Double Bypass
Rarity stared out the train window at the passing scenery, all of which was covered in a fresh layer of snow. Early morning sunlight cast long shadows through the car, and the quiet conversation of the other travelers was barely audible over the click-clack of wheels on tracks. Her companion and, for the remainder of the trip, husband, was unusually quiet. Somehow, her every effort to entertain him the previous night had fallen flat. He smiled and laughed, of course, but the touch of sadness in his voice was unmistakable to a good friend such as herself. That morning, the sadness was unmistakable to anypony who talked to him.
She took the two rings off her horn and let them float in front of her eyes. Wearing them now felt rather silly, and yet, she’d put them on that morning as if she’d worn them for years. Not wearing them now felt strange, to say the least.
“We’re almost home, Spikey.”
He kept staring out the window, just as he’d been doing since they boarded. “Yeah.”
“I know I’ve said it already, but thank you. Thank you for agreeing to this selfish, awful plan of mine. I can honestly say that the time I spent with you was the best part.”
Finally, Spike perked up. He took his eyes off the window for the first time in an hour and looked at her. “Really?”
“Yes, absolutely. I’m just glad this charade of a marriage is finally over; it’s without question, the worst…”
His face fell, and Rarity stopped cold. He twisted the ring off his finger and threw it at her. “Just take it; take the ring back.”
“I-I’m sorry, Spike. I didn’t mean to imply being married to you—”
“Well you did!” His shout startled some of the nearby passengers. He glanced around and spoke quietly, albeit with the same harsh tone. “Maybe Twilight was right after all… I should’ve said no.”
Rarity rolled his ring between her hooves, feeling its residual warmth. “I can’t recall the last time you turned down one of my requests… Why not this time? Why go along with my shallow, one-sided idea? That was how Twilight put it, wasn’t it?”
“Because…” He hung his head. “… it wasn’t supposed to be one-sided. I just didn’t get what I wanted.”
“Spike, whatever do you mean?”
Spike folded his arms and turned away. “We got to spend the whole weekend together, I stood by you like I always do, and I got to do stuff with you that—” He could feel her stern gaze burning a hole in him. “—that I’ll never ever talk about. I thought maybe this weekend you’d get to know me better, and maybe even… maybe see me the way I see you. I guess I shouldn’t have kissed you like that…”
Rarity held a hoof up to her mouth and her ears folded back. “Spike… but it’s been years since… I assumed your boyhood crush was long over. If I’d known—”
“Of course I still care about you! How could I stop? I’ve just gotten patient… even when you fell in love with… him.” The last word came out as a growl.
She leaned closer, assuming she’d missed the name. “Who?”
Spike squeezed the seat until his claws punctured the cushion. “Trenderhoof.”
She bit her lip. “Trend? I’m… I’m not sure love is the most appropriate term…”
“Whatever. You went crazy over him right in front of me, but I didn’t say anything. Every time he hurt you I wanted to… never mind. I helped you, I listened to you, I let you cry on my shoulder… that’s what good friends do, right? That’s what you might want in a special somepony, right? I guess not even being married to me was enough.”
Once again Spike’s voice drew the attention of their fellow passengers. Rarity leaned in again and tried to hide the quiver in her voice. “Now, Spikey, I don’t think that’s entirely fai—”
“Let’s just go home and get Twilight to fix this. She was right all along; I just ended up getting hurt.”
Rarity held the three rings in her hooves, tears forming in her eyes. “I’m not proud of my actions, Spike… and you’re not the only one who’s hurting.”
The tension in his claws slackened. He turned back to her with a frown. “I’m… I’m sorry.”
She wiped her eyes and faced the window. “Let’s just move on, shall we? Perhaps after some time apart to collect ourselves we’ll be able to go back to… the way we were.”
The words sounded hollow to both of them.
---
After a thoroughly uncomfortable train ride and a silent march through snow-covered Ponyville, they arrived at Twilight’s castle. Rarity didn’t want to talk anymore. Not to Spike, or anypony else. Fortunately, he seemed perfectly willing to knock on the door and do the requisite shouting.
“Twilight, we’re back! We need you to un-marry us.”
The windows above were dark and covered in frost. He knocked again, this time dislodging a layer of snow from the door, revealing a note in the process. Rarity pulled the note off the door and unfolded it.
Spike, meanwhile, continued his more direct approach. “Twilight! This is an emergency, and the stupid door’s stuck!”
Rarity rolled her eyes and began reading the note aloud. “‘Dear Spike and Rarity— I’m sorry to inform you that I’ve been called away to an emergency summit on the future of library science. Spike, while I’m away, I’ll need you to sort and file all of the scrolls in the castle. Yes, all of them. Rarity, I hope your trip was a success, and I hope you both still think getting married was worth it, because you’ve got an extra week of richly deserved marital bliss ahead of you. I’ll be back on Sunday. Signed, Twilight Sp—’ Why that… that book-loving tyrant! The nerve, the insolence, the—”
The door opened at last, releasing a tidal wave of scrolls that buried Rarity up to her neck. Her voice rattled the window panes. “Twilight Sparkle, if you thought Tirek was a force to be reckoned with, you obviously haven’t trifled with an irate fashionista!”
Spike burst through the top layer of scrolls and snow a moment later. “I have to sort all of these myself? That’ll take all week!”
“Leave them, Spike. First, we’re undoing Twilight’s obscene prank. There’s more than one pony who can end a marriage in this town, and we’re going to her office right now!”
---
Ten minutes later, Spike and Rarity were seated in the Mayor’s office. Everything about the room, from the old furniture to the older newspapers framed and hanging on the wall, screamed ‘public official.’
Mayor Mare slid their marriage contract across her desk and shook her head. “I’m sorry, but my hooves are tied.”
Rarity gasped. “But Mayor Mare, surely it’s within your power to annul a simple marriage? The terms are right there, we all just need to sign our names.”
Spike nodded. “Yeah, you could’ve even married us in the first place.”
Mayor Mare shook her head again. “That’s the exact problem: I’m not the one who married you.” She tapped on the annulment clause. “It says that the marriage can be nullified by written consent of all parties involved, and there are three signatures here.”
Rarity’s jaw dropped. “B-but Twilight was merely the acting officiant… surely her signature isn’t part of…”
“I’m afraid that’s how I see it.” Mayor Mare took a nervous glance at the campaign poster hanging next to the window. “I can’t risk crossing a Princess of Equestria, especially not during an election year.”
Spike scraped his claws across the sides of his head. “But you’re running unopposed! You just have to help us, I can’t stay married to her for another week!”
Rarity huffed and turned away. “Indeed, this is simply intolerable! We simply must go our separate ways at once.”
Mayor Mare rubbed her chin for a moment and stared off into space. “You know… there might be another way. I happen to know a pony in this town that specializes in this sort of thing. If anyone other than Princess Twilight can help you, it’s him.”
The marriage contract glowed blue, rolled itself up, and flew into Rarity’s grasp. “Wonderful. Where can we find him?”
---
Time Turner’s clock shop was, without question, the worst possible place in Equestria to sit around and wait. There were no less than a hundred timepieces on display, from grandfather clocks to pocket watches, and all were ticking seconds away in perfect synchronization.
Truly this was Tartarus personified. Even Rarity’s impatient hoof-tapping was starting to align with the lock-step noise of the clocks.
“Mr. Turner? You said you’d be with us in a minute, and that was precisely one minute ago,” she said.
Spike stepped up to the counter and pounded on the bell positioned next to the register. “Hey! Can we get some service already?”
The door behind the counter opened and Time Turner appeared. “Sorry for the wait, folks. What can I help you wi—”
Rarity pointed at the rings on her horn. “Our marriage. End it. Now.”
His smile vanished and he nodded. “Ah. I had my suspicions when you two walked in. Why don’t we step into my office?” He lifted the divider on the counter and motioned towards the back door. “Through there and make a left.”
The back office was remarkably clean and quiet for a watchmaker. Aside from a small work bench covered in tiny gears, the room was spotless. Three overstuffed love seats were situated around a small, glass coffee table. Once the door was closed, the din of the clocks was much easier to bear.
Time Turner turned one of the chairs to Rarity and smiled. “Please have a seat and make yourselves comfortable. You said Mayor Mare referred you to me?”
Spike took one of the other chairs before she could sit. “Yeah. See, Twilight did this weird thing with our marriage contract—”
Time Turner held up a hoof. “Hopefully it doesn’t come down to paperwork. Let’s just sit for a minute and figure out what we’re dealing with. Would either of you like a glass of water?”
Rarity sat in the remaining chair. It felt even more comfortable than it looked. “I must say, Time Turner, when the Mayor offered to refer us to somepony, I wasn’t expecting you.”
He grinned. “It’s a strange pair of professions, right? Clocks might be my special talent, but it’s what we’re doing right now that helps me sleep well at night. I even have a doctorate in it.”
Rarity stared at Spike, who stared back at her with matching incredulity. “I… see. That’s an… interesting thing to enjoy. Now, about our marital situation…”
She passed the contract to Time Turner. He set it on the coffee table without so much as a glance. “Let’s start at the top. Rarity, why don’t you start by telling me why you’re both here today?”
“I told you that already. We need a marriage annulment.”
He nodded. “I’m sorry to hear that. Spike, how does that make you feel?”
Rarity gaped. “Excuse me?”
Time Turner shushed her. “I’d like to hear from Spike.”
Spike looked from one of them to the other. “Well, uh… I’m kind of glad it’s going to be over. Today she’s been acting like being married to me is the worst thing ever.”
Rarity snorted. “Please, Spike, let’s not make this more complicated than it needs to be. We both knew what this marriage was from the start. We married for precisely one thing, and now that that’s over, it’s time for the charade to end.”
Spike crossed his arms. “You’re right about one thing: this marriage is a joke. You’ve been no fun at all since we got back from our weekend in Canterlot.”
“And what did you expect to happen? For this little sham to spontaneously turn into never-ending marital bliss? For me to overlook the ways in which you took advantage of my trust?”
“Me? What did I do?”
“Shall we discuss the dress zipper incident? What about what happened in the shower?”
Spike pounded a fist on his chair. “So now you can talk about that stuff but I can’t? I only did those weird things because you wanted me to! I’ve been nothing but a good friend and a great husband, and you know it!”
“Hmpf. Perhaps my accusation is a tad unfair, but the point still stands: we’ve let our own interests get in the way of common sense. We never should have gotten married under such self-serving pretenses, and something must be done about it.” Rarity turned to their host. “Wouldn’t you agree, Time Turner?”
Time Turner clapped his hooves. “Absolutely. I can’t stress enough how important talking to each other about your feelings is. That’s what’s going to help you rekindle that spark that brought you together in the first place.”
Rarity was about to ask what he meant, but then paused. She took a second to actually examine the room, from the non-threatening decor to their overly-courteous host, and raised a hoof. “What precisely do you have a doctorate in?”
“Why, marriage counseling, of course.”
She planted a hoof on her forehead. “That’s what I was afraid of.”
Stats
Page generated in 0.023 seconds
Total duration
982 users online
1,500,959 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
5727150
That's how it's shaken out, yes. I was concerned in the beginning that I wasn't going to have a chance to publish each day, but so far so good
They do realize that Cadence can literally sense that relationship?
5727284
I wonder why she hasn't turned up yet.
Funtastic !
Well I can now confidently say this is all Raritys fault and may she be slapped with a bag of tuna fish sandwiches for one weeked.
5727366
Why waste sandwiches? A whole tuna does the job quite well.
5727466
True, I revise my previous sentance may she be slapped with a whole tuna for a weekend.
I really wanted to see more of this marriage consuling... hopes!
Hahahaa,
I can just tell that Mayor Mare and possibly Time Turner is working with Twilight on this.
I can't believe how fast this story is moving.
I just hope that Time Turner can save this short term marriage, or at least make things better between them. If I had to chose a side to support, it would be spike. He is a great guy and Rarity doesn't give him enough credit. He is way better then Tender Hoof and Spike was right to bring that up. Rarity has always ignored Spikes feelings, it shows in the tv show and in the fan fics. OPEN YOUR EYES RARITY!! THE FEELS ARE REAL!! 
I'm actually not looking for a happy ending for these two, just an understanding one. This was a bad idea, and I hope they learn and grow from it!
Yes Spike, that's what's wrong with this.
Oh this just got good but I have to ask. Was Spike aged up a bit because I can only see this ending with someone getting laid.
5730753
Yes
I want Twilight to come home to a large pile of ash and a single note
I quit
5727166 So how many chapters can we be expecting?
This keeps getting better and better!
Ah, marriage counselling. I fear that the sort of marriage counselling they need is as below...
I feel like i just missed a chapter inbetween this one and the last. Right before, they were dancing in joy, then suddenly they're all depressed and mopey.
That ending, do, lol!
I can't help but feel like this is much, much too sudden. As 5754979 pointed out, there's some definite mood whiplash here.
I love this! Favorited for sure. Also, the mood is shown to be changing when Rarity incorrectly phrases things and near the kiss so while for some it may seem rushed it doesn't come out of nowhere.
Okay, I can't be the only one, when they're talking about getting the marriage undone and it cuts to Time Turner, who's thoughts turned immediately to going back in time and preventing this happening.
Was that intentional, or is TT just the go-to background pony for anything vaguely intellectual?
Oh my gosh! This story is getting better with each chapter! It's just a Rom Com done perfectly! Congrats! And I think Twilight had planned this with Mayor Mare and Time Turner.
This is the most hilarious and coolest interpretation of Time Turner EVER! I'm SO tempted to make this my headcanon, but I already have plans for Time Turner in my fimfics.
I’m always pleased when Rarity gets a good comedy line. :D This continues to amuse!
Love this chapter. I can't help but wonder if Twilight actually left on purpose to get back at them for going through with their silly plan. Also nice twist at the end. The mayor didn't recommend the Doctor to annul their marriage to to try to save it.
Kinda wish we got a little more of the two at the resort, but this chapter was indeed fun, if a bit heartbreaking