Meloncide
Chrysalis tried hard to smile at the crowd of her subjects, the news she had just broken would be considered rather… unusual. It didn’t help that Nigel was waving at them all, her mind buzzing with the combined mental chatter of those in attendance. First she had failed in an invasion, and then hit them with this whammy.
She could hear the news spreading throughout the mental link, flashes of surprise and disbelief the primary reactions. A few specific ones caught her attention, causing her to grit her teeth.
‘The Queen’s long-lost love… is that thing?’
‘Urgh, look at it, it doesn’t even have chitin! A pony stallion would have been a better choice!’
‘Wait, what’s this about the Queen’s long-lost love? Something can love that cold-hearted bit-‘
‘Silence!’
Her silent explosion rippled through the link, stopping all of the thoughts and gossip. The changelings gathered in front winced and stepped back, Nigel glancing down at her with a raised eyebrow. “You ah, look a little stressed there.”
Chrysalis stopped and realised that she was hunched low and growling, all of the changelings before them quivering with fear. Slowly she relaxed, standing back up and facing him with an attempt to smile.
“It’s nothing, just a lot on my mind.” Looking back towards her subjects, she narrowed her eyes in warning. “So, as I was saying, from now one Commander Chalmers will be staying as a guest in our hive. You are to all treat him with respect, and all questions about him are to go through me first.”
“Chrysalis, is that really needed?”
“Yes,” was her answer, before she focused back on her subjects. “We’ll be answering questions in my throne chambers in one hour. That will be all.” With that, she nudged the side of Chalmers’ leg and proceeded to lead him through the parting crowd. He followed with the stares of the gathered changelings on his back, Chrysalis ensuring to keep an eye out for any disobedience from them.
Trotting and walking into the low corridor that lead further into the depths of the hive, they passed more and more changelings moving out to take a peek at the new arrival. Thankfully Nigel didn’t react to the mutterings, instead he remained his usual cheery self. His surprising positivity helped relax her, so she managed to restrain herself from lecturing any of the curious bystanders.
Deeper and deeper they went, Chrysalis eventually reaching the throne chamber. Guards on either side of the doors first saluted, and then lowered their armoured horns when Nigel walked in behind her. “He’s with me,” she told them, pausing before heading straight to her throne. The few attendants still in the room stared while she sat, Nigel strolling around the large room.
“Nice,” he complimented, examining a wall torch filled with luminous goo. “I see that you’ve taken some inspiration with your decoration, with all the… black.” He traced a finger down a smooth wall. “I like the gothic style you’ve got going on the outside as well, really evil and all.” Nigel wandered over towards one of the armoured guards, the changeling trying not to shiver when a finger tapped his helmet. “Your armour and weapons could use some more work, though.”
She tapped a hoof on the side of her throne. “Well, we made do without lasers and whatever else you had. Besides, we did almost take over Canterlot.”
“I managed to almost take it over as well, you know I could have if I wanted.”
She raised an eyebrow. “You had robot flying machines that dropped explosives, and flying… ‘missiles’ that also blew things up. How can you compare that to my subjects? They can’t even hold a city for more than ten minutes.”
“Chrysalis,” Nigel lectured with a shake of his head. “How can you say that?”
“H-hey!”
The unprepared guard was lifted up into the air, and Chrysalis tried hard to supress the smile while Nigel brought the stunned guard over towards her.
“Look at this little…”
“Male soldier,” she filled in for him.
“Thank you. Look at this little guy, all dressed up in his little blue armour and helmet. Isn’t he adorable?” The guard was held out towards her, Chrysalis leaning back in her throne away from the frightened changeling. “All black and spiky, and one-hundred present utterly cute. You managed to invade a city, and hold it for ten minutes with nothing except these guys. That’s pretty good, hey, it was better than my attempt.”
With that, Nigel turned the dangling changeling around and much to the surprise of all but Chrysalis, hugged the guard with a grin. “Although, I wouldn’t have minded having a few of these ones running around back them.”
“They’re not nymphs,” she reminded with a sigh, however the entire situation was incredibly amusing. To highlight that thought, the guard being tightly embraced turned his head towards her with a pleading look.
“My Queen, help me.”
She ignored his pleas, as did Chalmers.
“Well, sure they’re a little grown up,” he countered. “But if I’m told correctly, then he’s technically a descendent of mine. Thus, he’s a darling little angel, aren’t you? Come on, what’s your name little fella?”
“S-Swivel.”
“Swivel, what a great name. You know, Swivel, that’s a name that I’d probably have given one of your great-great-great-great-great-great grandfathers.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” Nigel gave Swivel a pat on the armoured back before placing him back on the ground. Chrysalis couldn’t help but let out an evil chortle when the guard’s hooves hit the floor, the changeling stumbling around with evident relief at being freed from the embrace. “You seem like a good grandson, Swivel, good work.”
“Thank you, um, sir.” Swivel returned to his post by the door, the other guard not moving a muscle in the likely hope that Nigel wouldn’t take notice of him. All the while, Chrysalis found herself enjoying the entire show. Getting an idea in her head, and still feeling the elation of finding out that he was alive, she gestured down to the side of her throne.
“Come on, stop bothering them and have a seat,” she smiled when he looked down to the small step beside her chair. “That’s right, when you were in charge I sat by your chair, now you sit by mine.”
“Cute,” he smirked, but he sat down anyway. “What next, are you going to-“ She cut him off by placing a hoof on his head, rubbing the brown hair affectionately.
“Pat you on the head?” she finished, crossing her legs and resting back. “Scratch you behind the ears like a good little human? Hmm?”
“At least I took you out for ice-cream,” he grumbled. “And I gave you a cushion to sit on when you were sitting next to me.”
“Stop complaining, do you know how difficult it is to buy and transport cushions back to a hive?” She made a point of looking down at his rear. “Besides, with that metal on you I doubt a cushion would help.”
“It’s the thought that counts,” he muttered, Chrysalis grinning to herself while she continued to pat his head. It was almost like old times again, and she was keen to just enjoy the moment. Unfortunately, the human she was petting had different ideas.
“So, Chrysalis,” he began with slight hesitation. “I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve… changed a lot.”
“Of course I have, dear,” she answered with a hoof wave. “It was a long time since I last saw you after all.” Slowly, her voice gained an edge.
“Things happened, and I had to change as a result of that. I grew up.” She once again looked down towards him, one eyebrow raised. “Why do you ask, what’s so different?”
He squirmed on the spot before replying. “Well, your voice, you’re obviously taller, you’re… acting a little different.”
“Different how?”
“You seem a little a, well, crankier then when I used to know you. I’ve even heard that you’re a little feared by the rest of the changelings and I was wondering what exactly happene-“
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she cut him off sharply. “Those days are over. Instead of ten children, I have thousands. Do you know what it takes to maintain a running civilisation of that many changelings, all needing affection to grow and survive while every other race either is oblivious to your presence or drives you out on sight? I have to be strict to maintain proper control, otherwise there would be chaos.”
“Oh. So, um, regarding the whole ‘have thousands’ thing… we kind of started with ten.”
Chrysalis wondered where this line of questioning was going. “So?”
“So… did you find another hive and, well…”
“There was no other hive.” She peered at him strangely, wondering why this was such a difficult line of conversation for him. “We had ten nymphs, and they were different genders. Now we have more than ten.”
“Right.” He tapped his fingers on his leg. “So they weren’t related then.”
She snorted. “Ha! Like I’d know.” He froze, but Chrysalis paid him no mind. She resumed his head rub, silently lamenting that she had only set aside an hour for them to catch up. It was a shame that he was adamant on asking so many questions, after her day she was hardly in the mood to answer all of these questions that any changeling could.
Leaning back, she smiled at the thought of just how wonderful the coming days would be. Now that Nigel was back, those Princesses and their perfect little country were sitting ducks. Before it was first him against them, and then later it had been her against them. Both times had been met with failure, but now it would be different. Celestia and Luna wouldn’t even know what hit them.
‘Well, okay, they’ve probably figured it out,’ she thought to herself, before smiling evilly. ‘But it won’t help them a single bit.’ She broke out into laughter at the thought of finally besting them, electing a glance from Nigel.
“What’s so funny?”
“Oh, nothing,” she began to calm down, stifling her laughter with her spare foreleg. “I was just thinking about our imminent victory. Imagine, both of us ruling over Equestria like we were supposed to, both changeling and pony bowing to us. We’ll be rich, successful, powerful! We’ll have the respect of all that encounter us!” She sighed happy, shifting over to the left of her throne so she could lean on his head with both forelegs.
“But for now, you’re welcome to stay in the hive and be content to live like a royal. I’ll let you have whatever you want, as long as we can get it. You’ll have the best food, the best wine we can steal or buy…” she flicked one of his ears and licked her lips. “The best bed in the royal chambers, of course.”
“Thanks for the offer,” he replied before shaking his head to get her to move off. “But at the current time, and given the certain circumstances, I think it’ll be best if we take things slowly and-“
“Slowly?” she questioned, almost snarling. “Slowly!? I’ve spent centuries thinking you were dead, blaming myself even though I knew that it wasn’t any way my fault. Then, you walk back in like nothing has happened, and when I subtly suggest that we finally share a bed, just sleeping by the way, you refuse me?”
“Look, it’s not you-“
“Don’t give me that cliché line!” Chrysalis snapped, sitting up tall in her throne. “The least you could do is give me a real reason, instead of that old rubbish!”
“Fine, you want to know why, Chrysalis?” he fired back, his mouth twitching while he stood up. “You’re a completely different creature to the one that I knew. Don’t get me wrong, I can understand why, but I can’t take you up on that offer right now.”
She fumed while he took a breath and sighed, Nigel walking over towards the very uncomfortable guards at the door. “What, you’re just going to walk out now?”
“I think we both need some time to just let this simmer down.”
“Some time to simmer down,” she almost laughed at the absurdity. “I’ve had plenty of time, too much time.”
He turned around, the look on his face giving her pause.
“You’re not the only one that regrets that,” he told her, before he nodded to both guards and walked out. Briefly considering following him, Chrysalis instead sat back down in her throne and tried to think of what to do next.
“Well, someone certainly grew up all right.”
Nigel walked down the smooth-walled corridor while he muttered to himself under his breath. He didn’t like how Chrysalis had changed, and he was considering the actual benefit of staying on the planet. Morning Sparkle was dead, Spyglass was dead, Clover was dead, Platinum was definitely dead, the nymphs he regarded as children were dead. All that was left was thousands of changelings he didn’t know and a vastly-different Chrysalis.
“Maybe I should build my own damn spaceship and just leave.”
Changelings stared at him or backed up when he passed, Nigel not even paying them any attention. He didn’t even know where he was going, but it didn’t matter. All that was needed was some time to think and decide what to do. Briefly, he entertained the thought of placing his helmet back on, finding a nice secluded spot, and then losing his worries in the wonderful world of philosophy and hard-core pornography.
Passing a doorway, he paused and strained his ears. Sound filtered up from the empty corridor, sounds that restarted a few memories from long ago.
He could hear many small hooves running, and a very familiar chirping.
‘Nymphs,’ he guessed, a smile breaking out while he turned to move down the corridor. He idly noticed the brighter illumination of the area as he continued to walk, until he reached a closed door just large enough to let him through. Behind it he could hear the familiar sounds of children at play, and after a few seconds of consideration he gave it three short knocks.
The door was made out of the same material as the rest of the hive, hardened and smooth. It was the same colour as changeling chitin, and had an almost organic look to it. He waited for a few moments before a shuffling on the other side was followed by the door swinging inwards.
“It’s almost feeding time so you’ll have to come back…” The changeling that had poked her head out froze, her eyes going from his thighs to his face. She struggled for words, Nigel attempting what he thought was a disarming smile while he waited for her to recover. “…Later.”
“Hello, Miss,” he greeted warmly. “Excuse me for interrupting feeding time, but I was wondering if I could just spend just one minute meeting the little ones?”
“I… I’m not sure that-“
“I promise to not be a bother, and I have looked after nymphs before.” He chuckled, shrugging his shoulders. “I mean, I was the one feeding your ancestors after all. Don’t worry, I won’t do anything irresponsible… like take over the world.”
“What?”
He coughed into his hand. “Nothing, I just said that I wouldn’t do anything irresponsible,” the smile widened to help the lie. “So, what do you say?”
The changeling shifted on her hooves, glancing back inside the room before fixing him with an unsure look. “Uh, sir, I still don’t think it’s a good idea. They are just about to be fed and nymphs get very energetic during feeding.” She looked around, seeming to struggle with a decision. “You can come back in a few hours though, and visit then?”
‘Oh no,’ he smirked inwardly. ‘That won’t do at all.’ Leaning forwards, his smile gained a mischievous edge.
“Why, but I seem to recall that the Queen herself said that I could go anywhere in the hive, anytime at all.” The changeling’s eyes widened.
“You’re not saying that the Queen is wrong, are you?”
“No, of course not!” she quickly answered, opening the door wider. “Come in, just try and stay out of the way once they begin to swarm.”
‘Swarm?’ he wondered with a hint of worry, ducking under the doorway to enter the room. ‘That sounds… ominous.’ He watched the changeling that had let him in close the door and rush away with her head bowed. His elation cooled off a tad at that, but he soon brightened after making a note to find her later and give her a hug in apology.
Looking around, he observed the large chamber that he had entered. Like the rest of the hive so far, it was plain and lacking decoration apart from the strange, power-less torches. In the far right wall there were a number of neatly lined gouges, all in a simple rectangle shape. A curious glance led him to believe that the carved areas extended far back into the wall, and the rows extended up towards the roof.
However, it was the other corner of the chamber that drew his attention. Twelve changelings were trying to corral a chattering horde of nymphs into a pen, Nigel brightening at the sight of the hundreds of small creatures. Walking over towards them, he watched as the changeling that had let him in informed her fellow workers of his presence. They barely had time to try and move to stop him before he was at the side of the full pen and looking down.
“Hi there, little ones,” he greeted while ignoring the adults. At once, hundreds of eyes looked up at him and the chirping died down to silence.
“Please… please step away from the pen.” He turned his head to find another of the adults looking up at him pleadingly. “They’re about to be fed, and they get-“
“Nonsense,” he waved off, stepping over the side of the pen. “Trust me, I’ve fed nymphs before and they’re harmless.” He crouched down and held his arms open. “Now, who wants to give great-great-great-great-great-times a thousand-grandfather a hug and get lots of yummy and healthy love straight from the source?”
“Is that…?” a nurse whispered, before she gasped. “Sir, you have to get out of there, right now!”
“Why would I do that?” he chuckled without turning around. Meanwhile, the nymphs’ wings began to buzz.
He didn’t notice the nurses stepping away slowly.
“You have to get out, you’re emitting love and they’re about to try and feed off of you, instead of the stores!”
“That’s the plan,” he replied, smiling at one of the larger nymphs in the front. “Isn’t it, little guy?”
That was all he managed to say, before all hell broke loose. The nymphs, tasting the bounty of love that was coming from him, decided to do the first thing that they could think of. As one, some jumping and the older ones flying, they did what Nigel had been warned about.
They swarmed him.
“I feel like this has happened before!” he yelled, reaching a hand upwards as he was buried underneath a chittering and chattering mass of children. The nurses stood and stared as the last bit of him was covered by a final, slightly chubby, nymph.
He was beyond their help now.
‘Where is he? Of all the times to tantrum and be late.’
Chrysalis scowled while she sat, her hoof tapping furiously on the throne’s rest. The sound of talking and buzzing echoed up from the corridor to her left, the meeting chamber already filled to the brim with her subjects if her guards were correct. No doubt they were eagerly awaiting further explanation as to why a menacing biped was suddenly staying amongst them, not to mention the often-correct rumours that had been circling around like mad.
There was no sign of Chalmers, and she couldn’t address the hive without him there to answer the questions that were better directed to him. However, given their current state of disagreement she couldn’t even be sure that he’d turn up at all. He was probably sulking in a corner, or more likely he was menacing some of her unprepared subjects.
“I don’t remember him being this tedious to deal with,” she muttered to herself, sighing while remembering her youth. Things had been much happier then, and to think that she had once thought that the responsibility of looking after just ten nymphs was daunting.
Approaching hoofsteps quickly approached, a single changeling emerging from the corridor leading towards the meeting chambers. Chrysalis turned her head and raised an eyebrow as her favourite advisor, Chatter, quickly moved to stand in front of her throne.
“Yes Chatter, what is it?” Despite her mood and his lack of proper protocol, she couldn’t help smiling at him warmly. She could never find herself getting angry with any of her precious original bloodlines, so she declined to lecture him this time.
“Well, Mother, everyone is very eager to hear about what you have to say.” He shifted on his hoofs, his wings giving a slight buzz. “Personally, I’d also like to ask him some questions myself. Is it true that he was the one who helped you look after my ancestor?”
Chrysalis beamed at him, gesturing for him to come lose so she could give him a pat on the head. Chatter was one of the few that called her ‘Mother’, something which only increased the favour she gave him. His generally bright and chirpy nature also helped in that regard.
“Well, Nigel is not… feeling that well at the moment,” she tried to explain, her smile dropping. “He went off to… get some air. I had expected him to return by now, however.” Chatter remained silent but nodded, Chrysalis wondering at just how much he knew about the prior disagreement. Getting an idea, she struggled to remain cheery. “You could go and find him for me, he went down the main corridor.”
“Sure, I can do that,” Chatter replied, before tilting his head. “Is everything okay though? I thought that you would be happier to see him?”
“So did I,” she sighed, before waving a hoof. “That will be all.”
He took the hint, Chrysalis leaving her throne while watching him depart.
She was not looking forward to the announcement.
Chatter halted, a hoof blocking his path as the doors shut behind him. He traced it to the door guard, the soldier motioning for him to be quiet.
“Hey, you’re looking for that human?”
“Yes, I am,” he replied in an equally muted whisper. “Why?”
The guard shifted in his armour. “I just wanted to warn you, he had a fight with the Queen.” The guard must have noticed his surprise, nodding his head and continuing. “It’s true, there was yelling and then he walked out down the corridor. He didn’t seem nearly as angry as the Queen herself, but you can’t be sure since he’s an alien or something.”
“Really, but I thought that they were…” he paused to double check that the doors behind him were firmly shut. “I mean, aren’t they supposed to be in love with each other? Is that normal?”
The guard tilted his head in confusion. “Is anything about this normal?”
Well, Chatter had to concede that point.
“Not at all,” he answered with a head shake. “Still, if what the Queen says is true then he did look after my ancestors, and likely yours as well. I’ve been asked to find him for the address to the hive, so hopefully I can convince him to fix things between them.”
“Good luck with that,” the guard half-scoffed. “You didn’t hear them before, Chrysalis sounded like she was about to murder him.” Chatter furrowed his eyes.
“I’m sure that The Queen has her reasons, thanks for the warning.” With that, he continued trotting and left the guard behind. Moving down the hallway while the wall-torches cast flickering lights over his chitin, Chatter questioned just what was going on.
The invasion is a failure, causing many to doubt the Queen’s leadership. Then, apparently released from a magical prison during the middle of their expulsion, the Queen’s former lover that had dominated the rumours of generations had reappeared to reunite with her. Then, no more than two hours later, there had been raised voices and said human lover had stormed out of the throne room and left a fuming Queen behind.
‘I remember when things used to be so simple,’ he lamented. ‘No invasions or aliens, just the occasional pony-snatching and replacement.’ Chatter sighed, passing the corridor leading to the nursery he remembered his relative carefree days as a nymph before he had been made an infiltrator.
He paused, the fin on the back of his neck wavering while he picked up small traces of alarm and worry. Turning his head, he began to trot towards the nursery door, his trots quickly turning into a gallop once he heard the racket coming from inside. Bursting through the doors, he was confronted with the massed chattering of the horde of nymphs, the shouts of nurses, and the sight of three said nurses trying to remove bubbly nymphs from a single biped sitting in a pen.
“What the…” Chatter muttered, gazing around at the state of destruction that the room was in. Nymphs bounded around in play with the occasional nurse trying to get them to stay in a group, while the large pen gate was wide open. He looked down to his foreleg, one nymph rubbing its side against it and happily chirping. Pushing it gently away, he hesitantly trotted deeper into the madness.
“There, that’s the last one,” he heard one of the nurses say as she plucked the final nymph off of the armoured human. The nymph had put up a fight and struggled in her hold, disliking the fact that it’s hugging of the new creature had been interrupted. The other two were trying to help the human to his feet, the biped shaky while he held a hand to his head.
“I seem to recall that they were a lot less… ravenous.”
“There’s a large difference between ten nymphs and three hundred,” another nurse informed softly, pushing up from the left while another did so from the right.
“Three hundred? How do you do it?”
The third nurse decided to answer that one. “Well, for one, we don’t enter the nymph pen just as they’re about to be fed. Secondly, we don’t then offer them hugs and leak affection everywhere.”
“Leak affection?” the human murmured. “Lewd.”
The nurses rolled their eyes at the comment and focused on getting him up.
With their assistance, the human was soon standing, and Chatter couldn’t help but be a little impressed with his height and attire. He didn’t have much time to examine his ancestor of sorts, the nurses’ attention turning towards him. “Advisor? Are you here for him?”
“I am,” Chatter answered, brushing away another nymph. “Is he okay to move? He’s a little wobbly.”
“He’s fine,” the first nurse reassured, helping the human out of the nymph pen. “Just make sure he doesn’t try and fed another swarm of changelings.” She paused, the nymphs flocking around to nuzzle the human’s armoured legs. “Even if he did somehow feed them all without losing consciousness… or dying.”
Chatter’s eyes widened, realising that all of the nymphs did seem like they had eaten their fill.
“By the Queen…”
“Urgh, don’t talk about her,” the human winced. “I’d much rather stay here and be mobbed by nymphs than have Crankalis yell at me again.”
Chatter took a moment to process the new Queen’s nickname, before shaking his head and just letting it go. Moving up to the human, he nodded at the nurses before prodding an armoured leg. “I’ll take him from here. Come on, you’ve got to address the Hive and explain why you’re here.”
Undecipherable mumbling was the only reply, so he went ahead and guided the human out of the nursery with the nymphs hounding them all the way.
Chatter looked up, the hand on his back keeping the stumbling mess steady. “So, you seem pretty fond of nymphs. Is it true that you were-“
“The pseudo-father of your likely incestuous ancestors? Yeah, that’s me.” The human staggered. “Yep, Nigel M Chalmers, failed dictator of the world and current unwelcome guest of Queen Chrysalis of the changelings.”
“I wouldn’t say unwelcome…”
Chalmers stopped walking, tired eyes staring down. “Did you hear me and her before? I’m unwelcome.”
“I heard about it,” Chatter admitted. “But Mother is… under a lot of stress.”
“Mother?” Chalmers tilted his head.
“I know, I know,” Chatter sighed. “She’s not really my mother, but it’s respectful and she likes seeing me as her own.” He resumed trotting, prompting Nigel to move forward as well. “Speaking of which, can you please try and be a little nicer to her during the announcement? She’s upset enough as it is.”
Chalmers stopped again. “Nicer to her? All I’ve gotten from her so far has been criticism and cliché attempts at unwanted seduction.” He then muttered under his breath. “I might as well just find a way back home and see how different things are after one-thousand years.”
Chatter frowned, unable to work it out. “Wait, so she tried to seduce you and that’s a bad thing? Do you know what half the hive would give to receive that same offer? It’s a very high honour!”
“Yeah, well, she’s not the changeling I once knew.”
“Of course not!” Chatter couldn’t believe this. “It’s been ages since you last saw her, of course she’s different!”
“It doesn’t change a thing, it’s not going to work.”
That was it. Chatter couldn’t believe that the ancestor he had been looking forward to meeting was such a selfish idiot. His fellow nobles may not have cared for Chrysalis, but he wasn’t going to let this go.
“Hey, Chalmers was it?”
“That’s Nigel M- hey, what are you doing?”
Chatter unleashed another vicious blow, slamming his forehoof into Chalmers’ knee and trying hard not to wince at the impact. “I’m teaching you a lesson! Do you have any idea how upset you’ve made the Queen!”
“No,” Chalmers replied. “All I got from her was red-hot anger.”
“Well I’m a changeling, emotions are something I know,” Chatter countered. “And I can tell that she’s upset!” He hit Chalmers again, repeating it for every word. “So. I. Want. You. To. Apologise. To. Her.” Chatter had to stop, his hoof throbbing thanks to the admittedly terrible plan to hit metal. He looked back up at Chalmers, attempting to stare him down. Confused eyes looked back down at him, before Nigel smiled with a chuckle.
“Aren’t you just adorable?”
“What!?”
There was no more time to complain before he was swept up in metal-clad arms and hugged tight. He tried to struggle but it was useless, Chalmers’ grip unwavering. So, he gave up and accepted his fate, although the small amount of affection was a mild consolation.
“I’m serious,” he tried to continue. “If you don’t apologi- ohhh.” His complaints cut off as soon as the scratching began, and he tilted his head to the left so that the other ear would be scratched as well.
“Don’t worry, I was going to apologise, just not right away. I think it’s best if we give it a day, you know? I just got unfrozen, I’ve got descendants to meet, I still have to take over the world, all that sort of stuff. I don’t need to add ‘Randy Royalty’ into that mix,” the fingers paused. “Lord knows that that already caused me issues in the past, damn Platinum…”
“This is going to look incredibly inappropriate,” Chatter groaned in bliss when the scratching restarted, while Chalmers stumbled down the deserted corridor leading back to the throne room.
“Pfft, Chrysalis obviously didn’t tell you much about me.” Chatter looked up when Chalmers stumbled against the wall, forgetting about the fact that he was being carried like a nymph.
“Are you sure that you’re okay?”
“I’m fine.” Another collision with the wall. “Relax, I’ve had worse.”
“Worse than three-hundred nymphs almost draining you to death?”
“Try having two apparent horse goddesses blasting you with magical glow rocks.”
“Ah.”
Chalmers stumbled into the throne room. The empty throne room.
“Great, we’re late.”
Chalmers furrowed his unfocused eyes. “You also need to be at the meeting?”
“I’m a noble and the Queen’s closest advisor,” Chatter explained, starting to struggle. “Now, let me down before someone sees us.”
Chalmers shook his head. “No time, despite Crankalis I’ve still got some questions to answer. This corridor?”
“Yes,” Chatter nodded, before shaking his head and resuming his struggling. “I mean no! Let me down!”
His pleas fell on deaf ears, Chalmers making it to the doors and managing to push his way through. Chatter could only dangle helplessly and cover his eyes in shame, the almost deafening chattering and buzzing dying out to a complete silence.
‘This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening, this isn’t happening…’
In the midst of repeating his silent mantra, a shrill voice cut through the silence as hoofsteps clacked closer.
“Nigel, put him down!”
Chrysalis glared at Chalmers, the human holding her favourite advisor like a nymph. Chatter seemed incredibly embarrassed, his forelegs held tight over his eyes while his hind legs dangled down uselessly. The assembled hive, numbering at over three-thousand, were all quiet as they observed from their spots on the massive spire descending down into the very bottom depths. Bio-lights lit up the area in a gloomy wash of green, thousands of pairs of blue eyes staring up at Nigel.
Gently, Nigel lowered Chatter to the ground. She peered closer at Nigel, something about him was different. He was pale, unsteady on his feet, and his eyes were unfocused. Still, she continued to glare at him until Chatter was once again safe and on the ground, the four soldiers by her side immediately moving to ensure that he was okay.
Shaking her head, she didn’t even bother checking to see if Nigel was okay, instead she trotted to the end of the dark balcony and looked out towards her gathered subjects.
“Attention,” she demanded, her voice echoing off the surrounding walls. “The time for questions has begun, and will go for two hours. If you wish to ask either myself or… our guest, then fly up to the speaking spot according to the normal process.” She glanced at the small outcropping directly opposite the balcony, barely large enough to seat three drones. “I remind you all that any disorderly conduct will be severely punished.” Her glare ensured that the silence continued, before it was broken by the faint buzzing of wings.
Chrysalis watched as a single changeling, a soldier without armour on, flew up and landed on the ledge. “My Queen,” the female addressed, bowing while her wings settled. “Please permit me a question.”
“Proceed,” she allowed, pleased that the soldier had followed proper conduct. In return, the soldier glanced around at the awaiting masses before looking back towards the balcony.
“My Queen, this new creature is armoured in metal and is larger than any changeling. Is it safe to be around?” Murmurs and thoughts of agreement echoed around both the chamber and the mental link, the soldier who had asked the question examining Nigel once again.
Chrysalis did the same, glancing back and narrowing her eyes. Chalmers seemed… different, his face pale and he was still swaying. His eyes were unfocused, and she realised that he was being unusually quiet.
“He means you and every other changeling no harm, you do not need to fear him or his actions.”
The soldier nodded her head, evidently satisfied with the answer. Chrysalis could pick up widespread feelings of relief, the soldier buzzing her wings and taking flight once again. As she descended back down to the middle of the spire, another changeling passed her and landed on the ledge to glance out hopefully. Chrysalis resisted the urge to frown at the newcomer, reminding herself that while scholars were often annoying there were reasons why they were invaluable.
The scholar, fatter than the soldier before him, hastily bowed and looked back up without waiting for her permission. “Your Highness, exactly what manner of creature is our guest? I have heard many rumours but I’d like to know for sure.”
“He is a human.” The answer was short and sharp. “I wouldn’t expect you to know of them.”
“Oh, in that case, could I arrange a private meeting with him and a few colleagues so we can learn more from the source?”
Any murmuring amongst the assembled group halted, thousands of eyes fixed on the scholar. He’d broken an important protocol, asking more than one question. She glared, her fangs showing as she asked a question of her own. “It depends, can you answer why you decided to ask more than the allowed number of questions?”
At her words the scholar’s eyes widened, his rump banging up against the wall when he took a frightened step back. “I-I apologise, Your M-Majesty. It’s just a rare occasion that we have a new creature in the hive and it’s not being used for sustenance, and I thought that the chance to learn new information was more important than-“
“Following the rules and not potentially depriving another of the opportunity to ask a question?” The scholar trembled on his hooves under her glare, Chrysalis continuing with a snarl. “Why should I let you do as you ask?”
“Chrysalis,” Nigel mumbled from behind. “It’s okay, let him set something up-“
“It’s not fine,” she interrupted with a harsh whisper. “There seems to be a growing lack of respect around here.” Focusing back on the scholar, she pointedly gestured towards the guards next to her. “Name?”
“Transfusion,” the scholar forced out.
“Transfusion,” she repeated. “Do not repeat this mistake again, understand?”
“Yes, My Queen.”
Staring at him while he cowered, she felt a tiny amount of sympathy. As such, she felt the need to somewhat makeup for the massive embarrassment that he would be under. “If you wish for a personal meeting, you are to arrange it outside of a public forum. Now, vacate and allow another to ask a question.”
Transfusion’s eyes lit up, obviously having taken the hint. Buzzing, he hurriedly flew off and vanished into the gloom, no doubt to hide from the irritated stares of his fellows. Chrysalis wasn’t surprised that it took a while for the next changeling to fly up, this time it was a simple drone.
“Sir, are you feeling alright?” Chrysalis heard one of the guards whisper behind her as the drone settled down upon the ledge. “You seem like you’re about to fall over.”
“I’m fine,” Nigel responded groggily.
‘What is he up to this time?’ she wondered, before narrowing her eyes. ‘If this is some way of getting revenge, then he’s even more immature than I thought.’
“My Queen, thank you for allowing me to ask a question.”
The drone’s words drew her attention back, and she actually smiled. Being on the bottom rung of changeling society, the lowly but numerous drones were often looked down upon by the soldiers, scholars, infiltrators and nobles. While she allowed this behaviour, she couldn’t help but admit that she was often softer on the simple workers. After all, they were the ones that went the furthest out of their way to show her absolute respect.
“Proceed,” she nodded towards him.
“Thank you, Your Highness. I apologise, but I was wondering whether I could actually ask the Human my question directly?”
She raised an eye, surprised that it was a drone that first wished to ask Nigel himself. Still she nodded. “Go ahead.” Looking back towards Chalmers, she tilted her head towards the balcony. “Nigel, go on.”
Shaking her head while he staggered forwards, the guards eyeing him with concern, she stepped aside to allow him to take the centre. The muttering started up again when he looked out towards the huge meeting chambers, but Chrysalis neglected to silence them because of the oddity she had noticed. Chalmers was gripping the edge of the balcony like a vice, the metal hands causing cracks to appear in the black balcony surface. Re-examining his face, she noted with a spark of alarm that he did indeed appear to be very sick.
The drone, however, must have missed it.
“Forgive me, Mr Chalmers I believe.”
“Please, just call me Nigel.” Chrysalis winced at the obvious struggle that went into making the sentence coherent. “That goes for all of you.”
The drone smiled slightly and relaxed, while his short tail gave a swish. “Thank you, Nigel. My question is why are you here, exactly? Is it true that you knew the original founders of the hive when they were just nymphs?” The drone tensed and bowed again. “I’m sorry, that’s more than one question and I’m-“
“It’s fine,” Nigel waved off. “It’s pretty much the same question, anyway. Yes… I’m sorry, but what is your name?”
At this, the chambers filled with noise when changelings eagerly discussed the question. Chrysalis herself was even taken aback, before reminding herself that Nigel knew next to nothing about changeling society. A superior did not ask the name of one beneath them unless they were giving a lecture, awarding praise for good work, or seeking a sexual encounter. Apart from that a lower changeling would be addressed by their title, so Nigel should have merely called the questioner ‘drone’.
Understandably to Chrysalis, the drone himself was both shocked and flattered, a certainty given the fact that Nigel had been identified by her as a form of royalty and thus almost on equal standing as her. If one just below the power of a Queen asked a drone its name, it would be seen as a huge honour.
“Scutter, my name is Scutter.”
“Well Scutter, I’m here because I…”
Chrysalis noticed the pause and looked towards Nigel to see what the problem was. In return, she found him staring at her with his face locked in obvious difficulty.
‘He’s probably going to lie,’ she brooded silently while she waited for him to say something stupid. ‘That, or he’s going to try and pass us off as ‘good friends’. The way he’s going, he’ll be lucky if we’re even that by tomorrow.’ She narrowed her eyes, conveying her displeasure at his actions both past and present.
He shook his head and sighed, before refacing the assembled crowd who waited with baited breaths. “I’m here because I love your Queen very dearly, and also I want to spend some time getting to know you all. We’re sort of family, so I want to learn all about how you’ve grown up and prospered without me. I also have a lot of learning to do regarding how everything has changed, something which has already caused me to say and do some… pretty stupid things.”
Chrysalis’ glare disappeared, her ears folding down. The same probably applied for her now that she thought about it. ‘I guess I should have realised that the reverse is also true.’ She looked down at herself, and grimaced when she remembered some of the years after he had been imprisoned. It hadn’t gone smoothly for her, and although she had adapted with time he hadn’t even been aware of any of it. ‘I may have become a little… bitter,’ she silently admitted.
Raising her head back up with a small smile, she planned to forgive him for his previous behaviour. Hopefully they could restart the day as it were and brush the argument off like it hadn’t even happened, even if it meant that she would likely have to give him some time to adjust to the current situation and wait yet again for him to warm up to her once more.
There was just one, tiny problem.
“I… don’t feel so well,” Nigel admitted, barely audible over the excited chattering that had followed his answer. Chrysalis’ eyes widened when he first shuddered, then promptly collapsed backwards without another sound. Her guards immediately sprang into action, one urging the crowd for quiet, two galloping to fetch the nurses and the other three trying to help the collapsed Chalmers. Chrysalis herself rushed up to him, pushing a guard to the side without warning or apology in her haste.
“Nigel!?” she demanded, touching a foreleg to his cheek. It was cold and clammy, only causing her heart to race faster. Whipping her head around, she stared at Chatter while he stood frozen on the balcony. The advisor’s eyes were locked square on Nigel, Chatter mumbling to himself and shifting on his hooves. “Chatter! What did you do to him!?”
At her accusation, Chatter immediately broke out of his trance with a start.
“Nothing, nothing I swear!” Chatter bowed his head with a wince. “When I went to find him, he was in the nursery. He’d climbed into the feeding pen and had been swarmed by the nymphs! But the nurses pulled him out and he seemed fine, he was walking and talking strangely, but he was fine! Then he…” Chatter went pale, almost rivalling Nigel. “Then he… hugged me and I felt some energy but I-“ Chatter collapsed down onto his rump, staring at his forehooves in shock. “Did I drain him accidently?” He looked back up at her, pleadingly. “Please, Mother, I didn’t mean to, I swear!”
Chrysalis felt like her blood had frozen. Sure, some of the symptoms were different to when ponies were fed upon too much, but it explained why Nigel was cold to the touch, woozy, and now unconscious. She refocused back on the object of her fears, her guards looking to her for guidance. Instead of giving them orders, she panicked and hugged him in the hopes that it could somehow give him some energy back.
Unfortunately, in the back of her mind she knew that it didn’t work that way.
“Your Highness, please move aside!”
She looked up with teary eyes to see the group of shocked nurses enter through the corridor door. The eight of them plus the two guards that had fetched them were staring at her, Chrysalis using a foreleg to wipe her eyes before complying and getting to her hooves. They broke out of their surprise and immediately got to work, Chrysalis turning away to be confronted with the deafening noise of the confused masses.
“The time for questions has been postponed!” she announced over the din. “Return to your duties until advised otherwise! Go!” She strained to send an extra reinforcement of the order over the mental link, stopping any complaints dead. Thankfully, all of her subjects understood the urgency of the matter and complied accordingly, the chattering replaced with buzzing when the thousands disbursed.
Turning back in time to see the nurses and guards struggle to lift the weighty human, even with magical assistance, she managed to restrain herself from rushing to his side once again. Instead, she waited for them to steady and followed them once they began to move, hoping desperately that she wasn’t about to lose him for a second time.
“You know what I hate about deserts? The sand. Oh, and the heat. And the sun, and the sand again, did I also mention the hea-“
“I swear to Luna, Bites, I’ll insert sand into every orifice you have if you don’t cut the complaining. That’s a promise.”
“Sorry to disappoint you, Sergeant-Major, but that’s already happened.”
Beams sighed, shaking her head and adjusting the pack on her pack. Occasionally, she would fantasise about making the loudmouth Sergeant…‘disappear’. Unfortunately, that would likely mean the end of her promising military career and her life as a free mare.
‘Ride it out, Beams, just block it and ride it out.’
She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, continuing to trot through the sand while keeping an eye out for their quarry. The rest of her squad followed behind, all dressed in the same tan robes and hoods. The middle of a desert during the day was no place for bat ponies, even if they were Lunar Guard.
Beams had to agree with Bites on one thing, though. The accursed sand was one of the most annoying things that she had ever encountered. It got everywhere, and unlike dirt it chafed and itched. As soon as this mission was down, she was planning to find the coldest, sand-free place on the planet and take a nice holiday.
“This blows, how much stuff do we need to bring anyway?”
That was it.
“Bites,” she began slowly after stopping in her tracks. “We’re searching for a changeling hive in the middle of the Badlands. We do not know where it is, what it looks like, how many changelings there are, or what we’re going to do when we get there. As such, we need to carry not just our armour, weapons, camping gear, and survival rations, but you also have that giant, oversized crossbow with three solid iron bolts! So, either dump it in the sand, or stop whining like a highschool filly and act like the stallion that is apparently my squad Sergeant!”
The desert wind blew through the dunes, ruffling their clothes and blowing up a light smattering of sand. No one else moved or said anything, Beams narrowing her eyes at the dumbstruck Sergeant.
“It’s almost sunset, we’re made good progress on hoof, and we’re well rested. We’ll continue searching for most of the night and then we’ll set up camp and rest. Until then, I don’t want another word from you unless it’s ‘changelings’. Am I understood, Sergeant?”
“Yes Ma’am,” Bites muttered, but it was good enough. Nodding and turning back to the front, she once again resumed trotting and her search for their objective.
How hard could it be to find a gigantic hive of changelings?
Nothing.
Beams sighed in defeat and sat down by the roaring campfire, having just finished setting up her tent for the coming day. The rest of the day and the night had been fruitless, not a single changeling in sight. It was too risky to fly at the moment, and with the amount they were carrying they would have to rest more often than they were now. As such, visibility had been poor, although they had at least managed to find an oasis where they had refilled their water.
She grumbled to herself while removing the simple cloth shoe from her left foreleg, shaking it out and eyeing the falling sand maliciously. At least the night had brought a drop in the temperature with it, and their tiny camp was sheltered behind a dune. Hopefully it would be enough to hide them from their quarry, in addition to whatever predators lurked in the sandy wasteland.
“Hey,” she looked to her left and saw Belfry sitting down beside her. “What’s up, Sergeant-Major?”
“Everything,” Beams replied with a shake of the second shoe. “I hate to admit it, but Bites was right. Why couldn’t the changelings just build their hive in a nice grassy field or somewhere were there isn’t oceans of thrice-cursed sand!”
Belfry ducked as the shoe whistled off into the distance, landing near the top of the dune amidst a puff of sand.
“Hey!” a shout came from one of the tents, Bites’. “Keep it down out there, ponies are trying to sleep!”
“That’s it,” Beams muttered, reaching into the saddlebag sitting beside her and withdrawing a sheathed survival knife with a wing. “Screw the career, this is going to be so worth it.” With that, she slid the blade out of its housing and went to stand up. A wing on her shoulder pushed her gently back down, Belfry shaking her head.
“Forget about him, it’s not worth it.” Beams went to counter the point, but Belfry smiled and got in first. “Besides, if anyone’s going to kill him and lose their job, it’s going to be me.”
Beams couldn’t help it, a short laugh breaking through her irritation. She sheathed the knife and placed it back in her pack, instead grabbing one of her many water canteens. Taking a swig after undoing the cap, she looked back to Belfry and nodded. “Thanks, I wish you’d been promoted to Sergeant instead of him.”
Belfry chuckled. “Yeah, well, unfortunately my father isn’t a highly-commended former General in the City Watch back home.”
“Really?”
“You didn’t know? He’s Limelight’s second-born, how else would he have been promoted?”
Both shared another, hushed laugh, before Beams glanced up towards the sky. The moon had almost fallen, the rest of the squad already asleep. Belfry must have noticed her, the corporal smiling again. “Go ahead, I’ll take the first watch.”
“Lucky,” Beams retorted, but still moved to get up. “That means you’ll have a few more hours of cool weather.”
“I’d rather it be cold than hot.”
Beams nodded, placing her pack on her back and preparing to retire for the day. Remembering her shoe, she sighed and took flight, trusting on the dune to keep her concealed. Leathery wings propelled her up and over towards the resting place of the discarded hoofwear, before she carefully landed with all three shoed hooves on the sand. Using her wings to quickly retrieve and shake out the shoe, she put it back on and prepared to head back.
She took a second to examine their camp, Belfry letting the fire die down while cleaning a short-sword. They had rations for a month and water for two weeks, but they needed to find the hive fast. As soon as they had the general location, they could send it back to Canterlot and set up a supply run. Then, she supposed that they’d be stuck out in the wasteland waiting to see if the human and changelings would make their move. With any luck, they could find a nice cave to set up a long-term camp in, otherwise she would likely go mad.
Flapping her wings and taking off, she headed back to her tent with the hope that at least it would provide some relieve from the baking sun soon to rise.
“Melons, too many… melons…”
“Sir?”
Nigel blinked open his eyes at the soft female voice, before violently sitting upright on what turned out to be a makeshift bed. Immediately he felt a throb in his head, but it was secondary to his other concerns. Looking around, he saw that he was in a simple room unadorned with any decoration, the walls and floor the same black material that made up the rest of the hive. Trotting was the next to hold his attention, a changeling moving from a simple black stool to fetch a solid black jug from a small table next to the bed.
She held it out to him with her mouth, Nigel taking it and thus letting her speak clearly again.
“Sir, are you feeling okay? You’ve been asleep for an entire-“
“Yes, yes,” he dismissed, taking a long gulp of what turned out to be pure water from the jug before hastily continuing. “Hurry though…”
“Nurse,” she provided, guessing correctly.
“Nurse. Tell me, do you keep any solid food in the hive at all?”
“We do,” she nodded. “There’s a large storage in the bottom levels, usually to feed captured creatures.” For some reason unknown to him, she felt the need to bow. “Not that you’re a prisoner of course. I can arrange to have a list brought up if you’re hungry-“
Nigel shook his head urgently. “There’s no time. Quickly nurse, do you store melons?”
“Melons?
“Yes, Melons,” he stressed. “Watermelon, Honey-dews, Rock-melon, Cantaloupes! Do you. Have. Any. Melons?”
“I-I think we may have some,” she looked around hurriedly, before attempting to smile again. “Would you like me to get you some melon if we do?”
He went pale, the nurse’s eyes widening in alarm.
“No!” he rasped. “Chop every melon in half, keep each half at least five meters apart, and then burn them to make sure. That is the only way!”
She stared at him, before her head slowly tilted. “Are you sure that you’re okay, sir?” He didn’t reply, staring back at her with unblinking eyes. Slowly, the nurse backed away towards the door. “I’ll… I’ll go and take care of it right away.” With that, she was gone, leaving him alone with half a jug of water and his sudden, irrational fear of melons.
“I should really start turning up to therapy again,” he muttered to himself, lying back down on the bed while eyeing the door like a hawk.
Chrysalis exited her bed-chambers, heading down the long and desolate corridor towards the room containing Nigel.
It had been almost a day and a night since his collapse, the only sign of any recovery being the grindingly slow restoration of colour to his skin. Her healing magic, and that of the more specialised nurses, had failed to even make a dent in his condition. They hadn’t even figured out how to remove his heavy armour.
Unfortunately, she hadn’t been able to spare the time to watch over him like she had wanted, running the hive had taken a huge toll on her time and energy. Instead his care had been intrusted to the nurses, and to whatever unknown measures lurked within the suit of his. Still, she had insisted on finding the time to embrace him at least twice a day, figuring that it couldn’t hurt to try.
The aftermath in the hive had also been near-disastrous, despite the surprising progress that Nigel had made with her subjects. The news regarding the incident and what caused it had spread around, likely from one or more of the nurses assigned to the hive’s nymphs. Instead of the criticism she had expected, both of Nigel and her choice in picking him, she had been shocked to find that most felt sympathy.
Even more surprising was the fact that a small number had felt sympathy for her as well.
Passing individual rooms meant for nobles as well as individuals that had performed well for the hive, she set her eyes on one doorway to the left. The solid slab of hardened changeling phlegm that served as a door was wide-open, Chrysalis’ ears twitching as she drew closer and overheard voices.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know that I would-“
“Chatter, I’m fine. I’m fairly certain that it was my fault anyway.”
‘Nigel?’
Increasing her pace, Chrysalis couldn’t help but grin at the news. He was awake and alright!
Hurrying through the door, she spotted Chatter standing next to the bed containing Nigel. In truth, the bed was four standard sleeping bunks with cushioning filling in the smoothened grooves in the middle. Cloth bedding was a rarity in the hive, reserved for those of the highest positions, so most changelings slept in bunks with a smoothened recess, almost like a half-pod. Chalmers seemed to be fine with the makeshift arrangement, even if his legs dangled over the edge.
“Hey, Chrysalis,” he greeted, less than enthusiastic to see her. “Checking up on me?”
Her previous urge to just forgive him and hug him fell to the back of her mind, her face morphing into a frown. Advancing on the bed, she sent Chatter a very unsubtle message over the hive mind, the advisor bolting out of the room as fast as he politely could. Nigel sighed, likely having made an accurate guess as to what was coming next.
“You absolute idiot,” she said while shaking her head, stopping just short of the bed. “Do you have any idea as to how much worry you’ve caused? The nurses were sure that you had been drained beyond recovery, and if you were a pony then you would certainly be dead. I need you to help me take over Equestria, not collapse during a public forum discussing your arrival!”
“Well, I’m sorry for inconveniencing you, Your Highness,” he sulked. “Did my unexpected loss of consciousness hinder your plans for expansion?”
Chrysalis stared at him and grinded her teeth, thinking of all the retorts she could dish out. Highlighting the fact that he was acting without immaturity, pointing out his apparent refusal to cooperate, slamming the arrogance that he was constantly admitting. So many choice options, but instead she went for the obvious.
“Just what were you thinking, interrupting the nymph feeding? Not only that, but entering the pen as well, after the nurses had warned you? No wonder you got swarmed.” In response, he crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.
“Look, how was I to know it’d be bad for my health? I’ve fed nymphs before, and you.”
“Ten nymphs and me, not three-hundred and Chatter.” She left out the part that aside from their first moment of being reunited, not a lot of love had been coming her way. “We have a decent store of affection, you don’t need to try and feed them like you used to.”
“I know,” he started to fidget with his hands. “It’s just that…”
She waited for a few moments. “Just what?”
Nigel gave it another few seconds. “It’s just that after our fight, I saw the nursery and wanted to… be reminded of some memories.”
At his words, her glare softened and died when she worked it out.
“I always did have a weakness for the nymphs,” he admitted, continuing on. “And when I saw so many of them, I was, well…” he looked back up at her. “Proud, and glad that you’d managed to hold things together pretty well.” A finger began to tap his side. “Look, I realise now that how you’ve changed is because of what happened, and if it’s any consolation I do still love you despite of it.” He winced. “So… shall we just forgive and forget, and move on away from this petty fighting that I must admit I caused?”
Chrysalis didn’t need any further prompting, moving forwards and giving him a short nuzzle. Withdrawing with a smile, she nodded her head. “That is fine by me, but only if you promise to stop saying and doing stupid things in the future.”
“Chrissy, Chrissy, Chrissy…” Nigel chuckled. “I haven’t changed that much, you know I can’t promise that.”
She tried hard to mock frown, but couldn’t even do that. Instead she laughed along with him, sitting down on her rump and shuffling closer to the side of the bed. Reaching up a hoof, she poked him repeatedly in the side armour.
“You’re terrible!”
His following laughter caused her smile to widen.
The sudden way he cut off, however, only caused alarm.
“Oh, what have I done?”
“Nigel?”
He faced her again, a wince on his face. “Say, Chrissy, you remember how we just joked about me saying stupid things?”
Now that sparked worry. “Y-yes?”
“I really, really hope you don’t like melons…”
“Sergeant Bites, wake up!”
Bites jolted up in his tent, and after fumbling to remove his hood he looked out on who had woken him. The Sergeant-Major was shaking her head at him, Bites firing back with a glare.
“Don’t give me that look,” Beams snarled, evidently having slept very well. “You weren’t even woken up for your watch.” She made a point of gesturing to her mattered fur with a hoof. “As you can tell, I did not have a nice day. So I want you to shut up, not complain, and for once I want you to get along with the rest of the squad.”
He couldn’t believe it, he wakes up to this? It was just further proof that Beams wasn’t cut out for Sergeant-Major, like he’d been telling the Captain for years. The wise thing to do at the time however, was to shut up and not pursue the issue.
Unfortunately, waking up at dusk did not help him become very wise.
“Sergeant-Major,” he replied evenly. “If you can’t take the heat, then why don’t we go back and grab a new squad leader that can?”
She froze, Bites smirking with victory. That is, until he realised fully what he had just done. “Ah, Sergeant-Major,” he chuckled nervously as her eyes narrowed and her left wing went for a sheathed knife. “About that terrible joke that I’ve just said…”
“Bites, shut up.” He complied immediately, Beams taking a deep breath before slowly exhaling. He was relieved when her wing settled back under her clothes, far away from the large knife she seemed to keep on display when around him. “That was insubordination, and to make up for it… I’ll let you know of a punishment later, I’ve got a tent to pack.”
“But Sergeant-Major-“
“No buts, Sergeant. You brought this upon yourself.” She began to back out of his tent, but paused. “And for Luna’s sake, I know you stallions are like that in the mornings, but in the presence of a superior officer I suggest you hide it better.” With that she left with a final shake of her head, Bites wondering what she was talking about.
Then it hit him.
“Oh, oh no,” he mumbled, glancing down at himself before wincing and staring up at the room of his tent. “I can tell that this is going to be a really terrible night.”
‘I really hate being right.’
Bites huffed and puffed, climbing up the sand dune behind the rest of the squad. Beams had decided that he was to carry all of the camping equipment, and lugging six tents and their pegs up constant sand dunes wasn’t easy work.
It was the middle of the night, and while the heat had been mercifully traded for the far more bearable cold, his throat was still parched from all the sand. Checking his canteen, he found that it was empty. Frowning and instead pulling out his second canteen from his pack, he took a swig.
“Damn it,” he muttered after draining the last drops. “I knew I should have refilled at that oasis instead of eyeing Dream’s-“
“Hey, Sergeant!” Looking back up, he stared at Corporal Sweeps. “Can I grab my canteen off you quickly?”
“Your canteen?” Bites frowned and continued up the giant dune, the others already halfway up. “Why would I have your canteen?”
Everyone stopped, enabling to catch up. The fact that they were all staring at him with wide eyes crushed any hope that something had finally gone right. There was one Corporal not focusing on him though, Belfry staring down at the sand while muttering to herself and shaking her head.
“Bites,” Beams began slowly. “Please tell me that you’re carrying the saddlebag of canteens right now.”
“No…” he replied with a tilted head. “Just my own. Why would I be carrying everyone’s canteens? You only told me to take the camping gear.”
“And the canteens,” Beams voice carried a tone of rising desperation.
“Oh, for the love of Luna!” Sweeps shouted. “Did he really leave all of our water back at the campsite!? There’s no way that we’re going to make it back!”
“All of our water…” Dream mumbled, collapsing down onto her rump in the sand. “We’re going to die in this desert.”
“Bites! I’ll kill you!” Sweeps made to charge forward, the rage of a stallion that knew he was done for shining hot in his eyes.
“Wait!” Everyone stopped accusing him and trying to kill him, Belfry trotting forwards before sinking down onto her knees. “It’s not his fault,” she looked sadly at Beams. “I’m sorry, Sergeant-Major, but I forgot to tell him about the canteens.” Her words became rushed, tears running down her face. “I’m so sorry, all of you. I-I put them in the bag and set them down in the sand to pack up my tent, and I…” her head drooped. “I forgot about them, I forgot to tell Bites that you wanted him to carry them and thanks to me, we’re all going to die out here.”
The full weight of the situation settled in, even Bites going quiet.
‘No water,’ he realised. ‘We’re so screwed. I’ll never see home again.’ He sat down next to the rest of his squad, not even caring about the sand getting into his robes.
“No.”
‘Huh?’
Looking up, he spotted Beams continuing up the dune. She’d almost made it to the top, not looking back.
“Beams!” he called out. “Where are you going? It’s no use!”
“Wait there, make camp and try to conserve energy.” She continued upwards while shouting back. “I’ll find water and then come back! There’s got to be an oasis around here somewhere!”
“It’s suicide!” he got up, racing after her. Why he did it he didn’t know, but he couldn’t just let her go out into the desert by herself. “Sergeant-Major!”
Beams turned her head, almost at the top. “Bites, stay with the others, that’s an order!”
“No,” he refused, making it next to her. “Two of us should go, in case something happens to one.”
“Sergeant,” Beams addressed, before continuing to climb. “Stay here and don’t follow, that’s an order!” He watched her make it to the top, he wasn’t about to give up yet.
“Beams, listen to me.” She froze, Bites taking it as a sign to continue. “Look, I know that you and I don’t exactly get along, and there was that whole thing when I tried to convince my father to get you demoted… at your twenty-forth birthday party-“
“Shut up.”
“No, this needs to be said.”
“Bites, shut up!” Beams whispered harshly, dropping onto her belly in the sand. “Get everyone up here, carefully!”
“No need,” a whisper came from behind. Bites looked behind him, the rest of the squad already there. Carefully they all crept up to the top of the dune to join their squad leader, looking out over the top.
The first thing they saw was the massive black castle built into a mountain, a swarm of black shapes buzzing around the top-most spires. A large column of smoke rose up into the night sky from the base of the castle, multiple glows visible from where they were.
“Well…” Dreams muttered. “I don’t know how we missed that.”
“Great, just great,” Sweeps sighed. “We find the changeling hive, but we run out of water.” He shook his head, chuckling softly. “We’ll die, but at least we can say that we completed most of our mission.”
“Maybe not,” Beams told them all. “We need to get closer, I have an idea but you’re not going to like it. I’ll tell you on the way, we can use the dunes for cover.”
“Any idea is better than certain death,” Bites agreed. “Let’s go.”
Beams, Sergeant-Major in the Lunar Guard, couldn’t look away from what she could honestly say was the strangest thing she had seen in her life.
“What. The. Fuck.”
Despite his language, she couldn’t help but agree with Bites. The rest of the squad were speechless, staring out at the mind-destroying scene playing out in front of the changeling hive entrance. Their eyes, made for seeing in the darkness of the night, were able to see every impossible detail.
Changeling soldiers, hundreds of them, were working feverishly beside the raging bonfires. But it was not the sight of the scores of changeling soldiers that boggled their minds, no.
It was what they were doing.
“No, no, no!” an officer shouted, standing on a black platform next to a changeling writing on parchment. The enemy officer’s wings buzzed, the changeling hovering off the platform to yell at his subordinates. “He specifically said to cut the melons in half first, then burn them!” The officer flew over towards a group of soldiers hefting full honey-dews into a blazing fire. “You! Morons! Were you dropped on your heads when you were hatched!? Chop them in half, keep the halves at least five ‘metres’ apart, then burn them!”
A soldier sitting down on his rump, holding a full honey-dew, looked down towards the fruit in his forelegs. Slowly, he placed it on the ground and raised a foreleg. It was brought down with a smack, two pieces of honey-dew falling onto the ground while juice soaked into the harsh desert sand. Working almost as one, another two soldiers carefully picked up a piece each. One threw a half into the closest bonfire, while the other soldier flew away to another. Within moments, the slaughter of the innocent fruit was complete, juicy goodness reduced to nothing but inedible ash.
“There, that’s how it’s supposed to be done!” The officer praised and then returned to his post on the platform, whispering to the changeling recording down the perplexing activities.
Bites looked towards Beams, rubbing his eyes with a wing.
“So, Sergeant-Major,” he began. “I take it back. Your plan is sane. There is no possible way that posing as civilians and attempting to barter for water with the changelings we’re spying on can possibly go wrong at all. Of course they have the capacity for reason, just look at them, galloping around and slicing up fruit before burning it-“
“Bites,” Beams whispered. “Shut up.”
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Nigel you schmuk up!
That was fantastic. Enough said. I did catch a few spelling errors but I forgot them in the giggles that ensued from the melons.
awww.... no chrysalis sexy times? I am dissapoint
You... you just told us what it is...
Some time passes and scouts of the Hive report that the Crystal Empire come back (and Sombra), Nigel see's it as a tactical land advantage to claim it (and Sombra shows up, has a good chat with Nigel:???:), the changeling learn of the Crystal Heart to which Nigel duplicates it's effect with an semi-infinity loop AND all while not killing/maiming any of Celestia's ponies!
"The Unknown is Scary", Chrysalis' Deceptive Mentality + Nigel's (??Insert-Whatever??) Mentality = Something Truly Unknown.
Another excellent chapter as always, now the horrible part... Waiting for moar to fill my appetite..
That was awesome.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
NO! NOT THE CANTALOUPES! NOT THE CANTALOUPES!
And thus it was known to all changelings, that Lord Nigel proclaim in his madness, the extinction and burning of the melons.
XD
NOT THE HONEYDEW! ...Why would you consider ruining such perfect fruit?! All you had to do was keep at it moderately low temperatures and you could have the best treat for a hot day!
know> now======================
New Chapter... Awesome~
5665519
Ah, not the full plan...
5666597 i.imgur.com/OEbKN.gif
Not the melons!
Well i think The ponys and nigel will have a fun time together:p
im really interested what nigel will do This time and if chrysalis will intervene.
NOT THE MELONS!? NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!!
Awwww yeah! He's back and with Chryssy!
I hope the sneaky ponies wind up joining Commandah Derp or at least get involved in his shenanigans.
I never get tired of Nigel's misadventures. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
Vegetarians hate melons and fruit in general. It's why they keep killing and eating them.
Vampire Melons? Nigel should be more worried about Killer Tomatoes.
those poor, poor melons... They were too young to die...
Alright, I should probably do my assignments now... Wait, Dropbear updated a story? Well, we're at an impasse here. Crap.
No the Watermelons! they aren't that kind of melons they are innocent! WHY?
I suppose we shouldn't assume that a mortal creature could get out of a thousand year cognitive petrification unscathed.
Good chapter, drop, as I've come to expect when I see you update.
P.S. I see nigel trading them water for the bat pony.
5668851
They're all bat ponies...
Also no, trust me when I say that it's going to be far, far worse than that...
5668915
Cherryocalypse?
5669192 o.O sorry, I missed that somehow. Then again, I think I skimmed most of the "not Nigel". I mean, who cares about the goddesses of day and night and their pitifully underequipped armies when we have Nigel? And not just Nigel, but Nigel with changelings?
I really hope that they had no watermelons. Because then I'd have to get violins to fall from the almighty raptor jesus who dyed fur in the depths just slightly below above us but still pretty deep under the rest of it all, smitten with the almighty fury of Crynklezhnatse the Cat-Owl from the far northwest-east-ish mountains of belgaruu that just so happens to lie right next to the Bazaar of Bloonsicles where soft and warm ice-cubes are on 30% sale, wow what a nice price, I might actually go there after- Ehem... Anyhow, it is said that he, or she, cause we don't know what gender they'll be, whom has trained for many decadiums in the arts of breaking combustionized wood with naught but a scope of good old plunder-pudding crême deluxe shall be able to imbue these violins with wireless wood functions so that when they land they'll cause an intermolgekular strellikurulus tonal wave to appear leading to the ones drabbed by said violins from the almighty raptor jesus who dyed fur in the depths just slightly below above us but still pretty deep under the rest of it all, smitten with the almighty fury of Crynklezhnatse the Cat-Owl from the far northwest-east-ish mountains of belgaruu. And required someone whom has trained for many decadiums in the arts of breaking combustionized wood with naught but a scope of good old plunder-pudding crême deluxe shall be able to imbue these violins with wireless wood functions so that when they land they'll cause an intermolgekular strellikurulus tonal frequency wave to appear, to be sorry for their mistakes because quite frankly, violence in general usually disgusts me, but watermelons are holy.
It updated!
*have not begun reading*
Why do i suddenly get the thought a genocide + melons?
Ooooooooooooooooo a new chapter! Sweet!
New chapters, awesome.
Now o get the title XD
Not the watermelons!
WHAT THE FUCK H AVE YOU DONE!
THE WORLDS MOST INSANE GUY IS VEGETARIAN YOU FUCKED UP
You've made the most eye-catching story I've seen so far
The vampire melons has to be a reference... or a "Noodle Incident" trope...
8933392
Whatever drug he’s smoking I need some
5676860
Statement: WTF?!?
I... must... resist... arrrrrrgh-
...-Mr. Stark
The same way apparently everyone misses twilight's castle
This is the funniest scene I've ever seen