My first story for everyone. Need to be careful around cussing, 'cause that's why I normally rate everything T.
You know I thought why not turn Sunset Shimmer into a unicorn, while she's still at CHS? Why not adding human Twilight later on? This takes place after Rainbow Rocks and yes, Sunset will have her magic abilities. What fun in having a unicorn without magic?
08/11/2015 Okay, featured because 5 people are watching my new chapter. No wait, 4, I accidentally counted myself. I think the system is a little broken.
Chapters (15)
I shall watch this. Great start!
Shit, I made a mistake similar to the first movie. It's lunchtime in the pony world and morning in the human world.
FAIL
This is actually interesting, and I can kind of see this as a nice fluffy episode.
5595964
Wow, thanks.
This was really funny and interesting to read can't wait for more
A new reason to hate Mondays has now been added to the list.
I don't know why but after I read this I just imagine Sunset wearing a pony tux and fake glasses and starts singing about the history of Equestrian to the tune of "Let's go and meet the bronies" and the first line is like
Well since everyone is interested in us ponies and equestria. Let's go and meet the pony who gave birth to the princesses Luna and Celestia
I don't know why though
Wow... just wow.
I really like your story! I had read some Sunset-Shimmer-stories in the past, but this is one of the best!
Especially the idea of Sunset turned into an unicorn while still in the human world is just awsome! I haven't seen this anywhere else.
Poor Sunset now has to deal with lots of daww's, aww's and even more soft stroking (especially by Fluttershy).
This is sooo cute!!
Poor Sunset. She can't help but be an adorable pony.
That said, I don't think she'd be small enough for Fluttershy to pick up and hold in her arms. Maybe one of the CMC, but definitely not Sunset, given she's a full-grown mare.
5765827 Details, it's always the details. They just look so small on TV. Doesn't really help that I've never seen a pony in real life.
5765872 Fair enough. Truth be told, I've never seen a pony in real life either...at least that I can remember. Full-sized horses, yes, but not ponies.
5765928 Just googled a few pictures. Damn, they're huge compared to what I always had in mind.
Know what? I'll just go with cartoon logic. Still a better explanation than Pinke being Pinkie.
This is so adorable
Dawww... SO CUTE OMG
Oh, poor Sunset. At least she's coping.
Human Twilight? Well this is going to be awkward
I see you went all out with the title of this chapter.
New Chapter!
->Yay!
Just what I was thinking!
I like to see where this is going!
When is the next chapter?
... ... ... and it's only Monday!!!
Sorry Sunny
HEY!
Please don't put an Author's note in the middle of the text.
Otherwise, I like your story so far. The premise is interesting and It's really refreshing to see Sunset so calm and at peace with herself.
5948389 eh, I have the tendency to do that. Sometimes I try to add a little joke.
We got us a snooper.
Oh, and you're probably right about the gas lines and stuff. Something like that would be public record.
Uh oh. Twi is caching on!
5948415 I second the sentiment about keeping the author's notes out of the main text. If I may make a recommendation, though, there's this one author I follow, who uses footnotes for that sort of thing. For example,
becomes
Then, at the bottom of the page, you have
Other than that, I still love the idea of this fic, and I think you're doing a good job. Just one last thing, Sunset Shimmer doesn't seem like the kind of girl to say "Oh, poop."
Never realized you where from a country where English wasn't the primary language (I'm guessing Japan?) As to access to Public Works records, like building plans and blue prints as far as I know you have to request such records, so it's not just free access, but Twilight strikes me as being able to get permission easily as I'm going to guess Shining Armor's alternate is a police officer.
5948925 It's an "everyone" rated story. I have a hard time not inserting cussings.
5949853 Germany actually. Japan would be awesome.
5950120 You have a point.
I liked the story so far. I think you got the personality of the human Twilight without her Ponyville-frinds right.
Let's see what she is doing.
(And what she will doing if she finds out what really happend.)
Best question: What will happen, if she sees the unicorn-Sunset.
5951778 Dude, if would be boring. When is far more interesting. Spoilers? I guess...
should be
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YUS PONY SUNSET! :D
Fluttershy will never let her go.......ever............
Cuteness is love. Cuteness is life.
GOD I LOVE CUTENESS
Dear Princess Twilight, I am so alone.
Ok, um, that stable will be pretty big, considering a normal horse's size. :/
FORESHADOWING?!?!
Plz update soon!
Now... how many little girls armed with brushes will Sunset have to run from????
Time Turner gets best teacher in my book.
Just be glad you're not in a little girls' kindergarten Sunset, they'd do far worse than your friends.
In all honesty, I'm surprised Sunset isn't walking around in a magic hamster ball to keep people from petting her
Human Twilight is going to be a problem... especially if Alicorn Twilight comes back through and they meet face to face. And Human Twilight will be chasing after Sunset.
New Chapter! Yay!!
About the entrances: I think every school have more than one entrance. Alone for security reasons like an outbreak of fire. If a fire would block the only entrace, it would be uncomfortable for all the people inside the building.
As for the chapter name: Is this only a temporary name, and, if yes, is it an invitation to suggest chapter names?
I just love this story! And like I said before: Unicorn Sunset in human world ist just too cute!
6063623 If you got a good name I'm all eyes.
(Get it? Because we're actually typing and...I should stick to my death jokes. At least I find them funny.)
Sunset is just a little exposition happy. Try and break up her dialog with some verbal ticks and pauses, throw in some off-the-hoof analogies, share some opinions and tangents, emote a bit more, stuff like that. This is too much like she's regurgitating an encyclopedia.
Does that line serve any purpose other than flamebait?
A very bipolar chapter. The start was terrible, an exposition barrel and a fourth wall begging for a mercy killing, but then Fluttershy and Pinkie turned it completely around at the halfway point.
Your Pinkie is dead on.
Your mechanics need work. I recommend a proofreader. Also, nice job dodging the exposition barrel.
Chapter Title: FEAR THE BRUSHIES!!!
Poor Sunset, being chased by brush toting grade school girls is not something I'd wish on anyone. If Principal Celestia comes to Equestria for Summer vacation I can totally see her and Princess Celestia having Tea or something.
One thing I noticed from a grammar point of view, you seem to use 'belief' a lot, when more often than not you wanted 'believe'.
A belief is something you hold, in a god for example, to hold that belief is to believe in it. You get a set of religious beliefs, you believe in the supernatural.