Borsuq
Joined 7th Oct, 2012 ·
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you draw that your self. because it's a nice picture.
5421111 Nah, the amazing cover was made by Faith-Wolff, she's awesome. I cannot draw to save my life
Hmmmm...only two chapters in and it's already looking VERY interesting. This is one I'll definitely be following.
I sense a hefty amount of foreshadowing in these lines.
Anyways, purely dialogue-based, this prologue is rather spot-on on Scootaloo's characterization in the original story. I love a pacifist protagonist in a combat-adjusted world, but Scootaloo's comment about the harmlessness of healing spells just leaves me with high expectations of this pacifist's potential!
Besides a few misspellings here and there, this is solid. Now, the main adventure...
Now, that was an entertaining twist!
I am also impressed by how subtle the clues were leading to it: the strange fascination with examinations of other races, the proficiency of her acting skill, the willingness to work with the most morally corrupt of the wasteland.
Our protagonist may be the most fascinating character to grace this setting, and she easily has enough potential (an inner conflict, an established and uncompromising set of ethics, a curiosity that cannot be sated) to make this one of the best of the side-stories.
However, for all the efforts that go into covering plot holes and other narrative gaps, it seems that the slavers seemed to be a little too ignorant of some peculiar coincidences. It feels like you were forcing the other characters to look the other way.
A minor complaint. I hope to read more!
Very interesting, you have definitely piqued my interest.
5421117
I don't like criticize your work Borsuq but could you give more details on the ponies? As the color of the tail and mane and fur in the next chapters. If you could answer me at least Whip Crack, Apple Core and (Cutter: just the color of the tail and mane) That'd be nice
5428259 I believe I mentioned through the chapter that Whip Crack was dark brown, Apple Core light brown (bordering on orange-yellow), and Cutter was gray. Though I did not mention anything about their manes, probably... Well, they have a darker or lighter color of their coats as their mane's colors, probably
I demand more psychopath! There's plenty of sociopaths, but far too few psychopaths.
Well, if you count raiders as sociopaths.
Now, is that a Ditzy Doo in the cover art? I shall now expect greatness.
Looks awesome
A strong voice and fresh perspective. I find it humorous that most wasteland "adventurers" would had tried killing off all the slavers at the start, and pat themselves on the back for a job well done. This approach is much more realistic, while keeping the moral fate of her victims ambiguous due to their "Slaver" status.
Keep up the good work! Definitely putting this on my list ^^
Woah,this side-story is nearly completely different with other side-story,this one have a protagonist that just too smart,just look how she faking Cutter's death and use him as test subject,also the storyline don't have too much violence and gunfight.
I have one question
is Angel a mad doctor?
Woah,this side-story is nearly completely different with other side-story,this one have a protagonist that just too smart,just look how she faking Cutter's death and use him as test subject,also the storyline don't have too much violence and gunfight.
I have one question
is Angel a mad doctor?
Woah,this side-story is nearly completely different with other side-story,this one have a protagonist that just too smart,just look how she faking Cutter's death and use him as test subject,also the storyline don't have too much violence and gunfight.
I have one question
is Angel a mad doctor?
5475322 Well, I suppose that depends on what one means as "mad", doesn't it?
I like the looks of where this is going, so I'll give it a favourite and a follow. By the way, I LOVE the cover.
5475326 Why of course not. What madman would go get a doctorate for it? That defeats the purpose!*
The scientifically correct term is "mad scientist". It comes with repetitive experimentation seen as unwise or frivolous by society.
I wonder what the main plot driver will be...
Hmm, a mad scientist under slaver employ. I think I see where this is going. And I like it.
*And now for a word from our sponsor; Headmaster Discord!
Intriguing!
Enjoyed it very much so far!
Do you mean
While I was reading this story, I had 'Desert Wind' from the original fallout series playing in the background...
It was fucking awesome!
I really like the atmosphere in this fic, not many side stories seem to be able to nail that right. I hope to oneday release my side story with as much detail you described in the setting.
Also, I love Angel!
I'm going to stalk this story!
This is what happens when you give stable ponies The Simpsons.
"canalization"
Interesting. Why did you choose to use that word? Is that a more direct translation of the Polish for "plumbing"? Some of your article usage I also find curious from a linguistic perspective.
"Mudhill (Original)"
What is that second part meant to mean?
Strength of 1? Wow.
5652084 Hm... more or less. To be honest, I might have used the wrong word there...
That was Angel thought on the name.
Yeah... I tried to play Fallout (the first one) with identical stats... damn it wasn't easy.
This story is awesome hope to see more! Glad you ended 150 nights and started this
I have waited many moons for this. Today is a good day.
I'm 99% sure I picked up on this in editing.
It should be spent, with a t, not spend with a d
I feel like the special at the bottom is rather unnecessary. From the perspective of the old games, your character would struggle with carrying basic things. 3 is the point of being deficient in something. For example, A character with 3 intelligence can only communicate with grunts and gestures rather than complex language. If you have 1 strength you can't use guns. In the end, it doesn't really matter because you don't have to go off of the games' rubric for what is allowed in a character.
You have an interesting character that differs from my other stories, but I do agree with Amethyst's point that your character is talented in a lot of things. Being talented isn't a problem necessarily, so long as they have struggles, but there are a number of areas she breezed through. She is clearly an arrogant sort of character with some of the things she tries, having an absolute faith in the rightness of her knowledge, but that can be a dead give away. Also, it may pay off to learn a thing or two about some of the area's your character is talented in. I know if my sisters (both nurses) took a look at some of the medical things in this story they would tear it to pieces. That being said, you can get away with a lot in fiction. It really is just something for making a more convincing story. Going realistic with various qualities is a choice and not one that every story has to do.
The wasteland is certainly full of infinite potential, but it is funny seeing a stable dweller seeing this. It is a wastelander's play ground, and it seems the character might do some interesting things.
*puts on horse mask* I love it! (If anyone gets this refference good for you)
Yep, finding this story pretty interesting so far! I haven't read that many FoE stories yet but this sure does have an interesting perspective so far. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Your book has been advertised on the new facebook group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/foebooks/ :)
6579855 Awesome!
Thanks!^^
Ah, opening with a flashback?
"she recited in her mind"
"I recited in my mind"?
"unabling me to move"
...Hm. You know, that probably should be a word, a negative counterpart to "enabling", and I think that the meaning's clear in context. I'm also not at the moment thinking of a more correct and as succinct way to say this (sorry). Still, you might want to look at this.
Ah, seems more like a dream sequence than a flashback.
Ah, yes.
"outshooting the noise"
"outshouting"?
Loud train, sounds like. Then again, under the circumstances, I imagine it's enough work to keep a train usefully running at all, much less with quiet smoothness.
"banished me; but how"
"banished me, but how"
"first of such a dream"
"the first occurrence of such"?
"come cutting"
"come to cutting"?
"very beautiful and I liked it"
"very beautiful, and I liked it"?
"and may be necessary"
"maybe"
"write a doctor thesis"
"doctoral"?
"direction from where the shot came from"
"direction the shot came from"
"she might had something"
"she might have had something"?
"began to raise"
"began to rise", if she's standing up?
"upon a medicine book"
"upon a medical book"?
"thought had been violently interrupted as the actual train had suddenly stopped. At least, I assumed so; how else could the fact that I’ve been send flying across the car’s floor while surrounded by a cacophony of screeching sound be"
"thought was violently interrupted as the actual train suddenly stopped. At least, I assumed so; how else could the fact that I’d been sent flying across the car’s floor while surrounded by a cacophony of screeching sounds be"?
"emergency breaks"
"brakes"
"by out abrupt"
"by our abrupt"
"pulled the breaks"
"brakes"
"my experiments records"
"my experiments' records" or "my experiment records"?
"private, my"
"private; my"?
"bad could happen"
"bad can happen?"
"became clear to what"
"became clear what"?
"a caravan through the train track"
"across" or "along" instead of "through", I'd say, depending on which was the case.
"Why the train was coming"
"Why was the train coming"
"smiling friendly"
"smiling friendlily"
"Basing on what Apple Core"
"Based on what Apple Core"
"caravan had been going through the train track"
See above.
"say with the New Appleloosa’s"
"say with New Appleloosa’s"?
"back and Apple"
"back at Apple"
"we had ended up getting"
"we ended up getting"?
"if we’d trot the"
"if we trotted the"?
"those weren’t characteristics that"
"the characteristics"?
"one I had tried numerously to try and eat"
Hm... "one I had attempted often to eat"? Is that about what you were meaning there?
"Apple Core, who was standing"
"Apple Core was standing"
"I had encountered"
"I have encountered"?
"to those brahmins"
"to these brahmin"?
"species had mutated"
"species has mutated"?
"different level or interest"
"different levels of interest"?
"intelligence level"
"intelligence levels"?
"head I’ve been touching"
"head I’d been touching"?
"if I’d conduct exploratory"
"if I conducted exploratory"?
"as I raised from the ground"
"rose"
"such rudely and"
"such a rude and"?
"She looked at me, bemused way"
..."She looked at me in a bemused way"?
"that everypony began moving"
"that everypony'd begun moving"?
"back to cars"
"back into cars"?
"audio log run normally"
"audio log ran normally"?
"if I’d conduct exploratory"
See above.
"have been told earlier I"
"have been told before that I"?
"Instead a merely"
"Instead I merely"?
"keep that trigger happy pegasus"
"keep that trigger happy pegasus away"?
"that we would engage"
"that we could engage"?
"the tribe that had killed"
"the tribe that killed"?
"mention about brahmin"
"mention brahmin"?
"reached New Appleloosa limits"
"reached New Appleloosa's limits"?
"we had a long travel"
"we've had a long trip"?
"if we’d talk"
"if we talked"
"why I had been sent"
"why I have been sent"
"some medicine supplies"
"some medical supplies"?
"Appleloosa, then I had to buy them from him; an arrangement"
"Appleloosa, and then I had to buy them from him, an arrangement"?
"nodded to my question"
"nodded at my question"?
"without medic"
"without a medic"?
"some mercenaries had come"
"some mercenaries came"?
"attempt from gaining"
"attempt at gaining"?
"specimen comes out"
"specimen goes out"?
"that much older from her"
"that much older than her"?
"Even if she would"
"Even if she was"?
"ponies in bar"
"ponies in a bar"
"greeted me friendly"
"greeted me friendlily"
"she sometimes mixes"
"she sometimes mixed"?
"somewhat steady supply of them"
"somewhat steady supply of it"?
"slavers ‘ad cut"
"slavers cut"?
"hadn’t meant to joke from this"
"hadn’t meant to joke about this"?
"since by the word about slavers bein’ in town with an albino medic pony had no"
"since the word about slavers bein’ in town with an albino medic pony has no"?
"with such a disadvantage like the one Ditzy"
"with a disadvantage like the one Ditzy"?
"in a such unlady-like manner"
"in a such an unladylike manner"?
"chastened"
Did you mean "chastised"?
"treat her friendly"
"treat her friendlily"?
"Its dry eyes staring in"
"Its dry eyes stared in"?
"it; words"
"it; the words"?
"it tapped on it"
"it tapped it"?
"much to surprise of"
"much to the surprise of"?
"double-take of her"
"double-take at her"?
"who’s face by then"
"whose face had by then"?
That ending. :D
edit:
"as I throw my"
"as I threw my"?
Sorry; I got caught up in what was going on and missed this one at first. :)
Yeah! I was between stories any I was wishing one of the stories I had on follow would update. Poor Ditzy though knowing what I know about Angle I wouldn't want to be hugged by her either.
Oh, I've been waiting for this!
6616857
Oh, long time no see. It's that awesome? You could recommend that fic?
This story is amazing, can't wait for next update!
Aw that's nothing with Sub-Zero doing that a lot
I am loving this book right now, am very glad to have found this! keep up the hilarious work!
This is great. I hate to be THAT guy, but... MOAR!
If you don't mind that is
6467840 isn't the I love it with the horse mask a Tomska thing? Btw * puts on horse mask * I love it!
So I was wondering, does angel have an English accent?
This story is amazing so far. I hope you pick it back up one day. I'd love to see how things turned out.
6606181 Wow
I cannot believe I completely forgot about your comment and all those pointers you gave me. I literally facepalmed when I was looking over the chapter (preparing to start writing next chapter - which will take some time, still working on master thesis - so wanted to read it over) and then saw your comment below.
I think I was busy with Fallout 4 after publishing that chapter and put off making those corrections you suggested, and later forgot about them. I hope I didn't offend you by that. Thank you very much for those suggestions^^
7345679
Oh, no offense taken; I didn't even notice. Many authors don't reply to error spotting posts, whether or not they follow up on them, and I don't usually bother to check whether the errors are still there or not. You're welcome, and good luck with the next chapter and your thesis. :)
I so so hope you intend to continue this story! Let me know if there's anything I can provide to make it happen, okay?
Im really hoping there will be more chapters
Why does the blue mare in the picture look like Trixie? Isn't she suppose to be the Goddess now?
7956689 It's a projection above her vats. In FoE, that's how she communicated with LittlePip (and telepathy, but that's not important). We never see her actual body
I am heavily reminded of Mercy from Overwatch...
...Well, that was unexpected! :D
Oh, the rest of the chapter was good, too, but, you know, having just read it, the ending is freshest in my mind.
(Sorry I don't have time for more detailed commentary.)
Well we know what her sexual preference is now........ undead