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The Fillyfoolers3,945 stories ·3,489 members

Musical Twist

Source

Vinyl comes home with a weird white drink from Zecora's hut after visiting Ponyvile on her tour, she gets as a gift for Octavia hoping to spend the night drinking and relaxing with adorable marefriend. After a few too many drinks Octavia wakes up feeling completely off.

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Comments ( 4 )

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A Soul In Limbo

A Soul In Limbo #1 · Jan 5th, 2015 · · ·

Interesting idea. I would suggest that you first work on improving your grammar. This story can be understood, but it's kinda sloppy, right on that fine line between good enough to read and too sloppy to bother. I'd help you, but I honestly don't know how to go about doing it. XD

Gear Writer

Gear Writer #2 · Jan 5th, 2015 · · ·

5466088 Thank you! I appreciate the comment I'll try fixing the grammar right away!

A Soul In Limbo

A Soul In Limbo #3 · Jan 5th, 2015 · 2 · ·

5466211 If you find yourself having difficulty understanding how grammar is properly done, you can always find an editor. The better your grammar is, the deeper your story will seem, and the more attractive it will be to readers of all kinds.

gcwg57

gcwg57 #4 · Jan 22nd, 2015 · · ·

Actually It doesn't explain much. All I know is that this a romantic comedy, in a humanized world. I'm assuming based on the picture that it's also a rule 63 universe. But, that's it. The long description is there so that you can tell the future reader something about your story to get them interested, like the setting, basic plot, or something random that makes your story different from every other tavi/scratch. I love tavi/scratch as you would see if you looked at my bookshelves, but I have no interest in reading it because there is nothing there to get me interested.