• Member Since 5th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen Jul 29th, 2023

BigBadBorox_Is_Back


The Boys Are Back In Town

E

Ever since he was defeated, Sombra has relocated himself off the coast of Applewood, Equestria...where he built a surf shop. There he is trying to reform his old ways and live a normal-ish life.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 27 )

Oh this is going to be fun, please let him be a surfer pony

I want to see the meeting so badly. Please let Sombra be the surfer dude

Ever since he was defeated, Sombra has relocated himself off the coast of Applewood, Equestria...where he built a surf shop. There he is trying to reform his old ways and live a normal-ish life.

and then comes along Twilight!:facehoof:

the power of friendship really dose work I guess.

Right in the description lies your first error. Should be "does"

The long, tedious task of moving and or replacing all of her things (and some of her friends) into the palace were finally at an end.

I can't believe she would move and or replace her friends, maybe you meant to say "some of her friends' things". "replacing all of her things into the palace" does not make sense if you say it alone, so it should not be said like that as part of a compound verb either. A correction might be "The long, tedious task of replacing all of her things (and some of her friends' things) and moving them into the palace was finally at an end."

the villagers assistance

the villager's assistance. (apostrophes show possession.)

Her friend did what they could,

should be "friends"

These are just errors I noticed in the first few sentences. Please get a proofreader.

5598554 or sombre just decided to do the smart thing and take a long break after his dark magic got shredded by the crystal heart, probable reassessing his priorities for the time being 'midlife crisis' and if he wants can make a rightful claim for the empire when shining older (no evidence of alicorns being able to reproduce as cannon so)

+ there's the whole thousands years trapped and then losing your empire because of a tired princess apparently used as a javelin and a baby dragon... don't know about you but I'd be taking a long vacation to where not many have heard of me. What better place then one where they likely need to ban crystal ponies because of the sheer amount of reflection of there coats.

You've got a few errors here and there, but it's not enough that reading it is an issue.

And please, for the love of all that is Muffin-y, have a Gryphon be one of the surfers. Everyone loves a Surfing bird!

5599019 I hate you...so much...
NOW I'll be hearing this all night...
Curse you Peter Griffin!!!

This is going to be fun. Great job so far. Hope more comes out soon.

5598554 Dear Scooter-kun,
I realize that my story may have errors, I'm still surprised how much this story exploded! I mean I posted it thinking," Eh, this'll be fun...", I look the next day and BOOM more comments then I can shake a stick at! Plus two followers? Whew! So just to let yall know, I will be putting more chapters (don't worry about that) and go back and fix this one.

Sincerely, Borox

I'm not usually one to knit-pick but shouldn't his name be Sombra not Sombera

other than that...
*turns on popcorn machine
Get your popcorn here

cant wait for more

King Sombra?

Redemption??

Surfing???

Excellent!

What? Sombra's alive?

A Flash Gordon reference? :pinkiegasp:

5599484
I'm not surprised the story hit it off so well at all.
Sombra on your picture looks so goofy i had to give this one a try. :scootangel:

One big thing I am seeing here is improper spacing around quotation marks. You ten to put spaces after the first mark instead of before, leading to it appearing as if the prior sentence was dialogue and not the intended sentence. Fix this and it'll seem to flow better.

summers huh, well nice cover story sombre .... how long do you think you'll be able to hide though, got to be some potential link in your house. though I guess you could use disguise magic, shame your friend knows what you look like though so he'd comment on your missing horn.

might be time to hide in some under water caves for a while, shame it'll raise questions on where you went... good luck sombra.

zel

lots of spelling mistakes, you might want someone to go over it.
the formatting is also all over the place, either indent everything or nothing.

5619244 Zel, I really do appreciate when you guys...proof read I guess? I'm sorry there's some errors in this, a lot has been going on with classes recently. I'll try to keep future chapters free of errors...:twilightsheepish:

So... the same errors as the first chapter are still present. I like the story so far, but most of the dialogue is paced awkwardly to the point where i have to re-read it several times to figure out what goes in the quotation marks. Also, Sombra is usually misspelled as Sombera.
Also a random occurrence of the word "diapered". I think that's supposed to be disappeared, but i had to have someone else tell me.
I probably only have the mental fortitude to read one more chapter if these errors are still present in the next one. They really break the flow of the narrative for me. Please either re-read what you write or hire an editor or two. It will greatly improve your final product.

Dun, Dun....... DDDDUUUUUNNNNN!
:twilightsheepish:

Can you not spell Sombra?

"What can I say, I'm a dragon and were borne leaders," Spike smirked. Luna rolled her eyes.

"What can I say, I'm a dragon and we're borne leaders," Spike smirked. Luna rolled her eyes.

Sombra as a surfer pony? This is interesting, do go on...

Great ending though you'll want to change it to complete unless you have an epilogue coming by chance.

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