• Member Since 19th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 15th, 2019

Furzfanger


funny spectrum-goer

T

The Everfree Nuclear Power Plant has been functioning for nearly a year now. Unfortunately, a tragic accident occurs when a pony leaves his station unattended. Little being known about the effects of nuclear fallout, Equestria is faced with a massive problem. Will the Elements of Harmony be able to stop this new tragedy?

Chapters (9)
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Comments ( 28 )

Ok, I like the idea already. It's like Chernobyl in Equestria! BAD ASS.
But your writing style could use a little work. Each time a character speaks should be a new paragraph. That and thoughts should be identified differently than speech, like by using italics.
Other than that, it's pretty good and I can't wait to see more! :pinkiecrazy:

@neutralmilk Always glad to hear constructive criticism. I expected there to be some problems, this being my first story and all.

BR

And that's how Equestria was made. Nuclear reactor meltdown.

This could be interesting. Tracking.

You really, really need to follow the 'one speaker = one paragraph' rule. Otherwise, it's well flipping impossible to follow well. As well, you need to expand out the storyline. I know this is the first paragraph, but it's like nothing but ping-pong, talking heads dialogue. Try fleshing out their expressions, their movements, their emotions, and so on.

Concept-wise, it's interesting. I think that's it's pretty hard to believe that the ponies would obey what they're told, given how free-spirited they are. Especially Dashie. You might want to think about this.

So, generally, I like it. I'd track / watch / whatever, but my queue is screwed up. Or else maybe I've just watched / tracked / etc. too many fics. *Ugh, so many fics!* :pinkiecrazy:

I once took a class on nuclear safety, so I can help with technical details if you'd like.

Also, this fic is a lot more fun than that class. Watching.

Fixed the dialog in the paragraphs.
Anypony have any further thoughts on it? :applejackunsure:

Man, wasn't expecting a death so early, oh well.This looks to be promising. Have an up vote, favorite, and I'll be waiting for the next chapter. :rainbowdetermined2:

Huh, very interesting, at the moment they don't seem all that affected by the radiation, but who knows, Gamma radiation can really mess up the body and it can take different amounts of time for each to show signs of radiation sickness. Anyway, I will be waiting for the next chapter.

This is not typical treatment of irradiated patients.

*hand wave*
Must be magical radiation.

554910 Might I add that at this time, Equestria is just beginning to comprehend the effects of nuclear radiation on the body. It is also not certain whether Twilight and her friends have been compromised as of now. Celestia has no other option but to quarantine anypony suspected of exposure.

Last sentence:
The unicorn stroked the green scales atop his head. "Indeed it does."

first! oh, and you killed AJ? you got some writing balls. or if you are female, whatever, you get my point.

Dang, just... dang. I have a bad feeling about what's to come for the others, especially considering AJ, the strongest of them all showed the final symptoms of radiation poisoning first.

Man, I still can't get over the fact that AJ is dead, she is one of my favorites. Anyway, I think I see a Pinkie Pie complete meltdown coming, no pun intended.

Oh boy, this is going to be... interesting, to say the least.

Dang, talk about set backs. Anyway, the only thing I saw was at the beginning: As the two pegasi reached the exit, a large pair of crept into the clouded sun's dim light. A large pare of what? The eyes? I think there may have been one more some where else but that's about it. Over all pretty good.

697323 Ah! Thank you for your keen eyes. I never would have noticed it myself.

Oh, by the way... it was "paws" :twilightsheepish:

or you could go on hiatus

838766 Truthfully, it's always caused me depression. Seeing my favorite little ponies go through the torment and pain I create...
It hurts me dearly. :fluttershbad:

841525 no worries man. youre a pretty talented writer. keep writing, although maybe some happier stories:pinkiehappy:

I love it already! I'm off to read the next chapters! :twilightsmile:

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