Let's Start at the End, Shall We?
Love is a funny thing.
At least that’s what Pinkie Pie told herself with a smile as she waited for her turn down the aisle. She stepped on the sweet-smelling petals that Pumpkin Cake had dropped. The little flowerfilly almost did it on purpose, too. Her horn had flickered as she swung the basket back and forth, scattering her burden.
Pound Cake had followed at a more sedate pace, the pillow on his back holding the wedding bands. He fought against his cute little tuxedo, his face a storm cloud of toddler defiance. Despite all protests, he made it to the end, as did Pumpkin.
As did the bridesmares and groomsstallions. Big McIntosh, the Colt of Honor, and Maud Pie, the Best Mare, stood on opposite sides of the altar. Braeburn’s head looked bare without his hat, but he was coping with a nervous smile. Prince Blueblood stood quietly by, a large book held in one foreleg.
Pinkie’s tail twitched, but it was a good twitch. It was a twitch of anticipation, of excitement, of good things to come.
Spike cracked his knuckles and played out the first chords of the wedding march on a pipe organ. Once the next bars came up, Cheese Sandwich joined in with his accordion. They made it work somehow.
Pinkie stepped through the doors and walked between the seats. Her dress flowed around her ankles, her veil danced before her face, her smile sparkled in the camera flashes. Her blue eyes met Braeburn’s green, and his met hers. Her feet moved a little faster. Cheese and Spike sped up the march to match.
Before she knew it, she was at the altar. She was at the altar before most ponies knew it, to be honest. She had a way with just being places she was needed. She also had a way of getting places where she wasn’t wanted, but there was no doubt she was wanted that day.
Blueblood harrumphed as officiously as he could. The phlegm got caught midway up his throat, so he spent the next couple seconds hacking and wheezing and thumping his chest. Most ponies started shuffling around as the noise continued, but Pinkie and Braeburn were locked on each other.
“Ahem. Sorry about that. Yes! Well then.” Blueblood opened the book and began to read. “Family and friends, ponies and otherwise, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Braeburn Apple—”
Blueblood was interrupted by a chorus of hoots and hollers from the Apple side of the assembly. Hats were tossed into the air alongside whoops. Ponies resisted the urge to jump into the aisle and dance. Mothers cried and fathers wept great tears.
Blueblood cleared his throat with much more success than the previous time. “And Pinkamena Diane Pie.” He paused, expecting another series of cheers. When none came, he looked to the Pie side of the assembly. A wall of solemn faces greeted him.
“Yay, Pinkie,” Fluttershy whispered. “Woo hoo.”
Blueblood’s lips drooped down. “Alright then. Please present the bands.”
Pound Cake was busy punching the candlesticks with his tiny hooves. Big McIntosh scooped him up and gave him a light noogie. While the colt was distracted, Maud slid the gold bands off the pillow and handed them to Blueblood.
He lifted the bands in a bubble of magic. “Each of these closed circles represents a pony. Individual. Strong. Precious. Beautiful.” He handed a ring to the bride and the groom. He looked to Braeburn. “Braeburn Apple, do you take Pinkie Pie to be your beloved wife? To give and to grow? To love and to laugh? To share and to care?”
Pinkie Pie snorted.
“As long as you both live in this life?” Blueblood finished.
“Ah do,” Braeburn said. He fiddled with the ring between his hooves.
“And do you, Pinkie,” Blueblood said, “take Braeburn Apple to be your beloved husband? To give and to grow? To love and to laugh? To share and to care? As long as you both live in this life?”
“I do!” Pinkie said.
“Please hold out the wedding bands.” Blueblood flipped a page. “When two ponies come together, it is like two bands looped around each other. Forever linked. Forever side-by-side. Forever one.”
They took the rings and pressed them together. There was a hum, a pop, and a flash. The two wedding bands were linked together like a chain.
“Ladies and gentlecolts,” Blueblood said, “I am proud to introduce you, for the first time, to Mister and Missus Braeburn Apple-Pie.” He smiled. “You may kiss the bride.”
***
“But wait!” you might ask. “What is this about a wedding? Was not the story called The Courtship of Pinkamena Diane Pie? Where is the courtship? Where is the buildup? Where is the emotional stress and the constant suspense of whether or not they’ll seal the deal? What good does it do to start the story at the end?”
Rest assured, dear and perceptive reader, that there will be suspense. There will be excitement. However, this story is not about whether or not Pinkie and Braeburn will tie the knot. Nor is it about whether they live happily ever after in marital bliss. No, this story is a bit simpler than all that.
This story is about the ponies Pinkie Pie loves and those who love her in turn. It just so happens that one of those others is named Braeburn.
Very well, though. Now that we’ve started at the end, it will do us good to cover the beginning. Specifically, the whole “Braeburn’s Ascension” angle. Why should you care about that loud pony from Appleloosa?
Well, I can’t answer that question for you, but I can explain how he got his wings…
***
Sand blew across the barren landscape. Bare, that is, except for one lone stallion.
And those rock formations to the left. And the cacti to the right, rear, and center. And the herd of buffalo rampaging across some ancestral burial grounds or other. And the tumbleweed frolicking past the stallion’s steely gaze.
The not quite lone stallion bent down close to the ground and sniffed. He sneezed out the resulting nostril-full of sand. He adjusted his cowpony hat and nodded. “They’re close. Real close.”
Hoof prints in the sand didn’t last very long, but a scar on the side of the cactus to the right decried a recent puncture. A harvest of one of the few sources of water available to a lost traveler or two. It was barely a day old.
He jerked his vest tighter around his shoulders. He slung back his canteen and then galloped across the harsh landscape. He veered to the side, noting the scrap of fabric caught in the nearby rocky outcropping. He skidded to a halt when he almost collided with another stallion running the opposite direction.
The stallions narrowed their eyes. The first held out a hoof. “Howdy, friend!”
“Howdy, stranger,” the newcomer replied. His shoulders shifted beneath a colorful poncho. “What’s a prettyboy like you doing around these parts?”
“Ah’m searchin’ fer a caravan, missed their stop at Appleloosa!” The first stallion quite nearly shouted the name of his hometown. “That tends to happen on account of emergencies and the like. Figured they needed relief. Why? What’re you doin’ out here alone?”
The newcomer sighed. He looked off into the distance with lowered eyelids. “I ain’t alone. I always have my best friend right beside me.”
“Oh,” the Appleloosan said. “Oh, that’s… well, ah’m sorry fer—”
“No, literally, he’s right here.” The newcomer pulled a rubber chicken from his saddlebags. “This is Boneless. Say hello, Boneless.”
The rubber chicken squeaked.
The Appleloosan’s eyes jumped from the chicken to the pony and back to the chicken. He began to wonder just what kinda character he’d chanced to meet. “H-hay, Boneless. Um. Who’s yer friend, here?”
The newcomer pressed his lips tight. “He can’t tell you.”
The Appleloosan jerked his head back. “Uh, okay. Um, do you mind tellin’ why?”
The newcomer said, with the utmost sincerity, “Because he’s just a chicken.”
The Appleloosan’s ears drooped. “Yer just messin’ with me, ain’t yah?”
“Yep!” The newcomer flipped his hat from his head, allowing an explosion of brown curls to jump out. “The name’s Cheese Sandwich, Party-planner Extraordinaire! That’s ‘Cheese’ as in ‘Brie,’ ‘Sandwich’ as in ‘Dagwood.’ I was beginning to think I’d never meet another pony in this part of the desert. I’ve been following my cheesy-sense, you know. It tells me somepony’s gonna need a party pretty quick, here!”
He grabbed the Appleloosan’s hoof and shook enthusiastically. “So tell me, stranger, do you know of any ponies out here in need of a little bit of the party magic? I’ve got my party howitzer parked just around the corner!”
The Appleloosan’s eyes rolled around in his skull. He shook his head. “Sorry. Ah’ve been followin’ the lost caravan ever since they missed the rendezvous. Ah get the feelin’ they’re gonna be more in need o’ a good night’s rest and a glass o’ water than a five-layer cake.”
Cheese held his hat like a shield and thrust Boneless out like a sword. “Then take me with you! Let it never be said that Chesterfield Whittaker Sandwich ever abandoned a pony in need!”
The Appleloosan pushed up his hat. “Well, that’s right kind of you, Cheese, but ah—”
“And I don’t take ‘but’ for an answer.” Cheese Sandwich returned his hat to his head and stuffed Boneless in his saddlebags. “I’ve got all the butts I need to last me for a lifetime, thank you very much.”
“Stick close, then.” The Appleloosan thundered off, heading in the direction of the setting sun. “We ain’t got much time b’fore dark, an’ we don’t need tah hang out with the local nightlife too much.”
“Right behind you!” Cheese said from the Appleloosan’s side. “Say, I didn’t catch your name.”
“Name’s Braeburn Apple,” the Appleloosan said. “Lemme know if you catch any sign of ’em.”
“No sign, but I got this itchy feeling in my scalp.”
Braeburn flicked his tail. “Itchy feelin’? That the—what didja call it—cheesy-sense?”
“Mystique d’fromage, they called it in Prance.” Cheese wiggled his eyebrows.
“Right.” Braeburn’s keen eyes scanned the horizon. There amongst the sand and cacti was a battered, rickety prairie schooner. He smiled. “Got ’em!”
“Sweet!” Cheese Sandwich spun around in midair and careened off into the dust. “I’ll get the welcome wagon!”
“Welcome wagon?” Braeburn raised an eyebrow. He shrugged and continued on, figuring that it wasn’t the weirdest thing the stallion had said all day. He skidded to a stop beside the schooner, and removed his hat. “Hay, everypony! Y’all missed yer scheduled stop at Appleloosa, so ah figured on findin’ yah and gettin’ y’all back where y’ ought tah be!”
There was silence for a moment, then a quiet shuffling. A pair of eyes appeared under the wagon’s covering. “It’s coming!” a voice hissed.
Braeburn pulled off his hat. “Pardon me, little lady, but ah couldn’t quite catch that—”
“It’s coming!” she said a little louder. “It’s been chasing us all this way.”
Braeburn took a step forward. His hoof crunched a piece of wagon wheel. The thoroughly-splintered, completely annihilated wagon wheel. “Wha—?”
“We’re stuck.” The mare beneath the cover shivered. “We’re gonna be eaten!”
“Now hold on,” Braeburn said. “Eaten by what?”
The ground behind him burst in a cloud of dust and rocks. He leaped back against the wagon, his heart racing as a massive something grew up, up, up out of the ground. He gasped as the dust and debris cleared away.
It was a worm. Not your average ordinary nightcrawler, or even a sizable, comparable big brother. It was a pale sandy color, as though it was a part of the landscape come to life. At the top, there was a three-sectioned mouth with rows upon rows of sharp teeth. Tentacles burst from between the jaws, reaching out to grab them.
“Tatzlwurm!” the mare in the wagon screamed.
Braeburn lifted the corner of the wagon that lacked a wheel. Huffing and puffing, he pushed it away from the monstrous monstrosity. Twin black, beady eyes watched him scurry with the prairie schooner. The beast bent over and bit into the sand.
Braeburn looked back over his shoulder. The tatzlwurm was gone. “Shucks, that weren’t so—”
It came up from beneath the wagon, grabbing it with its jaws as its tentacles searched for ponies to munch.
“Ev’rypony out now!” Braeburn bucked a stray tentacle and tore the cover from the wagon. Five ponies lay beneath. “Now, now, now, now!”
They charged from their uncovered hiding spot. It was a mad scramble to follow Braeburn as he led them away from the monster and to the rock formations.
Finding no meals to go with the wheels, the tatzlwurm spat out the wagon and dug through the earth. The ground rose up as it carved a path towards the fleeing ponies. The earth shook with tremors as it drew ever closer.
Braeburn waved the ponies into the rocks, then hopped in himself. He crouched behind a stone and pulled his hat low over his head. After a moment, he was rewarded with a hefty fwump as the tatzlwurm smacked head-first into bedrock. The great sandy beast popped out of the ground and tottered, its beady little eyes crisscrossing.
“Take that and chew on it, yah dang-blasted varmint! Yee haw!” Braeburn stood tall, smirking at the tatzlwurm. His smile fell like a curtain over a bad play. The worm roared, flinging little droplets of spittle to coat his body. He touched one hoof to his blond mane. The mane stuck to the hoof. “Run fer it, folks!”
The six ponies ducked and weaved through the rocky ground, heading for a cave at the far side. The tatzlwurm made like a snake and slithered over the bumps and edges, wincing each time a point hit against its extended belly. It lunged for one stallion, its tentacles flailing, but halted its pursuit due to a rock to the face. It glared at Braeburn as the cowpony hefted a second rock.
“Yah want sommat to eat?” Braeburn said. “Snack on this!” He bucked the rock, which went flying.
Only to be caught in the tatzlwurm’s jaws. The beast bit down, shattering the stone. It hissed.
“Oh, fer the love of—” Braeburn turned on his rear legs and took off at a gallop. He glanced over his shoulder, his mane flying in front of his eyes, to see that all five travelers had gotten safely to the tiny cave. His front hooves quite suddenly ran out of ground to traverse.
He grappled with the edge of a not-really-but-almost-bottomless gorge in the landscape. He gulped. “Well, at least today’s gonna make fer a good story.”
He squinted at the tatzlwurm as it squirmed towards him, hissing and huffing like a marathon runner on his last legs. Its tentacles reached feebly for him. He slid to the side as one slapped down on the ledge. Three others grasped thin air as he ducked and weaved. Despite his best efforts, however, Braeburn soon found himself surrounded by a web of weird wobbly wigglers. He looked into the gaping jaws of the tatzlwurm and grimaced, in no small part due to the creature’s offensive halitosis.
Accordion music filled the air.
“Sing the lyrics loud and clear!” Cheese Sandwich hollered. “Guzzle tubs of old root beer!”
A tank rolled across the desert sands. The treads made deep furrows in the sand as the sheer weight of the metal behemoth crushed cacti and rocks alike. The turret swiveled to face the tatzlwurm. Cheese popped out of the top hatch.
“Hi de ho, it’s monster-stomping day!”
Confetti, streamers, balloons, cupcakes, and the occasional piñata exploded from the barrel of the party howitzer. As one, the various party supplies coated the tatzlwurm from butt to bonce. The beast just stared.
After a moment, a house-sized pie popped out to impact the monster’s face.
Cheese Sandwich pronked down the side of the tank, grinning from ear to ear. “Nothing solves a problem like a good party, I’ve always said.”
Braeburn removed his hat and ruffled his mane. “Ah’m inclined to agree with yah—”
The tatzlwurm growled. It shook off the instant party and lunged for the party howitzer. It lifted the tank into the air, jostled it, and tossed it into the gorge.
Braeburn grunted. “Up to a point.”
The great worm coiled itself like a spring and lunged at the cave, where the weary travelers were watching the goings-on with bated breath. They screeched and dove into the now-noticeably-shallow chip in the side of the outcropping.
Without a second thought, Braeburn grabbed the beast by the tip of its tail. Once that second thought finally registered, he regretted it with every fiber of his being.
The tatzlwurm halted for but an instant. Then, noticing the extra weight holding it back, it decided to remove said weight with all due haste. It wriggled and waggled and rolled and roiled. It jiggled and jaggled and jimmied and jostled. It zigged and zagged and shimmied and shook.
And Braeburn held on the whole while. The worm paused to take a breath, and the cowpony from Appleloosa turned unfocused eyes to Cheese, his smile missing at least one tooth. “Did ah get ’im, Mister Worcestershire?”
The worm got its second wind and carried on hopping. Braeburn spoke each time he was lifted into the air. “Get! The ponies! To safety! Now!”
Cheese Sandwich threw him a hasty salute. He chugged off towards the ponies and waved them out of the cave. When they refused to follow, he drew forth a plying candy cane out of his mane. When that didn’t work, he grabbed two of them around their waists and took off on his hind legs through the desert. The jaws of the other three dropped, but they apparently felt that closeness was the key to survival, so they followed.
The tatzlwurm stared at its rear, and the little pony clamped on tighter than a bear trap. Braeburn grinned a gap-toothed grin. The worm curled around, its mouth open to bite down hard. At the very last moment, Braeburn bounded onto the creature’s head.
The worm’s rows and rows of razor-sharp teeth bit down on its own tail tip. It was an unpleasant experience to say the least. Rest assured that if the tatzlwurm was able to speak, it would have let loose with a string of very naughty words, such as “horseapples” and “dagnabit.”
Braeburn balanced atop its head as it thrashed. He reached out and grasped a stray tentacle to keep from being flung into the rocks. At last, the worm stopped, save for swaying in the wind. Braeburn grinned and patted the beast on the head. “Good wormy.”
The best sighed and slumped down on the ground. Braeburn hopped down and yanked on another grabber. “Now you listen up, hear? Ah don’t wanna find out about you chasin’ after any more travelers! You got plenty to eat out here in the badlands without munchin’ on ponies! So you tell me, are yah gonna eat ponies?”
The tatzlwurm growled. He jerked the feelers. “Ah said, are yah gonna eat ponies?”
The beast shook its head. He smiled. “That’s better. Now gowan, scoot!”
He slapped the tatzlwurm on the side and watched it glide through the loose sand. He sat down hard and chuckled. “Whoo-ee. Now ain’t that one fer the campfire?”
He turned around and beheld the ponies he’d rescued, alongside Cheese Sandwich, all looking on with wide eyes. He whistled through the space left by his missing teeth. “Y’all ready to head back to AAAaaaaa—” He splatted face-first on the ground, unconscious.
Cheese Sandwich jutted his chin out. He sweeped his hat off his head and held it across his chest. “Welp, I think that just about became the strangest thing I’ve seen all day. But then, I haven’t looked in a mirror.”
Before they could blink, Braeburn’s body glowed with pure magic. There was a flash, a pop like a light going out, and the Appleloosan was gone. Cheese Sandwich pressed his lips together as his pupils shrank.
“You just had to have the final word, didn’t yah, Braeburn?”
***
Braeburn stood in the middle of nothing. He looked up, down, left, and right, and found nary a thing to even tell him which direction he was facing. He looked to the sky, but found no sky. He looked to the ground, but found no ground. He looked at his hat, and was at least satisfied to see that it was the same old, same old.
A twinkling sound drew his attention. He looked forward and saw a star. He smiled and walked towards it. He slowed as he realized it was also heading towards him. He ducked down and held onto his hat. The star buzzed by overhead, followed by another, another, and another. So the parade continued, light after light after dazzling light.
He peered through his hooves. The stars were not stars after all, but flying images. Moving images, at that, like the ones he saw at the cinema. Each one featured one colt: Himself.
They were events from his life. His time growing up in Dodge Junction. His first apple bucking. The peace treaty with the buffalos. It was all there.
At the end of the line was an image of him galloping through the sand, following clues as to the whereabouts of the missing travelers.
A brighter light than that of the images blinded Braeburn. He rubbed the spots out of his eyes with little success.
“Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student,” a regal voice said, “I’m so proud of—”
The spots cleared. Braeburn lifted his head. He beheld none other than Princess Celestia, Diarch of Equestria. His jaw dropped, and he bowed at the knee.
“You aren’t Twilight Sparkle,” she said.
“Ah… um… thank you fer noticin’, yer Majesty.”
“You’re really not Twilight Sparkle.”
“Not a’tall.”
“You quite frankly could not be further from Twilight Sparkle.”
“Ah’m startin’ to get a lil’ uncomfortable, yer Majesty.”
Celestia rubbed her forehead with a pristine white hoof. She summoned a mug of coffee from nowhere. “Well, even if you’re not Twilight Sparkle—my most faithful student and sure to be future princess—this is most certainly a cause for celebration!”
Braeburn stood and removed his hat. “Celebration, yer Majesty?”
“Why your coronation, of course.” Celestia took a sip of her coffee before also conjuring a cup of creamer. “It’s not every day somepony becomes an alicorn prince.”
“Alalalalala—” Braeburn’s eyes bugged out. “Alicorn prince?” he squeaked.
Celestia nodded as she perused the moving images. “Indubitably. It seems as though you ascended due to the exceptional use of your tracking skills to save a group of waylaid wayfarers. Not to mention the impressive taming of a lesser desert tatzlwurm.”
“L-lesser?”
“All very noteworthy. Be proud, Braeburn Apple, for you shall go down in history as the second male alicorn.”
“Second?” Braeburn nearly dropped his hat. “Who was the first?”
Celestia’s teeth ground together. “Blueblood.”
“Oh.” Braeburn rubbed the back of his neck. “Ah guess news ain’t gotten as far as Appleloosa!” He covered his mouth with his hat. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Celestia said. “Appleloosa is a wonderful place. You should be proud of it.” She vanished her coffee cup and pointed her horn at Braeburn. “Please step forward, Braeburn, it has already begun.”
Now that he thought about it, there was a lightness in Braeburn’s chest. It tingled as it spread outward to every part of his body. “Wha—what’s happenin’, yer Majesty?”
“You’ve ascended, Prince Braeburn of Pioneering.” Celestia smirked. “Welcome to the club.”
His very coat began to shine like the light of the sun. His heart beat faster and faster as wings sprung from his back. A horn sparkled atop his forehead. His mane was tousled to and fro by currents of magic. The world around him spun and vanished in a poof.
Celestia smiled at the now-empty mystical plane. She turned to remove herself, but was stopped by a small “pop!”
She broke out into a grin and turned around. “Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student, I’m so proud of—”
“Where the heck am I?” Nurse Redheart said. “Where’s the hospital? Where are my patients? If this is another prank, Doc, I’m gonna—”
Celestia summoned up another coffee alongside a little something for her growing headache.
***
“I’m beginning to think you have no idea where you’re going.”
Cheese Sandwich fought to keep a smile on his face. The dark desert night was closing around, alongside any number of carnivorous creatures willing to munch on a pony or six. “All I gotta do is follow my cheesy-sense, miss…”
“Rose Quartz,” the earth pony mare said. “And you really have no idea where you’re going. Just what is a cheesy-sense supposed to be?”
“It’s a tingly feeling I get that tells me where I need to go, and it hasn’t failed me once.” Cheese Sandwich gave her a sad smile. “Really, I know what I’m doing.”
Rose Quartz’s eyes darkened. She clicked her tongue. “Oh, you’re one of those ponies. Fair enough, I won’t bug you.” She scrunched her muzzle. “But the second we get anywhere near civilization, I am out of here.”
The desert sand lit up with light from above. The travelers looked up to see a giant apple symbol descending from the sky. They cleared a space amongst them as it fell. When it touched down, it flashed once and reconfigured itself into an alicorn stallion with a sandy-blond mane and a tan coat. The stallion grinned, his teeth restored to full.
“Shucks, folks, howdy,” Prince Braeburn said. “Ah was hopin’ to run into you.”
Rose Quartz’s eyes ran along Braeburn’s wings and horn. She nibbled on the edge of one hoof. “Maybe I’ll be sticking around after all.”
Cheese Sandwich bounced up and exchanged a hoofbump with Braeburn. “Well, well, well! Didn’t I say somepony was gonna need a party?”
Braeburn chuckled. The laugh got caught in his throat. “Oh sweet apple pie, ah’m a prince.”
He keeled over onto his back then and there, his legs hanging in the air.
Here's to the latest entry in the Blueblood's Ascension Series! 
Come on everybody! Smile, smile, smile!
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*Sees a story with Cheese Sandwhich*
*Clicks*
*Braeburn's an alicorn*
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
Oh Jeeze not one but TWO levels of beautiful crackyness. Up voted for concept alone. Will read later.
5428454
Braeburn's an alicorn, yes. So is Blueblood, Lightning Dust, Redheart, Lyra Heartstrings, Vinyl Scratch, Trixie Lulamoon, Flim Flimflam, Donut Joe, Soarin, Granny Smith, Derpy Hooves, Peachbottom, Hoity Toity, Mrs. Cake, Cadenza, Luna, Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, and Sombra.
Braeburn as an alicorn is not the strangest thing about the series.
5428492
I've been writing about ponies becoming alicorns for so long I forgot just how cracky it is! Ha!
So yeah, this is gonna be just a little crazy, but fun.
I hope you like it once you read it!
I'm pretty sure we faved each other's stories within thirty seconds of each other. Either way, keep writing because I really liked the Blueblood story and am looking forward to this one!
Oh, start at the end then take us to the beginning, a fun way to start off a story!
Those two were definitely bratty toddlers.
I was honestly surprised by an omniscient narrator that wasn't interrupted by Pinkie Pie.
A 1930s comic reference? I guess we're going for highbrow and obscure.
Full name accepted into headcanon!
I love it. I wonder if he's told Pinkie she has a Sentais de Rose.
Yes, lots of tremors, Tremors indeed. I'm pretty sure this makes Braeburn Kevin Bacon, and I'm ok with that.
Ah, I thought Braeburn was gonna pull the same trick Kevin Bacon did, and stomp on the ground next to the canyon until the worm tunneled right out and fell.
Oh hell yes! I assume Cheese Sandwich was wearing a Caribou helmet at this point, and that Appleloosans will make this Taztlwurm-Stomping day a yearly tradition!
Nice, no pulling a thorn out of its paw, Braeburn's gotta do this the hard way.
You gotta be careful with how awesome you are making Cheese Sandwich, otherwise the question will start being asked about why Big Mac still gets to be Best Colt, cousin or no cousin.
"little something" is 40 proof, right?
I gotta say, I really appreciated the use of "to share and to care" in their wedding vows.
Damn, Braeburn. Apparently it was time for some thrilling heroics, and our boy here really stepped up.
It's interesting that this is just the second ascension, or at least the second stallion ascension, that puts us pretty far back in the overall timeline of the series.
He's too sexy to be a prince
5428956
I saw that!
Great minds think alike.
This one's gonna be super-fun. I'm already giggling about the next chapter.
5428991
It's like the most relaxed in medias res you'll ever see.
Yes, but they still have their sweet moments. When they're not eating the furniture or phasing through the walls.
I thought about it, but that is the single deadest dead horse joke on the entire website. In the entire fandom. I couldn't think of anything fresh to do with it. So we'll have to settle for the general shenanigans of putting Pinkie, Cheese, and Braeburn in the same room.
Life is hard.
My paper still runs Blondie. I had no idea how obscure I was being. You young kids have heard of Snoopy, right? Right?
Now to fervently pray I didn't accidentally steal it from someone.
Braeburn... as played by Kevin Bacon...
No. No, the world is not ready. It's just not ready!
It's to be expected!
I'm telling you, that's the story of Braeburn's life.
You gotta bear with me, this is the first time I've written Cheese. I've got a lot of excess awesome pent up inside me that can only be channeled through writing third-best pony. Big Mac'll get his moment to eeyup.
I was thinking whatever ponies call Tylenol, but that works.
5429188
I thought it was a nice touch.
This is a direct sequel to Blueblood's Ascension Part I. Braeburn was already an alicorn in both Background Ascension and Part II. Coincidentally, this also starts the story in late season three of the show...
5429263
He's too sexy to not be a prince! That mane, man. That cutie mark. That smile. Hoo, baby.
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Knowing when not to use a joke? That's advanced comedy. I liked it, my expectations were confounded.
Of course, he sold me my dental insurance.
Well I can prove Braeburn is Kevin Bacon: Does Appleloosa still ban dancing? No? Ipso facto Braeburn is Kevin Bacon. If only I knew enough about his VA to do six degrees...
In my dreams I see the glorious spiked boots of the foals!
If it weren't for hard luck he wouldn't have no luck at all.
Sooooo, your solution to making Cheese excessively awesome is to compensate by also making Big Mac extremely awesome?
I like this plan! Also, I now need to know 1st and 2nd best ponies.
Ugh, who mixes Tylenol into their coffee?
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I'm noticing a conspicuous lack of Cadence in that list...
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I look forward to seeing your "confounded" become "compounded."
Of course, in Imperial Equestria, it becomes Six Degrees of Leaven Baking, from whom Braeburn has two degrees of separation, since he and Braeburn's mom went to school together.
I am gonna have to remember to use that line in my daily life.
All signs point to "yes," but you'll have to tell me if the plan gets executed properly.
Pinkie Pie is the tippy-top, since her attitude in the "Smile, Smile, Smile" song is the kinda person I aspire to be. When she's written right, she's an unstoppable force of fuzzy warm feelings.
Rainbow Dash, while being in the same tier, is second. She's the most fun to write, and every word out of her mouth makes me smile. Sometimes it's a sad smile when her bullheadedness shows through, but it's there.
Cheese Sandwich, also in the same tier, hold a special place in my heart because he's The Gosh Darn Weird Al. And the scene when he reveals his troubled past to Pinkie warmed my heart something fierce.
I don't drink coffee, so not me.
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Aghast! Egad! This is a wrong that must be righted. I'll just edit that straightaway.
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Am I bad person for assuming that Leaven Baking is an earth pony, since he has a food name? But I believe he has a unicorn daughter (well currently human daughter) just based on her hair.
Just remember I stole it from either a Steven King novel or a country song.
I await the Mac Attack.
Yeah, she's definitely a one-pony condensed form of why so many of us got into the fandom in the first place.
Rainbow has never been my favorite, except when she's near Scootaloo (one reason I love your Rainbow so much is she's so often Scootaloo adjacent, using her bluster for inspirational purposes rather than ego-gratification). I suspect so many writers love her because that ego makes her fun to write, like a certain other pony
Can't argue with you there. I saw that Radio Shack commercial he did and I was like "How is that not one giant Cheese Sandwich reference?" He even has a shout out to an obvious brony!
That was so touching, it makes you wonder if Albert Yakovich was himself quite the shy lad before he picked up the accordion.
Oh man, Big Mac is gonna have to come out to Appleloosa just to inform Braeburn about "Cousin Pinkie!" Sure, 4th cousins are kissin' cousins, but he still deserves to know...
Cheese Sandwich is Weird Al pony. He's that good.
As did I. Yeah, that wasn't Pinkie's best moment.
Did, Cheese Sandwich just throw a giant pie in a Tatzlwurm's face. Wow. I, just wow.
He did.
Technically, it tells him where ponies are going to throw a party, since he IS a professional Party planner.
Eeyup.
Wait, now I want to read about Nurse Redheart!
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Lucky for you then! She's the main character in the first Background Ascension short-story, she's a side-character in Blueblood's Ascension Part II, and she's one of the mains again in Blueblood's Ascension Part III! I hope they're as fun as you hope!