• Member Since 2nd Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen Jul 18th, 2018

Gear Writer

I made this account to read awesome stories and make some of my own, that one day someone will make fanart about it.


A few months after Twilight's first ask out Rainbow Dash, Twilight invites Rainbow Dash to diner. What kind of night is in store for these to love birds.

After months of being mare friends between Twilight and Rainbow Dash, Rainbow Dash suddenly asks to come over. She sets up the perfect plan to get themselves alone who will pop the question?

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 7 )
Arzoo #1 · Jan 9th, 2015 · · 4 ·

I'm not even opening the first chapter to read; the description is a crime against English.

You should really look to get an editor / proofreader (best one who is either natively speaking english or at least really experienced with the language).

I'm not natively speaking english, so I mostly don't even notice mistakes. But besides from some other stuff (missing commas, descriptional lacks, leaps of thoughts) especially grammar and sentence structures make me cringe (and some parts of the story really hard to read/understand).

I’ll be sincere and yes this is criticism but of the good kind.
First, your english is awful. You’re missing almost every punctuation. You also use unnecessary words and some words are wrote wrong. English is not my native language and I too from time to time make these kinds of mistakes. So, here’s an advice. Use Google Drive. It’s a lifesaver when you don’t really know if a word is wrote right or if you are typing too fast to even think what you are writing. And reread everything once you are done. With these two things you can correct almost every one of those errors.
Second, your story is not bad. Is original? No, but it’s not a bad one. Your characters are a little bit off though. Rainbow is sentimental on a lot of fics, yes. But you kind of made her a little too emotional. By that I mean that you made her cry a little too easy. Again, It’s not bad that you are making the characters as you wish but you have to remember that you are working with a character that already has a personality established. You should think “what would the character say in this situation?” rather than “what am I gonna make the character say?”.

And please, try to make the description a little more readable. It’s honestly a mess.
It seems like you are trying to explain two different stories using google translate.

this was an attempt to be sentimental?

I'm sorry that this was terrible. I'm new t this type of writing style. I'm a person that's used to writing informative and persuasive essays. I am truly sorry that these words have been ever seen by your eyes.

I bet this comment also has grammatical errors too.

5485360 If your still looking for an editor, I can always help you out :pinkiesmile:

If you ever need an editor, I've been asked to edit before do just pm me and I can always help you out!

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