A New Morning.

As another typical morning begins, Twilight reminds Rainbow Dash that tomorrow is Hearth's Warming Eve. When Rainbow Dash finishes her morning routine, she quickly gets a gift for the one she cares about.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 11 )

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Feather Flyer

Feather Flyer #1 · Dec 28th, 2014 · · ·

It's a pretty good story. A bit random in some places, but good. Keep up the good work!

Zeyon The Green

Zeyon The Green #2 · Dec 29th, 2014 · 1 · ·

I think I get why people are down voting. You really did not read your dialog. It's cheesy, flows unnaturally, and forced. My interest dropped about halfway through, and I was confused about Dash becoming ill for some reason. I won't down vote, but you need to work on your writing.

Silver Letter

Silver Letter #3 · Dec 31st, 2014 · 1 · ·

5436567
I concur. The dialogue is not very good. The story concept is okay but needs work. 4/10

TheWritingTrickster

TheWritingTrickster #4 · Jan 1st, 2015 · 1 · ·

I'm taking all feedback into regard. Thank you all for it. I'll look more carefully at my dialogue next time 'round.

RainythePegasus_Archive

RainythePegasus_Archive #5 · Jan 3rd, 2015 · · ·

Aww. What a cute story. You just need to work on more natural dialogue, but other than that, it's cute.

RainythePegasus_Archive

RainythePegasus_Archive #6 · Jan 3rd, 2015 · · ·

5433781 I like your profile pic.

Feather Flyer

Feather Flyer #7 · Jan 3rd, 2015 · · ·

5456222 Thanks. I like yours too.

Batbrony

Batbrony #8 · Jan 9th, 2015 · · ·

Cute story, but the structure and pacing are a bit off, namely because A LOT happens in it (which is odd to say, but true, at least given its size). Scenes end very abruptly and transitions are very sudden. Its heart is in the right place, the characters are written fine, but it could use some work to be sure. Still, thank you very much for the lovely addition to the Poniverse Hearth's Warming Eve Contest!

Also:

I told myself, dropping attitude

I don't know why, but for some reason that made me laugh REALLY HARD, and also think of this:

th08.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2013/318/8/4/rainbow_dash_swag_by_gm_luna-d6u94b6.png

TheWritingTrickster

TheWritingTrickster #9 · Jan 9th, 2015 · · ·

Thanks for the tips, and also, I swear I fixed the "attitude" to "altitude".
It was my first crack at a MLP fan-fic, much less a Hearth's Warming Eve fic, so it was bound to have problems. Anyway, it was fun to compete against such great pieces.

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