• Member Since 30th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Zubric


Love to write whatever comes to mind and enjoy Brony stuff.

T

--Entry for the Balloon Ponies Holiday Contest-- 3rd place
Rainbow Dash never did quite understand why Fluttershy bought so many gifts for her animals during the Holidays. To her, it seemed a bit much. After receiving a gift from Discord, Dash had gone home to sleep thinking nothing suspicious about her gift.

Although, the one thing she never expected was to wake up the next morning as a dog toy.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 14 )

Huh, weird...

Nice to see one of these type of stories not ending with 'and then they got stuck in for ever and ever' though.

"Wiat no, no no no!" Dash panicked. Applejack was going to knock

I am pretty sure it's "Wait"

5468195 While being a grammar checker is nice, I rather have some sort of input on the actual story. If you didn't like it, that is fine but some criticism would be nice.

That was certainly different :V I liked the mature aspects and how they don't overshadow the point of the transformation and the plot of the story. Interesting use of a squeaky toy, and the air rushing in and out...

That's something I may have to work with in the future. That's a great idea. I'm gonna be milling that over now.

Interesting how Discord played antagonist in two of the three entries. Seems the old codger has a thing for inflating ponies, huh?:derpyderp2: I would have loved some insight into the transformation itself, having it glazed over in the page break is alright, because it lets us 'freestyle' our own ideas of what happened to Dash, but the transformation was a major aspect of the writing idea. Even just a scene of her body shifting in her sleep, just noting how she shrinks down under her blankets, and her breaths come squeakier and squeakier until she's fully changed, and perhaps a dark, mysterious character to carry her away would suffice for the goals of the fic. :V

In any matter, nice treatment of the transformation, having a reverting end (though it was fast) is always nice, lets it keep a lighter and more carefree attitude. I'll admit, I'm a sucker for 'stuck as' fics, because you can do so much with the dark and sad aspects, but everyone enjoys a light TF every so often :D

I would suggest to you the same I did to Coffee: get yourself set up with a friend or acquaintance to edit for you, it would do good for next time :V The grammar wasn't detracting from the story, I'd just recommend checking sentence structure and look out for missing words/stilted sentences, it'll clean up a lot of the nitpicks I'd have here.

Good job, overall. I'm glad you put something in this time too, I liked the last one :B

You may wish to do some extensive editing on this story, as it's barely readable in its current state.

You should resubmit this because this Teen not mature

6758231 nope was rejected when I tried rhaf the first time . Appears simply mentioning unmentionables requires a mature rating

6758388 mabey try again I've seen teen fics more worthy of a mature tag than this

6758714 there we go. I just changed the rating , not like that's going to get me in trouble :)

preferring to nipple on table scraps.

I didn't know that you could nipple food :P

7474646 yeah at least if a funny typo I guess

Nice little 'Twilight Zone' style story. I doubt Dashie would ever again question Fluttershy in the presence of Discord.

The concept definitely makes you think of how you should be careful what you say. Especially around The Lord of Chaos. :)

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