I am Midnight. Midnight Glimmer. Unknown to ponykind. Well, most of them. This is the story of my importance to Equestria.
Have you ever wondered about those tiny details, the ones which seem of little importance, yet if not for them, the big things would never have happened? Who moved the stars which set Nightmare Moon free? And who took up teaching Luna the basics of modern Equestria? These are the answers unlocked. These are also the answers of how they happened in the first place.
And it all has to do with one pony.
Wake up, the Midnight is Here.
Chapters (6)
How did you like it?
: Hey! I'm still waiting!
: RD, calm down. They ain't goin' nowhere.
P.S. Author gets first post! Whose second?
And actually, I think making a post beforehand is cheating.
The concept is intriguing and honestly the writing is fairly decent, but the presentation leaves much to be desired.
For one thing, the chapters are pretty short. While I do believe that its better to write a few meaningful words than a thousand meaningless ones, we don't have much time to be drawn into the story. I think you should try to expand on some of these scenes (for example, add more fun dialogue between characters and I mean ones you create, not cut-outs from the show). You can add other struggles of the main character, such as perhaps a struggle with preserving a friendship or other kinds of struggles.
I always recommend adding details as much as possible. For example, describing the color of someone's coat or giving us details on the lighting of the scene (is it dark? Is the sun out? Are we in candlelight?). These things help draw a reader into the story and that is exactly what they want to do usually.
I also recommend you find a better cover image. There is a huge stigma here on Fimfiction over Ponycreator images, as a lot of people associate them instantly with bad writing. Thankfully there are hundreds of options for artwork to choose from (the image doesn't exactly have to be a pony after all), and heck, you can even try to make your own.
There's a bit more to be said about the story, but the aforementioned things are a good start to work on.
These chapters are too short. Pad them out.
m.quickmeme.com/img/7f/7fc3b7ce939e2212723c732aaf5005568da5b3397bee543d3d21419d62ce24f6.jpg
Another one.
You walk a dangerous road here author. I warn you of the consequences.
A interesting read! I rarely ever read "E" stories though. It's actually quite nice to walk on the good side of the internet for once! The idea of Twilight having a sister actually makes sense! It seems to cause her passion for excellence, so this story hit the nail on the head! 1 thumb up from me!
Original.....me like it!! Very new and exciting, very curious and makes my mind question as to what I'd going to happen next. Very good! You earn a Derpy!
5467611 5467940 Will try to make upcoming chapters longer! Thanks for the feedback!
5469349 5468845 Thanks!
chapter 5 is about the crusaders
Zealot here from the "Say Something Nice" group.
I have to say, I'm intrigued. You weave a plot rather well and it's a great basis for a story. It just needs padding is all. Your grammar and sentence structure is pretty good. Reminds me of when I first started writing, I used to write short snippets like this to help plan everything out.
Hope you feel encouraged by this. Writing's hard, but it's a learning process too and fanfiction is a useful tool. Keep at it.
-Zealot
5472649 Thanks, I didn't realize how hard it is to get to 1000 words. Goes to prove the saying, "It's not as easy as it looks."
5474936
Hehe, ohh rah to that. Fortunately, the first 1000 is probably the hardest. Still, keep at it.
Oh gee, another self insert OC Mary Stu. Also, if I can read this entire Fic in five minutes, then you need to really make these chapters longer (over 1,000 words per chapter). And start off with a new idea. This has been done literally thousands of times, and to be blunt; it sucks hard.
Update on Cover, my Luna is horible!
This was cute.
Though your Oc could use some work., She is really a bit shallow as a character.
The Term Mary Sue is thrown around a bit., You might wish to round out Midnight with some flaws.
Perhaps not have her good at everything.
A non alicorn raising the sun?...is a bit pushing it.
You could also round her out as a character., let us see who she is on the inside, maybe her relationship with family, or something that sets her apart.
The way your Oc can turn out is endless!
Again with a bit of TLC your Oc can become more, just give it a few special touches.
I get busy myself quite a lot., but I do enjoy giving insight and help with character building.
if you'd like send me a pm., I can help you with building atop the cute foundation you have built for Midnight.
Also give a few tips on adding some detail to the scenes, settings and characters....Though with grammar that is my weak point, it's not horrible or anything just so you know.
5877442 Hey, spoiler, but she is kinda the reason Luna changed. A portal opened up teleporting 2000 years into the past where she becomes Luna's twin. Becomes Nightmare Dusk.
Hi midnight