• Member Since 25th Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen Saturday

Spider


T

Jake and his friends are sent to equestria but not the normal one. No, this one has been corrupted. Jake is taken as a blood slave only for all his friends to change for the worse. not a clopfic just sexual refrences

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 5 )

Ever heard of the anime Hellsing Ultimate? Because I'm getting the strangest feeling that you have. For those who don't know, the plot of HU is that a young police girl named Saras is turned into a vampire by Alucard, and with the Hellsing Organization, must take down the vampire-Nazis. The problem here is that it feels like you took the anime, subbed in a few names, and turned everyone ponies, while turning the point of view to the vampire-apprentice. Oh, right, and the vampires have no sense of morality because it's more fun that way.

Now, I'm aware that isn't a perfect comparison. But, I'm sorry, can I make a suggestion? Focus the story on some interesting characters, not this personality-less self-insert. To be honest, I'm more interested in the mane 6 than Jake.

This story really is one big mess, and I have a feeling that it only got 6 upvotes because of the plot itself. Being a vampire is something a lot of people want, because, come on, who doesn't want this:

2.bp.blogspot.com/-zkWU34pvQrQ/UMd61FoJffI/AAAAAAAAAM8/NACDC8uIuJc/s1600/alucard-hellsing-15786-1366x768.jpg

My suggestion would be to take a break from writing and listen to some of the lectures at the School for New Authors.

And yes, I am aware that there was a Hellsing before Hellsing Ultimate. I just used the latter because I've never seen the original.

5514674
Dude I've heard of that anime but never seen it. The next chapter focus' more on Jake though. I also have no sense of morality.

The next chapter forces what you would never think that would happen to happen. Looks like fluttershy wants a main part in this story.

Login or register to comment