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Pax is a diplomat. The job itself is great, very rewarding, and he has quite a talent for it, but the one part of this job that bores him more than anything is the long, bumpy travels aboard one of Equestrias many trains. To pass the time he has taken to writing accounts of the things he sees, the places he visits, and the stories ponies share with him. These are his notes.
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I like this story, but it has a distinct lack of Equestrian vernacular at times. This is a pony, a Pegasus, yet he uses the expression "hands" instead of hooves and "people" instead of "ponies". I find the story enjoyable, but the character seems to lack ponyism terms while still using ponyisms.
5998923 Fixed
Sorry that was my fault, I'm just so used to writing without having to think about using horse terms.
5998949 it's cool, I've noticed other authors make the same mistake.
5998923 Since the protagonist is a diplomat, it does make sense for him to use species-neutral terms unless strictly referring to a specific species.
6000854 Very true, but the main reason I pointed it out was that he was using racially neutral terms when talking about ponies, which he is one of.
This is super neat. Pax is quite an interesting fellow, and you're building his character really well. Being a frequent public transit taker I can relate to his people-watching habit; people are just so interesting, eh? I loved the stuff about the portrait. Reminded me a lot of how people get depressed when they're on facebook because they see the best parts of their friends' lives, forgetting that nobody posts their bad days online.
Anyways, I hope you're still planning additions to this... it's such a shame it hasn't reached the rated-ten-times-threshold. I'd like to see the more outlandish ponies and train stations
6378139
Why thank you, that means a lot to me. I'm going to keep adding, I've just been quite busy recently
. We're going to explore Pax's romantic history next. 