Coming To Terms
There was another silence. A different silence.
“...no,” Pinkie said, her expression unreadable from the hair falling down over her face. Between the distance looking down from atop the privacy cage, and Pinkie Pie’s weakly muted body language, it was hard for Rainbow Dash to see the alarm in Pinkie’s reaction. But it was there.
Patiently standing before the emaciated pony, inside her magically induced Pinkie containment cube, Twilight said, “You have to—”
“No,” Pinkie countered.
“It’s okay, Pink–” Twilight started, but Pinkie resisted, saying,
“No. No I won’t e-eat a p-p-only monsters eat p-p-pon–”
“That’s not true!” Twilight shouted at her. Princess Celestia half turned to Twilight. Even the other Pinkie Pie started paying attention.
“I used to think that was true,” Twilight said more levelly with a nervous glance at the princess, “But then I discovered something–somepony who eats ponies, and she was no monster. She was a little filly, who just wanted friends and family and a normal life. Good ponies do eat ponies Pinkie, we just didn’t know about it.”
Pinkie huffed tensely, turning away from Twilight’s gaze and squeezing her eyes shut.
“You have to eat her, Pinkie,” Twilight continued insistently, “She’s a part of you. A part who came out of you, without ever even wanting to. You— look at yourself!” Twilight was raising her voice again, but she didn’t look like she was going to stop this time. “You’re nothing but skin and bones! You would be dead if the princess hadn’t found you!”
Pinkie grumbled something to herself that Rainbow Dash couldn’t make out. But Twilight sure could.
“Please Pinkie, you’re my friend!” Twilight exclaimed, crouching low on her hooves with her ears flat in desperation. “I... I can’t lose you! You know what that would do to me? You–you’re going to be okay! Everything is going to be okay. Nopony is going to die, and everything is going to be fine, if you would just eat the Pinkie!”
“Why can’t she eat me?” the skinny Pinkie sneered contrarily.
“Because the incorporation process appears to subsume the deproduced personality into a subconscious state of anautonomy,” Twilight explained smoothly.
Pinkie Pie blinked at her.
“Because she’s not Pinkie Pie!” Twilight exclaimed less than smoothly, lashing a hoof in the direction of the unconcerned Pinkie Pie clone.
After a pause, Pinkie seemed to perceive that Twilight was still looking at her expectantly, and a stubborn frown crossed her face. She shook her head.
“You’re going to eat this Pinkie...” Twilight insisted, rather... strongly, grabbing the other Pinkie in her telekinesis and pushing her against the original Pinkie.
“No I won’t!” shouted Pinkie, struggling stubbornly (and weakly) against Twilight’s attempts to physically shove the other Pinkie down her throat. It wasn’t very effective, on either of their parts.
“Twilight,” the princess said with concern, starting to stride towards them, but Twilight snapped up a cautioning hoof in her direction, a hoof of absolute importance to be obeyed. And somehow the princess uh, obeyed it. Rainbow Dash’s head was starting to hurt again.
“You eat this Pinkie!” Twilight shouted angrily, while the other Pinkie being jerked around gave a frightened and unsettlingly equine squeal. Weren’t they supposed to be bugs or something?
“No!” shouted Pinkie back, batting the other Pinkie away with her forehooves. Symbolically batting her away, if not physically.
“You eat Pinkie right this instant, young lady!” Twilight shouted with a glower.
“YOU’RE NOT MY MOM!” Pinkie shouted back through angry tears.
That even made Twilight pause.
The thin Pinkie looked around self consciously, saying, “What? She’s not.”
Twilight facehoofed. “Just eat the Pinkie,” she said.
“But I–”
“Just! Eat!”
Pinkie stared at Twilight in trembling fear and confusion.
“Just... trust me,” Twilight said more gently, forcing herself to relax. “It’ll be okay. You’re hungry, I know you are. Just do what you want to do. It’s what you’re supposed to do.”
She placed the other Pinkie beside the original, and the two looked at each other from varying perspectives. Pinkie touched her bouncier, fluffier, more adorabler-er counterpart, who didn’t even flinch at Pinkie’s sorry physical state.
“I... I... okay Twilight...” Pinkie said miserably. She hugged the other Pinkie, who again didn’t resist or try to run away. She seemed to almost be expecting this sort of thing. Maybe the new ones sort of... did? Like with the ones Scootaloo made, and stuff?
“I just eat her, right?” Pinkie asked, nosing at the other Pinkie, who giggled but otherwise remained passive.
“Just put her head in your mouth,” Twilight said. “The rest should come naturally.”
“Her whole head?” Pinkie said in disbelief.
Twilight frowned disapprovingly at that saying, “I know you can open your mouth that wide, Pinkie.”
“I... um... yeah...” Pinkie said, still looking at Pinkie reluctantly.
“Everything will be fine, Pinkie,” Twilight reassured her. “You’ll be fine. She will be fine.” She pointed at the other Pinkie, making the original Pinkie even more confused. It occurred to Rainbow Dash, that for all her history with these kinds of ponies, Pinkie probably didn’t know about the awesome cool and totally not weird thing that Scootaloo and Archer could do. And apparantly that Pinkie Pie could do now.
“You’ll feel her dissolve in your belly, and then you’ll remember what happened after she separated from you,” Twilight explained soothingly. “You won’t be any less yourself, and neither will she, um, somehow. That’s what Scootaloo says, at least.”
“Where is...” Pinkie glanced around hopefully.
“Somewhere not being traumatized by all this,” Twilight responded stiffly. “You can apologize to her after you’re not dying of extreme starvation.”
...
“Can I have a cupcake instea–”
“No.”
“Fffine...”
Pinkie Pie nervously, hesitantly, opened her mouth just a teeny tiny bit and closed it down on her healthier duplicate’s... ear. Just her ear. She nibbled at it as if tasting a fine wine, while the other Pinkie half-closed her eyes, and thumped her foot on the floor. Pinkie released the ear, crossing her eyes saying, “My theeth are funny now,” as she ran her tongue along er... well it was sort of like teeth. Tooth?
“Dental ridge,” Twilight said shortly. “Please hurry, Pinkie. I don’t want to have to recussitate your heart, just to get you to eat yourself.”
Pinkie whimpered, but nodded. She looked to the other Pinkie and opened her mouth—literally—to nom on her. Then, she opened her mouth a bit more. Then, the other Pinkie tried to help by actually climbing into Pinkie’s mouth. This had the opposite intended effect, as the alarmed original Pinkie Pie squeaked and fell backward pushing the other away frantically, moaning in pain as her strained tissues hit the earth.
“Pinkie please” Twilight said, her own voice cracking from the emotional strain.
“I... I can, Twilight,” Pinkie said, “It just surp–”
“Yes you can, Pinkie!” Twilight argued fiercely, then drew up short, lifting a hoof. “Wait, did you say you can?”
“It just surprised me,” the flat haired Pinkie said somewhat grumpily. Then she struggled up again and hugged the other Pinkie. Sort of the way that Scootaloo did before, probably just something that happened to these kinds of ponies. Then Pinkie opened her mouth, and she like, “Pinkie Pie”-opened, not just regular-opened. Or maybe it would be Scootaloo-opened now? She opened her mouth really bucking wide, okay???? Now put down that chilidog and look up in the sky!
Pinkie Pie opened her mouth, and managed to wiggle it entirely around the ears, nose, bouncy mane and head of her duplicate. If a skinny Pinkie Pie looked weird in of itself, with her head stretched to twice its size from another head inside it, it looked really, really weird. The image of Pinkie Pie as a hot air balloon flashed through Rainbow Dash’s mind. Who, incidentally, was the one watching all this, by the way. And maybe just a few other curious pegasi who happened to drift up to the open top of the cage, just a teeny bit of a crowd.
They looked like an amalgam of two ponies, the second Pinkie’s torso just sticking out at a slight angle, with the real one hugging her tightly. Pinkie Pie’s eyes actually managed to seek around, even all stretched out like that. Sort of like they would rotate if she was looking behind her, except her eyes were so... sideways that they just didn’t move right. Of course anything Pinkie said was unintelligible, but it was something she mumbled like “Mmm mmm mmm? Mm–!! Hn—”
Even in the middle of her whole fillysprite thing, she seemed uncertain, but then her voice cut off and her tone grew urgent. Pinkie Pie gave sort of a confused grunt, as her body jerked like it was... it was totally trying to do the Scootaloo thing, but Pinkie was way too weak to lift the other Pinkie, so she just sort of fell on her side, as did the other one... the torso and legs of the other one, at least.
Twilight stood over them worriedly, her horn glowing even brighter, but Pinkie’s whimpering had become a more pleased, or satisfied “mmmm” sort of sound, and she hitched forward, eyes rolling, as the other was still pulled into her mouth, inch by inch, by a hestiant, then eager flexing. Pinkie was doing something that might have passed for a full body swallow, if it were possible for a pony to have a full body swallow.
Pinkie Pie’s skinny belly stretched outward as the other was pulled into her, making her look like a teardrop, with... uh... skinny little hooves sticking out of it like toothpicks. Okay yeah, the skinny hooves, those are really creepy. Rainbow Dash pretty much never wanted to see a pony starving like that ever again, no matter what weird tribe they were. She wanted good nice thick smooth legs, and her friend to stop suffering something like that.
And then, with a not so subtle gurgling sound, even the hooves seemed to fix themselves. Whatever happened to the Pinkie inside her, it seemed to flow like fluid into her legs, filling out her extremities as her midsection rippled in steady contractions. Pinkie just lay there, looking totally blissful, turning from a grape with sticks on it, to something more resembling a normal pony again. She still looked totally skinny though, but you couldn’t see her joints all creepily as much. She sat up much easier this time, and seemed to notice she still had the tail sticking out of her mouth.
With another powerful contraction, she slurped it right up into her mouth, and the last of well, the curly haired Pinkie was gone. This last step seemed to affect Pinkie more than all the rest of the process though, because her eyes widened (the normal way) and she said, “Oh muffins, I just did that. T-the tail it was I just... I just did...”
And probably the first coherent thing that came from Pinkie’s mouth since random pregnancy advice, she said, quietly, and then with more agitation, “I saw it happen to Inkie. I did. They just... slurped her right up. They said she was okay, that I would be okay. They didn’t tell me, just said close my eyes. It was supposed to be a surprise. It was a surprise I didn’t... I didn’t even know!”
“Who’s Inkie?” a wavery voiced pegasus mare hanging onto the cage called down below. A flat-haired, tear-stricken Pinkie jerked her head to look up, along with Twilight, along with the Princess Celestia, to see at least a hundred pegasi all looking down at the dramatic events unfolding.
“Ceiling!” Twilight shouted angrily, and a bit desperately. Her magic flared and all the pegasi were knocked away by a new panel of the cage zooming up to the top of it, closing off the ceiling and giving the ponies within actual privacy. Rainbow Dash fluttered down to the ground level of the containment cube, giving its opaque walls a wan look. Rainbow liked privacy and all, but that was important stuff, and it sort of felt like lying to hide it.
She spared a smug grin though, because the cage had originally been designed to drop things in from the top, yet not even Twilight Sparkle had thought to add a ceiling. That was one thing unicorns and earth ponies always seemed to forget, they never checked the ceiling. Score one for pegasi super secret agent spyponies.
Okay yeah she did feel a little guilty about how Pinkie was going to get all embarassed and all, and it probably was wrong of her to put herself above unicorns and earth ponies, and Pinkie all crying and upset wasn’t really important for the whole town to see, and... yeah Rainbow Dash was pretty much never going to speak of this again.
A good amount of time passed, before Twilight let the cube fade from an opaque magenta to nothingness. A still very skinny, but less weepy Pinkie emerged. She was helped along by Twilight Sparkle at her side, with Princess Celestia following cautiously from behind. None of them were willing to look any pegasi in the eye, though to be fair Rainbow Dash was pretty much the only pegasus who didn’t scram for the clouds when they got caught peeking. She didn’t care though; Rainbow would do the right thing no matter what secrets she knew about Pinkie. Anypony with a problem that would have to go through Rainbow Dash.
Plus she was—and don’t quote her on this—but she was pretty sure Princess Celestia had smiled amusedly before the ceiling blocked them off.
Twilight led Pinkie to the edge of the Pinkie pool, where Pinkie’s ears went down at the sight of all of the Pinkies down there, either jumping around or looking up at her expectantly. “That’s a looooootta me,” Pinkie Pie said dazedly.
“First the mirror pool, now the Pinkie Pool, huh, Pinkie?” Dash said to her cheekily.
Only half listening, Pinkie Pie stared downward and licked her lips. “Uh huh. I’m um... I’ll be right back in just one”
“No,” Twilight said forcefully, dragging Pinkie back from the edge with her magic. She got in the way, looking at Pinkie saying, “You cannot under any circumstances go into that pit.”
“Why not?” Pinkie whined, sinking down exhaustedly. “You said I could eat them, and it was okay?”
“The problem is, one of them might eat you,” Twilight said. Pinkie got real serious at that, and Twilight impressed upon her, “It won’t hurt you, if that happens. But it will make you extremely hard to find, and recover. You won’t be ‘you’ any more, just like the Pinkie you have eaten didn’t take over your agency. I have no idea what happens, if the pony who eats you is eaten. I will happily introduce you to the Pinkies under controlled conditions, one at a time. That way if something... unfortunate happens, we can make sure you’re alright.”
“I don’t want to get eaten...” Pinkie whimpered, scrunching down even more compactly.
“You’ll be fine if you do,” Twilight said to her, “We’ll just feed the Pinkie until she ...relinquishes you, and you’ll be safe and sound.”
“I know,” Pinkie Pie said, unusually quietly.
“So don’t worry we’ll wait, what?” Twilight blinked down at the dejected, starving Pinkie Pie.
Dash jerked back a step, surprised as Pinkie lunged to face her, and not facing Twilight. “I–I remember when it happened,” Pinkie Pie said urgently to Rainbow Dash. “The first time. That’s what you were hearering before Twilight swatted ya. It was a looooong time ago, and I thought it was just a bag or...something, but I remember.”
She turned back to Twilight, saying in a hurt voice, “And it was really scary!” More outraged in tone than hurt, really. “I couldn’t even think, and I thought I was Inkie, and my sister was scared, and I couldn’t be scared, only she could, and that was scary!”
“...and then I was out again,” Pinkie Pie said dully, not really looking at anypony at this point. “They said I did such a good job, and I could be in the club for big foals now. Then the... bad things started to happen.”
The quiet whisper escaped her, “...I miss her,” before Pinkie went silent again.
Twilight craned down to her, murmuring, “You don’t have to say this, Pinkie. You’re in public now, and just about anypony” she shot Rainbow Dash another nasty look, “Could hear what you said.”
“It’s okay Twilie,” Pinkie Pie mumbled from where she lay there. “I wanted Dashie to know... because she... I should have listened to her... first...”
Both Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle had their heads nestled attentively close to the little pink pony, at least until Pinkie started to snore. Dash pulled back and started to snicker, but as usual Twilight was a worry-wart.
“Oh no, she was supposed to eat more. I don’t know if it’s safe for her to sleep like this. By my calculations, she needs at least 3 Pinkies to reach even minimum pony plasma counts.”
“Aw, Twilight,” Dash said chidingly, “You gotta focus on getting the Pinkie ready to eat then, and don’t worry about her sleeping or not.” Her brain tripped over something then, and she added, “Wait, how many Pinkies does she need to eat to get back to 100%?”
“At least 11,” Twilight said, “Perhaps all the way up to 20, I’m really operating in uncharted territory here.”
Rainbow Dash blinked at her. “Then Twilight,” she said haltingly, “What about the other... how the heck many Pinkies are there?”
“Let’s just say,” Twilight said unconcealing a disgusted look at the starving pink pony, “She’s gonna be eating herself for quite a while.”
Rainbow Dash started counting, and Twilight sighed, and stopped Dash’s rhythmic tapping with, “Assuming she can eat 1 Pinkie a day on a permanent basis, around 21 days. Assuming 1 every other day, which I feel is more likely, 102 days.”
Dash shook her head, “Sorry Twilight, but... there’s a jillion Pinkies over there! That’s a lot more than a hundred! Like, a lot!”
“Yes, but remember the other Pinkies are going to need to eat too,” Twilight corrected.
Rainbow had to pause at that, asking unhappily, “So... you don’t just subtract?”
Twilight shook her head. “No, it’s more of that ‘fancy mathematics’ you always make fun of.”
“Figures,” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes resentfully.
Twilight gave Rainbow Dash an eyebrow raise, whereupon Rainbow Dash just crossed her hooves and returned a challenging look. It obviously intimidated Twilight into submission because she rolled her eyes submissively and stopped looking Dash in the eye. Rainbow Dash was clearly too challenging to be challenged, obviously, because Twilight didn’t send her away or demand she know about math.
“As a matter of fact,” Twilight said, laying a proud hoof on her chest, “This ‘fancy mathematics’ also lets me figure out how many Pinkies came out of Pinkie’s mouth. Working backward from my final estimate of twelve kilopinkies, or QBJQ, I have estimated that Pinkie produced no less than 1200 Pinkies, all on her own.”
“1200? Jeez that’s...” Rainbow shook her head sadly, “I didn’t see her with any more than like a hundred. No wonder she was half d-d-injured when the princess found her.”
Twilight nodded seriously. “And 1200 became 3000 in the second generation when each made a second Pinkie Pie. Then 3000 became 12000 when the doubles then doubled. Therefore, 12 kilopinkies.”
Rainbow blanched and said, “Woah, they double every time, you’re right. If they got the hay that’d be a fourth generation and that’s...” she frowned, “300 is like, twice twelve right?” Twilight nodded.
“Hey wait,” Dash said peering down at the Pinkies, “So every 2 generations it goes between 3 and 12 and you just add zeroes then. Ponyville is like, what um, around F3Q I think? Oh, right, the Q...”
“You ca–” Twilight said, but Rainbow Dash was getting tired of feeling stupid.
“You know what, never mind, Twilight,” Dash said in mild agitation, “I was just trying to think how many times before they added up to every pony in Ponyville.”
Twilight twitched and said, “Eheh... actually, they can’t.”
Dash cut Twilight a sideways glance.
“Princess Celestia may have failed to... I mean,” Twilight tripped over her words, “I may have failed to consider that these oracles developed in a resource limited ecosystem. Apparantly they started out on ‘empty’ from the spell, but successive generations became progressively more innately satiated thus naturally limiting their population growth.”
Rainbow Dash looked at her straight on.
“The Pinkies started out empty,” Twilight clarified with an exasperated sigh, “But the Pinkies made from those Pinkies started out fuller, until they all stopped eating at the third generation.”
“Stopped, as in, past tense?” Dash asked uncertainly.
“Tell nopony of this,” Twilight blurted, suddenly and quietly in Rainbow Dash’s face. “I didn’t mean to tell you. I should never have told you.”
“What, why?!” Rainbow said, backpedalling.
“Because there is a filly, no, two fillies,” Twilight continued to impress heatedly stepping forward to Dash’s backward, “Who did something very, very brave, and they deserve a parade in their honor without somepony lacking in tact going and suggesting to them that their bravery was completely useless and unnecessary.”
Rainbow Dash stood very still under Twilight’s stare. Once she worked out the words to say, she said, “It wasn’t, you know.”
“Wasn’t what?” Twilight asked predictably.
“Useless and unnecessary,” Rainbow replied. “They stopped all the destruction, even the salt.” She had to pause to sigh inwardly, “But yeah, I get what you’re saying. I’ll”
With a gulp, and a sinking feeling, she said, “I’ll... try.”
And there Rainbow Dash was with all the best intentions, stuck with keeping secrets again.
She flew off with conflicted feelings into the sky once more, just flying about aimlessly, kicking a few clouds into shape just out of force of habit. It really didn’t take much to manage Ponyville’s weather, even with the proximity to the Everfree. Outside that wild magic, the skies stayed relatively tame. It sure wasn’t like Chickago, or Dodge. It only started to get tricky when you wanted it to rain on the town at a very particular time and hour, or how ponies were so particular about their morning clouds.
She spotted squirt, cruising down to see Scootaloo sans Archer, talking excitedly with Sweetie Belle, who for some reason had a ribbon tied around her hair like a bandanna and smudge marks on her cheeks. Considering what those fillies had been through, Dash lighted on a cloud and watched from above while Scootaloo dragged a reluctant Sweetie over to a narrow alleyway. There, a nervous Archer emerged from hiding. Scootaloo stood with Archer, shoulder-to-shoulder, both of them with too wide apologetic grins on their faces. Sweetie’s reaction was to reach forward with her hooves and try to squish their heads together.
That led to Scootaloo and Archer both pulling away, the alarmed blue pony retreating back into the alleyway, while the orange and purple one admonished Sweetie Belle, who dropped her tail and looked aside self consciously. Sweetie Belle walked carefully over to the alley, where Archer poked her head out of the shadows. Some words exchanged, Archer came out into the light again. Sweetie walked around and around her, looking her all over. They were pretty soon rubbing cheeks and cantering along together. It was totally adorable, but Dash figured she wouldn’t bother them by stealing the spotlight with her mere presence again.
It got her to thinking though. A very serious thought about Scootaloo’s future, and the future of her friends. She cast off from the cloud, flying over towards the Apple Acres in the distance. On her way, she saw ponies milling around in the partial sunlight, hauling around piles of mended boards and reconstituted plaster. The statue wasn’t on fire anymore which is good, still looked a little oily though. She saw the schoolhouse up on the hill with some students milling around it uncertainly.
She detoured there and landed in front of them, saying, “Hey, what’s up?”
“Miss Cheerilee is supposed to have a lesson today,” one of them said uncertainly. “She’s not here though. Can we go now, or should we stay?”
“I think you should just chill for a little longer,” Dash said, addressing the huddled masses in general. “Cheers already got out of prison this morning, and she should be over here any minute now.” They were pretty wide eyed at that for some reason, so Rainbow added reassuringly, “Hey, she was pretty frazzled from her night with Big Macintosh, so if I see her I’ll remind her about her classes. But I gotta go now, there’s someone who I gotta set straight about this before she worries anymore.”
She might have heard a “what–” but she was already in motion, soaring into the gentle, forgiving sky. Cheerilee could clear up any questions her own students had; that was her job and all. Rainbow Dash instead trucked her brightly colored butt over to the big farmhouse that sat in a clearing on the rolling hills, surrounded on all sides for quite a ways with solid stands of apple trees.
Alighting, she trotted up the porch and knocked on their sturdy wooden front door. She was unsurprised to see Granny Smith answer the door. “Eeuhuwhazisit?” Granny said clearly. “Oh yer the Rainbow one!” she realized, “Any news from that lil’ orange scampaloo?”
“Yeah, she’s... great. Really great,” Rainbow said, feeling something like pride welling up in her for some reason. “How’s Apple Bloom doing? Is it alright if I tell her about what happened?”
“Tell her?” Granny said disbelievingly. She reached a hoof out and slid Dash right into the farmhouse saying, “You git yerself all cosy an’ ah’ll get us some vittles and you cain tell alla us what happened.” Then Granny rushed into the kitchen to start preparations, and by rushed Rainbow Dash means really, really slowly.
“Yeah, not happening,” Dash grumbled impatiently. She went and trotted right up the stairs looking around for a little filly’s room. She found it alright, because there was a big chest of plush toys—woah, Apple Bloom had a huge bed! Dash trotted up to it, but there was no tiny filly on the simple, unornamented mattress. Just empty, rumpled covers, and the heady scent of a...
Rainbow Dash was back in the hallway, pointedly avoiding a certain room that she certainly never went into. She found a door partially closed and tapped her hoof on it, saying, “Hey, Apple Bloom here?”
There was a pause. “Who is it?” came the smart filly’s voice.
“Rainbow Dash!” Rainbow Dash said, “I just wanted to fill you in on how everything’s working out alright.”
“Did Granny send you up here?” Apple Bloom asked tiredly.
“No uh, I just... you know, I mean, okay maybe it was a weird idea. But Scootaloo is fine, and I saw her with Sweetie Belle, so I thought since you’re her friend too you and you’re all stuck in bed you would want to know—”
There was a thump in the room. Hooves walked themselves up to the door. A teeny little yellow filly with bright red hair and a big pink bow, and a black eye poked her nose suspiciously around the corner. “Ah ain’t stuck in bed,” she grumbled. “Ah’m just a little sore.”
She limped unconvincingly past Rainbow Dash over to the stairwell, turning to look at her and say, “Come on, let’s see what Granny is cookin’”
“How did you know she’s cooking?” Dash asked curiously.
“Wayl,” Apple Bloom said all cutely and stuff, “You’re here, an’ you ain’t an Apple. Therefore you’re a guest. Granny always makes sure her guests are fed.”
Apple Bloom started to ease herself down the stairs then, and Dash trotted up to where she was, walking down beside the filly just in case she had trouble with her hooves or something. Asides some nasty bruises on her chest, and the bandaged ear, she didn’t look all that bad really.
They got to the bottom and Rainbow Dash raised her head to ask Granny how long it would take, only to find the table all set, with a pitcher of milk and cups, and some glowing toasty apple strudel sitting out on plates, in three places on the table, one of which taken up by Granny dozing on her rocking chair. She was startled enough she didn’t even head towards the table until the unhesitant filly who accompanied her had jumped up in her chair and looked back at the rainbow pegasus.
So Dash sauntered up to the table, while Apple Bloom leaned forward and bit into her treat, her little cheeks puffing up with delight as she sounded out around the mouthful, “Fank yew Grammy”
“Eh, huh?” Granny cracked her eyes open, saying, “No problem, any frienda Applejack’s a frienda mine.” She glanced at Rainbow and said, “Go on it ain’t poison now.”
“Uh, oh no prob,” Dash said blushing at her hesitance. “Thanks for gi–”
“Sth rude too fank thomeone,” Apple Bloom sputtered out, pausing to actually swallow with a hearty burp. “Rude to thank someone,” she repeated, “If’n you ain’t even put it your mouth first!”
Dash blinked at the filly.
Apple Bloom looked nervous then, saying hesitantly, “Cuz you don’t know what it taists like.” Looking away, she went back to scarfing down the rest of her strudel.
“Oh, okay,” Dash said agreeably, leaning forward and taking a big bite. She never could remember whether you were supposed to talk with your mouth full or not. The strudel was still warm like right out of the oven, but not too hot to burn your tongue, not even the jelly part of it that almost tasted like fresh apples. It crackled in her teeth all buttery and full of hay. And was that apple butter? “Sthgood!” she exclaimed enthusiastically, tearing into it. When was the last time she even ate, anyway?
“Mmh!” Rainbow snapped her head up from the empty plate, making sure to remember to say with difficulty, “Ftank hyou mers smrth.”
“Doon’t mention it,” Granny said with a crinkly smile.
Granny had a more unhurried, conservative approach, nibbling hesitantly with hers held between her hooves in the rocking chair. “Now what’s the news from town?” she asked. “Ah ain’t been there since y’saw me at the... yer know, the unmentionable place?”
Dash blinked at Granny this time, before realizing and smiling saying, “Oh yeah, the spa. U-u-u-uh I mean, not that I was really,” she shot a glance at a puzzled looking Apple Bloom. Then Rainbow Dash just hung her head while Granny Smith whooped with laughter.
“So, uh, Scootaloo is fine, and going to be fine,” Rainbow Dash said. “And she’s actually really special but uh, I just wanted to say that I think she and Sweetie Belle made up, and they were playing with Archer when I saw them last. So, yeah. You don’t have to worry that you scared off Sweetie from them or anything.”
Apple Bloom’s eyes dawned with relief at the sound of that. But it was Granny who spoke saying, “Hyeah, but what’ve the big ermunthingamajig goin’ on?”
Dash nodded to Granny, “Yeah you shoulda seen it. Princess Celestia herself came and totally screwed up trying to fix everything. Pinkie Pie is just like Scootaloo it turns out, and she got too magicked so she started spitting out clones of herself. It was just like the mirror pool, except like, a hundred times worse!”
“Yeah, but,” Granny said insistently, “What’rebout that gol’ darn pinksplosion north of town?”
“Oh, yeah,” Rainbow Dash said hesitantly, “The Ponyville Pub had some salt going on, like the drug I mean, and Pinkie Pie got into it, well her clones did, and they blew the whole thing sky high!”
“Dagnabbit!” Granny said swinging her hoof. “Now where am ah gonna get mah uhmnhn...” she looked at Apple Bloom, then said smoothly, “Ah’m very sorry for their loss.”
“But it’s okay,” Rainbow Dash continued, “The town is still totally intact, mostly, sort of. And it’s all thanks to Scootaloo, and her other oracles, and the rest of the town, and some buffalo I think. You know how Pinkie’s one pony band was hypnotizing the fillies like Scootaloo, the oracles, you know?”
They knew, so Rainbow Dash went on, “Scootaloo got all of Pinkie’s instruments, and she totally saved the day. She played that song, and she could do it even with all those instruments, because she just spit out more ponies like herself to pick up the ones she couldn’t play. And they hypnotized all of the Pinkie clones, and led them right into a Pinkie pit where they couldn’t jump out, and the town was safe.”
“That’s so cool!” Apple Bloom said with shining eyes.
Granny nodded to her saying, “That sounds like a cause fer song’ndance if’n ah ever heard it.”
“It totally was!” Dash said enthusiastically. “And after we got done with the song and dance, Pinkie uh...” she rubbed a hoof, “Private stuff happened, and then Pinkie was getting better because she could eat the Pinkies who came out of her. So, that’s what’s been going on in town.”
Rainbow swished her tail saying thoughtfully, “It’s pretty much over, I think. No more hoards of Pinkie Pies, at least. I think the worst is past us, so I took some time to come over here. I just really was worried if Apple Bloom would still want to be Scootaloo’s friend.”
“After that?” Apple Bloom exclaimed half standing on the table, “She’s a hero! She’s like the best friend ever!”
Rainbow Dash nodded slowly, “Scoots is awesome that is true. The princess said Scootaloo is this super old style pony, like back in the dinosaurs or something. Because of her wings, and the way she eats fillies and stuff.”
“Yeah, but only fillies like her. She cain’t eat me or anything,” Apple Bloom said smartly, taking a drink of her milk.
“No she can eat you, or just about anypony, Apple Bloom,” Rainbow Dash said, “But that’s the ack what the”
Dash’s wings flared, which did nothing to stop the spray of milk from covering her as Apple Bloom shouted, “What?! No she cain’t! We just said she cain’t!”
Dash shook the drips of milk off her wings, and folded them... reluctantly. “We were all surprised by that,” she said, “And Scootaloo the most of all! Princess Celestia said they can eat somepony who isn’t an oracle, and then spit them out again but they’ll be an oracle, just like, whiz bam!”
Apple Bloom just stared at her unbelievingly, and Granny spoke up saying, “What in tarnation do you mean by oracle? Like a fortune teller?”
“Yeah, no, um, sorta?” Dash said turning to her. “They’re what Scootaloo and Pinkie Pie are, and her kind of pony is good at... fortunes or something. But they’re called oracle ponies, I...think.”
Dash blushed, admitting, “You’ll have to ask Twilight for all the details. I sorta might have missed a few things.”
“Cain we please go back to the part about her eatin’ me?” Apple Bloom exclaimed in distress.
“Oh, right!” Rainbow Dash declared lifting her head and perking her ears. “So the princess said Scoots could eat you,” she said turning to Apple Bloom, “And turn you into an oracle like her and all, and you basically have to let her do it or it doesn’t work. But I guess it’s a good thing you never tried it out, huh?”
“But Scootaloo wanted... to...” Apple Bloom whimpered quivering, but then her muzzle firmed resolutely. She shook her head saying, “No, no. Miss Rainbow, you’re a good pony, an’ all, but you gotta resist. Pinkie Pie’s all got you enchanted now, and it just ain’t true!”
“Wh—” was all Dash got out before Apple Bloom tackled her shouting, “Ah’ll hold her down, Granny! You go get help!”
One ludicrous fracas later, and they had managed to separate, the little filly and the old biddy standing there looking at the young strapping mare, while she stood looking back, all three with cautiously neutral expressions. “Okay, so I got off on the wrong hoof,” Rainbow Dash said. “What I meant to say is Scootaloo isn’t going to eat you, not any more than Sweetie Belle is going to kill you, and they’re both fine and look, just be friends with her again, okay?”
“She uh, really needs her friends now,” Dash muttered, looking aside. “Even if she’s like oh no I have this terrible mouth and you cannot befriend me now, alas and alack!” Rainbow... removed her hoof from her forehead and settled on all fours again, concluding plainly, “Just tell her she isn’t dangerous, and you’re still friends with her.”
“This’s sers business,” Granny Smith said gravely. “Ah don’t want my little granddaughter get eatin’ or turn to no oracle pony or nothin’. Didn’t ye hear the blue one go on about eyeballs?”
Dash blinked. “Uh... no?”
Granny blushed and lifted a hoof, “Oh right, ye weren’t there, well umnnuengn... ask that there Scootaloo filly about eyeballs. Parasprite eyeballs,” Granny said in a dead serious tone.
“Ah didn’t get bit.” Apple Bloom piped up.
Apple Bloom was poking herself in the side, hissing as her hoof hit a sorely sensitive spot. “Was just thinkin’ about the fight,” she said, looking up to Granny, and then Rainbow Dash. “Ah was fightin’ for mah life. Ah could’ve k–really hurt her. Hayfires, ah bit her!”
“Apple Bloom, watch yer buckin’ language!” Granny admonished.
“Sorry Granny,” Apple Bloom mumbled, shrinking down.
“Yeah you took a pretty good chunk out of her cheek,” Rainbow said. “Also her brackey...something artery. Twilight said she was still bleeding when she got to the library.”
Apple Bloom whimpered, shrinking down even more until she exploded from the pressure, shouting, “An’ she never bit me!” as she jumped to her hooves. She stood there silently, tears shining in her eyes. “The whole time, she was kickin’ me and shovin’ me and bucking my side,” Apple Bloom blurted out, “And she even cut mah ear with her hoof, an’ she never not once even once used her mouth!”
“Ah even bit her tail,” Apple Bloom admitted, shrinking down again. “Ah thought she was a monster. I went an’ bit down and tore a piece of her tail right off. It’s prolly still lyin’ over by the clubhouse in the dirt an’ ah did it, and she never bit me not even once.”
“I dunno kid,” Dash said to the upset filly somberly, “Sounds like you’re more afraid of yourself than you are of her.”
“I... yeah,” Apple Bloom mumbled miserably.
“Ah ain’t gonna say this’re not serious, and ah ain’t gonna say this’s settled, but...” Granny sagged a bit, saying defeatedly, “That filly ain’t never put you in no danger Apple Bloom, and until she does ah cain’t forbid you from hangin’ out with her.”
“But what if I—” Apple Bloom started.
“If you do that again to a real monster,” Rainbow cut in, “Then you’ll be a hero. You just gotta make real sure that you know what’s a monster and what’s not. If you know that, then you’re already like halfway to winning!”
Apple Bloom looked up at her with wide, round eyes then, and Rainbow Dash looked her straight back, telling the filly most confidentially, “Scoots won’t admit it, and you didn’t hear it from me, but you’re pretty strong, and I bet you could protect her if she was in trouble and needed to be saved.”
“Okay Miss Rainbow,” the filly said evenly, and more importantly sincerely, “Ah’ll do my best t’try.”
Rainbow Dash nodded, and turned on her heels, heading away from those two to the front door of the Apple house. She paused at the threshold and looked back repeating her question, “But you will be friends with Scootaloo still, right?”
“Ah will!” the filly said intently, puffing her chest out.
Dash smiled, and said, “Thanks kid,” and turned forward again, a lot more confident now that Scootaloo was going to be alright after all this. Pushing open the door, Rainbow Dash looked wistfully up at the drifting clouds over the horizon. Her rainbow mane teased in the breeze that wanted to dance into the house and through the windows. That moment, the young pegasus mare could swear she felt the sky calling to her.
“Would anypony be up fer seconds?” Granny spoke up behind her.
Dash whirled around, tongue out, and shouted, “Would I?!”
It was a good afternoon.
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I just love this wonderful, screwed-up Equestria you've made.
6155056
Sorry if I failed to meet your silly quota. Maybe next time I'll do a story inspired by a comic that doesn't feature a horrifying abomination against nature, a tyrannical dictator literally composed of pure evil, and (shudder) Christmas.
6154795
I'm just glad you're still reading it.
6087444 I totally missed this reply. I am now enlightened to the ways of salt. How utterly ridiculous.
6155056 This was based on a comic? What comic was this based on?
6124435
Hmmm. Now I'm imagining telekinesis on an atomic scale; that the magic user is taking apart the protons and neutrons of the gold and using that to make hydrogen (or vice versa) and just handwaving away the energy differential involved...
6156097
And a far more likely scenario: if you saw the full comic before this story's major gag, it also spoils the story.
RADDA RADDA!!
could pinkie make Cupcakes out of the other pinkies?
Granny Smith!