• Member Since 19th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 19th, 2022



Twilight isn't feeling well, and unfortunately, that's all anypony knows. Her best friends try to understand, but even they are at a loss. That is, until a petty theft of Twilight's personal diary leads them on the track they least expected.

Art by: up1ter

Featured on: Equestria Daily

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 89 )

Well i was expecting demons

I really didn't have any expectations going into this story, but it turned out pretty good. Not intensely deep, but the emotions of the characters were strong enough to feel in a slightly personal way, and the ending was fairly good. I noticed that "quietly" or "quiet" was repeatedly misspelled as "quite" or "quitely," which wasn't bad, it just threw me off a few times. I think that the actions of the characters could've been a bit more intense. While I don't usually like people who write characters to be over-dramatic, I felt that you underplayed a lot of reactions. Specifically Applejack, with her continuous 'little reaction, we just need to push on' attitude. Overall, a good story that shows plenty of writing potential, but isn't amazing in itself. :moustache:

524182 Yeah, it's not good. I know. I hammered though, so I'll let my sober self cry about it in the morning. Honestly, my writing isn't that good, but thank you for the input. And no, it's not amazing. It's bad, I haven't a clue why you say it's good. No, it's bad. It's bad and I should feel bad.
Anyways, I'm going to pass out on a couch. Once again, thanks :twilightsmile:

Meanwhile, Spike was in the corner recording Twilights freak out. :moustache:

This one is kind'a meh material, not bad for a short fic but not exactly 'Grade A' material. :unsuresweetie:

524219 Are you o.k., maybe you should take it easy for a few days? :unsuresweetie:

P.S. Are you serious about drinking or are you just making up an excuse? :rainbowhuh:

I actually think this was an amazing fic! you're amazing at writing, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise (AKA the people above me...)

Judging by the NO thumbs down, and 36 thumbs up, we'll have to say your story was awful. *Sarcasm*

525957 *cough* 38 *cough*
As for the story, it was written really well. Maybe you should drink before you write a story every time...
No, you shouldn't, drinking's bad, mmkay.

This was........Odd.....but I liked it and Thought it was quite the cool idea. Congratz, you get a mustache :moustache:

Drunk and wrote a one-shot fiction, not even My second cousin Half-Removed could do THAT, Bravo and hats off to you sir. Too bad I have no hats to off in honer of you.

aww come ON! you were drunk and were able to create a story that amazing? I want to see how well you write without being all *drinky-drinky*. I bet your writing is even better!

525104 Excuse? ouch.
But no, I'm not making an excuse. I spent the night on the bathroom floor. Needless to say, life sucks.
And what do you mean, Am I okay? I mean, I understand the question, but not why you asked.

All right people, I've got a huge hangover, so I'll try my best to be polite
525239 Well in the Author's Note (I don't know if you've read it) I said that this was a fair bit extreme. Normally, those with schizophrenia don't behave like this. To be more extreme would force me to push onward to violence. But schizophrenia is different for each person it affects, which is true for all disorders. I think I hit the facts well, even if I didn't exactly portray them well. But to be fair, it's hard to accurately portray a mental illness, at least it was for me. This story was my attempt to do such. It didn't exactly work.

527112 Haha, thanks. But I don't think I'll do it again. The quality of this story is...pretty down there.

527570 Thank you. To be blunt, though, I regret this fiction.


Stop putting down your story. It's good, and you should feel good. You tackled a difficult subject (a severe mental disorder) with elegance and emotion. Not many writers could pull it off well.

Lynked wanted a story that was a lot better than this, but everyone already loves it.
I love it too, although I did catch the odd typo.
I think, when Lynked says he doesn't like it, this is actually good news.
Because this means Lynked has high standards for his work.
If this level of story is something considered poor of him, then I have the first person I'm going to fully watch, because when he produces work he considers of quality, that's something I wanna see.

524182 That's fair. I see where you're coming from, and you have my thanks for not blowing a fuse about it.
Though could you please elaborate on the Applejack issue a bit more. I plan to go and fix a few things, but I don't quite understand what you're saying.
Also, thanks for pointing out the quite/quiet issue.

And I honestly don't even remember replying to your comment before, so can we just pretend it didn't happen?

Interesting, but as you stated in your comments, it is an extreme case of schizophrenia; this made me not think about schizophrenia until the last minute. I'm glad you didn't go with Manic-Depressive Psychosis (Bipolar shit), because I have that and I'm not one to dilly dally with self delusions.
Still, one of the first symptoms would be the "nulling of feelings". Twilight wouldn't feel anything towards anyone; real or not. She wouldn't feel happy about Morning Dusk nor sad when her friends "abandoned" her. Actually, social isolation is a pretty common (if not mandatory) symptom of schizophrenia.

I tip my hat to you for writing this. Extra points because of the (somewhat) correct understanding of mental pathologies. But this story was pretty straightforward. I mean- it's not bad, it's just... predictable, I guess? You start reading and the moment you see 'Morning Dusk', bingo- you nail down that she's fucked up.
Still, I think this is a good story; definitely different than the average bunch (even tough its very straightforward; but I think you made this on purpose).

Thumbs up.

[Edit] I read your comments and I have to say that, in the mental pathology department, you did pretty damn good. Not 100% accurate, but you missed the bullseye by a few inches.

And now I'm left wondering... how do you know so much about mental disorders?

527828 I was worried that you were actually drunk in real life. If that's true then why are you writing fanfics and not passing out or losing your train of thought. :twilightblush:

It was nothing huge, but it seems like Applejack is kind of detached in her reactions, as are some of the other ponies. Instead of being surprised/disgusted with whats in the text, or even appearing truly scared by them, its a constant "thats what we were expecting, its hard but lets keep reading to find out more so we can help Twilight" like reactions. You have bits and pieces of emotion from the characters, but it seems like they're reserved. It could be that you were aiming for "they're so scared that they aren't surprised at this point," but it just seemed a bit much. I mean, if I was reading the diary/journal of a friend who had been acting odd, and in this diary I saw things that clearly showed mental instability as well as dangerous delusions, I wouldn't be thinking/saying to my friends; hey, its not like we didnt know this already. Lets keep looking to help her. It seems like that line is repeated many times, rather than have each character (Applejack was my example because she seemed to talk the most) give a real/individual reaction. :moustache:

most interesting... what disorder does twi exactly have in this fic...? or is it just twi having another breakdown?

529254 Thanks! You have a good point there; that's an important factor that I think I've left out completely.
Also, predictability was actually something I was struggling with when I wrote this. I was aware that the first entry would hit the nail on the head, but I couldn't quite grip how else to start it. That said, once again, I was drinking :twilightblush:
As for my knowledge; I'm...not so clear in my own head. It's been about three years I think. And at the beginning of it all, I did some fairly extensive research that actually kept me up a good many nights.

529257 I'm not sure, I guess I was just bored. I honestly only remember writing about two-thirds of this. I was sober when I started, but it's amazing what a bottle and a half of wine can do. It wasn't pretty when I was at the end of the fic. By then I had some Smirnoff and chocolate liquor in me too. Bad night....

529360 That's a good point. I'll have to fix that :trixieshiftright: Thanks for the elaboration; that's a pretty big problem with the fic I see.

529457 It's an extreme case of schizophrenia.

528678 527977 Thanks! :pinkiehappy:

530170 Indeed, that sounds awful. No need to apologize; it's perfectly fine. I can't say I know how you feel, but either way, I wish you luck :twilightsmile:

That was pretty good. From what ive read and hear of other fanfics in this site i thought twi was gonna murder her friends and drop their corpses in the pond. Thank god ur not that kind of writter or atleast hope u arent. Its seems that ur putting ur work a bit down too. Probably becuase u do ur best, which is pretty good, but always think u could of done better. I like to over analyze things. Keeping this in my book marks.

Friend ship can save u from a 5 month developed mental instabilitly in less than 10 seconds flat. I found it funny and ironic that pinkie was the most helpful.

Read this on fanfiction.net and enjoyed it.. friendship is indeed the best ship

550277 :pinkiehappy: Thanks! I agree, to be honest. Friendship is best ship.
546623 Thank you! Though your analyzation is pretty much right.
And why do you think it's ironic that Pinkie was most helpful? Pinkie is best pony.

July 7-

...Who am I? Who am I really? I don't feel like myself. I'm not seeing through my own eyes anymore, I'm looking though them...I feel so sick, but I don't. I don't feel at all, but I feel everything. Where are my thoughts? Why are they everywhere? My mind feels so empty, but there's too many thoughts to think.

Should it be "through"?

Strange, but i dig it:rainbowderp:

I rather like the ending with the fact that it offered hope rather than the normal "oh no everything is terrible" bit you get from such things. Though I'll agree RD and AJ came off awkward, also Pinkie at times seemed unusually easy to distract. Good job.

Ho... Holy hell. What... What even is this.

You, my dear Writer, have done the amazing; you created a story that actually portrays everyone well, and has a non-canonlike plot that is completely plausable.

As for you drinking during this, I can't say I agree with it, but I've met people that can preform far better is certian things while drunk than they ever could sober, so i see how you managed this. I wouldn't recomend it again, but amazing job.

As for the sonic fine-tooth comb(criticism), i can only echo those critics before me. The characters weren't perfectly nailed, namely AJ. She simply needed more, and may the Great Gods of Writing forgive me for saying this, but she needed to be more dramatic. For example, a more dramatic reaction to the events described in the diary.

But I digress. I'll sing nothing short of praises for this one-shot. Please, keep up the amazing work.

-The Librarian

I have actually gone through a very toned-down and drawn-out version of this over the passed six and a half months. It's scary, especially when you have no friends to help you, and you're not sure about laying your problems on your family. In times like those, I wish I had m friends back; and the bronies can only do so much.


*Statue Discord chuckles merrily in his petrific prison* Silly Twilight. Did you think I couldn't touch you? Did you think the Elements would rid you of every trace of my taint? No no no, the Elements can only remove what's foreign, what something evil has planted within you. As with Luna, so I did to you. I only nourished the seed of what was there to begin with! *his silent chuckle turns into manic laughter, and though not a sound is heard, the mere force of menace is enough to scatter a number of birds who'd come to roost* And oh! Look at how it blossoms!

And the growing season has only just begun...

I liked it.

I would like to see something from Celestia and Twi's family point of view.

This was a good read, thanks for posting it. I'd love to know more about the situation, if your creative juices flow that way again. If not, it stands well on its own too.

Take care,
Juan Garbanzo Bean

Uhh... erm... this story is... unusual...

Well, this story was much more interesting than I expected seeing the discription and at first I expected Twilight's illness to be the side effect of Morning Dusk helping her when her friends were busy and leaving afterwards but after the point where she mentioned Morning Dusk being quiet during her visit I started to suspect that Twilight's new friend was either a ghost who caused headaches due to proximity or a halucination and then when more of her symptoms started to appear I figured it out.

Either way, the story itself is interesting and even a bit sweet towards the end, the characters were well written and I love that you differentiated schizophrenia, bi-polar and disociative identity disorder (being someone who has been reading psychology textbooks since she was a little filly, it's always been a pet peeve of mine when people confuse the three) and it works both as a story and on a techinical level.

The one nit-pick I have is that the disorder you gave to Pinkie was bi-polar disorder when the closest thing to a depressive phase that we've seen from her was due to enviromental factors and in general the shortest you can expect either phase to last is a month and a half (maybe attention dephisate hyper activity disorder....) but that's a minor issue. Good Work. :twilightsheepish:

573599 Yes, thank you for pointing that out :twilightsmile:
573687 Applejack's personality was very hard to pull off in this story. I'm not sure why :applejackunsure: As for Pinkie being distractable, I meant for her to be like that. I hope it wasn't too odd.
573823 Wow, thank you! This is actually my second or third time writing something hammered, though :trixieshiftright: Hah, but even still, I agree with you. As I said above, AJ was a hard sucker to pull off here :twilightblush:
573997 While it may not be much, you have my condolences and best wishes.
574587 That's... genius... :yay:

574835>>575233 Thank you :pinkiesmile: I have thought about adding a bit more, but it seems like that would deflate the mood :applejackunsure:
575538 So is your comment :rainbowderp: did you at least like it, or was there something wrong?

575714 I know how you feel. I actually know people with all three, and coupled with my odd liking of psychology, I find it easy to differentiate. Though it seems that - for the people that don't - that there's a lack of basic research into the topic of mental disorders.

When drafting up Pinkie in this story, I knew it was a bit misplaced to give her bi-polar disorder. Though, at the time, I was in a haze; it was all that came to mind :twilightblush: And honestly, while it's not a perfect fit, it's fair. Though true, your suggestion would probably have been better.

Thanks for the review, and the kind words :twilightsmile:

I was expecting demons too :twilightoops:
This one's not gonna be one of my favourites but I enjoyed reading it at least. I particularly liked Twilight's Journal entries, they wanted me to find out what was going on! However I'm slightly disappointed it was merely a breakdown and not something otherwordly... but that's just me.
I also feel the characters culd've come across a little clearer as to who each of them were. I felt their personalities weren't as distinct. Also, I'd be careful of discribing hair so much in a fanfic as that can be seen as.. well... "fanficcy" if you get what I mean :twilightblush:
I'm not trying to complain or anything though, Im trying to critique.
I liked Fluttershy's portrayal though. I felt maybe the others were treating her a little too much like she was made of glass and might break but I liked how Fluttershy herself spoke and behaved so kudos on that!

576351 That's fair enough. I see what you're saying with the characters. And, to be honest, I agree. I found them...dissatisfying. It really irks me, even now :applejackunsure: Though I don't understand what you're saying about the hair.
Don't worry, you aren't complaining. This is useful; I always appreciate a well thought critique :twilightsmile:
Ah, I'm glad I at least go her right. Thank you!

i also think that you missed the characters which is why i don't like this story. that's pretty much everything to it

576488 I feel like there wasn't much sincerity in that. Mainly the 'that's everything to it'. Let's be fair here and say that sure, the characters were a bit off balance. Did I miss them completely? No. In fact, I hit them well enough to be above many other writers on the site, however unfair that may be to say. I don't mean to gloat, but please don't say that just because I missed the characters by an inch or so that the story was bad. You haven't even said anything about the story, only that the characters were off (which, as I said, they aren't really that ooc)
I can take constructive criticism. I do, however, have a serious dislike for comments that point out one (small) flaw, and say that the story is bad because of it. Please, if you insist on telling me where I've gone wrong, either also tell me where I've done well, or explain what else is wrong with the story.
Nothing against you personally - in fact, thank you for reading it and taking the time to leave your comment. Just, next time, please tell me more, that's all I ask.

what i ment with "that's everything to it" was that what i said about the characters is the whole reason why i didn't like the story - not that that's eveything there is to the story iteself. it was probably not the right way to say it, so i'm sorry for that. It was just cause my english is not flawless, its not my native language

about the story: i always look closely at the characters in all fanfics cause for me that's the most important part - i feel like that if you write about characters from a show then they have to be exactly like the characters in the show. your fanfic is almost certainly one of the better fanfics overall. Whether its "good" or "bad" all depends on where you place the scale. since there is so much that you can read, for me only the best fanfics are worth the time, which is why i only ready fanfics that are featured on equestria daily. So if i say i that i don't like this fanfic it just means that i feel its significantly worse than most of the other ones featured in eqD, cause they're all so good

and about where the characters are off - there is no specific moment in the story. its just that if i read this i don't feel that the "real" characters would act and respond the way they do it here.

No, Twilight. You are the demons!

And then Twilight was a schizophrenic.

576724 I see. Well, to be fair, this wouldn't happen in the show at all, so there's no real way to tell. I do, of course, understand your position and respect it. As for all fiction on EqD being good...I can't say I agree. Almost half of the stuff I see on there I graze over. But that's a personal preference, and I don't judge :twilightsmile:

I can also respect that English isn't your first language. I hold no bias on that.

However...calling my story significantly worse than most on the sight is quite the blow, my friend. I think you should take a step back there and re-evaluate the situation. It is you personal opinion, and once again I understand and respect that as well. But I disagree. I'm the author, and therefore my opinion may be biased, but I doubt that mine is of the worst on the site.

576767 To everyone who wanted demons...there you go. :trollestia:

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