- Member Since 22nd Dec, 2012
- offline last seen Jul 28th, 2015
The Keybrony Master
Epic gamer, funny, loves eating, sleeping, making people laugh, Lots of fun, music enthusiast, editor, adviser, etc. I hope you enjoy what little I have to offer...
Stats
Page generated in 0.142 seconds
Total duration
817 users online
502,313 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
It's well written and detailed, if a bit lacking in character interaction/dialogue. I like it. Hope the creative process for this type of work becomes less awkward for you eventually. Keep it up!
Wow. This was erotic. I liked it. Now, Celestia needs to get laid.
Hmm...from what I can tell it seems to be human lover with Luna still as a alicorn please correct me If I'm wrong.
Now the plot is in reality good especially considering how awkward you said it was for you to write this. Now the characters are speaking normally and acting normally within reason however there were a few moments where the interaction seemed more awkward then anything else. Finally the sex honestly I can understand it being awkward so I will be easy on you. You did one thing right actually you transaction to it flow into it making the sex nothing but emotion very good on that part. However it seemed to be nothing more then just casual sex not a pent up feeling like the story says it is overall I shall give you a 5.8/10.
Overall all I can say if you want to write clop I would try to either make it not that awkward for you or write story's without it because your not a bad writer and could possibly be the next Vinyl_Wubs
Truth be told, I become suspicious of sex stories in which the dialogue isn't awkward. This came off well.
It's good, great clop. However, take care with hoovee/hands use. I was confused if it was a antro/antro, antro/pony or pony/pony Fic.
Started out really well, but then it went far too fast.
If you feel "forced" to write clop, don't do it.
And watch for the hooves/hands like intervir said.
7/10
2nd person writing screams "I just re-formated a text roleplay" and called it a story.
For recomendations, perhaps more storyline first. Instead of starting in the middle and then backtracking to explain, start the beginning of a story at the beginning.
Fucking Hell!!!
A little damp spot? That perverted little bitch!