• Member Since 25th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Feb 24th, 2015

Sapidus3


I really need an actual a better avatar.

T

Everyone is dead. She doesn't know who is responsible, just that somepony activated the ultimate weapon. Only four ponies survived and now try to find meaning in the great wasteland. Celestia will just be happy if she can find a way to heal Twilight.

Chapters (7)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 144 )

Another amazing story - can't wait to go on reading, looking forward to the next chapter already!

~I can't remember what happened in September~

Okay, I think I like this more than anything else I have read on here.
That's rather impressive.
Good job, I cannot wait to see where it goes.

this is good cant wait for more

Okay, you've clearly done something wonderful here. Please keep doing wonderful things.

Hmm.... this is interesting. A new magiscience take on the end of the world? Tracking.

5464596
My goodness, after reading your quote I realized that I had seen that video like a month ago. I spent a day listening to it and that Discord Kinetic Typography on a loop. Must have gotten lodged in my subconscious or something.

This is pretty unique as far as stories on this website, I like it!

loving the story so far. ^_^

So many things had been destroyed, and she did not want to be responsible for anymore.

"any more" seems to be more likely what you mean. As far as I know, "anymore" is only appropriate in the sense of "any longer". I could be wrong.

Her attunement to the sun was one of the few things that had not been effected, and adjusting the brightness had actually been easier than creating her dust barrier.

affected
(effected has a different meaning)

outside of canterlot

Canterlot

try to pretend as if nothing had happened

I believe this should be either "try to pretend that nothing had happened" or "try to act as if nothing had happened"

spotted what she was fairly certain to be a brown picnic basket

Either "what she was fairly certain was" or "what was fairly certain to be"

Despite Twilight’s greatest efforts, and all of the “bonding slumber parties” she had forced them into by her protege over the years,

I don't get why this isn't either "they had been forced into by her protege over the years" or "she had forced them into over the years".

months since Cadence’s had last visited

Cadance (I know the word is spelled "cadence", but for whatever reason the name is "Cadance". You spelled it "Cadence" throughout this chapter.)
Either "Cadance's last visit" or "Cadance last visited"

Really, it's about

She kept a mental list of things that seemed to proceed Twilight’s moments of near lucidity in an attempt to unlock the secret to healing her former student.

precede

It’s radiological properties are non-nuclear in nature.

Its

Years past and the ruins turned to gravel, and still Twilight did not move.

passed

“Yes, I think so. If I have my bearings right that is. Even if the city was intact, it’s been so many years, and I never knew the place as well as Twilight. The decision to build it came after the mayor decided that they needed their own library independent of the “Royal” library in Twilight’s summer palace.

(needs closing quotation marks)

Definitely no older than the star you gave birth too.

gave birth to.

I suppose tis for the best.

'tis

Cadence (multiple times)

Cadance

Hmmm, nice...honestly I'm so curious as to this Ley Line detonation, and Twilight's supposed hoof in it. Moreover, I'm even more curious as to how Twilight's mind...or at least her outward reactions to the world around her has changed. We see, but I'm not even close to guessing as Luna said it could be many things. I cannot wait for more!

A different take on things...but I suspect that you have MUCH more planned than a mere day to day spotlight...correct?

Very interesting story so far, but you could do with a proofreader and editor. I would suggest my regular guy, but he's been exceptionally ill lately, so hasn't had much time for proof reading.

This is getting really interesting.
I like your style.

*reads description*

Yeah, I need this in my life. *fav'd* :ajsmug:

I think this story is a little more messed up than that comic.

Or maybe less, as it seems in this one Twilight had a choice to be with Celestia.




And Luna, if Cadance's fantasy ever comes to pass.

I'm really enjoying this story, it's got great potential and will be patiently waiting for what you have in store

Uh... that dream was creepy. Really creepy.
Powerful writing, even better than the first two chapters.
Also very much liked the short description of Discord's dream star. Very fitting.
The only thing that would really improve this story so far is a proofreader; there are a bit too many mistakes to be unnoticeable. Still, your narrative is strong enough to easily gloss over that.
You're doing a really good job, eagerly looking forward to more.

When Twilight's dream started transform to nightmare... it was really creepy and scary. I even make a pause in reading for a few minutes.

Why Celestia so insist on that "overcome" thing? In the given situation, this may have only a negative impact. Poor Twilight.

5469852
One of my thought's originally had been just a day to day account, and just leaving it at that with no resolution to anything what so ever. I've decided against that, but for the most part to a certain extent it will be through the vehicle of day-to-day life.

Ok Late response to first chapter, but I was stuck almost immediately that the biggest "blessing" of Immortality applies in this situation. The Alicorns will survive and since the planet is still "alive" it will recover, ponies will one day roam the green fields and forests of Equestria again. How ever it will take THOUSANDS of years before the sisters can even begin to start to recreate their little ponies, They might have to start with only their own DNA and magic to work with. Twilight will recover herself, but she will never be the same and again it will take hundreds, possibly thousands, of years for her to return to function.

the blessing of immortality is that the alicorns will live ages and ages, seeing things change from era to era. Trying to not spend too much of that time completely insane is the hard part. I see immortals cycling though utterly insane and perfectly sane many times in their existence.

Twilight's Failure. Making a democracy. They always fail. That's why the USA was formed as a Republic.

After reading the rest (thus far) of this tale I do think Twilight will recover, but her madness will be quite epic and last a long time as she is presently shattered to pieces mentally and metaphysically. Being attuned to friendship means she was attuned to ponies themselves, and when they all died at once means her mind and magic where brutally demolished. The library in her dreams showed how her mind is, the pieces are all there but out of order, and confused. Reassembling herself is a multiple life time process, she has the time but seeing a recovered Twilight is an epilogue event not a story one. This story really feels more like setting the foundation of the recovery, Celestia and Luna fighting to keep Twilight holding on and getting her to want to begin recovering. What happens in the story is in author's hands of course, I can only offer my opinions and ideas.

Celestia would never admit it out loud, or even in her dreams with Luna, but personally she felt Twilight’s little democracy experiment was to blame. Individually ponies had been able to aspire to such greatness, but as a herd they would drop down to the least common denominator. Celestia had designed the old monarch-centered system with that simple fact in mind. However, Twilight’s proposal had seemed so good on paper. Instead their ponies threw it all away.

well so much for Democratic Peace Theory :facehoof: :rainbowlaugh:

Oh my, you certainly keep delivering.
I think your day to day account works very well, no matter if there will be a resolution or an open end. Your take on magitech and the your way of presenting it and the backstory itself as newsflashes from before The Fall serves its purpose nicely, a good way of including what otherwise would have been a not very engaging info dump.
Well done, take all the time you need if you keep this quality up.

On edit: hey, you got rid of the mistakes I admonished. Yay for that! The enjoyment has been doubled.
Also Luna: that need of hers to feed on dreams is a glorious concept I haven't seen before. Great idea.

This is why, when you have benevolent, immortal rulers who wish for peace, prosperity, personal freedom, and safety - YOU LET THEM STAY IN CHARGE. Mortals are greedy, transient, selfish pricks, bound by their lifespan to try and take and take and twist things to dark ends for their own needs.

What do you do? Create a democracy and they blow up the world! Good job!

So, everything went to shit when they became a democratic hyper-capitalist consumerist society and apparently started invading other lands for resources to make their lives easier? Powerful stuff, if so.

5479263 Somehow that does sound familiar. Too bad the people in that particular story never had the opportunity to fall back on the likes of Celestia and Luna. *sigh*

Ah, some insight into what Twilight had to do with what went wrong.

Only a couple of nitpicks found:

she could find now source

no

continued to be expressed regarding in the Crystal Empires decision

regarding the Crystal Empire's

After wearing almost the same thing for thousands of years she thought she would of missed it more.

Found this error. Plz fix, lest I go nuts.

Cool story though.

5479263
OK, I give up. At first I thought this was a reference to the state of modern society, but then I saw this comment by 5479481, referencing a story, and based on the thumbs ups on the original comment, I feel like I missed a reference. I've been wracking my brain trying to determine what it is, but no dice. Please put me out of my misery.


5479634
I'll be honest. Most of the time I have errors pointed out to me I sigh because they are errors I shouldn't have made or should have caught on a read through (though I am happy they have been pointed out so that I can fix them and so it becomes less likely I make them in the future). Some times it is an error I have been consistently making that as soon as I see the comment I'm like "Oh, I've been doing this wrong." (As some people have pointed out to me that it should be "yeah" and not "yea" in some of my recent fics). In both cases though the time to process is very short.

This one though... I stared at it and nothing clicked. I like to think I have a good grasp of the English language, and then something like this comes out of left field. It took me like two minutes of googling (because so many people apparently make the same mistake, my usage at first looked correct) before I got it. And now it makes perfect sense how I managed to participate in the bastardization of a perfectly workable word. This is one of those things that I have probably been doing wrong my ENTIRE life. Of course I don't feel like I can use the proper contraction "would've" because in my mind it sounds too similar to "would of" and I'll just slip back into incorrect usage. It's going to take awhile to get over this cognitive dissonance. Thank you for bringing it to my attention though.

5481279

I was talking about current sociopolitical situations across the world. I think they may have also been, but referring to the world as a 'story' in the sense that we're talking about a story here.

Also, the fact you can be upset with yourself over a mistake like 'would of' shows you're a cut above those plebs who refuse to do better. Feel better! You are capable of progress and growth! That's rarer in this world than most people realize.

5481300

OK, I had thought the word "story' might have been metaphorical, but the tense and thumb ups through me off. I thought I had missed something.

5481305
I'll track and follow, looks promising.

I think this song fit the story a little bit?

I really like this story hope to read more soon:twilightsmile:

5479634
He does that a lot in his stories.

“I wonder what brings her by during the day?”

Why wouldn't Luna be up during the day? Also, what's upthe her saying "neigh"

5481279 Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad - I did mean the comment as a reference to our own modern day society. My apologies if that came across as an accusation of plagerism.

Your story is great and a refreshingly new take on the theme that I haven't encountered before. Do go on, I'm very much enjoying it.

Just wanted to say, loving this story so far!

Nitpicks!

weekly emergencies drills

emergency

or who’s weapon it was

whose

They are some of the worse I have ever seen.

"worst" fits better grammatically and, I suspect, substantially.

Perhaps the blank look on her students face was one of discomfort, but the way in which Twilight was turning even more purple than normal could not be good.

student's
I don't understand why the two clauses are connected by "but"; they both seem to point in the same direction. Perhaps "The blank look on her student's face might or might not have been one of discomfort, but..."? Or simply change "but" to "and"? Or am I missing something?

where he legs had been

her

a stone pillar

(incorrect double space)

5478883
I think you might be on the wrong track. I suspect that what happened was that Twilight became attuned to magic and hence the ley lines. When whatever magitech weapon they used went off it killed most of them, but Twilight burned with the lines. So long as they exist, maybe she won't die, but something tells me soaking up the magic that's around is more sustaining than grass for her.

At least that's my guess for now.

You are just pumping out these great stories all of a sudden. Seeing things fin the Twilight chapter coming should be pretty enlightening.

5481279
Looking at that supposed error, my immediate thought was would of should be would have. Small thing that I'm not even sure is wrong, but it sounds more correct in my mind.

I have only this to say:

[youtube=nCeFbK-WEVE]

Cadence is perfectly sane, and is in no way shape or form changing. I approve of her course of action hole heartedly. It's better for her to be banished to the wastes where she can't bug Celestia and Twilight. Sure, they might have a fulfilling relationship, but Cadence can survive just by growing a tougher skin. She seems to be allergic to Twilight's hate, it's a good thing she hasn't broken out in hives.

... This raises questions as to Chrysalis' origins.

5520046 I appreciate your excessive use of puns.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!