• Member Since 12th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 28th, 2023

Comet Burst


The man without a plan.

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On a fateful night in a world far away from her, Princess Celestia mourns the idea that her two most beloved students are fighting. One battles for her friends and home while the other opposes, seeking her own selfish desires. When only one of them returns home, Celestia knows the worst has come to pass.

Still, hope lingers in the darkness. Sunset did return—but not as anyone remembers her.

Can Celestia, given a second chance to do things right, give Sunset the chance she never had?


Submission for the More Most Dangerous Game contest under the prompt of Past Sins.

Massive thanks to Cerulean Voice, vren55 and The Albinocorn for editing and prereading! Without them, this story may not have happened.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 51 )

D'awwwwwwwwwww.
This was so much fun to help you polish. So proud.
*Wipes liquid pride away*

That is the absolute sweetest thing! Incredible!!!

Excellent story, I really liked the background information you gave on the mirror and Starswirl the Bearded. I do have a few questions though, why did only two guards respond when Sunset screamed, were the others that intent on following orders, or do screams just not bother them? It would have been nice if you mentioned how much time had passed between Sunset's death and the night of her rebirth.

9/10 would recommend.

AWWWW! So wonderful and adorable and what a wonderful sweet and fantastic story!
Thank you for such a great tale!

It's OUT. Penstroke you better watch out!

P.S. Comet, don't worry about the dislikes... Someone's clearly got their brain addled.

I loved the story. But I'm a little confused. What Exactly happened to Sunset? Is she Dawn? Or is Dawn her own filly with Sunset in her head? Whats the deal?

I hope it was really Sunset but tell me what it was when you wrote this story.

This has my attention

5533729
Solisia is to Sunset Shimmer as Nyx is to Nightmare Moon.
:twilightsmile:

Luna it seems need to learn a little thing called people skills, patients, and when not to stick your nose into other people's business

*leans back in my seat, and glances up at Sunset sitting on my shelf* Please bear with my Comet, I'm having to set my own thoughts on Sunset aside for this. This is one of the best things I've read Comet, and I will rank up with Past Sins. You captured Celestia perfectly and made her mortal and flawed. Dawn is adorable and deserves to know to truth and walk into the future as her own pony.

There is one glaring plot hole though, for the other side of the Looking Glass... murder investigation anyone?

5534041
Well, considering Sunset was no longer human, had people under control, threw fireballs at people, and had no mercy to those she wished to enslave, I think the Elemental Blast that killed her could be considered self defense.
That, and Twilight would have been in so much shock, she'd jump through the portal before anyone recovered.
That's my reasoning anyway. Comet's may vary.

5534107
Still got a dead body, a blown up building and a crater. Someone will want to investigate it.

5534117
Building and crater, sure.
But there's no body; she was vaporised.
In any case, the portal is sealed. What happens there is irrelevant to the rest of the story.
(A deleted scene included an explanation of some things, but the word limit wouldn't allow. You can chat to Comet if you want some more answers)
:twilightsmile:

5534153
No body? Must have missed that, missing persons report then.

5534166
Missing person?
Maybe. But what happens when (the real) (human) sunset shimmer turns up alive and well?

Hehe. We're getting into the realms of speculation here.

5534179
Yeah... part of stems from the fact that Sunset ranks #2 on my Best Pony list.

5534191
Now that we can definitely agree on :pinkiesmile:

Considering the condensed nature, I would hesitate to call this the best I have ever read, but I liked past sims, and this is an intrestimg spin on the concept. Adoes to absolute favorites.

Luna certainly knows how to make an entrance. And an impression.

5535610 5534041 5533032
If the word count wasn't 15k, there would be so much more explanation on everything, but thank you so much! I'm glad people like it!:twilightsmile:

5533279
Possibly.

5533729
CV said it pretty much. She is and is not Sunset at the same time.

5533848 I was never good at those kinds of logic questions. Thanks for the clarification. :twilightblush:

5538243 I just think it's sad when one personality dies in such a way. Unfulfilled and engulfed in rage. I honestly think it's a worse fate than just death. To have your very being destroyed like it was worthless garbage. To not exist as if you never were. That's some scary stuff and sad to think about.

Still I loved the story regardless of how I feel personally. Hope you intend to continue on with it. Give "Sunset" some closer please. :fluttercry:

What I like about this fic is it actually bothers to explain the how in a way in line with canon. It actually makes sense.

Sunset used a spell in Starswirl's books. This is something that was established at length in the show and comics. She did dig through his stuff and he did hide spells he thought were dangerous or incomplete canonically. It takes advantage of the canon to make it more feasible within the universe. It makes it feel better than most fics where it just happens and is never explained.

Overall this is a good read. It's very cute, perhaps too cute with the baby talk, but good nonetheless.

The epilogue was necessary. It really ties it all together and ends it in a satisfying way.

5538243 not hating for the length, but please continue this in a sequel.

Hmm. Not... sure what to think of this yet. I do like the ideas presented in it, but I will read on and see where this goes. Well written so far, with decent description and a genuinely heartbreaking turn of events on the other side of the mirror.

Onward!

I'm still not sure how to feel. Hmm.

Onward!

Interesting. Split mind and body, body had a mind of its own already, and foal aged. Where did the mind come from? Where did the soul? Was it a younger Sunset? A new soul? Where did the personality for this newborn filly come from? Granted, there wasn't... much there. She was cute and smart and attached to Celestia.

Not sure what else to say. Decently well written, though I couldn't really feel the emotion. Maybe I'm just tired.

Anywho. On to the epilogue!

This was an interesting story, but... I didn't really feel the weight of the events. For something like this, where an emotionally wrenching thing is happening, I just feel like the story would be better served from closer in. Feeling everything that comes, as it comes. Granted, that is a stylistic preference, and I am a fan of a strong character voice in a story, so I know that character's emotions inside and out.

The premise is solid, and the plot interesting, however, and the characters are decently within character - even if Dawn feels a little two dimensional at the moment. Seeing her grow up into a full pony would be interesting - especially if word of what her heritage is leaks out. Living with that spectre, real or imagined, could be something interesting to explore.

If you wrote a sequel, I would likely read it.

This is a very interesting mix of Past Sins and Harry Potter! Both the way Sunset preserved her life by imbuing a portion of it into a book (just as Valdemort did with his horcruxes) and the mirror showing what one desires (and the warning about spending too much time in front of it!) parallel the Harry Potter books. As a great fan of J.K. Rowling I approve!

BTW, do you intend to continue this as a series?

The lack of red streaks is interesting. Pretty good so far.

Dawn is too friggin' adorable

Huh, interesting. I honestly expected there to be a bit more with the voice in Dawn's head.

Alright, so there was a bit more with the voice, if indirectly.

I'm feeling mostly satisfied with this one. I enjoyed it, yes, but I can't help but feel things happened a bit quickly.

5538243
But wait, does that mean post-contest, you'll be looking to expand this? Yeeeeeeeees.

Finally got around to reading this. And wow, already off to a great start!

Well Luna certainly knows what and when to do. And Twi's acceptance of a new student was priceless :rainbowlaugh:

This was a bit fast, but I guess there was a time and wordcount constraint. Still, good chapter :twilightsmile:

This was so sweet that I can't even. Really an adorable story, rebirth into a better being than the original could ever hope to be.
Good job :twilightsmile:

A pity I can't downvote it more than once. There is so much wrong here I can't even decide where to start.

D'awww. :twilightsmile: This was a great read. A really interesting take on both Sunset and Starswirl. I wish it was a bit more fleshed-out, but given the restraints of the contest, I think you did a good job. Have a fave, Comet. :ajsmug:

You sure this wasn't ALSO based on the Coldplay's song: Viva La Vida?

trololololol?

Deja vu. It's like super short Past Sins with Celestia and Sunset instead. Specifically the scene where Twilight finds Nyx in the Everfree castle apologising for wanting to hurt her. And her birth as part of a resurrection spell for a dead villain that Celestia interrupted. It's a good thing Sunset didn't have any cults worshipping her... right?

I would love to see the scene where she's old enough to find out the full story. For some reason though, I feel like I know exactly how it would turn out.

5880448
I presume you did not read the summary. This was an attempt to reboot Past Sins in a better way.

I really enjoyed this story and would love to see a sequel for what might happen in Dawn's teenage years or something similar.

So Sunset did a Tom Riddle only without having to kill someone in a bathroom.

Well....
...
...
That escalated quickly :applejackunsure:

This. I love this. I love this alot> this is perfection incarnate. Thank you for making this. I would pay for a sequel.

is sunset this dumb?

i thought this was going to be an enjoyable sad ride. but this.... my fetish sense is tingling.

A second chance… for the three of us. We’re all students now .

no it's not.

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