis and a well-timed dash of Hope & Crosby.
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Hmm... So far, this is pretty darn good! The little blurb at the top "Stranded somewhere out in the Equestrian frontier, yadda yadda yadda" isn't really necessary and just gives off a very awkward feel to the beginning of the story. I would recommend removing it. Grammatically, I see no errors (though perhaps I'm not the best authority on grammar). This, for all intensive purposes, is a very good start.
JUHE-SUS, THATS A LOT OF TEXT TO READ!!!! O.o
Good thing it's enjoyable!!!
Jesus thats long
It's alot, but worth it.
Nice story bra ruminations.com/site/images/users/AwesomeFace_icon.png
Amazing story, beautiful ending.
This was fantastic! The "TBBBBBBBT!" scene almost made me fall out of my chair. Great, great stuff.
Now i want to se a road to the multiverse with this 2
And also someone to sing this song
This was great, a nice expansion on the end of 'The Last Roundup' which now that I think about it dosen't seem beliveable (Pinkie Pie and Rarity just rode the handcar all the way back to Ponyvillie).
I smiled at the "Cherry Changas" ending. I didn't see any grammar errors on my end (Albeit, I didn't look that hard), the apology was very fluffy and cuddly, and I especially liked the song at the end. You rounded this out into a fine, well-written story. I honestly expected this to be kinda bad when I signed on, but I was pleasantly surprised when it turned into one of the best little stories I've read in a long while.
Super mega hugs to you, sir/madam!
582839 Glad to know you enjoyed it.
583675 I sound like a broken record, but thanks for giving it the once over, it really helped flesh out a lot of scenes. Thank you for reading and enjoying!
583843 Thank you more for writing it! If you ever need any more help, I'd love to read more of your work.
I loved the interaction between Pinkie, Rarity, Greasy Spoon, Waitress Pinkie and Chef Pinkie. That absolutely made my day.
The Greasy Spoon and tongue sticking out fight just made my day. XD
Favourited. Amazingly well written.
Honestly it reminded me of the sam and max game, which I know is based off a similar concept. Good job.
I've often felt we likely missed out on an interesting story about Rarity and Pinkie's trip back home after that episode, and this story tells the tale quite well.
However, there were some typos here and there, and a few spots with an extra or missing word, but pretty good in all. Hmm... I suppose that's useless if I don't tell you where they were. Well, the 4th paragraph, at least, recapping the episode, felt rather awkward in a way that dropped my expectations for the fic a little, to be honest. Fortunately, the story quickly recovered and was nicely entertaining.
And now for pointless minor grumbling over insignificant details! The couple small things that bugged me slightly... Did they just eat Greasy Spoon's food and run off without paying? And, if they could only afford a single train ticket at the start, how did they have enough money for two at the end, after buying a bunch of other stuff? Was that first train some kind of luxury model with gem-encrusted donuts? Oh, and then my attempt for the Pettiest Complaint of the Year Award: "info" doesn't seem, to me, like a word that Rarity would say.
Anyway, quite a few amusing moments throughout. I do wish we'd gotten to see Pinkie's Rainbow Dash impression, though.
619423 Glad to see you enjoyed it, thanks. I'm actually in the middle of editing the whole thing (grammar, word placement, awkwardness, etc), so any kind of criticism is most appreciated.
Those "insignificant details" are actually quite important. The plot points you mentioned, I originally had an explanation for each one but when I was actually writing they flew over my head and pretty much stayed that way.
Time for me to start hammering and polishing. Thanks again for reading and for your thoughts.
Blown away. Ruddy well blown away. I'll be in touch.
That was amazing!
It's definitely the best story on this site! Good job!!! 10 out of 10 stars.
742816 Well thank you very much for reading.
This would be an awesome episode!
Wow, this was really great. It's really long but I didn't have any trouble reading it. And that's coming from someone who has a very short attention span when it comes to the internet. I'm so glad I read this. Good job! No, GREAT job. I loved the characterization, and the detail, and the full plot, and...well, the scene at the Greasy Spoon was pretty entertaining.
Yes, there are random bits of errors and stuff, but they're really few. I'm sure you're already on that though, as it's already been pointed out.
this seriously could have been an episode of the show. Excellent characterization, dialog, and descriptions. Overall very well done.
Wow. If this isn't on EqD, it should be. Seriously, it's one of the best comedy fics I've ever read. Most of them, in my experience, tend to get too over-the-top for their own good, but you nailed this one. It's hilarious, but in a believable way that feels exactly like the show. It could be an episode, no question at all.
Rarity and Pinkie both work brilliantly here. Rarity's begging then insulting the conductor, Pinkie taking over the Greasy Spoon, the 'duel', the song at the end... sheer hilarity. And then the apology scene worked just as well: cute and comedically sappy, just like the show would handle it. Thumbs up.
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Those comments really made my day. Thanks for reading.
I love this. It would be awesome if someone could make it into a half-hour episode, it's that good. Keep up your good work!
That was so sweet. You really captured both Pinkie and Rarity, and also fulfilled an interesting point left open by the episode. Guess this is going into my headcanon. The characterization and comedic timing were great, and I specially the little aside at the restaurant.
Also, the world really needs more Pinkie / Rarity fics. Can't say I really remember any from the top of my head focusing on just both, and they do make a good comedic duo.
This was a very enjoyable reading. It's true what they say up there: this could perfectly be an actual episode of the show.
And that song at the end is a gem.
I love it.
Heehee, forgot to fav this!
Heh, when I saw the warning about the "rolling path of destruction", I expected it to turn into Chekov's Gumdrop.
I really enjoyed this one. I always did wonder what happened to Pinkie and Rarity after they were left behind. I've seen a couple takes on it before, but I really like how yours turned out. I actually sang their version of the song to myself, and it really fits. You did an awesome job! =)
What I would like to know, however, not specifically in your fic but in ones like these in general, is how Twilight, Fluttershy, Rainbow, and Applejack must have reacted when they realized they left two of their best friends in the freaking desert. XD
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Thanks for reading and for the kind words. The song did take some time, and a lot of singing to myself, to get it right.
As for Twi and the rest of the group, I can only imagine they didn't realize anything until they set foot back in Ponyville.
Twilight?
T-Twi-?
Second time i've read this, the first time must have been over 2 years ago. Still love it.Hands down my favourite fic of all time.
Though it started slow, past the mid-way point you nailed it.
Hehe, this thing earns a place in my heart for many reasons, including dat song!
One of the best written fanfics I've seen, and I've seen a lot.
It's unfortunately rare to see a story on the internet with perfectly in character characters, a perfectly long plot, correct pacing, and overall. of good writing quality.
Definitely one of my favourite MLP fanfics I've seen on the internet. I could almost see this being in the show!
"“Do they have anything here that isn’t drowning in grease?” she said, her eyes widening at the growing number of artery clogging items."
Hang on, I'll go ask the chef.
Kudos if you got the reference.
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From here to there and back again we’ve had us quite a time. I’ll say it’s been surreal.
yay LOTR ref. Very cute, and amusing, story. Instant fave!
Scratch the end of what I said last time; this SHOULD be an episode. I imagined the shows style as well as Andrea Libman and Tabitha's voice acting here. It feels entirely like the show, and I mean the GOOD episodes of the show.
5688267 I know this is an old comment, but:
So, that would be every episode then.
6338677 Ehh I don't just 'accept' every episode is good....the show has a surprisingly diverse quality of writing. It's reeeally inconsistent. It usually depends on the writer for each episode, but even good writers have duds sometime
There's a difference between enjoyment and quality. I differentiate between the two.
Yeah most of the episodes are at least good, and some are outstanding, but there are some that are pretty bad, and a few that are actually terrible.
Trust me, I'd like to say every episode is great, but well....it'd be impossible for over 100 episodes to all be good. Nothing's perfect, including this show.
6339716 Fair enough.
I consider every episode, except for one which I consider to be just okay, to be good because I'm interested in what the characters go through.
Out of curiosity, though, what are some of the episodes that you consider bad?
6339807 Well, in terms of writing quality, Rainbow Falls from season 4 is probably the worst due to flanderization, out of character behavior, aaaand....surprisingly, almost every writing problem possible.
I dislike Putting Your Hoof Down more though, because of what it does to the characters, and how it makes no logical sense from an in universe standpoint as to how anything happens.
Aaaand, Dragon Quest kinda does some really terrible world building.
The one that attacks me the most personally is One Bad Apple, which treats the problem of bullying so inaccurately that for anyone who suffered from it can get very offended, including me.
I could go on and on, me being a writing critic and all, but instead I'd like to talk about the amazing episodes, like Hurricane Fluttershy!
6339822 I figured Rainbow Falls would be one of those.
That actually used to be my favorite Rainbow Dash episode until Tanks for the Memories came along.
And I've come up with ways to explain why what happens in the episode actually makes sense.
Putting Your Hoof Down: While I understand the hate that the episode gets, and it IS my fifth least favorite episode of season 2, I personally still like it. Mainly because it felt kind of cathartic to see Fluttershy become more aggressive, at least for a bit.
I recommend watching the review Josh Scorcher did with Mr. Enter on that episode.
Dragon Quest is my least favorite season 2 episode, but that's mainly due to the mean-spirited tone, which didn't feel right. There are times where the show can do mean-spiritedness well, like with Mysterious Mare Do-Well, but not in this case.
I actually didn't mind the portrayal of bullying in One Bad Apple. What drags the episode for me is, again, the tone.
Hurricane Fluttershy, while it used to be my favorite Fluttershy episode until Filli Vanilli came along, is not even in my top 5 season 2 episodes. In fact, it just barely makes my top ten at number 9.
To put this in perspective, Mysterious Mare Do Well is my second least favorite Rainbow Dash episode, but is my 6th favorite season 2 episode.
6339861 I don't set placements for every single episode of the show.
Honestly, I don't care much for the show nowadays. I just like the characters. Many fanfictions are actually written better than the majority of the episodes in the show (case in point, the one we're commenting on right now).
Wait, JoshScorcher collabed with MR. Enter for his rereview of that episode? I didn't even know he finally uploaded the rereview, let alone did a collab with that guy! I like both of them (but haven't been following them for a while due to being interested in other stuff).
Mr. Enter was my base for opinions, but I've learned to develop my own opinions on things now.
Still, I don't see how anything can be said against Mr. Enter's review of Rainbow Falls.
But I don't really feel like debating writing quality...it's not fun and I've moved past that part of my life.
6339884 Neither do I. I just do small lists of episodes that have similar qualities when I get bored.
That's actually the opposite reaction I had. I started off kind of into it, but just in the sense that I'd watch the episodes. But over the course of the close to three years I've been in the fandom, I went from being merely a casual fan of the show itself to a regular watcher of many analysts and commentators, as well as wanting a lot of the merchandise.
As for the fanfiction thing, I personally disagree, but that's mainly because there's something in the show that keeps me coming back to it on a regular basis, whereas with fanfictions, I tend to get into them for a few weeks, then I get bored, then a few months later I get into them again.
I'd say they're more on par with the show itself most of the time.
And yes he did. It's actually been up for a few weeks now. Here:
And, I have a similar situation regarding Mr. Enter. Except, his reviews of various episodes actually helped me focus how I felt. More often than not, the episodes that he thinks are the weaker ones are some of my personal favorites.
For my defenses of Rainbow Falls, look through the comments on this commentary of the episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXzt-Nsuoic
My comment will be the one that starts with "Before I watch this".
Lastly, I guess it's up to personal taste, but I love it when I debate the quality of certain episodes with others. I don't know what it is about that, but it's true.
6339932 Alright thanks.
I'll watch it later when I'm in the mood for something like that.
In the meantime, I think we should stop spamming this story with unrelated comments XD
6339936 You're welcome.
And, all right.
You did a wonderful job with this story, and I can TOTALLY see this as a sequel episode.
Props to you, man!
You know, you probably could've added a dozen sponge bob references into this chapter.