- Member Since 15th Feb, 2013
- offline last seen Jul 16th, 2018
IceQB
Ship-writing, music-making Canadian Singaporean. Ex-military personnel, future teacher.
IceQB
Joined 15th Feb, 2013 ·
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6117687 Thank you :)
This looks like exactly the kind of fic I love reading. I'll give it a once-over and then get back to you. :)
6119711 Awesome! Thanks! This is my boldest work so far, with much aim to confuse, yet engage the readers enough all the way until the end.
6119739
So this was pretty great (now that I'm actually remembering to respond lol). Nice work.
6120914 Thanks :) It's just a shame the ratings are so bad atm :X
I actually really enjoyed this chapter, but the main reason why I would have to say that it could have been done better is because it made so little sense.
Did vinyl jump off a bridge, and she was coming to and falling back unconscious, having dreams about what led up to the jump? Where did Luna fit into all of this? Did Neon Lights drug vinyl and rape her at her own home? Did Vinyl get crushed under some falling speakers?
I read through it, paying very close attention to every detail, but it was very spotty and hard to follow. I am not even sure that the plot was linear. Still yet, the writing was good, and I got the basic gist of it, enough that I was able to enjoy it. One final question though, did Vinyl die? And if she did, does that mean that Luna has the power to bring ponies back to life in this fic?
This second chapter did help to pull things together, but I am still confused by a number of aspects. You never signified a change in PoV, and often times, a pony would just morph into another's perspective, and I would be trying to figure out what was happening to vinyl, when Luna was talking to her sister.
I did like it though, but the reason it has such dismal ratings is because of how difficult it is to comprehend. I think I get it now, but only in hindsight. I enjoy a story more if I am not left guessing at every turn, but it is a wonderful thing to be able to reflect upon what you've just read.
You have a thumbs up from me, but if you want to do something like this again, I suggest you follow a more linear path, clearly differentiate between different states of consciousness, and clearly differentiate points of view.
6132265
Huh. Must have slipped my mind to introduce the character for different POVs. I'll go work on that. Thanks :)
Fair enough. I did jump back and forth from real life to dream state, linear wise... I could say I tried to? Or almost I guess. Showed the past as the present mostly, so that might have been too confusing.
Thanks for the feedback though! I haven't actually had feedback in a long, long time, so thanks. May I ask what you're still confused about?
Edit: Removed all the spoiler tags because there shouldn't be a need for me to explain it here. Thanks for showing me some loopholes in my story :)
6132265 How's the new ending?
6134846
I only saw the new dialogue between Luna and Celestia, which sort of revealed that Luna was not trying to help Vinyl, but that she was trying to get her stuck in limbo. I don't really know why Luna would want that fate for Vinyl, but that makes a little more sense now. Before I thought Luna was a force for good.
You and I should write together sometime, I could use more motivation to write, you seem to have that down pat.
6134892 The hospital scene ending changed, as well as many of the interactions between Luna and Vinyl. It is now more clear that Luna detests Vinyl. At the end, it is revealed because she took away Octavia's life, who was precious to her. Also, I forgot Vinyl doesn't die; there's only one tombstone there now. Ma bad xD
6134892 Luna has this complex issue where she will always want to try to beat her sister, one-up her. I find that she will find all excuses to do what she wants as long as she can try to make her seem like the more powerful one, even post-NMM. It's a trait in her that will never go away; it's who she is, always under the shadow of her sister. (The metaphor for night is to day.)
6134892 I could be up for it if it's something I'm interested in doing