(Update 1: First chapter has been edited and reversed. It is a much better version than the old one, and hopefully I fixed all the problems.)
Charles, a normal human who can adapt to changes quickly, finds himself on a journey in the land of Equestia doing... Whatever comes at him. Joining him is his new friend Applebloom, and the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. What adventure awaits Charles and his new friends?
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Before you ask, No! This will not be a humanXApplebloom, cause that will make my friend, whos name I'm using for my story, sound like a Pedopony. There is going to be some love between him and one of the main 6, but that will be later on!
Now then... This is my first time on FimFiction, and I would love to make some awesome friends on the site, and maybe find some people who would enjoy helping me make this story a lot better! I don't know anyone on this website, or a friend who's a good proofreader, so I wanted to see if Someone would be my Proofreader :)
I am very open to criticism and Idea's to the story, and I do wish to thank all the people who took their interest in this story and Favorite it!
Rated teen for = Some foul language, Some gore, and small bits of Sexual parts later on in future.
/drool
In your description:
>a normal human who can adept to changes quickly
ADAPT to changes. An adept is someone who's trained or skilled in something. Adapt means to change to suit your surroundings.
I will admit that the first thing I thought of when I clicked on this story was "Charlie the Unicorn," just starting to read it now let's see if that shows up somehow
>a very blinding light that sting his eyes like a bee.
stung
>but his arm only responded with a sharp pain all over his arm
One of the "his arm"s is redundant
>His head throb
throbbed
>He soon starts opening his eyes slowly
tense agreement, you'd need to rewrite this sentence
>His eyes soon adjust to the light
adjusted
I'm going to stop copying corrections into this comment, but I have to ask if English is your primary language? Not to be rude but there are a lot of cases where you're using the wrong tense of a verb or very awkward phrasing which makes me think you're not used to it. If you want me to proofread the whole chapter or something you write in the future I'd be happy to, just let me know.
So far looks like the beginning of a pretty run of the mill human-in-Equestria story. I'll hold off judgement until seeing where it goes
523652
I thank you for your're help, and I will start on corrections shortly!
Sadly, no. My primary language is German, but I've been studying english for a while, and I'm trying to get used to it. I would love for you Proofread for me, as it would be lots of help on my end :)
523652
I was going to comment on those if nopony else did, but I'd be glad to help anypony with anything.
>>Dieter N.
I accept any help you can offer, Don't be shy
*rubs non-existent goatee* Iiiiinteresting...... keep going my good sir.
See? RB approves
hmmmmmmmmmmmm............. tattoo.