A Princess And Her Secrets.
“So, what exactly is this again?” Applejack is looking at the plate whereupon I have served her some food from mine and Athena’s stasis stores. The Command deck is quiet as her and I, Twilight and Athena share a meal, Athena wanting to pull items from our storage areas they haven’t tried yet. So much is unused, so I thought it was quite the good idea.
Athena points, “That is a spaghetti dish, with a tomato and garlic sauce. “ She moves to another plate, “That one is called lasagna, layered with vegetables and spices.” Another plate, “This is really special, called a Szechuan Noodle dish, be careful ‘cause it’s really hot!” She makes sure the platters are within reach of everypony.
Twilight looks at the bowl, “Sech-wan?”
“A nation called China on old Earth made this, their cuisine was called fragrant and spicy, it’s very good.” Athena and I having sampled everything before serving anything.
Athena grins, bringing out one more item, “And for dessert we have what’s called Tiramisu!” Setting it on the table, the coffee-flavored item is looking quite good having only been made a million years ago.
“You..you have all this in storage?” Applejack’s face is one of amazement, Athena and I still learning cooking, but we have literally tons of prepackaged meals stored in our hulls.
“We do, they were for the colony we were to establish until they started making their own food.” I look at Athena, seeing her smile as she brings out the last item, something she wanted to do as a little joke.
Twilight’s nose twitches as she catches a smell unlike any other, “Oh..wow..what is that?”
A platter of warm, fresh buns is brought out, in between each half of the sliced buns is a patty dripping with cheese and pickles, mushrooms and onions. Both Applejack and Twilight are almost drooling as the smell permeates the room.
“Want to try one first?” Athena offers them a hot sandwich.
“Sure!”
“You bet!”
I hadn’t wished to do this, but Athena is adamant in her little prank, I do want to see the reaction on their faces though. So I sit quietly and serve the rest of the meal while the two mares dig into the sandwiches, tearing into them with gusto as their faces light up, chewing thoughtfully and enjoying each bite they take until the items are gone.
Twilight looks like she’s in heaven, along with Applejack as they scour their plates, grabbing another as Athena and I watch.
“Athena this is not going to end well.”
“Oh stop, it’ll be fine.”
“It is your joke, up to you.”
“A minute more.”
“Oh mah gosh! I’ve never tasted anythin’ like this!” Applejack is licking a piece of melted cheese off her lips, “What IS it?”
Twilight is stuffing her face and nodding along with the Earth Pony, her voice muffled, “Yeah, what is it?”
I look at Athena, waiting for the answer.
“It’s called a hamburger, humans ate them all the time.” She smiles warmly, watching the two.
“Hamburger?” Twilight is trying to parse the word in her mind.
“Yes. Humans took cows, ground them up into patties and made them into hamburgers.” She shrugs, “To put it simply.”
“Cows, you mean like Daisy Jo right?” Applejack has stopped chewing and is looking at both Athena and I suspiciously.
“Yep, exactly that.” She nods to the half eaten sandwich.
Twilight has it immediately, dropping her food on the plate and turning a bit green in the gills, “You...you mean this was..a..a..”
“Former cow, yes, good huh?” Athena is eating her own now, chewing it with exaggerated glee, “I’m not sure what it’s name was though.” She smiles at the two ponies who are now looking ill.
I admit seeing the looks on their faces makes me chuckle inside, but as green as Twilight is turning, it’s going to be a bad reaction, “Hold on, it is not cow meat.” I believe it’s gone far enough.
“But...”Applejack is wiping at her tongue right now, after spitting out her mouthful of food, “But she said..!” I’ve never seen that shade of green before, it’s not a healthy one that’s for sure.
“It’s not meat. Human kind were omnivores yes, but in later years they had switched to a vegetable called a soybean, making things out of them that passed for such.” I point at the sandwiches, “They are all vegetable products, I promise you.”
Twilight’s hoof was over her mouth as she started to sway before my explanation, “You..ohgosh.. You mean it’s not..not..a..”
“No it was not a cow, ever.”
Athena is no good holding it in as she laughs, seeing their expressions and dropping her own meal, she stamps a hoof on the floor of the command area and howls in laughter, pointing at the two ponies who are recovering slowly.
“Oh that was SO good! I even got pictures!” She wipes a tear away from her eye.
She is immediately glared at, I am as well but I make sure to point at Athena, letting them know it was her idea.
The Pegasus leans over the table, “I got you! I got you both so good!” She points a shaking hoof and laughs.
Twilight’s face goes dark for a moment, Athena finds herself lifted in a glow of magic and is nose to nose with an angry looking Twilight, “That was NOT funny!”
Athena can’t help it, she’s giggling furiously, “I’m..no I’m not, I’m not sorry! That was hilarious!” She cringes a bit as she’s lifted up, then dropped on the floor.
“That was horrible!” Twilight points a hoof, “You should be ashamed for fooling us like that!” She sets for a moment, seeing Applejack snickering behind a hoof, “Not you!”
“Oh ah admit, I was feeling purty sick to mah stomach there for a while thinking some poor cow, but ya gotta admit, it was a good prank.” She’s still tinged a shade of green, but it’s fading fast.
“But that was awful! Thinking we were eating somepony!..Er..cow..something!” She stops for a second, looking around before saying in a low voice, “Sure tasted good didn’t it?”
“Well now we know it ain’t anypony we knew! Yeah!” Applejack rubs her stomach, “Oh stars, I almost barfed up mah breakfast there for a moment.”
I give them both stomach medication, it calms the upset immediately, letting them enjoy the rest of the meal. They even try the burgers again, exclaiming how good they are. It’s not meat per se, but the thought of eating another sentient being that upset them, quite the dichotomy. Of course when Athena and I served cows didn’t talk, and there are races here that are carnivores.
“When food was scarce, humans learned to take this soybean and make it into many different things. The taste, the composition, everything, is exactly like a real one, except it is all vegetable. Nanotechnology and gene sequencing did wonders.”
Twilight slurps down a few noodles, her face going red as the spices hit her, “Whoa!” Fanning her mouth she asks, “So you got everything like a real one, but nopony..er..cow was..was..” The meal is calmer, now that Athena’s little prank was over.
“Correct. Just the taste and nutrition.”
Applejack chews on some lasagna for a moment, her eyes lighting up. I am not sure I like what I see in them.
“Ya know Twilight, it was a pretty good prank.” She smiles at her friend.
“Yes, soon as I got over the sensation of wanting to..yeah..anyways..” She stops, looking at Applejack in return, both of them getting large smiles on their faces once more.
We’re going to regret this.
----------
“So...what is this again?” Rainbow Dash is eyeing the sandwich, her nose is twitching as the smell is almost making her drool. She’s hovering near the table I had set up outside the command deck on the grassy hill.
I was the designated server, Applejack, Athena and Twilight all eating another thick burger with all the fixing’s so Rainbow wouldn’t get suspicious.
“It’s a burger Rainbow, it’s really good!” Twilight takes a huge bite, savoring it slowly. “Tons better than a hayburger!” She’s right, her and Applejack both remarked on that earlier.
“Well it smells great!” She plops down on the grass, grabbing a plate and biting into a burger quickly. Her face lights up at the melted cheese and onions on it, the smoky flavor, the sauteed mushrooms. Prepackaged meals had everything included, minimal cooking with lots of flavor and vitamins.
“Oh....my...gosh!” She blinks, gobbling through the sandwich and grabbing another one. “This is so good!”
Twilight leans near Rainbow as the cyan mare chomps away, “You want to know a secret Rainbow? About Princesses?”
“Huh? Sure!” She leans in, Applejack and Athena joining them.
“Well, when you become a Princess, you change. Not just wings, but..other...things..” She nods to Athena, Applejack and myself, “They know, we’ve discussed it, and I figure it’s time to let all my friends in on it.” She smiles, licking her lips clear of cheese, “Applejack knows now, and she likes it, don’t you Applejack?”
“Oh you bet! Best secret ever!” She grins and winks at the rainbow maned Pegasus.
Rainbow is always one for knowing, she has to know, MUST know! “So, what is it?” She’s working into a third one, her face peering at Twilight as she waits for her to tell the big secret.
“Well, you get to eat different things, not just vegetables and sweets, but lots of other different things.” She nods to Applejack, “She knows, and she agrees.”
“You bet,” The Earth pony nods, eating her own burger, “Well ya know ol’ Maisy was gettin’ a mite old, she passed on ya know.”
Rainbow looked sad, “Oh I’m sorry to hear that, she was a nice cow.”
“Oh she was Rainbow, she’s even better now!” Twilight winks at her friend, taking a slow bite of her sandwich, “Applejack likes her too, even more.”
Rainbow’s not quick sometimes, but she does get things. She eyes everypony eating a sandwich, then her own as she gulps loudly, “Wh..wh...what?” She cringes a bit from the staring eyes around the table, her face drooping in dismay as realization dawns ever so slowly.
“I told you, Princesses eat more than just veggies and sweets..lots of things. They all develop different tastes, like mine is this.” Twilight grins a bit maniacally, “I got Applejack liking it, now you too, isn’t Maisy great?”
Applejack matches the grin, “You’ll love it Rainbow, it’s our own little secret with Twilight.”
“Bu..but...wait a second...” She looks at all of us, then at Athena, “But..you wouldn’t..I..”
Athena nods, “Twilight told me what she needed, so I helped, we can process..” She leaned in close with a grin, “..anything. So when she told me what she wanted, I was more than happy, why waste a good cow?”
The burger is dropped on the table as Rainbow turns green, “But..you.. Oh....my...gosh....” She looks like she’s about to heave everything, slapping a hoof over her mouth.
In all truth, I’ve never watched someone or somepony, pass out so fast. Rainbow dropped like a bag of wet leaves, eyes rolling back in her head as she tips over.
Athena caught her as she went limp, racing around the table as Twilight and Applejack looked on with some concern. We knew she was okay by her vital signs and told them so, but she was definitely out for the count for a few moments until we slapped a medpak on her, waiting for it to restore her chemical balances.
Her eyes flickered open, seeing all of us standing around as she screamed in horror, trying to get away but was held in place by Athena so she wouldn’t go telling anypony before the joke was revealed.
“Get away! Oh my gosh! Poor Maisy!” She pointed a shaking hoof at everyone, “Lemme go! Lemme go!” She turned green, thinking of the burgers she had already eaten as Twilight and Applejack started laughing so hard they rolled on the ground.
“It’s not funny! You ATE MAISY!” She’s looking at Athena, trying to get out of her hooves and scrabbling against the dirt.
Athena’s voice was low as she tried not to laugh, “Rainbow it’s not real, Maisy is fine, Applejack said she’s away visiting family. Stop struggling.”
“What?” She looked at the Alicorn and farm mare laughing their tails off, wiping tears from their eyes. “What? Wait..you mean..but..what?”
Applejack was still laughing as she slapped Rainbow’s shoulder with a hoof, “Oh Celestia that was the best thing ever, you faintin’ dead away like that thinking Twilight ate some poor cow!”
The cyan pegasus’ voice was shaky as she looked around, “You mean..it wasn’t..Maisy?” She saw everypony shaking their heads, “And..and it wasn’t..her on the buns?” Once more a round of no’s.
Athena let her go as she sat on the ground, shivering a bit before pointing a hoof angrily, “You guys are horrible!” This of course set off another round of laughter as she glared at all her friends, “That was awful! How could you!”
Twilight leaned in with a tearful grin, wiping her eyes, “Just getting you back for all the pranks there Rainbow, you done been got as Applejack would say!”
Once again, the stomach medication was given, as well as a lengthy explanation as they made sure Rainbow knew it was only a joke. She was still grumpy at all of us, but even I laughed. It’s bad to admit, but it was a very good prank.
“Oh gosh, that was so funny! I’ve never seen you faint Rainbow!” Athena’s face was merry, still giggling from the joke.
“You guys are still awful!” Rainbow’s face was dark like Twilight’s had been, “That was..that was bad!”
“But it was SO good!” Twilight was heaving so hard her sides hurt as she clutched her legs around her barrel.
“I didn’t faint anyways! I..I was just nauseous! Yeah. Don’t you tell anypony!” She was reassured by Applejack.
“Sure ya didn’t sugarcube, we know yer still awesome.” The orange mare was still giggling up a storm. Athena had recorded everything, but would tell them later.
Rainbow grumped for a few moments more before curiosity got the better of her, “So that’s not...I mean it’s not...” She pointed at the remaining food.
“No Rainbow, it’s a plant called a soybean.” I explain once more now that she’s calmed down.
“But it tasted so good..how..” She’s puzzled now, trying to figure out how a plant could taste that way.
“Flavorings and added things, all natural, with some help from technology. We can make anything from the soybean powder stored in our hulls when we run out of prepackaged meals.” I smile at her, checking her vitals once more over the link, making sure she’s not going to pass out again.
“You guys are bad.” But she’s cracking a smile, knowing a good prank when she sees one. “But you know..” She grins, looking at Athena, Twilight and Applejack who are all looking back at her with the same expression.
Except me, “No, no this will not be good.”
Twilight waves a hoof, “Don’t worry about it, we got this.”
Famous last words.
-----------
The bell tinkled as the door opened on Carousel Boutique, the trampling of hooves presaged a few ponies entering.
“Be out in a second!” The lovely voice rang out.
“Rarity! Hey we brought lunch!” Rainbow was trying not to snicker as we all stood in the main room. I was against this, I made it known, but peer pressure is an awful thing.
“Oh goodness! Just in time too, I was starving and couldn’t get away for something to eat, what are we having?” She trots out from the back room, holding a few bolts of cloth in her magic, stuffing them away with a smile, “I hope something good?”
I am hauling the serving tray, being told to keep my mouth shut or dire consequences would occur should I spoil the prank. Bunch of bullies, I tell you. It keeps the meals hot by a twist of stasis, the burgers are still popping and sizzling as if just off the grill, once again the smell wafts around.
“Oh my stars! What is that delicious aroma?" She peeks into the tray, seeing the burgers hot and fresh.
Twilight smiles, “A new type of burger Rarity, you’ll like them!” She grabs another off the tray with her magic, taking a bite. Even though it is a prank, the ones in on it still love the taste of them.
“I’m not sure, they look quite fattening.” She’s rubbing her chin with a hoof, looking at me. I have of course been warned not to say anything.
“Doncha worry Rarity, they’re good!” Applejack is enjoying another as well, where they’re putting it all I have no idea. Even Rainbow Dash is munching through another.
“Well, I’m sure a few bites wouldn’t hurt,” She picks one up with a glow of her horn, taking a dainty bite.” She chews for a moment before her face lights up, taking another bigger bite this time, “Oh my goodness! What is this? This is delicious!”
Hook, line, sinker.
“It’s called a burger Rares,” Applejack is setting at a small table where everypony else joins her. Rarity summons some tea as they all pile into the lunch. I’ve never seen Rarity eat so fast before, usually she’s quite fastidious.
“Stars! This is something that even Canterlot shops don’t have!” She is peeking under the bun, seeing the melted cheese, onions and mushrooms, the pickles and patty.
Twilight grins slyly, “Well glad you enjoy it, thought you might like something different.”
“Well it certainly is, oh my!” She dabs a cloth on her chin, catching some cheese. “These are wonderful!”
Small talk ensues, Twilight waiting for the right time to do her thing.
“Well, since we’re all here Rarity, how about I let you in on a secret?” Twilight smiles warmly, leaning in close.
“What secret would that be dear?” The Unicorn is sipping tea between bites.
“Well, Princesses have been around for a long time, they’ve got a few secrets.” She motions to Applejack and Rainbow who are enjoying their meal still, “I let them in on it, and we figured you might want to know as well. Who knows, maybe all of us will be Princesses together one day!”
“Oh what a dream Twilight, to have all of us together forever.” She smiles, “But what is this mysterious secret?” She’s curious, Twilight’s got her dangling.
“Well, when I ascended, I found out Princesses change in so many ways.” She takes a bite, chewing thoughtfully for a moment, “And when I shared it with Applejack and Rainbow, they really liked it once they knew too.”
Applejack cuts in, this seems so practiced by now.
“Oh, Rarity, sorry to interrupt, ya know old Maisy passed on, she was gettin’ on in years.” Applejack’s hat came off in a hoof, holding it to her chest.
“Oh dear, I’m so sorry Applejack.”
Twilight grinned, “But it is a fortuitous though. See, Princesses eat a lot of different things.” She watched Rarity nod, “Not just the normal stuff, but, well, as a Princess I just couldn’t let a cow go to waste.” She took another bite of her sandwich, nodding to Athena.
“Yep,” The sable Pegasus agreed, “She came to us and we can pretty much do anything, so Maisy wouldn’t just get ..oh.. put away, seemed a shame. But since Twilight has different tastes now, it all worked out.”
“Different tastes? From being a Princess?” Rarity’s tea cup settled on the table as she chewed slower, “So becoming a Princess you like..different...foods?” It was slowly dawning.
The Alicorn nodded happily, “Oh yes! I even got Rainbow and Applejack in on it, they love it. Our little secret, and now yours too Rarity!” She looked oddly at her Unicorn friend, as the Princess of Friendship grew a horrifying grin on her face, “It doesn’t take long, but you’ll see, like AJ and Rainbow did.” She looked at the two mares who nodded enthusiastically. “All the Princesses have special tastes, and this one is mine.”
“Our little...secret...” She looked down at her lunch, setting it on the plate as well. Her face was a confusing mix of emotions as she finally realized what Twilight was talking about.
“You...didn’t.. No, surely you couldn’t have? Not Maisy..This is all some joke..” She looked at the smiling faces, they had practiced the looks, it was even scarier than before.
Rainbow leaned forward and whispered with a creepy smirk, “Don’t worry Rarity, we’ve got a lot more cows.”
Her mouth dropped open slightly as the Unicorn stared at her friends, then lowered her eyes to the food on her plate, then back up as she took in a breath, realizing suddenly what they were all talking about.
The scream could be heard across town.
Fainting followed directly after as she fell flat on the floor, out like a light even faster than Rainbow Dash. The cyan mare laughing like a hyena as we made sure the Unicorn was fine, slapping a medpak on her and waiting for the inevitable..
That scream was even louder actually.
Athena and I calmed her down, all the others assuring her it was just a prank. The explanations took quite some time before she believed us. Settling back down, we all sat around the small table as Rarity’s face went from anger to curiosity as did Rainbow’s previously. We were lucky, she’s quite the fighter and I was worried about wrecking the shop.
“Wow, I didn’t know you had that kind of voice Rarity!’ Rainbow is tapping her ear, trying to hear again.
“Well! Telling somepony that! What did you expect!” She huffs, looking at all of us in a pique of anger.
“Worth it, so worth it, the look on your face was priceless!” Twilight is mirthful again.
“That was not very nice, you are all horrible ponies!”
Applejack is snickering behind her hoof, leaning on the table, “I thought you were gonna run out and call the guard!” She chuckles, “But nope, fell right over!”
“You could hardly expect anything else!” The white Unicorn is fluffing her mane back in place, “Such a rotten thing to tell somepony, that Twilight eats cows, and ones we know at that!” She points a hooficured hoof at us all, “You should all be ashamed!”
Rainbow chortles in delight, “But you gotta admit, we got you!”
“I will admit no such thing!” She turns her nose up, huffing once again in disgust.
Applejack shrugs, turning back to her meal, “They sure are good for bein’ a plant though.” She turns to Athena and I, “Can we grow these soybeans? Ya got seeds?”
“We do Applejack, they grow quickly as well, bred and modified for any climate.” Athena and I both watch as her face goes thoughtful.
“Well if you can make stuff out of them, it sure would be a good business.” This gets Rarity’s attention, being a businessmare and always looking for opportunities.
“Perhaps we can sell a few items through the shop here? Some snacks maybe?” She smiles widely.
“Hold on there mare, I thought of it first!” Applejack points an accusing hoof.
“Well I’d think maybe it would be a good way to pay back for such a terrible prank.” She glares at Applejack.
“It wasn’t terrible, it was hilarious!” Rainbow cackles, “Wow, you were out like a light!” Twilight gives her a hoofslap as they both laugh.
“I should say so! Telling me I’m...I’m...” Rarity is still a bit miffed.
“Now hang on there Rares, we’ll talk about it later.” Applejack is begrudgingly giving her a chance.
Rarity loses her anger for the moment, “Why thank you dear Applejack.” She taps a hoof on her chin, “You know, there is one prankster who hasn’t received the benefit of your little joke.” She grins, receiving more in return.
“I really don’t think this is a good idea.” I am glared at for interrupting their scheming. Is it okay for a Bolo to cringe?
The five mares tell me to retrieve more from supplies as they rearrange the Boutique, Rarity letting it be used for the joke as they invite Pinkie over for some food. I am still against this, Pinkie is unpredictable and very quick, we may not be able to stop her from doing something unintended.
A tech spider is a quick delivery as I set the serving tray down, awaiting Pinkie to arrive, I ponder if I can move fast enough to prevent her from doing something out of the ordinary. At the very least I can be designated medic in case of another fainting.
I still think this will not end well.
------------
“What IS this?” The pink mare asks around a mouthful of food, chewing happily.
“It’s new form of burger dear Pinkie, do you like it?” Rarity is even enjoying another. Amazing how ponies recover from a shock, though I think being Elements has given them abilities beyond others in this respect. Evidence has proven it so far but I am still collating the data beyond the magic part.
“It’s great! Wow, we could sell these all over!” She’s munching through a second one already, taking her time which is unusual for Pinkie.
“Well, dear, Twilight has a little secret to tell you.” The looks on their faces tell me it’s time for the game to begin, I really am hoping this doesn’t turn into something else, but based on previous experience, there’s a high probability this is going to go horribly wrong.
I watch as the scene plays out, though Pinkie is not stupid, it does take her longer than the others to finally get it as the five mares look at her in their best evil manner.
“But..but... you Twilight??” She watches the others nod.
“Now you get to be a part of it Pinkie, you’ll learn to like it I’m sure.” Rainbow Dash is snickering.
The sandwich is dropped on the plate as she inhales in a gasp, looking a bit green, there’s that shade again. She scrabbles back from the table before Athena can grab her and points at all of us.
“But..but..that’s just wrong! We all knew Maisy!” Pinkie inhales sharply and points a hoof at Twilight, “You’ve gone Nightmare Moon!” She zooms for the door as I try to stop her, tell her it’s a joke. She’s evasive and manages to get out of the shop, IFF tracking is showing her moving at incredible speeds towards the Forest..Fluttershy’s house!
All eyes are turned toward the door, never seeing Pinkie moving that fast before as worried looks crossed their faces.
“Oh this isn’t good.” Twilight is the mistress of understatement right now.
“She’s heading for Fluttershy’s, we need to stop her.” Athena is tracking her along with myself, drones are scanning the area right now.
“She’s not listening to her link, you’ve really ..wait..she’s arrived. Get to Fluttershy’s now!” I am not happy with this as Rainbow slams out the front door, Twilight is performing a teleport, the rest of us are running hell bent for leather.
“Oh crud! She’s dropped off the net, do an emergency link!”
“I tried, she’s taken it off. Vitals have gone flat, Fluttershy’s is down as well.”
“Keep drones on the house, scan for movement, we’ve got to get her!”
------------
“Oh that can’t possibly be right Pinkie, Twilight would never do that.” Fluttershy is staring at her out of breath friend who’d just finished telling her what had happened. Pinkie had stripped off the jewelry Fluttershy liked to wear after Crusader had given it to her, throwing it out the window.
“It’s true! They even looked at me all evil and stuff! If it’s not true, where’s Maisy?” Fluttershy cringes from the excited mare.
“We-lll.... I haven’t seen her in a few days..”
“See? They ate her! They told me!” She grabs the cowering Pegasus in a hug, “I’m telling you, we gotta tell somepony before Evil Twilight takes over!” Her face turns nervous, “She already got Rarity, and Dashie and Applejack in on it, and Athena and Crusader too!”
“Maybe...maybe we should just ask them? They are our friends.” Fluttershy’s face is concerned for Pinkie, she’s still having trouble believing Twilight could be so..so...wow.
“No!” Pinkie’s face is determined, “I’m telling you we’ve got to get out of here! We gotta inform somepony, tell the guards!”
“I’m sure Princess Celestia would..”
“THAT’S IT!” Pinkie screamed, her eyes wide, “We’ll go to the Princesses and tell them Twilight’s turned evil!” Her voice loud enough to blow Fluttershy’s mane backwards off her face.
The pink mare grabbed her friend, saving her from a doom of epic proportions, and zipped off into the afternoon sun.
----------
“Got her! She’s with Fluttershy and she’s moving fast!”
“Where?”
“Extrapolating now, one sec.. She’s headed for..oh crud the train station I think..it’s hard to tell with Pinkie.”
“We’ve got to stop her, by the timetables it’s the next one to the capitol, we’ll lose her in Canterlot. Notify everyone else, head her off at the train station.”
“Done. Should we block the train?”
“Pinkie’s paranoid enough, we know where she’s headed, we’ll just ask around.”
“Got it, moving now!”
----------
Twilight slipped into the train station after teleporting nearby, she’d checked Fluttershy’s house and they were both gone. Thank goodness for links, she was told about the train and zapped over here as quickly as she could, seeing Rainbow already hovering above the engine, looking around for Pinkie.
“ ‘Scuse me,” She politely asked the deep blue ticket seller, “Did you see a pink mare and a yellow one today?”
“Oh sure, they just bought two tickets to Canterlot, boarded the train a minute ago.” He motioned with a hoof, “It’s leaving in a few minutes, so if you want on ya gotta hurry up!” He smiled.
She motioned in the negative and hit her link, whispering, “They’re on the train, but I don’t see them.”
“Scanning now,” Athena’s voice replied in her ear, “Dangit, can’t pick out anything individually, the train’s crowded and I don’t have anything to look for biometrics.”
“End of day as well, thermals are useless, we need to go onboard and physically look for her.” I add into the conversation.
“Oh that’s just great, “Applejack’s voice comes over the net, “We’re gonna look like it’s really true with all of us searchin’ for her.”
“Can’t be helped, we need to find her and explain it was just a prank. Of all the times she goes weird.” Twilight’s voice is exasperated.
“You did tell her we were all eating a cow.”
Rainbow’s voice snickers over the link, “Gotta admit, pretty funny.”
“Obviously not,” Rarity’s voice is heard, “She took off faster than I’d ever seen. I didn’t know she could do that.”
“Boarding the train now,” Athena again, “Yeah she was pretty quick.”
“Augh, just find her so we can explain. If she gets to Canterlot, this is going to be a mess!” Twilight’s voice is nervous.
“That would be an understatement.”
----------
Pinkie watched from the hidden place in the caboose’s roof as the others boarded the train looking for her. This must be serious if they were all out searching for her and Fluttershy!
She just couldn’t believe this! Twilight’s going full Nightmare Moon and eating some poor cow! Oh gosh! And she got the rest of them doing it too! This could spread, this could be bad, very very bad!
Fluttershy was peeking through a crack in the boards covering their hiding place, “Oh look, there’s Rarity, we could ask her!”
Pinkie grabbed her friend, hauling her back from the opening, “No! Oh no! They’re all in on it! Look at them searching for us! If they find us, who knows what they’ll do to keep their little secret!”
“I’m..I’m sure they wouldn’t do anything bad, they’re our friends.”
“Oh you weren’t there, they were smiling all evil like, and eating those burgers!”
“Hayburgers? There’s nothing wrong with those..well..they are kinda bad for you.” She tapped her hoof on her chin, “But there’s..”
“Nonono, something totally different! Something new, it was..was..” She actually found herself drooling at the taste once more, “Soooo goooood...” She licked her lips, remembering the taste, then shivered, shaking her head, “Oh gosh I almost fell for it!” She shook Fluttershy, “They almost had me!”
The poor Pegasus’ eyes rolled around for a moment as the train started taking off, pushing them back and forth momentarily as the engine started pulling the cars. Pinkie peeked out, seeing all her so-called friends still on the train, she was thinking furiously, trying to plan an escape route. Thank goodness for hide and seek, she had tons of hiding places ready to go when playing.
She had her travel kit for emergencies and a store of food and water, like everything else she was prepared. So sitting quietly with Fluttershy, they traveled to Canterlot, wanting to tell the Princess of the new Evil Twilight.
----------
“I’ve got nothing, where could she be?”
“I don’t know, we’ve walked the train back and forth, although there could be hiding places we don’t know of.”
“My tracks for an interior scanner right now!” Athena’s voice is frustrated.
“I’ve got complete drone coverage of Canterlot, we’ll spot her.”
“We better, otherwise we’re gonna end up explaining to anypony listening how we ate a cow, and that Twilight is encouraging her friends to do so.”
“May I remind you I was against this little prank of yours?”
“Oh sure, be ‘that guy’.”
“You know better then that, this is Ponyville, the smallest thing can roll out of proportion.”
“It was just a stupid joke!”
“And there we have it.”
“I really hate it when you’re right.”
“I know, I’ll try to be wrong more often.”
“Smart aleck!”
------------
“I don’t know where she could be Twilight,” Rainbow’s face was drooping, she’d been checking the outside of the train for a few minutes.
The Alicorn shrugged, “We’ll just have to wait and see when we get to Canterlot, she’s got to be here somewhere.”
“Well that’s what you get for playing awful pranks like that.” Rarity is sounding smug.
“Oh? Do I haveta remind you who’s idea it was to get Pinkie in on this?” Applejack is grinning across the seat from her.
“Well I certainly didn’t expect her to accuse you of turning into another Nightmare Moon!” The white Unicorn hmphs, crossing her forelegs.
“None of us did, maybe we took it just a bit too far?” Athena’s voice is subdued.
“Oh you think?” I have to add my two cents..er..bits.
“You be quiet, we heard ya before.”
“Yes Applejack.”
“I dunno, watching Rarity keel over was pretty funny,” Rainbow’s voice is merry.
The conversation continues as the hours pass, it won’t take long to get to the Canterlot Station. I have complete drone coverage of the area, scanners are up and running with full tactical core backup. Completely stealthed as I don’t wish to alarm anypony, they’re having to dodge the Pegasi flying through the local airspace. When we pull into the station, everything is on high, Athena is in TSDS with me as we feel the train slowing down.
“Got her.”
“Where?” All eyes turn to me.
“She’s climbing out of the last car, she was hiding in there.”
“Poor Fluttershy, is she all right?” Rarity is concerned for her friend.
“She seems fine..they’re..”
Twilight gets up, “No time, we’ve got to stop her!” She leads the charge through the packed cars, occasionally yelling ‘Excuse me!’ as she bumps into ponies.
“Can you get her with a spell?” We’re racing back down the tracks, trying to head them off before they get lost in the city proper.
“I’ve got to see her, and get close enough to grab her!” She’s getting slightly winded from the sprinting.
“Athena, head her off, corral her in the station!”
“On it!”
What a mess. I see Athena skid off to the side, pouring power into her legs as she is tearing through the crowds.
Pinkie is hauling Fluttershy behind her as they zip along, she’s good at this, evading ponies and getting away from us as we close in on her.
“Almooost....” Twilight rips off a spell, grabbing the wrong pony when Pinkie goes by too fast for her to get a good lock.
“Dangit! Oh, pardon me sir, didn’t mean to levitate you like that.” She apologizes to the top hat wearing stallion who hrmphs and walks off.
“Wow, what a snob.” Rainbow is right beside us.
“Why aren’t you after her?” Twilight is looking exasperated as the two fugitives make it into the crowds, “Oh stars, we lost her!”
“Well, I figured I’d wait until we got a clean shot at her, then I’d nab them off the ground.” She’s looking smug, still chuckling over all the fuss.
“She’s gone now!”
“Twilight’s right,” Athena appears next to us, “She’s agile when she’s in a panic or determined, even I couldn’t hit corners that fast. We’re only seeing her because she’s got Fluttershy in tow.”
Twilight thinks for a moment, “All right, Athena, Crusader, get on her trail. Applejack and I and Rarity will get to the palace, see if we can’t head her off. I have a feeling she’s going to try and see the Princesses, that’s the only reason I can think of she’d be here.”
“What about me?” Rainbow is looking disgruntled.
“Keep up with Athena and Crusader, you’re fast enough, give them some cover as you go through the streets.”
The cyan mare salutes, “Got it!”
We all tear off in different directions, weaving through the crowds as it’s evening and ponies are out for parties or shopping in the chill air.
“I see her!” Rainbow’s voice comes over the network, “She’s heading into that clothes shop!” The rainbow maned pegasus dives for the door, followed by myself and Athena as we crash into a group just leaving.
We apologize as we untangle ourselves, seeing a pink mane and a yellow body slip through a back door. “That way!” Rainbow’s off again as Athena and I politely make our way out of the knot of limbs.
“Sorry ‘bout that!” Athena takes off with a grin.
I’m sure I’ve never heard phrases like the ones being yelled at us as we gallop through the back rooms, though this is the city, you’d think they’d be more creative with cuss words. I do have to remember a few of those.
We break out the back door, Athena not letting a simple thing like locks or even closed doors bother her as we crash through, scaring the life out of a few colts making their way down the alley. As we come around the corner, we see the two mares disappearing through another shopping crowd.
Twilight’s voice comes over the commnet, “We see them! They’re out on the main avenue, we’ll tail them, you get ahead of us!”
Athena, Rainbow and I acknowledge the command, slipping through the crowds and making our apologies as we overturn a few carts in our haste. We’ve got to slow them down so Twilight can grab Pinkie, failing that Athena or I will restrain her until we can make her understand.
As we zip past a few shops, we see Rarity standing in front of a large window, admiring a few new curtains just put on display, Rainbow yells at her as we go by, “Not the time Rarity!”
“Wha..Oh! Yes, right.” She looks back at the window wistfully and joins us as we are giving it our all through the cobbled avenues.
----------
Twilight kept trying to grab the slippery pink earth pony with her magic, but she’d dodge at the last second, making Twilight apologetic to whoever she’d grab and levitate. This was getting embarrassing.
It was bad enough she was making mistakes, it’s just that Applejack kept snickering whenever she’d levitate the wrong pony.
“You can stop that now!” Her voice is disgusted as she runs along, dodging walking ponies.
“Ah can’t help it, it’s great! She’s pretty slick for a silly party pony ain’t she?” Applejack’s not even out of breath, stamina being a requisite for Earth Pony’s.
“Yeah! She’s too good. Why’d she have to go weird right now for crying out loud!”
“She’s always been a bit off, so who knows?” She laughed again, seeing Twilight’s face.
“Augh! Oh! Sorry! Didn’t mean to do that!” She apologized to a finely dressed mare who was suddenly a few meters off the ground.
“Heh..hahahaha!”
“Will you stop that!”
“Oh stars, since we lost Rarity back there I figure you’re my only entertainment!” The farm mare was definitely unapologetic.
Twilight rolled her eyes as they both narrowly avoided another pile-up. She spotted the bouncing pink mane, and the flowing pink one just ahead as they got onto the main avenue heading for the castle. “Agh! Just slow down so we can explain you goof!” She yelled at the retreating back.
“She’s pretty determined there.” Applejack was sliding around a cart in the cobblestone road.
“Why now! Good grief!”
“That’s Pinkie.”
------------
We take a cross-street, heading into the back alley ways. Athena and I are watching Rainbow above us pointing out the way to the main avenue so we can cut Pinkie off hopefully. Our drones are having a hard time scanning for her in the mass of ponies around, so we relegate them to observation. Pegasi are crowding the airspace as well, we don’t want an accident.
It is slightly frustrating, how she is avoiding the best we can do while towing along Fluttershy. But then again, I stopped underestimating her a while ago.
Rounding a corner, we see what appears to be a crime in progress, two ponies have one more backed up against the wall as we race down the narrow street towards them. The one in retreat is looking frightened.
“Take left, I’ve got right.”
“Roger dodger!”
We don’t bother asking any questions, Athena brings up her battlescreen along one wing edge, blunting it into a hammer like force as I break to her right. She clocks the one larger pony on the side of the head, knocking him out with a wing hit. He slams into the wall and spins around before collapsing.
I slip to the right, leaping slightly to free a front hoof and hitting the other upside the jaw, he goes down for the count. We don’t bother stopping, if we’ve done wrong we’ll apologize later. I look back to see the one I pummeled lying like a fallen tree.
Rarity gasps, “Oh my!” She’s leaping over the boxes and such in the alley as we make room for her, looking back at the fallen figures. “Well hopefully they deserved it, if not you’ll have to at least apologize!”
“Sorry Rarity, we didn’t have time to figure everything out, they’ll be fine.” Athena grins sheepishly.
“Chalk one up for the good ponies!”
“Let’s just hope we chose the right ones.” I laugh out loud.
She looks at me oddly, seeing me laugh as we run along, “You’re enjoying this aren’t you?”
“More than you can imagine.” I give her a grin as she stares at me from the side of her eyes.
“Seriously?”
“Athena, we’re two Bolos who are over a million years old, probably a lot more; we are now two artificial ponies running along the street in a land called Equestria, in the capitol city named Canterlot. We’re chasing one who thinks our friend, a Princess, eats cows. She is obviously trying to meet with two other Princesses who raise and lower the sun and moon. If you can seriously think of anything more ludicrous right now, please, let me know.”
“I..I never..”
I watch the whole outrageous situation hit her, eyes going wide as she laughs, really laughs for the first time in a long, long time. We’ve laughed together before but this is deep and abiding, a laughter that cleanses her soul as she thinks of the silly things and everything else that has happened to us, with us. Special moments are rare, but this is one I will treasure, seeing her laugh with her whole being like never before.
We’re both howling in laughter, rushing along the street as we leap and dodge among the ponies in the city, trying to cut Pinkie off.
Rainbow is watching us from above, her voice on the link. Rarity is eyeing us both oddly as we rush along.
“You guys are so weird.”
We laugh even harder as we keep galloping.
-------------
“Oh darnit, she went into the castle!” Twilight’s yelling at the guards to stop her as we run past them. Applejack skids around the corner, followed by the huffing Alicorn as she’s still trying to grab at a slippery Pinkie.
The normally quiet halls of Castle Canterlot resound with yells from Pinkie as she points back to both her pursuers.
“She eats cows! She’s gone Nightmare Moon!” Leaving a trail of confused guards in her wake, Twilight can only grin sheepishly and shrug as she and Applejack tear past them.
Applejack nudges her on the run, seeing Athena and Rarity, Crusader and Rainbow rush in behind them. The crowd joining together to try and catch up, the seven of them breaking into parts and coalescing as they avoid running over nobles or servants or guards.
It seems Pinkie might be tiring, she’s been hauling poor Fluttershy along with her as they’d traveled along the streets and now the halls. She’s slowing slightly as Twilight yells ahead of her, we’re approaching the vesitbule to the throne room where Celestia is holding court right now.
“Stop that pink mare!” Twilight hovers, letting them see she’s a Princess as the two guards by the door block the way, the rest along the halls close in to stop Pinkie as she skids to a halt in front of the wall of stone faces.
Fluttershy slumps to the marbled floor, her mane and tail in disarray from the rush through the streets, eyes rolling slightly as she tries to gather her wits. I’m sure taking this ride with Pinkie is something other than fun.
“Grab her!” Twilight’s command gets the guards going to restrain Pinkie.
However...
Marble floors are nice, they really are. Except when they’re polished to a high sheen, meaning they are very slick. Hooves and horseshoes have exactly zero grip right now, including mine and Athena’s.
We can’t stop.
Rarity and Athena and I slam into the group of guards as we try to grab onto the pink Earth pony that keeps getting away from the grasp of the Royal Guards. Rainbow is hovering above the mess as Applejack finds she can’t come to a halt either, she’s back-pedaling as fast as she can, but the floor is recently waxed.
“Ohhhhhh shoot!” She slams into the group, well more like a pile of ponies as every one is struggling to grab a hold onto Pinkie. Fluttershy is lost in the tangle as the scrum gets way, way out of hoof.
The watching nobles are just aghast at the whole thing. Twilight is planting a hoof on her face as Rainbow laughs so hard she drops to the floor.
Athena grabs Pinkie, she’s struggling mightily even against my sister’s grip. I latch on as well, Applejack puts a hoof over her mouth as the guards dog pile her, burying all of us beneath a very tangled mob of ponies.
We’ve got Pinkie while Applejack covers her mouth, as she keeps trying to yell that Twilight has gone Nightmare Moon. Athena is whispering in her ear that it was nothing but a joke as we try to keep the pile of bodies from crushing all of us. I think I heard a slap as Rarity sounded offended, something about touching somepony’s Cutie Mark without permission, an embarrassed voice apologizes.
I can’t help but laugh, as this whole thing...
The entire room goes quiet, the creaking of a door presaging the entrance of Princess Celestia and Luna as well. They stand there looking at the pile, then over to Twilight as Rainbow tries her best to hide behind her friend.
“Hello, Twilight.” Her voice is calm, with the hint of a smile playing along her lips. Princess Luna is peering over the large mound of entangled ponies with a quizzical look.
“Oh! Princess Celestia..uh... Hi!” She’s standing to the side, Rainbow is peeking over her back at the two rulers.
Twinkling eyes look at her for a moment, then over at all of us who are popping out of the pile of guards that are slowly untangling themselves, with quite a lot of complaining. Once again a slap, then an apology. Poor Rarity.
“I see you brought your friends as well, nice to see you all again.” She smiles benevolently as we crawl out of the tangled mess.
Pinkie gets free of Applejack’s hoof, screaming in the room, “Twilight eats cows!”
Applejack stuffs her hoof in Pinkie’s mouth before she can say anything else. A nervous smile crosses the orange ponies face as she sits there with Athena grabbing Pinkie and holding her tight.
“Uh..hiya Princess.”
“Hello, Applejack, and Pinkie. Oh, I see Athena there, and Crusader, Rarity. Where’s....?” A squeak answers her as guards help Fluttershy out of the tangle, she hides behind Applejack and waves to both the rulers.
“Ah, there’s Fluttershy. What brings you all here today?” She watches as Pinkie struggles again, almost getting free before Applejack and Athena grab her.
“Uh..a ..uh well....” Applejack grins again, the rest behind her looking anywhere but at the two rulers.
“Perhaps later we can talk about this, I am sorry but we have an important meeting right now.” Her face gleams with a smile, while Princess Luna standing behind her cracks a grin, shaking her head as they both head off.
You never heard a heavier sigh of relief from a room as the two diarchs walk off.
------------
“You doofus! Twilight would never go Nightmare Moon!” Applejack thumps Pinkie on the shoulder as they all sat back in Twilight’s Castle. The ride back had been slightly strained as they had to keep Pinkie held tight while they explained everything during the trip from Canterlot. Twilight’s magic had been tested as she kept a firm hold on Pinkie while they went back to the train.
“I didn’t know! And you guys looked all evil and stuff!” Her eyes are wide, mane bouncing around as she tried to explain herself.
“Well of course, it was a prank Pinkie! Stars above you know us better than that!” Rarity is leaning against the kitchen table. Athena and I have provided food, as it’s been a long day, and everypony was starving. Yes, Athena brought more sandwiches this time as well.
“But you had me fooled with..with..” She stares at the burgers, grabbing one and munching into it, a look of pure delight crossing her face, “With something new like this and you tell me it’s Maisy!” She sighs, “It’s sooooo goood!”
Pinkie’s face drops..”Uh..is it bad I still thought it was good when you told me it was a cow?”
Rainbow cackles, “Only you Pinkie.” Everyone else reassures her it’s fine.
“I have to admit, sure was a fun joke.” Applejack laughs, “Ah know it got outta hoof, but still, was pretty good.”
Everyone agrees, having a good laugh and enjoying the quiet after a long day.
A voice draws every eye in the kitchen as Princess Celestia and Luna stand there in the doorway, “Well, I see things have calmed down.”
“Uh..yeah..about that...” Twilight rubs the back of her neck with a hoof.
Luna sniffs, looking around, “What is that wonderful smell?”
Eyes light up, slightly evil grins cross faces as they all turn to face the waiting Princesses.
All I can do is sigh.
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Soylent Green is made of Pone!
6492782
@1:25
Oh my dear lord this was funny!! I hope the next chapter has the princesses reactions!
As soon as Pinkie and Fluttershy bolted, I cued up some appropriate chase music and laughed so hard I needed to leave my computer and calm down. I'm a dedicated carnivore, my mom would have to make a soyburger without me catching on before I'd eat it, but this makes me think she could do it.
This chapter didn't quite go in the direction I expected it to. I figured the prank-chain would get all the way up to Ponyville's resident wildlife expert, who would then throw the pranksters for a loop with a completely unexpected reaction to their carnivorous revelation.
Glad to see the Diarchs aren't getting left out...
Re: the previous chapter... Tantibus episode... strangely-too-real Dream Marcus... hmmm...
You'd think Crusader would be responsible enough to call the Princesses before hand to prevent misunderstanding and also get their assistance in calming Pinkie down, not to mention setting them up for a counter prank from the Princesses. XD
And I like what Richardson commented, the ponies should be introduced to Soylent Green!
I'm surprised this didn't throw Twilight for a loop, as she started to think about her friends eventual deaths.
Just give me some time, and I will.
Trust me, I will.
I half expected something like this:
"Our friends would never be evil! "
"But fluttershy, they ate a cow!"
"WHAAAAAAAAT?!"
(Fluttershy bursts out of train car carrying pinkie to canterlot at rainbow dash level speeds)
they should start a pony jackass series...
Huh...
Okay... that hijink is weird even for the standards of Ponyville...
At last Crusader have a sense of proportion...
There is a wrongness to this, but a funny joke to play none the less. I was kind of hoping they would get to Fluttershy and she would just shrug and take another bite though. That would have been a nice reversal right there.
BUWAHAHAAH!!! IT'S SO DELICIOUSLY EVIL!!! HAHAHHAA!!!
ROFL!! 
This chain of pranks had gone overboard even by Ponyville standards! That last bit is the biggest prank that we sadly won't be able to see. The Main 6 has gone evil!! I'm surprised Discord hasn't detected it, or had been watching while laughing out popcorn!
6492782 Yeah, but only those with green coats or manes.
6501287 Knowing him, he'd be popcorning out laughter because Chaos.
Thank God you didn't prank Fluttershy that way. Just...no.
But Celestia and Luna?
Not a fan of 'You made a cannibal out of me!' humor.
And my kingdom for a horse! ... wait. in this setting that is a hell of a bride price.
Twiliiiight, you've been to human world and ate in a high school cafeteria! Did research on humanity! Surely you should have remembered they were omnivores! ...Unless EG isn't canon to this continuity. Considering that there is a protracted war with Nightmare Moon, other such continuity alterations are not surprising.
Either way, a delightful romp.
''Twas quite the caper indeed! Jolly good chapter Nfire, jolly good!
Huh. I'm in China right now.... Coincidence?
8272132 Once is coincidence, twice is enemy action.
Why was I thinking of this when I read that?
This chapter made me smile -
-but this was the most amusing part, also Trollader strikes again well sort of.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/4/29/612973__safe_artist-colon-vavacung_twilight+sparkle_alicorn_cropped_crying_demotivational+poster_double+facehoof_double+facehoof+plus+wings_facehoof_fa.png
9113264 That is a great pic :)
Oh Lord....
I've read this... it's.... it's not... good........ at all..... like.... at all at all....
I'm already sure these aren't actually million year old beef. Unless Athena's prank is to give them E Coli poisoning.
It tastes like people!
And now Dash knows how it feels to have a team-killing buddy around.
Poor cabbage guy.
Wait until we expose them to the (soy-analogue) peak of human cuisine...
Bacon. It may as well be dark culinary magic.
I could see the punchline coming a mile away. Still excellent, though. :D
Given everything they sent in Crusader's memory banks, I think he could have solved it by making an offer Discord would love if he would catch Pinkie Pie for them:
Crusader: Discord, I have 2 days 9 hours worth of the Three Stooges if you can catch Pinkie in the next 5 minutes.
Discord: 57 hours of the greatest comedy group of all time? Will that hogtied, gift-wrapped, or dipped in frosting and inside of a giant cake sir?
i.chzbgr.com/full/8554932736/h81A65C80/cupcake-wars