Pony's Island

by No One and Nobody

Chapter 4

Chapter 4: I Curse the Name. The One Behind it Aaalllllllllll…

After hearing the entire tale without any more interruptions from either Gilligan or Pinkie, Twilight tapped her chin with a hoof as she thought for a minute. Then she said, “If you are really from another world I can think of only a few creatures with enough power in this universe to bring you here. There are the Princesses, myself included, and the Elements of Harmony, but probably the most likely would be…”

“DISCORD!” Shouted Pinkie, pointing towards the door.

Everyone spun around to face the door and sure enough, sitting on top of the lower half of the door was the darned draconequus himself, or at least his upside-down head.

“Thank you for the wonderful introduction Pinkie Pie,” said the head with a smile, dropping off the door and rolling towards the group. A headless body came up to the door and began feeling all over it as if looking for something, “I can always count on you to make me feel welcome.”

“No problemo,” said Pinkie batting a hoof at the head as the Professor, Skipper and Gilligan stared in stunned silence.

“What are you doing here?” said Twilight in a suspicious voice.

“Well I was just passing through after a hard day’s night of doing who-knows-what,” said the head as the body leaned against the front door and gestured with its hands as though nothing was amiss, “When I heard my name about to be mentioned. So I thought I’d drop by, see how you’re doing and find out what you think I did this time.”

Twilight frowned and said, “Usually you’ve done precisely what we thought you did, and it’s our job to undo whatever it is.”

“I resent that,” said the head with a frown, “More often than not I’ve done more than you thought I did, and lately I’ve even been helping you… By the way do you mind if I let myself in?”

Everyone looked up to see the headless form at the door waving politely.

“Fine,” groaned Twilight, rolling her eyes.

The figure began pulling on the door but for some reason it wouldn’t open.

“The door appears to be jammed,” said the head with a strange gleam in its eye, “Oh well, since I can’t open the door, I guess I’ll have to open the house.”

With that the headless creature did something which ended the Professor’s note-taking for two reasons, first of all it defied that laws of physics, second it made him drop his journal.

Gripping the lower half of the door in one hand and the doorframe in the other, the strange creature swung the house around on the door hinge while keeping the door firmly in place. This turned several of the piles of rock candy into rock-slide candy and made the Professor drop his notes while everyone remained standing. As the building swung out into the street there was a 'THUNK' and a white pony with curly pink & dark blue hair with three candies for a cutie mark had her face plastered against one of Sugarcube Corner's windows.

The body stepped around the door and into the room, shutting the building back into position with a closed door and leaving a flattened pony in the middle of the street outside. Bending down it picked up the head, set it on its long neck and gave it a spin until with a few mechanical clicks it stopped facing them.

“Ah, much better,” said the head, now part of a whole, “I was beginning to get a headache down there on the floor.”

The Professor, eyes as wide as golf-balls and his mind and sanity hanging by a thread, babbled something which amounted to, “How- He- It- But- What- Huh?”

Gilligan, lacking enough of a mind to be unfazed by the whole experience, managed to ask the question his two friends were trying to articulate, “Who are you?”

Discord, who up to this point had not noticed the humans, turned and faced Gilligan. A surprised look flew across his face, as he stroked his goatee.

“Excuse me Twilight, but what are these strange creatures doing in Ponyville? They don’t look like they belong here,” He asked, then comprehension flashed across his face, “Oh, now I see. You think I did that. Well I hate to disappoint you but- Oh wait I LOVE disappointing you. Anyway, I had nothing to do with this. I am innocent; what a strange feeling.”

“Who else possesses the power to transport creatures from one world to another?” Twilight said with a sarcastic tone.

“Well, I don’t know. Why not blame someone else for a change, or send a letter to your beloved Princess Celestia for help? I’m tired of me being your scapegoat AND encyclopedia,” Discord said as he crossed his arms and glared at Twilight.

“You’re not a scapegoat, or an encyclopedia, you’re a draconequus,” Pinkie said with a confused look on her face.

“Well, do you have an alibi for the crime?” Twilight asked.

Discord donned a trench-coat that he pulled out of nowhere and pushed Twilight back onto a wooden chair. He shone a bright light in her eyes and said, “So, I take it this is when you ask me where I was on the night of Monday the twenty-second of last January, right?”

“LEFT!” Yelled Pinkie, being Pinkie.

Twilight squinted and said, “Actually, it happened this morning, and shouldn’t I be the one shining the light in your face?”

Discord dropped the light, stepped back and shrugged his shoulders, saying, “Today, yesterday, five years ago, it’s all relative.”

“Maybe to you,” said Twilight pointing an accusing hoof at the draconequus.

“I’m telling you I am innocent. I was staying up at my ski chalet-”

“Don’t you live in a tree of Disharmony?” Twilight interjected.

“That’s my summer home. Trust me, you don’t want to be staying in a tree with all the chocolate snow that falls this time of year.”

“CHOCOLATE SNOW?!” Pinkie shrieked, her tongue hanging out, drooling.

“You realize it’s summer, right?” Twilight said.

“Consider the source my dear,” Discord said, holding up a sign with an arrow pointing to him with ‘SOURCE’ in big red letters.

Twilight face-hoofed and said, “Fine, continue…”

“Well, I had just returned home after a long day of water-skiing in the Mohave desert. I felt rather thirsty and decided to mix myself up something a little random.”

“Oh, how I wish that Fluttershy was here,” Twilight groaned to Spike. “She can understand him so much better than I.”

“Oh splendid idea. Why not bring them all up to date?” Discord said. He snapped his fingers and the other ponies and the rest of the castaways appeared. An exact replica of Discord handed out papers to the new arrivals.

“Thanks to my brilliant secretary,” said Discord, gesturing to another Discord, who sat at a typewriter wearing a set of reading glasses on a beaded neck cord, “We have this entire discussion transcribed for your reading pleasure.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet,” Said Fluttershy, “I told you all he’s changed.”

“I must say, this fellow sure seems to be on top of things. Perhaps I should hire him for Howell Industries,” said Mr. Howell, studying the paper that had just been handed to him by Discord #2.

“Which one Thurston; the secretary, the assistant or the representative?” Mrs. Howell said, squinting through her opera glasses at the three Discords.

“Perhaps I could hire them all, for discounted rates of course.”

“Oh Thurston, you are so clever.”

“They don’t call me the Wolf of Wall Street for the nothing.”

“Anyway,” said Discord, ignoring the two millionaires, “Twilight here has suggested that I, of all people, brought these people here using my magic,” as he spoke, he generated a halo above his head.

“And you were giving us your alibi, please continue,” Twilight said, trying to keep the Lord of Chaos on track.

“Yes well anyway, I was mixing myself up something a little random. So I took some chaos, powdered up some random comedy and for flair, I added a dash of something from my little black box.”

“We’re not here to exchange recipes Discord!” Said Rainbow Dash, Hovering a hoof or two over everypony’s heads, “Just what is in this black box of yours?”

Discord reached out and grabbed at the air, opening an invisible door on a squeaky hinge. He stuck his head into what appeared to be an invisible cabinet, making his head disappear.

“Oh where did I put that?” Discord muttered, as he rummaged around inside of nowhere, “Oh there it is,” he withdrew from the cabinet, a small cardboard box, painted black and about six inches on each side.

Apple Jack examined the box, “Uh, what's in there exactly?”

“Oh even I don’t know. That’s precisely why I made it. I remember it like it was two weeks ago, which it was. I was in my tree. It was summer back then, and I decided that I, the Lord of Chaos and Head Honcho of Hooey, needed to add a little panache to my otherwise drab and boring lifestyle,” Discord said, as a miniature marching band of Discords marched up his neck, around his head and back down his neck, all the while playing Glory, Glory, Hallelujah, “So I decided to create something which would surprise even ME!”

“So you can just take anything you want out of this box?” Asked an excited Rarity, “Even say a new dress? Or Jewels? Or even-”

“No,” said a slightly miffed Discord, “I can’t control what comes out of this. Here watch.”

With that, Discord up-ended the box and shot toward the ceiling riding a rapidly growing mountain of nonsensical items.

“There you see?” Said Discord as he crossed his arms, sitting atop the pile of rubbish. The last thing to come out of the black box was a fully inflated life raft. Discord climbed aboard, clutching the box and rode the raft down the hill of trash.

“Ok, so go on. What happened after you mixed the ‘ingredient’ from your black box into your drink?” Asked Twilight.

“It blew up. So anyway, this morning-“

“But what happened after it blew up?” Twilight interjected.

“How should I know? All I remember is a great ball of fire-“

“Goodness Gracious!” Pinkie Pie interrupted.

“Beautifully put Pinkie. And then I remember waking up the next morning, with the table in front of me dissolved. Such a shame too, that really was a nice table,” Discord muttered with a downtrodden look in his eyes, “I even had to shave my goatee out, after it was singed off.”

“And that’s it?” Twilight asked with a piercing glare.

“Yes. May I go now?” Discord asked with a sarcastic voice, “Or am I still being held for questioning?”

“Yes, you can go, but I may have some more questions for you later,” Twilight said.

With a smile and a quick wave Discord pulled a cork out of the floor and disappeared down a drain which vanished after him.

“Well, what do you think? Did his explanation make sense?” Spike asked.

“Of course not,” Twilight said with a groan, “It made no sense at all but that makes sense in Discord’s case. If it made sense, then something would be wrong. ”

“He- just- how- where- what-?” babbled the Professor, still dazed by the whole event.

“Don’t worry Sugarcube,” Said Apple Jack, putting a hoof on the Professors shoulder, “That’s how he makes us all feel.”

“May I help you?” Twilight asked as she noticed Mrs. Howell bent before her on the floor, in a low curtsy.

“Your Grace,” said Mrs. Howell, “Fluttershy tells us that you are a princess. Do you know the Queen of England?”

“Uh, no…. What’s a Queen?” Twilight asked, confused.

“They’re like princesses only bigger, more royalty-ish and they’re usually EVIL! Like the Quicked Ween! I mean the Wicked Queen!”

“The who Darling?” Rarity asked, as she stared at Pinkie.

“They try to feed you poison apples!”

“Poison what now?” Apple Jack asked, a look of horror on her face.

“And if you got the wrong color roses,” Pinkie said as she grabbed Rainbow out of the air and started shaking her, “They chop off your head!” With that she let go of Rainbow and drew a hoof across her neck making a ‘sshhhlllllllllllrrrrrk!’ noise, spraying spit all over Rainbow.

Rainbow pushed Pinkie back a hoof or two, “Pinkie, tone it down a bit,” she said as she wiped the strawberry flavored saliva out of her eyes.

Mr. Howell stepped forwards and said, “It’s been so long since we last hobnobbed with royalty, not to mention your friend Fluttershy is in desperate need of a stock ticker, and her house lacked ummm…”

“A certain je ne sais quoi,” put in Mrs. Howell, “So we were wondering if you might entertain the possibility of letting us reside with you in your royal domicile.”

Spike scratched his head, confused, “Um, Did anyone get that?”

Gilligan shook his head and said, “Not me.”

The Professor brightened up upon realizing that he at least understood this, “The Howells want to know if they can stay with Twilight.”

“Oh,” said Gilligan, Apple Jack, Spike, Skipper and Mary Anne in unison.

“Whatever,” said Rainbow, shrugging, “At least they’re not staying with me.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow and said, nonchalantly, “You know I’ve perfected a longer cloud-walking spell, right?”

Rainbow’s eyes widened and she spluttered, “The pegasi are planning a bit of cloudburst, so I better move my house up a little higher. You know, so it doesn’t get rained out. See ya.”

With that she vanished with a WOOOSHH! and a rainbow trail.

Twilight rolled her eyes and turned back to the Howells, “Of course you can stay at my castle. You don’t mind, do you Professor?”

“No, not at all,” said the Professor bending down to pick up his notebook.

“Well, now what?” Said Rarity.

“With Discord as innocent as Discord ever is,” Twilight rolled her eyes, “We have to consider all the other possibilities, which means…”

Rarity, Apple Jack, and Fluttershy backed up slightly and sighed.

“RESEARCH!!!” Screamed Twilight unknowingly in the Royal Canterlot voice, her hoof outstretched in a dramatic pose, while Pinkie fired off her party cannon behind her leading to a backdrop of rainbow colors.

The Professor looked up from his journal and stared at Twilight trying to discern where the brilliant background appeared from. As he did so the color faded and Twilight dropped her pose.

The Professor looked at his journal and then back at Twilight and said, “At this point there are a great deal of other phenomena I would rather study in this world. However you are the expert here Twilight, therefore I defer to your expertise.”

“Why don’t you two go along and spend some quality time with your friends,” said Pinkie, standing on her hind legs between Skipper and Gilligan with a hoof over each of their shoulders, “I’ll stay here and prepare your extra-mega-super-spectacular-fabumungously-giganormounbeliextremazincredi…”

By this point Skipper and Gilligan were already out the door running to catch up with Twilight, the Howells and the Professor.

Author's Note:

We do not own any of the rights to anything depicted in this story.
References, quotes, characters, lyrics, etc. all belong to their respective owners.

Comments

[Brody Deitrick]

i can't blame Gilligan and Skipper. Pinkie Pie scares me to