Pranks Ponies Play. City Nights.
Many thanks to Wacky who helped me out of a tight spot.
As always, to you readers who are wonderful, sublime and awesome!
My beloved Bard once wrote, “I am not bound to please thee with my answer.”
I chuckle as this hits home in so many ways. Stonewall’s reconstruction is going well, he is excited about being able to see out of both eyes very soon. I am glad for him. Although for some reason he keeps offering to pay for the treatments. I know who is behind this and I am going to get a bit of revenge.
--------------
At the apple stand, I get to sit with Applejack all day. I enjoy it, setting and saying hello to ponies I know, whiling away the hours. Plus it gives me time to think of an appropriate way to pull a prank on Twilight, I am given the opportunity almost immediately.
My link clicks on.
“Crusader?”
“Yes Twilight?”
“Just what are you doing?”
“Well currently I am downloading drone data while doing a maintenance sweep on my Dragons. I am also talking with Athena about hoarding cupcakes in her command deck, I may have to cut off her allowance. Also I am doing a nuclear weapons interlock check to make sure they do not go off for unknown reasons, that’s always a good thing. Also...”
“Nonono! What are you doing?”
I open the link with Applejack, making a ‘quiet’ gesture with my hoof as she looks at me curiously. I wriggle my eyebrows and give her a mischievous grin.
“Well right now I am with Applejack. Thinking about giving her a kiss whenever she looks at me, of course other things go through a mind as well...such as her Cutie Mark..”
“NO! I don’t want to know! I mean what are you DOING?”
“As in?”
“As in not charging anything for the medical services for Stonewall! We had this talk, at least charge something fair!” She is getting a bit exasperated.
“You think one bit was far too much? I can return it with no problem.”
Applejack’s muzzle is wrinkling as she is holding in a laugh with a hoof over her mouth.
“That’s not what I meant and you know it!”
“I know no such thing, I charged an amount and it is done.”
“You know what we talked about, that’s not fair.”
“Fair is fair, but I shall return the bit and apologize to Rainbow for overcharging, that is also fair I think.”
Applejack is snickering like a mad pony, listening to the conversation.
“I..Crusader.. you...AUGH!” The link clicks off.
I hold up a hoof, “Five...four..three...two...one..”
“Crusader?” Twilight’s link goes active again.
Applejack almost loses it, laughing softly.
“Yes Twilight?”
“I apologize, I didn’t mean to get angry there.”
“No worries Twilight, we all get frustrated some times. Returning that over-charged bit is a good idea too, thanks for giving it to me. I am sorry I angered you for charging an unfair price.”
“Wait..what? I didn’t say.. I mean.. Crusader you.. I’m going to tell Applejack!”
“I am sure she would appreciate your honesty, thank you for keeping me on the straight and narrow Twilight. I shall inform her of my nefarious deeds immediately and ask for my proper punishment for over-charging poor Rainbow.”
“Wait a second, I didn’t.... When did this.. how did you DO that?”
“Do what?”
I have to cut the mic on Applejack’s link, she is slapping the counter of the stand with a hoof and laughing out loud now.
“I’m going to...where are you?”
“I am not sure. Can any of us really know where we are? Or even who we are? Many great philosophers of the past have wondered that very question Twilight.”
“You KNOW what I meant, where are you?”
“I am currently one point three-two yards from Applejack, approximately four point two miles from Sweet Apple Acres, also I am currently a little more than a mile from my war hull. Which is looking quite nice these days by the way. Athena is approximately one point two miles from me, she is currently learning flying from Rainbow Dash.”
Ponies are standing near the apple stand, wondering why I am sitting there with a grin as Applejack is laughing so hard she’s holding her sides. I am a bit worried as she cannot catch her breath between guffaws.
“Crusader.....”
“Yes Twilight?”
“Stay right where you are, I’m going to find you!”
“Please do, I would like to find myself some days as well, is this an existential problem? I very much like those.”
The link goes dead with a chilling finality. I think I may have overdone it.
Applejack is wiping her eyes, they are tearing up heavily as she slaps the ground with a hoof.
“Darlin’ you just bought yourself a whole bushel of trouble.”
“I am thinking the same my Applejack.”
Princess Cadence pops in with a teleport spell, looking around the plaza and spotting us. She yells urgently, “DUCK!”
I do not hesitate, I grab Applejack and slip under the counter of the stand. There is a sizzling sound and apples are flung everywhere as Twilight teleports onto the counter looking around. Her expression tells me she is not in a laughing mood.
“Where is that little... I’m going to show him existential with a spell up his backside! One point nothing yards, I’m gonna bop his nose! Teach him to twist my words!”
She stamps a hoof on the wooden counter, yelling, “Come out here you..you...”
I peek out from under the counter, “Hello Twilight.” I am immediately confronted with a pointed hoof.
“You... Twist what I say will you..you..you.. con pony!”
“I assure you I was just being honest.” I can’t help but smile, her face is adorable when mad.
“Honest nothing!” Her eyes narrow at me as she leans close, “You know what I was talking about and you deliberately twisted my words! Stop smiling!”
Applejack peeks up from under the counter, she is grinning, “Hard not to Twi, you ain’t good at bein’ mad, you kinda get cuter that way.”
“I do not!” She stamps her hoof and glares around at the crowd of ponies who are nodding.
“Uh, actually you do Twilight.” Roseluck is raising a hoof, other ponies nodding beside her.
“What? I do not!”
Ponies are nodding emphatically now, “You really do.”
“Yep!”
“Sure do!”
“Eeyup.”
Twilight gets a disgusted look on her face as she steps down from the counter, the crowd nodding and agreeing with each other as they walk away.
Cadence comes up and hugs her, “That’s not a bad thing, being cute when angry. Come on, let’s go get some lunch.”
She turns and points a hoof at me, “You mister, are still in trouble!”
“Yes Twilight.”
She walks away with Cadence, still arguing about being cute when mad.
I am slapped on the shoulder by a laughing Applejack, “That was bad and you know it. Now help me get these apples.”
“Yes my Applejack.” I am still smiling though, I think I’m getting this humor thing.
-------------
Rust was sitting at one of the nicer bars in Manehatten. He liked it here, the hustle and bustle of everyday life was pretty good. This drink was pretty good, his job at the taxi company paid pretty well, he had it all right.
But what he really wanted, was that mare sitting at the counter next to him. Slim, the lines of muscles rippling through her body. She was a pegasus too, he’d heard they were pretty wild in the sack.
He’d been chatting her up for the last hour, and she seemed pretty receptive, although she was quite giggly. Not much of a talker, but for what he wanted, talking wasn’t required.
Running a hoof along her cutie mark he made his move, she nodded and smiled, leading him out of the bar to envious looks from other stallions. He stuck his chest out a bit, seeing the glances and feeling a bit full of himself.
The mare leaned against him as they headed to a motel across the street, renting a room quickly and piling inside. It was small, a by the day place, but comfortable enough for what he wanted. From her smoldering looks, it was definitely what she was hoping for as well.
Lights lined the streets as the night was young, ponies going to restaurants and bars as the two made their way to the hotel counter, the young mare rubbing hard against the sweating stallion as he passed bits over the desk, receiving a key.
The counter pony looked on with a slight amount of envy as he watched them enter the room. “Lucky stiff.” He thought.
She wasted no time, grabbing his hoof and pulling him into the soft bed, trailing her mane over him as she slowly moved her muzzle up and down his body. Her hooves were soft and insistent, taking off the tie he wore from work to hit the bar. They kissed, her muzzle pushing hard into his as she shoved him back against the pillows. She hopped on top of him and continued nuzzling, rubbing up against his shaking body.
He was breathing heavily as she stared down at him. Straddling his body as she pressed against him hotly. Oh the rumors were definitely true, he thought. He grinned, rubbing his hooves down her back, rubbing along the shapely backside.
“Don’t make me wait now.” He panted slightly with each word.
She giggled, her cyan eyes narrowing as she leaned against the stallion. She kissed him again and once more, her tongue dancing with his, wet and warmly inside his mouth.
He never saw the point sticking from her hoof as it dug into his chest, pushing deep as he tried to scream out in agony, stopped by the press of soft lips against his. The buttery golden mare’s body tight against him as he felt the point slide deeper. A warmth started in his body, spreading quickly to his outer extremities in a burning creep. He could do nothing but feel those warm lips, the eyes watching his as he struggled.
Her pink mane draped over him like a death shroud as she kept their mouths locked, seeing his eyes go soft, then gone with a faraway look. Inhaling his breath as if it were the finest wine ever made before letting his mouth go with a sigh and a smacking of her own lips. The stallion silent and motionless beneath her.
The pretty face pouted for a moment, leaving the stallion with one last peck on the cheek. She spent a few minutes making sure her coat was spotless and groomed as she slipped out the door with a smile, tossing her mane back as she looked up and down the street.
The night was still early and the city was full of ponies.
Wonderful, wonderful ponies filled with life.
--------------
On Manehatten’s Upper Side, the rich and the famous hung out to chat and network. In an apartment furnished with fine things, music was playing, a classical piece that warmed the atmosphere.
A white Unicorn mare stood over a new acquaintance, having met her in a local eatery that catered to an upscale clientele. The elegant pony that had just collapsed wanted to show her the apartment, maybe talk fashion just a bit before dinner, but it was not to be.
The supine mare struggled against the slow burn through her veins, tearing through her body like a manticore on a rampage. Her vocal cords paralyzed with numbness as the fire spread throughout her body, leaving her without breath.
Azure eyes were soft with a hint of glee, watching as a hoof reached out from the supine mare, hoping for assistance from her new friend who only stood there. A ghost of a smile on the lovely face as she watched the throes of pain tremble through the upraised leg. The hoof going limp, then slapping with a soft noise on the carpet as the struggle ceased.
The pretty face leaned down, ears perked as she tilted her head from one side, then the other. A gentle hoof traced a line down a cheek, wiping away a single tear with a soft laugh that aired itself in the quiet apartment.
Pushing a hoof against her elegant indigo mane, the Unicorn made sure it was in place, peering into an expensive mirror and making sure she was perfect for a night out. Exiting the apartment, then the building, she looked around with a smile at the lovely ponies out for walks in the brightly lit neighborhood.
Surely there was someone else who’d want to play.
--------------
It was a carnival in the huge central park of Manehatten, rides and booths holding every sort of entertainment were spread out over square miles of grassy, tree filled land.
This was one of the delights of the big city, always something happening and fun. It drew crowds like flies to honey. The smiles and delighted conversations swam and flowed around the wide park.
The rides were as awesome as magic and good engineering could make them. The delighted screams of ponies rang through the fairways as little ones ran to and fro, carrying cotton candy or prizes won in games of skill and chance.
A couple of mares and their dates followed a brightly colored clown pony, painted gaily and carrying tons of shiny balloons behind one of the booths, laughing and chuckling at the silly antics of the entertainer.
A few minutes later the clown reappeared, the foursome that had followed were nowhere to be seen as she brushed off a few specks of what appeared to be red paint off her hooves.
The blue eyes were glinting in the brightly lit areas of the carnival, the pink mane fluffed and wobbling happily as the clown bounced around. Her smile wide and toothsome, grinning at happy folks and looking for more customers
There were always more ponies who wanted a balloon and she would be more than happy to provide them.
More than happy.
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5782276 I'm just glad you like the story
5782321
oh deary me this new chapter leaves me reeling in anticipation
a challenger has appeared
Oh well hello terrorist * stab*
I'm starting to HATE this goddamn... whatever it is!
5782382 Everyone knows Pinkie does parties, but no one ever throws one for her in a lot of fics, it was overdue I thought. Thank you very much for the kind compliment, I'm glad you enjoyed it
5782381
First off... I'm sorry?
Second, I think I've got a way, you'll like it I hope!
How very Changeling...and yet not. Colour me curious...and a little worried.
Crusader, you done goofed. I was too polite to say it back then but you blew up a single cave with basically C4 charges to stop a hundred of years old at the minimum threat.
Did you think to use ground penetrating radar to search for more strongholds? Did you think to try tracing the data communications from those foals back to the source? Sure it's magic but it's still energy, it still has to have a point of origin you can triangulate. Did you think, that maybe, just maybe C4 isn't powerful enough to kill what you were fighting? Or perhaps that using C4 would only block the entrance to their cave?
You are right my good man, you are changing. Your Bolo side is being overwritten slowly. A proper war machine would have thought of these things and used a better plan. That's not a bad thing, every AI deserves a chance to be more then what it was designed to be (except for SHODAN). But if you want to protect the ponies, especially from evil an ancient threats you need to retain your full combat abilities on top of everything you may also gain.
Do you know how long it took for my people to get Equestria looking like it is today? The subtle influencing, years spent infiltrating every echelon of society, the incredible volume of time and energy spent to make Equestria into the one nation on earth that's an abundant supply of love and joy? It's our pantry Crusader, we worked very hard to make it that way, and you just screwed it up!
Now some ancient evil is running loose all over our food supply, removing individuals reduces the available love far more then you would think. I don't hold you responsible direly, but this was your fault in part. As such, I expect you to do something about it while we try and rally enough 'lings to get this shit straitened out. You have to keep Colgate safe while I'm out, I'm sending her to your Warhull. That's your punishment.
5782441 It's gonna be....different.
5782446
Honestly, these comments of yours... It 'looks' like a gripe but then I read deeper it just gets me laughing. I dunno bout ya Meep, but yer hilarious
5782423 I blame Arxsys, he gave me the idea and it has...pardon the pun.. spawned so much hatred. Truly evil and eldritch he is!
5782433 From the comments I think your feelings are shared by quite a few folks
5782487 Good observation!
5782499 I admit, I did play fast and loose with the timeline. So no, no cynicism
5782483
come on now, you wrote it nowhere near as dark as I was talking, so take some credit 
I don't want to say anything more in case you have any of the darker stuff in play though.
And dark is what I do you know. I've got a Hannibal Lector like griffin butcher and am working on other OC's for my stories. Petrichor is going to be equestria looking into the abyss ala Nietzsche.
5782572 Dat's mah story and I'm sticking to it. You abomination you
5782577 Finally, the respect I deserve.
Now things are getting really nasty. The romaer is taken from Crusaders and Athenas AVs, the injection is the firus poison Crusader took to try and make sure the thing was totally dead. The forms taken are those from the Bearers, as nothing spreads fear and terror faster than the populance believing its their heros thats jucing them.
Signal detection, extraction, decode, simulation, interception, extrapolation. This is all Heras speciality, and whats needed to extract the unique signature from the noise. I dnt mean contents oc phone calls or addresses of IP headers, the style of the magic signalling.
Of course, given its in the city, it could be cored up anywhere from the subway to the cooling towers, or it could be distributed in any or some of many various ways, similar to changelings but not neecessarily in such large volume induviduals. In fact, I wnder where changelings are, exist, in this realm.
I wonder where the new sewer coating came from?
I'm redirecting to Manehattan now. That forest can wait, I have murderers to catch and thieves to kill. I'll have Aumaan do a core-deep scan of the planet and have Anubis go after everything that looks like a cave.
5782627 Wow, I don't know how you do that. But awesome comments!
I HATE EXISTENTIAL CRISES!
I KNEW IT!
FLUTTERSHY IS AN AWESOME ASSASSIN!
5782292 Is Fluttershy an assassin? As with Rarity?
5782670 Is she?
Edit: I don't have an answer, just theories.
5782700 Careful with spoilers please
If I didn't know better, and looked at each crime scene by itself, I'd say this killer was just a psychopath of a pony, not unlike Hannibal Lecter or a far more evil and less humorous Joker. Is the mare infected with whatever was directing the Everfree? And is she really a pony or something else? Assuming it's the same mare in all three scenes, that would mean shape changing power which leads to Changelings getting the blame. The biggest question is why would a changeling do that? Killing a host and then not using their visage to gather love makes no sense. And if they were going to kill, they would drain the pony completely first, not use weapons or poison. A more alarming "Legion" scenario is it's three separate mares, all influenced by the same dark force from the Everfree which means more could fall under it's spell like a spreading disease.
Using a major city for "hunting grounds" is rather smart since it makes tracking next to impossible; the wolf can blend into the thousands upon thousands of sheep (no idea how big Manehatten is but it's got to be at least five figures of population, maybe even six). When ponies start turning up very dead like this however, won't that start making the news quickly? I don't know how violent it is normally in a major city of Equestria so perhaps this may not show up on the radar as fast as it would in a far more peaceful place like Ponyville or Canterlot.
Meep the Changeling does have a point, in a silly sort of way, when your food source is threatened and getting all paranoid (and starts using security measures that will out changeling infiltrators), you tend to do something about it. Could this be the time when the secretive race slinks from the shadows to have Crusader assist them? The enemy of my enemy is my friend... for now.
Will the Elements of Harmony be sent to Manehatten? I really don't see it as a job for them at the moment. If anything, they should stay home under guard. Should even one of the mares be, Celestia-forbid, killed, then Equestria's biggest gun is silenced. Besides, aside from Twilight, the rest have no idea what to do when tracking down a killer (or killers), and the Princess only knows standard procedure from reading books. Until a target is found, the girls need to stay safe, only then would it be prudent to blast away with that Harmony rainbow. I say this because using hellbore cannons in Manehatten would be very... messy. Too many collateral casualties to think about. Yeesh. The city renders nearly all of a bolo's weapons useless and trying to be creative with nanites could be too slow simply due to the area needed to cover. (I gather Manehatten is based on New York city which is 304 square miles of land plus another 164 of water!)
5782458 Well you see, I back when I was a teen I found a plant in the Everfree I thought was pot (UV vision is a bitch sometimes) and smoked it. Turns out, if you smoke poison joke the effect is permanent (see Zacora's rhyming). So now I'm too chill to realy be bothered my much of anything. Basically I got alignment shifted from Chaotic Evil to Chaotic Good.
5782691 I still think Fluttershy is secretly an assassin. Her shack? Weapons storage! And she suffers PTSD from all her assassinations!
5782784 th04.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2013/071/c/e/fluttershy_stay_out_of_my_shed__wallpaper_by_assualtpony-d5xvg8f.jpg
5782787 s3.amazonaws.com/bronibooru/320265ea6806425fcfdf07602bc06f68.png
5782748 Your comments are astounding. Wow, great insight to what might be happening seriously.
5782752 Thank you for the kind compliment. Though cuteness abounds in some chapters, fair warning. They are ponies after all.
5782784 Wow..that's a mind blower right there...
5782772
Again....
Evil doppelgangers of the Mane Six I am thinking, made by the thing in the Everfree. Sent out to sow terror in Equestria. Probably clones using blood from when they rescued the foals.
Nah, to obvious.
okay, Crusader, I'm stuck in a magic restraining tomb several hundred meter underground, I was only able to bring my PC and wifi (I hid it as I was being put in in).
I'm seriously considering using my hooves and wifi router to chisel my way out of here and smack a bitch (the entire forest), ya just ain't doin' yer job nearly as well as ya need. it all needs to burn. And if you die while I'm wifi'ng my stone prison to death, I will resurrect you and physically pound several cores worth of combat data into your head, after I incinerate that satan forsaken forest. (yes, satan left cuz it was that bad).
after that, I will steal all your muffins Crusader... every. last. one. and I will eat them at you, yes, I will eat them, in. your. face.
I'll have to find a new wi-fi router though....
5782871 Calmly now, calmly, it's a story
5782639
Boeing think they are hip and futuriistic and out of time ahead with this.
Not even worth Science Fair Award
But then, 3 years ago, this was announced.
Use of shockwave deflection by holes.
This clearly demonstrates that its far better to use an array of small pulses of lasers etc, Very easy to create, instead of a single solid shock front.
Oh, how to generate fast accurate repetative ionisation pulses, for forcefields and for inertial confinement nuclear fusion?
Laser spark plugs
So nice to see them finally getting to where computers where, advancement, in the 80s. But, Watson will be in your hand in far less than 10 years.
Great updates, this story just turned a hell of a lot darker... And I love it
As a side note, I hope there'll be more feelsy type bonding between Crusader and Athena in the future
5783248 I'm not diabolical....well... No, no I'm not
5782914 Calmly? are you here to question my sense of reality!? These are ponies we are talking about sir! there is no stopping until these ponies are safe! We cannot idly sit by and rest our fingers, keyboards, and wi-fi until we have brought peace to the ponies sir!
There is blood to be shed, and though I shall not be able to finish these varmints for myself, I shall do the next best thing. Give you tactical advice/suggestions, moral support, replacement keyboards, and remedies for bloodied and broken fingertips! and you know... puns.
The demons are here and not in tartarus for a reason, tartarus sucks, here doesn't, we need to change that sir, we need to make them fear us, more so than the raging inferno that is known as tartarus.
Cerberus has failed, you sir, are beginning to as well, if the last line of defense is rent asunder, we, the readers, shall construct a red and black alicorn OC army so grossly powerful, that even the gods shall wither beneath our gaze. And I, I shall unleash the very titans tartarus was made to hold, I shall unleash them upon our enemies, our power will be so great, that even the truly insane fear, the dead, the immortals, and evil itself, shall fear us.
and if all else fails, we shall amass our efforts, pour our hearts and souls into it, and shatter the precious fourth wall. to protect ponies sir, I would unleash the greatest evil.
Humans.
5783293 For the last time, just because people call me that it doesn't mean it is my name. I prefer just to be known as the guy that carries around a sack of doorknobs and hits bad guys with it.
5783275 Woah, careful there. Think more logically your anger has a hold of you. A Red and black alicorn wouldn't help, I t would just bone Twilight till she was raw. What we realy need is for someone to get me five overly emotional teenagers with attitude.
5783360
.
5783363 Then using the Crystal Heart as a powersource, and some of the arcane science behind changeling magic I could give them superforms which would allow them to save the day at the cost of the destruction of half the buildings in Equestria's various abandoned warehouse districts.
5783375 Urban renovation is always a good thing I think, dual purpose destruction, good thought!
5783364 I live in Alaska. Its 7:18 at night
Damn, this is good. Thanks for the update.
5783379 I'm also stranded in the frozen north, how goes it fellow survivor?
5783360 the red and black alicorn OCs are powerful! they just need to be guided, like children.
what do you mean they would bone Twi!? she's all mine!
...
*aghm*
...
you definitely heard that wrong...
Edit: five emotional teenagers with an attitude?
I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!
5783428 I have delved deeper into the dark magics than even Sombra ever dare, I'm plagued by chaotic magic*, I am a necromancer, meaning my army is the undead, bodied, and disembodied, the dead are as an ocean, small (and even large) amounts can do nearly nothing. but when amassed into trillions**... it wears down on any living or otherwise functioning army. (can you chop off the limbs of a trillion monsters and not pass out from exhaustion?)
and on top of that, I am the overlord of all vamponies, so therefore, I can assume direct control of the whole vampony population (don't worry, I'll never risk the flutters), and my blood magic increases all my powers (magical and non-magical) anywhere from ten to one-hundred fold.
I think you are well matched sir.
*the chaotic magic helps only a tiny bit more than it doesn't, that stuff has a mind of its own
**it's very hard to control even a million, even with blood magic, but with the gathered power of my allies, I could make a sufficient army
***also, the more power I output, the more the natural fabric of magic wants to revert to normal.
(just imagine having a pole with a bungee cord tethered to it, tether the other end to your back, then walk away from the pole, (this represents you using magic), it's very tiring, and is never easy when you want to use huge amounts of energy)
5783378 Another great couple of chapters--thanks for the credit, but I still think its all you, I was just a wall you bounced ideas off of...can't wait to see the evils you unleash next!
5783343
The Bolo article on TVTropes has it (Bolos disguised as communication satellites)* under both "kill sat", and "forgotten superweapon".
* It actually makes a bit of sense; even if they weren't disguised, because as military units C&C is vital and they would be able to act as an impromptu communications-network during peace-time. (The GPS network in common usage right now is civilian repurposing of military tech, as is the internet.)
5783395 Another boring day sitting at home in Fairbanks lol. At least the weather has been nice ish. You?
5783809 Same thing, same place... We should say hi!