Cold Feet
Somehow, the topic of cheering Fluttershy up had turned into a game of cards, followed by a game of belching.
Crackle and Hotshot had come around, and while they both had an impressive range and heat, Fluttershy had a singer’s lungs. She took a long draught of rainbow juice, let it stir in her stomach for a while, then took a deep breath and let one rip! The resulting stream of fire lasted a full minute, and singed the roof of the cave.
“My turn!” Pinkie Pie took a draught of rainbow, and her face cycled through various colors before finally belching a small lick of fire. “Waauugh, that was so spicy!” Pinkie Pie moaned.
“It’s an acquired taste.” Fluttershy grinned bashfully.
Rainbow Dash looked disdainfully at the jar in the middle of the table. “Rainbow actually has negative wing nutrients. It’s toxic to Pegasuses. I can’t believe you’re actually drinking the stuff! I can’t believe you’ve been drinking this stuff since you were a baby! How can you even fly at all!?”
“I had a good teacher.” Fluttershy grinned.
Rainbow Dash nodded. “That’s right, the best.” She beamed.
“Can I try some?” Spike asked.
“Oh no.” Twilight shook her head. “It’s way too spicy for you.”
“Okay, I understand.” Spike nodded somberly. Then he grabbed the jug and took a shot anyway.
“Way to go little buddy!” Hotshot crowed.
“Ooh, you said he’s a pony right?” Crackle asked. She shook her head. “He’s going to feel that.”
Spike did seem to feel that. His face went through less ranges of color than Pinkie Pie, but that was probably because he had scales. And then he unleashed a fireball that made Fluttershy’s shot look like chilly autumn morning.
The entire room was covered in black soot, including its occupants. Spike was rolling around the ground, holding his stomach and moaning in pain.
Twilight glared at Rainbow Dash. The narrowed eyes were all the expression to be made out from the soot covered face. “I blame you for this.”
“Me?” Rainbow Dash asked. “What did I do?” Then she leaned down to the dragon. “Hey, props little guy. That was awesome!”
“Radical!” Hotshot added.
“Bodacious!” Crackle supplied.
“That was the biggest fireball I’ve ever seen!” Vulcas shook the soot off of him. “I’d give it a nine.”
“Like you’d give Rarity a nine?” Pinkie Pie winked at Vulcas.
Hotshot blushed. “Dude, you said you wanted Cute Monster Girl magazines for researching your sister’s culture.”
“I think we agreed not to mention this topic ever again!” Vulcas and Rarity glared at their respective friends.
Applejack kept her hat covering her face for the entire conversation. “Full house.” She laid her cards down.
Everybody looked at the fire blackened cards. “How can you tell?”
Hotshot immediately put his cards down, in the same state as Applejack’s. “Royal Flush!”
“I had a Royal Flush!” Crackle said angrily.
“Look Crackle, a muffin!”
“Where!?”
While she was distracted, Hotshot took the cards out of her hand and tossed them away. "Must've been my imagination. Anyway, I had the Royal Flush!"
There was a knock at the doorway. Lady Babbage entered the room. “I’m sorry to interrupt. But Tarzan is here for his pre-bridal meeting with Fluttershy.”
“Can I beat him up?” Vulcas asked.
“I doubt that would go over well, so no.” Fluttershy’s mother tucked her under a wing. “They’ve requested the other ponies keep a respectable distance as well.”
The six of them exchanged looks.
“We’ll be just around the corner the entire time.” Twilight said, and the others nodded in agreement.
Rarity began to fuss over Fluttershy’s hair. “Now, Fluttershy, remember, you can always say ‘no’ any time.”
Fluttershy nodded.
“If he won’t take no for an answer, then we will have words with him. Trust us, this ‘Tarzan’ character will regret messing with one of the Elements of Harmony.”
Fluttershy nodded.
“Now go out there, and see if he has better manners than a certain pony prince.”
Fluttershy squeaked, and was pushed out to the cave’s foyer.
Crackle and Hotshot whispered good lucks, and Lady Babbage and Vulcas accompanied her. The others alternated poking their heads out from behind a curtain.
Lord Krastos escorted his ‘son’ in through the entrance. “Lady Babbage, how delightful – ”
“Get out!” Lady Babbage snapped.
Lord Krastos looked hurt. “Are we not Mirror-matches? Have I not left you alone in this period of mourning?”
“Not even on your best day have you been welcome in my home. Out Lord Krastos!”
The Lord smirked. “You should thank me. Lord Smooze wanted Fluttershy to marry his own son, and I know how she objects to Garble.”
“Knights.” Lady Babbage ordered.
“They are loyal only to Smaug.” Lord Krastos said.
“And charged with protecting the innocent. Smaug wanted Fluttershy to meet Tarzan, not you. They would not be neglecting their duties if I ordered them to have you thrown out.”
Lord Krastos admitted defeat, and left with a bow.
Tarzan strutted towards Fluttershy undeterred, and began the smooth motions of the mating dance. Well, as smooth as they could be when danced by a pony.
“Um… hello, I’m Fluttershy.”
“I know.” Tarzan said, continuing the dance. “And you already know my name of course. We were destined to be together.”
“Um… no…” Fluttershy was annoyed. “I know your name because Smaug told me.”
“Destiny!” Tarzan repeated. “You were destined to be my queen, just as I was destined to be the strongest dragon of them all!”
Fluttershy frowned. This wasn’t going like she was expected. She didn't know what she expected, but it wasn't this. “I don’t want to be queen. Maybe we should get to know each other first before -”
“If you didn’t want to be queen, then why are you so attracted to me – the future king?” Tarzan plucked a rose from out of nowhere and put it between his teeth with a sly grin. He seemed to not notice the matching scowls on the faces of Fluttershy’s family.
“I’m not.”
“Come on, let’s go outside for a walk.”
“The Knights won’t let me outside.”
“They will if you’re with me.”
“No.”
“Playing hard to get?”
“Very, very, very hard to get.”
“Then it’s your good fortune that I am very, very, very hard.”
Vulcas suddenly grew a mischievous smirk. “Hey Mr. Hard, guess what? She can’t be your queen, because she has a Pack Leader.”
Tarzan’s eyes widened. “What!?” He stomped his hoofes on the ground. “Unacceptable! Fear not Lady Fluttershy, I will destroy pretender who dares to be your superior, and by extension mine! FOR I AM TARZAN THE MIGHTY!!!!!”
~0o0~
Lord Krastos waited outside with the Knights, playing a game of cards to pass the time. As he waited, he heard a muffled boom, and Tarzan came flying out of the cave’s entrance, singed black.
“What did we learn?” He asked, without looking up.
Tarzan coughed. “Magic is strong?”
“Magic and mind Tarzan.” Lord Krastos blew a healing spell towards Tarzan. “Magic and mind. The two strongest forces in the universe. Try using your strength more carefully, and fighting Vulcas instead of –”
“No!” Tarzan got up. “Second round Twilight! YEEEEAAAAHHH!!!”
He rushed back into the cave, and Lord Krastos sighed, as he heard a second muffled boom. "Of all the ponies in the world, I chose the one who is clinically brain-dead." He muttered.
~0o0~
“Squack! Twilight, I challenge you to-AAARGH MY FACE! Whistle!”
Lady Babbage gently stroked Fluttershy as she cried into her tail. They all sat in Lady Babbage’s aviary, trying to decided what to do, Pinkie Pie trying not to giggle at her new friend the parrot. Thankfully, Fluttershy had gotten most of her crying done last night, and only had a few tears to spare for this new development.
“I am sorry to say, that I cannot stop this myself without causing a diplomatic incident.” Princess Celestia said. “And by Diplomatic Incident, I mean scaring the dragons into believing that ponies are monsters for another few centuries. I can and will do so for Fluttershy, but I’d like to wait see if we couldn’t exhaust other options first.”
“This is the most unromantic marriage ever!” Rarity cried. “I have half a mind to stop working on Fluttershy’s wedding dress!”
Fluttershy lifted her head. “Oh no, you don’t have to.” She dried her eyes. “None of you have to do anything. I knew this day might come. I wouldn’t want you to start a war, or not finish a dress, because of this.”
The ponies stared at her. “Are you crazy!?” Rainbow Dash yelled.
“Ain’t no way we’re gonna abandon our friend to a life o’ misery sugarcube.” Applejack said.
“Indeed.” Rarity said. “Even if your wedding dress will be so fabulous ponies with heart conditions can’t look directly at it, it would be the ugliest thing I ever designed if you wore it when you were sad.”
“We’ll figure out some way to help you.” Twilight said.
“Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye!” Pinkie Pie swore.
“Thank you all.” Fluttershy blushed, and tears welled up in her eyes. “You’re all… such good friends.”
“Squack! Give this message to Fluttershy! Whistle!”
All eyes turned to the parrot. “That was Stockholm’s voice.” Lady Babbage said. “Ferdinand, what do you have to say?”
The parrot spoke up again. “Squack! If you tell anydragon besides Fluttershy, no more parrot treats! Whistle.”
“It’s all right if you tell my friends.” Fluttershy said.
“Ever! Squack!”
Fluttershy pulled out a blanket, and put it over Ferdinand. “Alright, everyone’s gone now. Tell me what my dad told you.”
The parrot paused for a while, deciding whether or not to trust Fluttershy with his parrot treats for the rest of his life. The answer was obvious. “Squack! I’m not dead! Tell her I’m not dead! Squack!”
Fluttershy gasped with delight, and her mother hugged her with her tail. Tears formed in both of their eyes, but they were tears of joy this time. “Where is he?”
“Follow Ferdinand!” The parrot squacked. “I’m hiding, follow Ferdinand! Whistle!”
“But how would dad have gotten away?” Vulcas asked. “The Knights In Smaug’s Service witness every challenge put to Smaug. They’d have to have found dad’s body… right?”
“Dad’s really smart!” Fluttershy cried. “He must have found a way!”
“Your choice is clear Fluttershy.” Princess Celestia said. “Do you want to look for your father? Or would you prefer that I start another… war…” She looked around, confused, as Fluttershy seemed to have disappeared.
She rushed back into the room seconds later with her saddlebags. “Um… I’m packed… are you girls coming?”
“Of course we are!” Rainbow Dash yelled, and with a rainbow colored blur, her own saddlebags were on.
“We need a plan to get past the knights.” Twilight said.
“Um… I think I have one.” Spike raised his hand.
“Awesome!” Rainbow Dash cheered.
“Spike, you’re going to stay here with Celestia.”
“What?” Spike frowned. “But I want to go with you!”
“Yeah, Spike can come if he wants.” Rainbow Dash agreed.
Twilight shook her head. “Spike’s only a baby, he can’t come.”
Rainbow Dash shot her an incredulous look. “He’s a foal that can take baths in lava! He’s coming!”
“Don’t you care about seeing him getting hurt?” Twilight stomped a hoof on the ground.
“He’ll be hurt if you tell him what to do all the time!” Dash snorted.
“I’m providing a structured life, full of physical, mental, and social improvement.” Twilight argued, magically conjuring a graph and a check list. “Which includes not leading him into dangerous situations.”
Dash rolled her eyes. “That’s boring. He has my awesome blood in his veins, he’ll thrive in dangerous situations!”
Now it was Twilight’s turn to look incredulous. “He gets tummy aches from eating too much ice cream!”
Dash shrugged. “I get hurt from boring stuff too. But let him get kidnapped by buffalo, and suddenly he turns into a crazy heroic dimplomathingy!”
Twilight growled, and pressed her forehead against Rainbow Dash’s. “Diplomat, and that was just once!”
“Because you never let him do anything else awesome!” Rainbow dash glared into Twilight’s eyes.
“I let him be the narrator for the Haerth’s Warming Eve festival!”
“And it was awesome! Now let him come with us on an adventure into the Darklands so he can be more awesome!”
“Spike isn’t you Rainbow Dash!”
That made Rainbow Dash pause, and for a moment a horrified look crossed her face. Then she made her face smile again. “I know he’s not. He’s better.”
Spike frowned. “You know… I can do magic. I can follow you with a teleportation spell whether you want me to come or not.”
“See?” Rainbow Dash grinned. “That’s my boy!”
Spike sighed. Having Rainbow Dash as a ‘daddy’ was still a little awkward. But he had to admit, as he watched Twilight’s faced roll form confusion, to begrudging acceptance, that it had its perks.
"I'm coming too." Vulcas said.
"No." Princess Celestia said. "I do not want to play my hand until the last possible moment, and if you go with them, it will be less believable that they ran off on their own disobeying my orders, and more feasible that we a starting a minor rebellion. Besides, the six of them work best when they don't have any distractions."
"We're starting a rebellion!?" Pinkie Pie clapped her hoofs. "We should totally have a rebl party when we get back! I mean, Dashies' a full time rebel, so it's old news for her, but there's being a rebel, and there's being in a rebellion. Hey, I heard rebels get to eat lots of cake right? During the old French revolution, you told the rebels 'Let them eat cake'! And then you made cake fall out of the sky for them! Can you do that again?"
"I'm not particularly overconfident." Vulcas growled.
~0o0~
Spike’s plan was simple. Lady Babbage’s family was under an impromptu house arrest. So, Fluttershy would trick Tarzan into taking her on the ‘walk’ he mentioned, followed out of the cave by her friends hidden underneath a replica of Rarity’s dragon disguise, pretending to be Crackle. When they got far enough away, they would knock him out and follow the parrot.
This was the plan in theory.
In practice, the plan went something like this:
“Ow! Stupid parrot, why did you have to blow our cover!?”
“Squack! We’ll sneak up behind him, knock him out, and make our escape! Whistle!”
“They’re still following us!”
“The camouflage isn’t working? Why isn’t the camouflage working?”
“Because it’s on fire Twilight!”
“AAAARGH!!!”
“Hey look! One of them’s making funny faces at us!”
FWOOOOOSH!!!
“Oh, he wants a breath mint!”
“I hate the smell of dragon fire in the evening!”
“Well, let’s look on the bright side.”
“Rarity, what bright side could there possibly be!?”
“Well, the camouflage clashed with my mane. Now we don’t have to wear it anymore!”
“If these dragons catch us, you won’t have any hair left for it ta clash with!”
“Gasp!”
Crash! Clash! Whapow! Clang!
“Look out, that Pony has my Halberd!”
Slice! Dice! Cross Stitch! French Haute Couture!
“That Onomatopoeia shouldn’t even exist!”
Bludgeon! Thump! Parry! Crash-crash-crash-crash-crash-crash-crash!!!
“Pant, pant, pant…”
…
...
“What? They were going to ruin my mane.”
“… Rarity, where did you learn to fight like that?”
“That was super-duper Rarity! You were all like… Ho! Ha ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!”
“Well, a lady must know how to protect herself from dangerous ruffians, yes?”
“Squack! Remind me never to disagree with you! Whistle!”
“Where’s Fluttershy?”
“I’m here! Sorry, but you took off really fast, and it was really hard to knock out Tarzan.”
“How hard was it?”
“I told him to close his eyes and pucker up, and I hit him right on the jaw, and he thought I was kissing him.”
“Oh.”
“And then I hit him some more times, and he thought we were frenching.”
“Oh dear.”
“I had to hit him on a pressure point on the back of his neck. Repeatedly. Thanks for hiding a sledgehammer in my mane Applejack, that came in handy.”
“Better safe ‘an sorry I always say.”
“Ungh… Fluttershy…”
“Ohmigoodnesshefollowedme!”
“How in the hay is he still conscious!?”
“Sugarcube, gimme that there sledgehammer and show me where to hit him.”
~0o0~
“Here.” Twilight said, after leading them to an open plain. “The parrot’s leading us here.”
There was nothing but rocks, as far as the eye can see.
“Well, this is boring.” Rainbow Dash said.
“These are the shadow plains.” Fluttershy whispered, with a voice full of deathly fright. “No dragon ever goes here, because of the monsters living in the shadows.”
“Living in the –” Twilight Sparkle made her way over to where Ferdinand was hovering. She examined the shadows for a moment, then held her hoof out to press against a rock. He hoof met with air. “Aha!” Twilight exclaimed. “An optical illusion! Some of these shadows or actually the entrances to caves!”
Ferdinand squacked, and flew into the darkness. “Come on then!” Rainbow Dash led the charge, and five of the ponies made their way into the dark, narrow cave. But Fluttershy stayed behind with Rarity. Rarity had noticed something off to the side of the cave began examining it closely. Fluttershy shivered. “I… I’m scared.”
Rarity smiled at what she saw beside the cave, before turning with a frown to Fluttershy. “What are you scared of?”
“Monsters.” Fluttershy said simply. “There are monsters in the shadows.”
Rarity smiled warmly. “Darling, you don’t need to worry about any monsters harming you while I’m around.”
Fluttershy let Rarity wrap her comforting hooves around her in a hug. “How can you be so brave?” Fluttershy asked.
“Simple darling.” Rarity said. She leaned in towards Fluttershy, and whispered dramatically into her ear. “I am a monster too.”
And with an ‘eep’, Fluttershy was whisked into the shadows.
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So. I learned something the other day. I learned that there is a Dramatic Reading of The Dragon Princess on Youtube!
And a pretty good one too.
And it got me thinking. That last chapter?
That was basically a filler chapter. I wanted to get to the meat of the story, so I basically just scrawled a connection between the previous chapter and the next. 
I was too eager and I slacked off.
Having fans means having a reason to work harder, not an excuse to try less. And I'm sorry for making you read a chapter you clearly didn't want to read.
As a way of apology, in addition to the next chapter, I have redone the previous chapter, dividing it into two chapters, touching up the scenes, and adding a villain song. 
Thanks for your support. I hope these and the following chapters live up to our expectations!
694192 That attitude deserves a 21-gun salute. With fireworks.
EDIT: Caught a typo this time around:
"We're starting a rebellion!?" Pinkie Pie clapped her hoofs. "We should totally have a rebl party when we get back!
694192 Yes, the last chapter did feel rushed but guess what?
Two new chapters that could hopefully change that
694192
This is much better!
Yes!
I still don't care for that... "fight scene"... but what you did redo is much improved!
Keep it up!
“Indeed.” Rarity said. “Even if your wedding dress will be so fabulous ponies with heart conditions can’t look directly at it, it would be the ugliest thing I ever designed if you wore it when you were sad.”
she just redeemed herself in my eyes
“Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye!” Pinkie Pie swore.
Did you do that on purpose or did you forget it's "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!"?
Nice chapter by the way.
SWEET MERCIFUL NEPTUNE.
SO.
MANY.
LAYERS.
excuse me "cross my heart and hope to die stick a cupcake in my eye
You, sir, madam, whatever you are... Winning. This. You know what winning is. *Will continue to read eagerly in the morning*
“Sugarcube, gimme that there sledgehammer and show me where to hit him.”
“Then it’s your good fortune that I am very, very, very hard.”
DOES NO ONE ELSE NOTICE THAT?
god he got hit with a sledge hammer in the back of the neck and he is STILL standing?
aj got the sledge hammer...RUN TARZAN RUN!
694298 Even better: a 42-anvil salute! (True story: at one point, the City of New Westminster was obliged to give a [foo]-gun salute (I forget what the number was). Problem: they lacked guns. So instead of packing gunpowder and a cannonball into cannons, they put piles of gunpowder on anvils, and stacked another anvil on each one.)
Y U NO HIT HIM WITH THE SLEDGE HAMMER BETWEEN HIS BACK LEGS?!?!?!
This just confirms what I have suspected all along...
Pinkie Pie is Daffy Duck in a pony suit!
Continue!
1305034
or is daffy just pinkie in a duck suit?
all i could think of was this!
...okay, anyone else thinking Tarzan's denser than a boulder?
Earth swordsman: GIVE ME THAT HAMMER.