“Procure us a fitting room. Mine knight will browse the clothing and obtain me a vestment.”

That first sentence should probably be changed to, I shall procure us a fitting room. Or something along those lines. As it stands, it sounds like Luna is ordering him to get them a fitting room and ordering him to find clothing at the same time.

leader of a county is supposed to be.

country

“Thou shouldn’t tempt the magic holder, Ser Shining. Otherwise I’ll make thee wear the disgusting abomination and look good while doing so,” Luna warned.

Yes... that would be awful. It'd be even worse if someone drew art of that and linked it to me...

5465935 I think it's fine the way it is as she's talking to the man with the pencil moustache who's running the store

She reached up, pragmatically taking a hold of her breasts in her hands.

Oh my gooooooooooooooooood *froths from mouth and dies of envy* shining you lucky bastard!

“Princess, as your friend, I should warn you about something crucial about me.” Shining ran a hand through his hair and gave her is best award-winning grin. “I always look good.”

I saw "would of" a couple of times in this chapter. Otherwise pretty solid.

Missing period between envious and Luna's breasts.

“Princess, as your friend, I should warn you about something crucial about me.” Shining ran a hand through his hair and gave her is best award-winning grin. “I always look good.”

CUE THE PINK DRESS!!!

Okay, I am loving this story, but one matter just keeps bugging me. You keep saying "ser" instead of "sir". XD

5470251 YES.

5470965 'Ser' is an address to those of lower or equal station common around the 1200-1700's, used by the Nobles and the Gentry. 'Sire' was the term for someone of a higher station, and more in line with our more modern 'sir'. A knight was most commonly called 'sir' by the peasants, and 'ser' or 'serrah' by higher ranked nobles.

The more you knoe! :P

5470965 That is correct spelling.
http://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/Knight

sat on a wooden bench and nearly wept when I did it incorrectly.

Been there, done that.
I also have to deal with it every single fucking time I get out of my seat in the truck to get something from the bunk when taking a trip with dad.
It gets annoying after the first few times.

Princess, as your friend, I should warn you about something crucial about me.” Shining ran a hand through his hair and gave her is best award-winning grin. “I always look good.”

We will be sure to engrave that on your tombstone.

Two 'would of's right at the start. You’re killing me Bobbo.

Especially from Luna who should be the height of proper diction.

“I… uh…” Shining immediately beat down the first words that came to mind with the unforgiving stick of common sense. “I think it looks flattering on you, Princess.”

Wise choice of words.

“All in a day’s work,” Shining replied, shaking with a firm grip, just like her own. “So, ready to go back to dress wearing? I included a pink one I think is right up your alley.”
“Thou shouldn’t tempt the magic holder, Ser Shining. Otherwise I’ll make thee wear the disgusting abomination and look good while doing so,” Luna warned.
“Princess, as your friend, I should warn you about something crucial about me.” Shining ran a hand through his hair and gave her is best award-winning grin. “I always look good.”

When did Shining Armor become Han Solo?