Homebound

by Retsamoreh

(17) Kind

-Aboard the ESS Homebound K-196
-Seven minutes after leaving the meeting room.
-Navigation room.
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“I don’t suppose I could have a word with you, Captain?”

“I’m kind of in the middle of a crisis right now,” I replied curtly, holding my palm up for Aran to observe. She had been following me down the winding hallways of the Homebound for the past thirty seconds, with an worrying look in her cat-like eyes. Let nobody doubt me when I say that looking for somepony that doesn’t want to be found, especially when you’re being talked at, is hard. Especially when you see two other ponies that wouldn’t mind killing you for yelling at their friend down the hallway. “Could it wait?”

“Sir this is life or death, you need to listen,” Aran pleaded, sidestepping to block my path. I grunted and, taking a glance at Rainbow Dash and Applejack down the way, leaned against the metal wall. I suppose she took that was the go-ahead, and it was. “Right, well, I went ahead and checked on the automated tests I set up down in the med-bay, to continue the research on vaccines and disease that might be caught by us, or even just other incompatibilities. Lots of interesting stuff, by the way. You’re going to want to see the comparisons to known DNA charts-”

“Get to the poi-eent, please,” I hissed, tapping my foot.

“I tested some of the Gee-Four-Em on pony cells, as one of the automated tests. When I got back, I, uh. Well I’m afraid I have bad news, sir. I have no idea why, but the pegasus species of the ponies, particularly Miss Fluttershy and Miss Dash, seem to be susceptible to its effects. At least, their cells did. Everypony else, like most others in the galaxy, are immune. The opening of the body’s defenses, slight as it may be, is almost exactly like your species, sir. Sir, do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Yes,” I breathed, looking at the floor. Polished as it was, I could easily tell my face had gone paler than usual. That seemed to be happening quite a lot, lately. “Yes, and I know what it means. I was at ground-zero when the outbreak started. I just...”

“Sir.... Jackson, we don’t have the cure on board. It’s rare to come by as it is, being only made to effect your people.”

“Aran.”

“I could send, or you could order, I do suppose, for a couple doses of the stuff, but otherwise we just have to be careful around them. Would you like me to do a test on you, just to make sure that it’s dormant?”

“Aran, there isn’t a cure, and don’t you dare repeat that,” I whispered, pushing off the wall and walking past her. If she said anything, I didn’t hear it, because by then I was already halfway down the hallway and barreling straight into the personal space of two beings I didn’t want to talk to, but, of course, they wanted to talk to me. A lot. Like, shove me up against the wall kind of a lot. Yelling in my face kind of gave it away, too.

“Oh yeah, Jackson, we totally saw what you did to Fluttershy! You think we’re going to let that stand?” Rainbow yelled, jabbing me in the chest with a hoof. She was floating mid-air in the hallway, flapping steadily on her cyan wings, and I have no idea how she actually pushed me into the wall with that jab. Ponies were strong.

“Y’care you explain yerself, bucko? She won’t even let us get near her, an’ she’s off crying her eyes out in the hangar room. Crazy geddy you call TACT locked the door when she asked ‘m to.”

“Listen, listen,” I said, shoving Rainbow’s hoof off my chest. “I am not in the mood to deal with this. If you want me to, I’ll let you yell at me later, but right now I’ve got a pink-haired pony to reply to. No,” I said, narrowing my eyes at Rainbow as she opened her mouth, “I do not mean Pinkie Pie.”

“Uhg! That’s all it is with you, Jackson. ‘Talk to me later,’ or ‘I’m not in ze mood!’ When are you actually going to sit down and talk with me?” Rainbow said, putting her hoof on my chest again. I glowered, glanced at Applejack, and pushed her back.

“Firstly, missy,” I growled, “that is not how my accent sounds, and I’ll be strung up on a pike before I let you think that. Secondly, this isn’t your business. This is between Fluttershy and I, and I know you’re her friend, but right now you’re just stalling me from actually apologizing to her. Theoretically, I could tell her you tried to stop me. How would she react to that, you think?”

“What?!” she exclaimed, backing up. “I’m not trying to stop you. That’s like, obvious, right? I’m just really, really angry you made her cry is all! Why would you lie to her just to make me, her friend, look bad?”

“Because,” I hissed, leaning in close, “I’m sick of your attitude on my ship, Miss Dash. Instead of talking to me, you ambushed me in this hallway and, just now, shoved me up against a wall. Why wouldn’t I have bad thoughts about you, Miss Dash? You got in a fight with an Admiral after twenty seconds of conversation with him, and San’s a doofus sometimes, yeah, but that’s not very impressive. So before you go criticizing others, think about things, will ‘ya?”

“Jackson,” Applejack said, and I turned my eyes on her. “After you apologize, I wanna talk t’yeh.”

“Sounds good,” I said, looking back to the cyan aggressor. “You go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done, Dash. Goodbye.” She opened and closed her mouth like a suffocating fish, not even pushing back as I stepped past her. Applejack grumbled something unintelligible, and I wasn’t sure if it was directed at Dash or the angry starship captain walking away. We were on the lower levels, and that meant I only had a short way to go to get to the hangar, and hopefully the other ponies weren’t crowding the door when I arrived.

I passed the door to the medical bay, and paused. Around the corner would be the door to the hangar, but I hadn’t checked in on Twilight yet. Aran reported she was stable and conscious when I left the meeting room. I’d just take a peek, I said to myself, and leaned up against the door to listen to muffled voices. Faded, but recognizable as Twilight’s and the rest of her friends.

“-sure Jackson made her like that? It doesn’t sound like him,” Twilight said.

“I watched it happen dear, but no worries, he appeared to be in some distress at the time. I don’t think he meant what he said, but nevertheless, I ordered him to apologize.”

“Hm... mental distress? Maybe he was suffering from the same thing I was, and it... oh wow. I couldn’t imagine being told off by Celestia like he was with the Admiral, if my head hurt like that. I’d be grumpy... but still, you’re right. He needs to apologize. Is the door still locked?”

“Yup!” another voice said, just as I started to move away from the door, “and-”

“TACT?” I whispered into the air. A screen next to me blinked on, and I stepped around the corner.

-14-15 13-5-18-3-25 STORAGE COMPARTMENT DAMAGED.
-6-15-18 20-8-5 FILE CORRUPTION WIDESPREAD.
-4-15-15-13-5-4 AUDIO LOGS HAVE COMMENCED SCATTER ROUTINE.

“I don’t like what you’re turning into, Jackson. It’s not... you. When you left, all I saw was this... this happy, young boy off on an adventure in a galaxy that was just opening itself up to him. Now you’re back, and I don’t even recognize your face.”

“It’s been a long time. I’ve been. It’s just.”

“Did you... kill anybody?”

“I- I- of course I did! It’s been four years. I’ve killed plenty of people. Shiploads. Even on this very planet. Why, do you think I like it?”

“I heard all about you and the battle at the site which has been... appropriately... renamed ‘Blood Valley’. The King declared you a planetary hero. Is that your official title here, now? Hero Amber? Doesn’t suit you, I think. So yes, I know you’ve killed soldiers, but have you truly killed people?”

“What do you mean by people? Soldiers aren’t any different from people, and I’ve killed them, so I’ve therefore ended the lives of people. You’re a scientist, you should know this.”

“No... you misunderstand me. I know what soldiers you’ve fought, and they weren’t people. They were just as the news described them, demons. How can you, of all the members of the Wing who have lost so much to those monsters, still consider them people? Because they’re not. They kill, pillage, and destroy. They were trained that way.”

“No.... You’re wrong.”

“Don-”

“I’ve fought them on the front lines. I’ve killed them, not you. If they’re not people, then what am I? Don’t you dare forget that behind this uniform is a real person, your son, because he knows that behind every war-damaged helmet is a face just like his, thinking thoughts just like his. Do you know how depressing it is, doing what I do? I have my intelligence workers gather data about every soul I end, just to remind myself that whenever I disable a VALK and go for the kill-shot, I’m ending a life, widowing a wife, and taking away a member of a family. I don’t care if you’ve been isolated in this huge, annoyingly white science-y tower of yours for the twelve years I’ve been gone, you need to remember that people are still out there.”

“Yes, yes. People are out there, right now, banging on my door like the mob they are. Now why don’t you take the troops you brought and calm them down with the butt of your gun? That’s what you’re good at, appare-”

“I’m not done! Once you start forgetting there’s no difference between a soldier and a civilian, at the core of things, you lose sight of what makes life important. It’s not about killing, or about power, even if killing or power lets you help others. Sometimes, and I’ve seen this happen before with my very eyes, dad, sometimes the thing that changes the entire galaxy is a single act of compassion, forgiveness, kindness...”

~=V=~

“So, what are you waiting for, TACT?” I asked, frowning at the door. “Open it. I know you’re trying to watch out for her, but my authority overrides yours.”

“Sir, When I Suggested You Use Gentleness To Appeal To Fluttershy’s Natural Sensitivity, I Did Not Mean Yell In Her Face. Distress Levels Show That Further Interaction May Only Make The Situation More Unstable. An Apology Is Necessary For Regaining Of Trust,” he replied.

“No... apologies are never simple,” I grumbled, resting one shoulder against the doorframe. “Her friends are going to hate me for this. Hmph. Do you suppose they’ll try to listen through the door?”

“Judging From Their Actions, They Appear Ready To Leave The Medical Bay. I Would Say Yes. In Similar Events, Applejack And Rainbow Dash Have Finished Conversing With Ensign ERROR.” TACT’s symbol pulsed on the wall, and I rolled my eyes.

“It’s pronounced V!los, TACT. Not ‘Error’. Anyways, if...” I trailed off, swallowing, “if Twilight or one of her friends comes and wants to know what’s going on, tell them you can broadcast security footage, live, of what I’m doing. In fact, if they don’t come, bring it up that I overrode your command and am with Fluttershy. That way, they get what I’m doing is genuine and I don’t have to convince them. If they are listening in, and have been... try to... hm. Use the word ‘adequate’ if they are, when I next talk to you. Got it?”

“Affirmative, Sir. Doors Are Unlocked, And Will Lock Behind You. Hangar Bay Door Is Closed.”

“Good, good. Open up, my little dormouse den,” I said, letting the sleek metal slide past to open up to the hangar. It was just how I remembered it: stacks of cargo lined up against the far wall, Bearclaw transport hanging from the ceiling, floor spit-clean... and the Fate, suspended from the ceiling, sporting an open ramp and emitting sobbing noises. Making sobbing noises was not in the Fate’s design. “Fluttershy?” I called, stepping over to the fate. Blue overhead lights pulsed, reflecting off the shimmering blue energy that made up the bay’s shield, and behind that was a dull grey sheet of hull that had remained closed since the Admirals arrived.

“N-n-no! Go a-a-w-way! No-p-pony is here!” a timid voice sputtered back. I sighed, and stopped at the raised edge of the ramp. “P... please!”

“Fluttershy, I need to talk with you,” I said, staring up at the ramp. At almost two meters off the ground, she had successfully isolated herself from me. But even as I looked up, maneuvers and strategies for entry were whooshing through my mind. She answered, and by then I had turned around.

“Jackson...? I- no! N-no! Pl... please....” I rolled my eyes, looking at the opposite wall and lowering myself into a ready position.

“Fluttershy, I just, I just need to-” I uselessly sputtered, making a sprinting run for the wall. A yard away, I leapt into the air, twisted, and pushed myself off the side of the wall with a well-aimed kick of the legs. Contact with the wall sent a jarring quake rippling up my bone structure, and my face had contorted into a pained grimace by the time I hit the ramp full force with my shoulder. “Err-oof. Talk.”

“No!”

“Your- errrg... your mind says no, but your heart says yes,” I grumbled, struggling to my feet. I stopped at the entrance to the dropship, swaying and holding unsteadily to one side. Fluttershy shot up from one of the cushioned chairs, staring at me with wild, red eyes. “That sounded really stupid out-loud,” I said, wiping nonchalantly at my face. “Miss Fluttershy.”

“Go away!”

“I just want to apologize!” I hissed, cradling my face in my hand. “I... it was stupid, I was stupid, and you didn’t deserve me yelling at you. There’s... absolutely nothing I can do to fix it, I know, but you need to know that I’m sorry. You.” I paused, taking a stride towards her. Eyes locked on me like homing missiles, she continued her gaze, and I met it as a warrior in a duel. “You aren’t pathetic. You aren’t... stupid, and if there’s anything in the universe I know, it’s this.” I bent down to one knee, reaching out to grip one shoulder on her quivering side. “You are not nothing.”

“But you said-”

“I was angry, and scared, and... I wasn’t myself. What matters is that in the end, everything I said was false. Out of all of Equestria, you were han- hoof-picked to explore an unknown area of the universe, and here you are, thousands of light-years away from Equestria and sitting inside of one of the best pieces of technology the galaxy can offer, as an ambassador to a... a powerful force. You are anything but nothing. So for the sake of your friends, accept that.”

“Why?” she asked suddenly, taking a tentative step back. I swallowed, and looked at the ground. “Why are you acting so differently? At first, you’re very n-nice and polite, and all of a sudden you’re yelling at me, and now you’re apologizing? I... um, forgive you,” she said, looking up at me with a tilted expression. “But what’s wrong? N-nopony should act like that.”

I looked up, and the corners of my mouth tilted. “I need to show you something, Miss Fluttershy. Would you come with me to the front of the Fate?”

She gulped, and took a long look at the cockpit. “Okay.” I tried to give a reassuring smile as I lead the way, sliding back the door and opening the large space in the front.

“The cockpit has room for two, technically, even if there’s only one seat,” I said, letting her hop in the overly cushioned pilot’s chair. Waiting until she was comfortable, I took my seat on the ground in front of her. Before us, past the silent holographic screens and the window, was the back door of the hangar in all its shimmering glory. “Miss Fluttershy, I feel like I’m not honest with you and your friends enough.”

“Um...” she said, looking down at me.

“So, if there’s anything you want to talk about, just ask. I’m an open book,” I said, looking out to the hangar with a soft smile.

“What happened on... Jut’Firek? Your friend mentioned it... and, um, you and Mr. Uske didn’t seem happy he did...” she asked, and the only initial reply I could give was the steady thump of my head as it hit the armrest on her chair. “If that’s alright with you, I mean.”

“It’s fine... I promised to be honest, I guess,” I whispered, letting my eyes fall closed. “But I’ve got to ask, Fluttershy, you don’t seem like the kind of person... pony thing that would like the answer. I’m a soldier. Do you even know what that means?”

“Well, um, yes. Equestria has soldiers, after all. They’re sworn to protect us and the princesses,” Fluttershy said, “and I know you’re a soldier too, so that, um, means you protect your people and your princesses, right? You could never be that bad.” I chuckled, turning to look up at her bewildered expression.

“Yeah, yeah. More than just princesses and our people. Sometimes we go out of the way to protect people and princesses we’re not even sworn to protect, simply because... well,” I trailed off, turning back around. “Because it’s the right thing to do, I guess. You know, do you think Equestrian soldiers would... say, kill another soldier - an enemy soldier, if it meant upholding their oath to protect Equestria?”

“Eep.”

“Come on, missus Shy. I know you can answer that.”

“Well... I... I don’t want to answer, but... maybe, um, they wouldn’t have to kill the other pony Nopony needs to die...”

“Sometimes, if it’s the only way to protect the things you love, somebody has to die, Fluttershy. It’s not right, and killing is wrong, but a soldier has to sometimes. That’s what war is. From what Celestia told me, Equestria hasn’t had a war in a long, long, long time. That’s not what happens out here. When do you think the last war we had was?”

All I heard was her soft, whispery breathing for a moment, until an answer finally came out. “Um, maybe, a hundred years?”

“One. It’s been one year since the last war ended, and we call it The War That Never Was. I fought in it, and I killed a few people. Living, breathing people, who might’ve had families and definitely had friends, and would’ve killed me and liked it. That, in the end, is what being a soldier is. I don’t like it, but I had to fight. Otherwise, the people I had sworn to protect would’ve died. What could I have done?”

“Peace,” she squeaked. “You could have asked for peace. No more fighting. No more... no more killing. It’s wrong.”

“It is wrong, yeah. It’s stupid and it’s.... I brought about twenty men with me to the planet Jut’Firek,” I whispered, closing my eyes again. “Our mission was to capture to... nullify a high ranking enemy commander that had landed before us. In the end, it was a trap. So they captured us, and because we were the enemy, and we were supposed to kill them, they executed us.”

I looked up, but not at Fluttershy. Anywhere but her.

“Four men, including myself, escaped. Four out of twenty. I was responsible for each and every one of their lives, and... they... I-”

“I’m sorry,” she sputtered. “I didn’t m-mean to ask...”

“God, Fluttershy, it’s fine,” I whispered, swallowing a choking sob. “I’m fine, you’re fine... it’s just a lot to handle. Being a soldier is one thing, and so is killing, but being a leader.... When you’re a leader, you’re not just killing people who want to kill you and everything you love, you’re sending the people you love out to die. Taking orders is easier than giving them.”

“I shouldn’t have asked. I-I’m so sorry,” she stuttered.

“It’s fine. At the end of the day, I know it’s fine, because I can always... I can always remember that I don’t enjoy killing, and I don’t enjoy leading. I do it because I’m good at it, and because it needs to be done by somebody. The burdens always need to be carried by someone. That is me. I knew what I’d be getting into, s-so don’t feel bad for me,” I hissed, taking in a shaky breath.

“It’s okay. I, um, do feel bad for you, though. And I forgive you for yelling at me,” she said. I looked up, face blanked, at her overly humongous eyes. “You aren’t a bad man, Jackson. You just seem sad, and maybe... maybe hugs don’t heal everything. Sometimes hugs don’t make me feel better, even if they’re from a friend. Being there helps... a lot.”

“Yeah,” I whispered, “and now I think it’s about time I showed you.”

“Mr. Amber...?”

“TACT,” I said, looking at the distorted, constantly fluctuating image of the hangar bay doors. “Open the doors for us, please. Make sure we’ve got a good view of the stars.”

“I Believe Visual Reception Of The Stars Will Be Adequate, Sir.”

“What are you going to show me?” Fluttershy asked, sliding off her perch and taking a seat next to me. Losing all hold of the concentrated face I had held since I entered the door, a smile broke through my facade. Keeping my eyes glued on the door, which was rapidly lowering and retracting into itself, I took a gulp of fresh air.

Watching as the swirling mess of stars whipping past at faster-than-light speeds filled our vision, I breathed. “Everything.”

And it was.

~=V=~

Comments

[Retsamoreh]

A/N:

You have my sincerest apologies for this chapter. It was short, it was boring, and I hated writing it. For several reasons I hated it, the first of them being that the Winter Slump has come early for me, and it always kills my writing around this time. The second, was a bad case of writer's block brought upon by another thing I was writing. The third? Well quite simply, writing Fluttershy is boring for me. I can't stand her. It's awful.

So, yes. All the other chapters are outlined, and from here on out we have six more chapters until the end of the Act. The end will be... explosive, I promise.

Sorry.

[Laichonious the Grey]

Still think it would have been better if you had her actually hug him. And you should have ruthlessly beaten the living daylights out of Jackson with guilt. But overall, I don't think you have slipped under par as you seem to think.

[Sonicbrony66]

GODDAMNIT MAN! EVEN THE FUCKING AI CAN'T PRONOUNCE IT!
Nice chapter mate. Sorry bout the rage, small bit of OCD. It'll pass.
No it won't.

[Piquo Pie]

Enjoyable. You did Fluttershy well.