• Published 2nd May 2012
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Family Secrets: The Reveal - Schrodinger's Pony



The Mane Six are keeping secrets from each other. All of their secrets are uncovered.

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The Pony in Dragon's Scales

The six of them had taken a train directly to Canterlot, so as to avoid Princess Celestia causing an international incident over what she thought was a prank. There, Fluttershy gave an accounting of herself, and her life.

Princess Celestia looked bewilderedly at her star pupil.

The star pupil shrugged back.

“Well… it appears this letter has one mistake on it.” Princess Celestia said after a moment of thought. “It’s obvious Smaug considers Twilight my daughter-of-heart. But I consider all of my little ponies sons and daughters in my heart.” She bent down over the Pegasus with a dragon’s heart. “I am truly sorry that I did not already know about this my little pony. I should have been more attentive.”

“Oh, it’s quite alright Princess.” Fluttershy said. “You’re a busy mare. And my cutie mark doubles as a hiding cutie-mark too.” She pointed to the butterflies. “It could have been a bunny if it was just caring for animals, but I’m also naturally good at camouflage. It’s okay you missed one pony in a country full of ponies.”

Princess Celestia sighed. “Still… is this how you dealt with the dragon that tried to take his thousand year nap in Equestria?”

Fluttershy nodded. “I was really scared about it. I thought if I dealt with the dragon myself, I would scare my new friends away.”

“I was not aware dragons had princesses. How is that possible, in a hierarchy based off of the rule of the strong?”

“Oh, well, legend goes that one Smaug noticed previous Smaugs had fallen because of dragons specifically targeting their young. There are also cases of Smaugs killing the previous Smaug’s hatchlings, as an example. So, Smaug made it illegal to harm any son or daughter of Smaug. It’s one of the few actual laws we have. I don’t really have any political power myself, but dragons respect me because my father taught me to fight, and my father will probably take my word into consideration. And a prince or princess remains the prince and princess in the event of a new Smaug, though the royal line only extends for one generation.”

“Fascinating.” Princess Celestia had a rare twinkle in her eye that Twilight had only ever seen a few times, during times when she found something new. “And… I used to be friends with a dragon, but some of these honorifics confuse me. What is a mirror-match?”

“Well, dragons don’t believe in equals.” Fluttershy said. “All dragons we beat are part of our pack. We’re part of the pack of whoever beats us. But a mirror-match is when two dragons fight each other for a day and neither one is any closer to victory. It’s the closest word a dragon has for ‘friend’, but the closest translation in Equestrian is ‘worthy opponent’.”

“Well, sometimes worthy opponents make the best friends.” Rarity whispered, casting a sly wink at Applejack who tipped her hat to Rarity.

“You probably know the old draconic word… Vladakan?”

“Oh, vladakan.” Celestia nodded. “Yes, I know what that means. And The Gardener?”

“Because you tend to the land. Ponies are both your garden, and your tools.”

“How very poetic.” Celestia looked back at the letter. “And it doesn’t look like they’ve forgotten me either.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Celestia blushed. “Well, between Discord’s reign and Nightmare Moon’s attack, there was a period where dragons were the greatest threat to Equestria. I was friends with one – you’re probably familiar with the legend of Huffy the Magic Dragon. But the Smaug at the time was convinced that dragons were meant to eat ponies as part of the food chain.”

Princess Celestia smirked. “I taught him the error of his ways. Dragons aren’t the only culture to refer to me as ‘The Great Trickster’.”

Fluttershy gasped. “Oh, so… are you the reason why dragons think ponies eat…”

“Yes, I am.” Princess Celestia blushed. “It was an effective deterrent. Don’t worry, I never actually ate their young, only convinced them I did. I trust you dispelled them of that notion? Else why would a dragon think to cover Equestria in smoke?”

“Oh yes, most of the Great Pack is no longer afraid. Some of the younger dragons even think that ponies are pushovers because of me! Most of them are still scared though.”

Celestia frowned. “Well, that’s a pity. I had thought that Rainbow Dash would be able to scare that sleeping dragon off. I'm glad you were there with a Plan B.”

“I could’ve!” Rainbow Dash spoke up. “I had it on the ropes!”

“Dash, I know a thing or two about ropes.” Applejack said. “And no, that dragon wasn’t anywhere near the ropes until Fluttershy showed up.”

“Well, fear was an effective deterrent, but perhaps it is time for a new age of peace between dragons and ponies.” Princess Celestia smiled. “I would be honored to attend your wedding Fluttershy, as would, I’m sure, the elements of harmony. I’ll prepare a ship, and we’ll set sail first thing tomorrow.”

“Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!” Pinkie Pie jumped up and down. “Can I plan the party Fluttershy!? Please! This is a brand new chance to throw the bestest party ever!”

“Of course you can.” Fluttershy smiled. “You’ll all be my bridesmaids.”

“Great.” Twilight said in a flat voice. “I’m sure glad that you’re thinking about your best friends a week before the biggest day of your life.”

“Oh darling, you must tell us who you’ll be marrying!” Rarity’s eyes sparkled.

“I don’t know.” Fluttershy admitted. “We talked about it when I visited them during the migration. I think my dad was okay with me choosing a pony husband, but if he’s found me a husband I’m sure he’ll be a perfect gentledragon. Daddy would never make me do anything I would disapprove of.”

“An arranged marriage!” Rarity gasped.

“Yeah, yeah, we all love the idea of Fluttershy getting married.” Spike reminded everypony in the room that he was still there. “Now that we know, Fluttershy can you please tell me about dragons now?” His eyes threatened to tear up. “After the dragon migration incident, I thought all dragons were jerks. But now you’re telling me that they’re nice? I want to know about my kind!”

“I’m sorry Spike.” Fluttershy nodded. “You’re right, I’ve been neglecting you. The dragons you met probably were jerks. Especially the pack leader, the one who ordered his pack to hurt poor baby phoenix eggs. But you probably confused them.”

“How did I confuse them?” Spike asked. “I didn’t act like a dragon, did I? Tell me how to act more like a dragon!”

“Well…” Fluttershy took a deep breath. “First you’re a baby dragon, and you wandered into the enclosure for teenage dragons. Then you challenged them, and since they don’t know what friendship means, they thought you were challenging them for dominance. And even when you were soundly beaten three times, you just kept challenging them. When they finally gave you a spot in their pack and you accepted, they initiated you, and smashing a bird’s egg was probably a part of the rite (bad news they chose a phoenix nest) and then after all the you denied the rite. Oh, and also you look confusing.” She blushed. “But… mostly they were just jerks.”

“I… look confusing?” Spike asked.

“I’m sorry Spike.” Fluttershy tried to put this delicately. “But, I can’t tell what type of dragon you are.”

Spike’s face fell. “What do you mean?”

Fluttershy took another deep breath. “Well, when you went through Greed Growth, you looked like my father, a Mountain Dragon. But you look like a baby Sea Dragon. Except for the fact that you have legs. And…” She frowned. “You don’t have wings. That’s always been disturbing to me. Dragons aren’t usually born without wings, except sea dragons who have prominent fins that you don't have, or in special occasions. Like my friend Crackle, she has a rare genetic disease.”

Spike frowned. “So… what, you’re saying that I’m not any type of dragon?” Spike asked.

“No, you’re definitely a type of dragon.” Fluttershy said. “I just can’t tell which. I’ll ask around. I could try to find out whether there were any dragons who gave up an egg.”

Then she frowned. “Wait…” She turned to Princess Celestia. “Where did you get Spike’s egg?”

Princess Celestia sucked in her lips, and her eyes shifted from one spot on the ceiling to another. “Um… in a cave. Parents gone. Signs of a struggle.”

Fluttershy frowned. “I’m sorry Princess but… what were the gins of the struggle? And where exactly was the cave? This could be very important you see, for finding Spike’s family.”

Princess Celestia looked from Spike, to Fluttershy, each making puppy dog eyes at her. Then she looked to Twilight, who was confused at Celestia’s reaction, Applejack, who probably sensed she was lying because she was glaring at her, Rarity, who was taking in the scene the same as she was, and Pinkie Pie, who was whispering something into a giggling Rainbow Dash’s ear.

She sighed. “All right. It’s… time you learned the truth.”

“What truth?” Twilight asked. “Is there something about Spike you’re not telling us?”

Princess Celestia stood, and strode forward. “Sometimes, I have had to make difficult decisions, and choose the greater good for all of pony kind. But never have I chosen an evil one.” She grimaced. “I would never steal a dragon’s egg! Even if its parents were clearly dead, I would give it back to the dragons! Even if, on a whim, I decided to raise it as my own, I would never give the egg to pre-pubescent unicorns and tell them to hatch it! I can’t even comprehend the kind of immoral… self-righteous… no, I would never do that.” She looked sadly down at Spike. “There was no egg Spike.”

“What?” Spike was confused.

“What do you mean?” Twilight asked. She was tempted to burst out and saw that yes, of course there was an egg, she saw it and she hatched it. But to her, Princess Celestia was the absolute authority on anything, and if she said there was no egg then obviously, Twilight was wrong.

“I mean, that the entrance exam to Canterlot’s school of gifted unicorns was a rock, painted with pokadots.”

“What!?” Spike asked.

“But… why?” Twilight asked. “Why would you ask students to hatch a painted rock? That’s impossible!”

“Indeed.” Princess Celestia acknowledged. “That was the whole point. The Canterlot School for Gifted Unicorns focuses its entrance exam on the personality and creativity of the foals. There’s a very specific temperament to gifted unicorns. One where they will try as many things as they can, not giving up. I’m very sorry to say, that you would have failed that test. It was fortunate for you that I took you in as my student after you succeeded, otherwise the school’s curriculum would have been woefully inadequate for your needs.”

Twilight’s face fell. “Oh…”

“Don’t be upset.” Celestia nuzzled Twilight fondly. “It all turned out well in the end. Because somehow, miraculously, you preformed the impossible, and passed the test on the terms you were given, not the terms that were hidden from you.”
Celestia looked at Spike. “You created life.”

“She…” Spike paled. “She made me? With her magic?”

“She didn’t even know what she was doing.” Celestia said. “Which was grand, because then she wouldn’t have done it. She tried, subconsiocsly, to create life in her attempt to hatch your rock. and every record shows that that was impossible. But the records were written by unicorns who tried to create life on their own. Several ponies, who weren’t even unicorns, have proven you can create life in pairs.”

Twilight’s eyes widened. “Rainbow Dash’s sonic rainboom…”

Rainbow Dash was confused. “What does my rainboom have to do with this?”

“Twilight’s magic was still attempting to create life when your rainboom shot across the sky. Generally, the examination is shielded from unicorn magic. But the pegasi magic in her rainboom made it through just fine. When her magic… for lack of a better word… impregnated your magic… you were able to enchant the rock to hatch Spike.”

“That was why your magic went out of control, so much so that it hurt you. It was a very violent childbirth. If I hadn’t intervened, both you and Spike might have died. As it was… Spike came out of it disfigured.”

“Woah, woah, woah, woah!” Rainbow Dash flew up to Celestia. “Time out! Are you saying Spike is my son?”

Princess Celestia sighed. “Well, that is one way you can look at it.”

Rainbow Dash gasped, her forehooves flying to her chest. “I’m too young to be a mommy!”

Twilight was apparently deep in thought, because she automatically corrected her. “You were too young when Spike was born, but your age is okay now.”

Rainbow Dash paled. “I’m way, way too young to be a mommy!”

“And technically, since it was your magic that impregnated my…” Twilight suddenly seemed to realize what she was saying, because she and Rainbow Dash shared twin looks of horror.

“I’m too female to be a daddy!” Rainbow Dash gagged and collapsed on the floor.

“Oh the scandal!” Rarity fainted next to Rainbow Dash.

“Are we having a fainting contest?” Pinkie Pie froze up, legs stiffening, and she tipped over onto the floor on her side.

Why didn’t you tell me? Twilight wanted to ask. But there was a more important question on her mind. “What do you mean disfigured?”

Princess Celestia sighed. “Well, you may have broken one rule, but not all of them. A unicorn cannot have a dragon for a child. But, you wanted a dragon to hatch, and badly. So when Spike was born, instead of being a healthy little unicorn, he was born looking like what a seven year old foal pictured a baby dragon to be like. Not even my magic was able to recover his true form.”

“Spike’s a unicorn?” Twilight asked.

“Yes.” Celestia nodded. “Which is why, unlike other dragons, he does not have wings. The son of a unicorn and a Pegasus, he could not be both. He was proven to be a unicorn when, during the age most foals get their cutie-marks, and unicorns intrinsically know spells relating to their special talents, he began to use spells to send scrolls to different people. Fire breath is to some dragons, what horns are to unicorns. If he had wings, he wouldn’t be able to breath fire.”

Twilight thought back, to when Spike first learned he could send and receive messages with his flame. She’d fallen asleep researching spells from the Renaissance period of magic. The library was a mess from her tearing through it. When she’d woken up, Spike was beaming at her, and every single book was back where it belonged, exactly. Dusting had been done, and he’d even sent her mail.

He said he’d sent them with his magic breath. He said he didn’t know about it until today, that he just didn’t want to run all the way down to the Princess Celestia and the fire came out of his mouth unbidden. And he’d gotten a reply the same way! It was… just like a regular cutie mark story, except for the mark failing to appear on his draconic flank.

And there was the time when Celestia had had to teach him how to walk, because he wasn’t built to walk on all fours but he did it anyway on instinct… as if he were a pony in a dragon’s body…

And such a combination of laziness and dedication could only possibly come from the child of Equestria’s laziest Pegasus and most studious unicorn…

“Spike… is a pony.” Twilight was strangely okay with that. Not so much with the fact that she was a mother. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Well, you were so young at the time.” Princess Celestia said. “And as you grew older, and developed a loving brother and sister bond, and I saw Spike’s eagerness to please, I decided it would be best if he not know who his parents were, and think that he was a majestic dragon instead of a pony that didn’t come out right.”

Rarity gasped. “Spike! Where did he go?”

Twilight looked around at the empty room, and a slow sinking feeling started bubbling up in her gut. She should have realized that he hadn’t said anything in a while. She wondered how long he’d been gone, how much he’d heard, how he felt about hearing this about himself! “Everypony fan out! We have to find him!”

~0o0~

Rainbow Dash sailed haphazardly through the skies. She’d been waken up from her sweet, sweet, unconscious bliss, and thrown back into the world where she was a daddy and her son was missing.

This was too much to take in. How could she be a daddy? A daddy all these years without knowing it? She didn’t know a thing about being a good dad. Thunder Crash never taught her…

Well, she wouldn’t think about Thunder Crash right now. Things were complicated enough. Right now she had a son who needed her, and even if she wasn’t the element of Loyalty, she had to find him. She was attached to the little guy, she was surprised to realize. She'd come to like him over the years. She'd made him her autobirographer, she'd hunted after the buffalo for him, and she'd followed Twilight and Rairty on his little dragon quest. She thought it was just her loyalty, and the chance to maybe kick some flank, but maybe it was some sort of mother's intuition? Wait, she was a daddy. Did dads have any intuition?

She suddenly spied something on the balcony overlooking the gardens. It wasn’t a purple and green something, but she realized it was Spike. She must have passed him three times already before spotting him. She did a one-eighty, and flew towards Twilight, who was doing a magical scan of the palace gates.

“Twi, I found him.” She said, landing next to her.

“Where?”

“The balcony over the gardens. He’s wearing really strange clothes too.” Twilight teleported them both there immediately.

They arrived right behind Spike. He was wearing a cape and a top hat, and dangling his legs and tail off the edge of the balcony.

“Spike?” Twilight asked.

Spike turned, and Rainbow Dash took a step back in shock. Spike was wearing a strange white pony mask that covered his entire face, except for where a mustache slipped through.

“I tried to do magic.” He said. “The mustache spell.” He tapped his mustache. “It works. I guess the Princess was right. I really am just a unicorn. And ugly, disfigured unicorn.”

“Spike…” Twilight reached out to him.

He turned away. “It’s no use Twilight. I shall live the rest of my disfigured days in the laboratory beneath the library. I’ll build a network of tunnels to the main floor so I can organize the shelves without being seen. I shall become… The Phantom of the Library.”

“Spike… I think you’re taking this way too dramatically.” Twilight said.

“You saw my face Twilight.” Spike moaned. “I’m the most hideous pony you’ve ever seen, although I admit the mustache helps some. How can I hope to woo Rarity now, except through drama?”

“Wait, hold up.” Rainbow Dash stepped forward. “You have a crush on Rarity?”

“Alas!” Spike stood and posed on the balcony’s edge. “I had a chance when I was a majestic dragon, but now, now I am but pony, and a scarred reflection of my former self. Oh woe to me, for my days shall be lonely and… dark… Rainbow Dash, why are you chuckling?”

Rainbow Dash was, indeed, snickering behind his hoof. “Oh nothing. It’s just…” She snickered. “It’s just now you have more of a chance than ever!”

“What?” Spike asked.

“Think about it.” Rainbow Dash said. “Before, you were a cute baby dragon. She probably thought, even if you were cute, she couldn’t be with you because you were a dragon. Now though, you’re a pony. You can actually be with another pony, in a way you’re not old enough to know yet. And you’re a disfigured pony too, and she’s all into that romantic junk about looking past a pony’s outside. Girls like Rarity love that dramatic angsty stuff."

“You really think so?” Spike asked perking up.

“Kid.” Rainbow slung a hoof over his shoulder. “You play your cards right, and you two will be dating in… oh… five years or so.” She shrugged. “I mean, there’s still the age difference. But I know a thing or two about getting on a pony’s good side, and I’m going to teach you everything I know.”

“Thanks Rainbow Dash.” Spike said. He took off his mask. “I guess I was being kind of silly, huh?”

“A little silly.” Twilight laughed and hugged him. “Are you okay with this?”

“Yeah, I know it’s hard discovering that world’s most awesome mare is your dad.” Rainbow Dash said. “But I want you to know, that everypony is awesome in their own way, and I expect you to live your own life, not try and live my life.”

Spike blushed. “Rainbow Dash, please don’t make this any more awkward than it already is. As far as I’m concerned, you’re still my friend, and Twilight’s still my sister.”

Twilight sat next to him. “That’s just how I feel.” Twilight said. “You’ve been my little brother ever since I can remember. And I may act like your mother sometimes, but that’s just what a big sister does.”

Rainbow Dash blushed. “Well, I dunno. I could be the most awesome dad ever. Or I could be a failure of a dad. But thinking of you as a friend would make me feel awkward, but acting like a dad would make you feel awkward.” She considered it for a moment, and then with a sly grin said; “And I think acting like a big sister would make everypony feel awkward.”

It started with Spike. Then with Twilight. Then with Rainbow Dash. A cascading torrent of laughter echoes across the Royal Gardens, as the three of them shared their first family moment of non-family-ness. Or at least, that was what Twilight would later write down in her friendship report. As Luna came from behind the mountain to raise the moon, and Celestia went to her balcony to lower the sun, they both smiled at the sight, and decided to let the sunset stretch for a while longer.

“Oh man.” Rainbow Dash started breathing again. “Seriously though, this week has been too much. First Fluttershy has strange parents, and now Spike?”

“I know.” Twilight harrumphed in what she was sure was a dignified manner. “Why didn’t they tell us? Even you Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy’s best friend!”

“Hey, I won’t hold it over her.” Dash shrugged. “I was this close to finding it out anyway.”

“Were you?” Spike asked.

“Oh yeah.” Dash nodded. “I’ve just read a mystery novel, and as Ponyville’s chief supplier of everything that is awesome, had decided to try my hoofwork at sleuthing. I was just a hare away from finding out her secret.”

“That’s impressive.” Twilight said, thinking that Rainbow Dash said ‘hair’.

“And I’m not done yet!” Rainbow Dash announced proudly. “Soon, I’ll sleuth everypony’s secrets!”

“How are you going to do that?” Twilight asked warily.

“Oh, it’s easy. You just have to be able to think of the most outlandish thing that fits all of the evidence, and then find the clues to support it. Bam! Mysteries solved.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Dash. That’s not how mysteries work.”

“Yes it is.”

“I think I’ve read more mystery novels then you have. I think I can definitely say, that’s not how mysteries work.”

“Alright then Ms. Take-my-rainboom-and-turn-it-into-a-dragon. How do you explain our son and Fluttershy’s parents if that’s not how mysteries work?”

Twilight tried to respond. She really did. Her mouth was working, it was opening and closing. But no words were coming out. “I… cannot argue with that.”

“Of course you can’t.” Rainbow Dash beamed. “I’m too awesome. Now let’s see… do you think Pinkie’s parents are aliens?”

“That cannot be –”

“Oh! I know! Hey, you know how Fluttershy has a yellow coat and a pink mane? Who else do we know who has a yellow coat and a pink mane, who is old enough to be Fluttershy’s mother?”

“I can’t think of anypony.”

“Mayor mare!”

“No.”

“She dies her mane.”

“I know that, and still; no.”

“Of course she’d never mention the tragic loss of her husband and her only daughter whom she thinks is dead…”

“Ponies do not necessarily have to have the same colored coats and manes as their parents…”

“I think it makes sense.”

“Thank you Spike! I’m totally calling it. Mayor mare will turn out to be Fluttershy’s mom, just you wait and see.”