Carson Stevens: a man so horrifying, most would call him a monster. He even tried to take over Earth!
However, a few thousand don't see him as a villain, but their protector. These are his children. Mistreated and cast out for their elf-like ears and pointed earlobes, they've endured much.
Carson just wants what's best for his children, and he'll do anything if he feels it's in their best interests.
Even take over the world.
Carson and his children's powers come from this roll in a special version of the super power lottery on the League of Humans Acting Villainously forums: My roll.
Also, this is just a story for me to work on on the side. It'll update whenever, and it currently has no editors. Errors may exist. Constructive criticism is welcome. Unnecessary hate isn't. You have a problem with this story? Let me know the actual problem in the comments.
How fast do they mature? Has he had these powers since a young child or what? He's managed to make a nation, so he must have a lot of children/grandchildren. One child a day would be 365 children a year, if they grow at the same rate of a normal human (Starting at around 6-11 years old, I'm guessing since you said adolescent) he'd have to be at least in his 40's or 50's (Rough estimate) for his children to grow enough to both make a nation, have children of their own, and to have them participate in a war. Is he sterile? I'm surprised him and his wife haven't had a child of their own (As in wife get's pregnant). I'm just trying to figure out the finer details concerning Carson and the Neohumans. I'm liking this story so far though, it's a first if nothing else, can't wait to see how this story progresses.
5416751 He's younger than you think. The Prime Being powers make it where once a day, he produces a neo human who appears to be anywhere from five to twenty, and has wisdom and intelligence to match their appearance. I'll go more into that and how long he's had his powers when his backstory gets drawn to the surface, though. Also, he's not sterile. He's actually in his thirties, as well. I'll get into the exact age later.
As for the neo humans themselves, they mature at the same rate as normal humans, but they have all of Carson's abilities (sans Prime Being, of course) from birth. In that final fight, they were forced to use everyone who had a body mature enough to fight, which meant everyone except babies and toddlers.
Hi, really like your story, a few points I want to make though.
First, I felt the first chapter was badly written, specifically the exposition about their powers. Some of the scenes were okay with how they explained their powers, but the self-manipulative puppetry one was really over the top; I mean I get you had to explain it somewhere, but it was really unbelievable that soldiers would get up close and attack their pressure points.
Second, what I enjoy about this story are the super-powered humans. I'm a big fan of stories that have this. I usually don't read stories involving multiple humans, but it's much more tolerable when it's a race of people, rather than several individuals. I also like how the story is centered on one human who is the most powerful of it's kind, that actually makes the multiple humans thing a plus in my opinion.
Third, I'm not sure what direction you're planning on taking the story, but I'll throw my opinion on one aspect. The cliche in this story would be for Alissa's child to be super powerful, possibly even a prime being him/herself. I really hope you don't take the story in this direction. I rather like the fact that the story is centered on Carson, and that he's the strongest. If the child is suppose to play the role as a deus ex machina or something, I'd suggest that instead of being super powerful, that the child can boost Carson's own power. Of course, this doesn't matter at all if the story wasn't heading in that direction. I was just tossing in my two cents.
I look forward to your next chapter!
5419583 As for your first point, I meant that since the neo human in question was a young child, that they used rubber bullets to try to stun her I forgot that part, so I'll fix that quickly.
And for your third point... Don't worry. Alissa's human herself, which means her child will have half-normal blood, which could impact their powers in all sorts of negative ways. Maybe they'll be only as powerful as any other neo human. Maybe they'll be as powerful as Carson, but have to grow into their powers like he did. But no matter what, Carson is the only Prime Being. There will never be another.
Anyway, thanks for your feedback! I'll keep your second point in mind as I continue to write this fic.
I would think that SOMEBODY would be a bit sympathetic!
5437941 Forgot to ask earlier, but better late than never. You would think somebody would be sympathetic about what? If it's about Carson being labeled the freak as a kid, there was someone sympathetic to him already: Alissa. If it's about the neo humans themselves, the truth is that they didn't want a repeat of Earth, so they kind of painted targets on themselves by kicking off their actions in a new world with crime. They kind of made it hard for the ponies to sympathize with them by raiding Appaloosa and beating up the town's entire population.
5450546 I know but ponies in general (in fan fics anyway) seem to be suckers for sob stories.
5450706 I never said the ponies aren't going to sympathize with Carson's people. But it'll take a while to bring themselves to feel sorry for a race that's trying to take over the world.
5451477 Ahh, that sounds more pony like.
Please read my story when you have time.
More pls
This isn't getting updated again is it.
9311698
It will. I have an incomplete Chapter 5, but… this fic is considered low priority for now. There will eventually be more, but not for a while.
5416811
So one of his powers is to be a baby factory that puts out 1 baby every day? They must need someone with subspace powers to infinitely expand their house inside but not changing the outside.