• Published 4th Aug 2017
  • 2,119 Views, 114 Comments

An Even Worse Self Insert - ROBCakeran53



A man, a couch, and ponies. Not necessarily in that order.

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9: Ferryboat Serenade

Author's Note:

Everyone's bitching about Whittler update. Yeah yeah, it'll happen, just... be patient.

“I have never been aboard a steamer,
I am just content to be a dreamer.
Even if I could afford a steamer,
I will take the ferryboat every time.”

“What are you doing?”

I didn’t break my concentration from the two bottles in my hand. In my left, a small green bottle that thirty years ago held a pint of cheap Cognac, and as of two years ago was drank greedily. Now, it held a different purpose, for in my right hand was a seemingly empty fifth of Jack Daniels.

“I’m emptying this bottle into another bottle.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “I can see that, but why?”

I held the fifth bottle another few seconds, my attention bouncing between the bottles and the record player as it played along.

“Have you ever heard of a ‘Journeyman’s Bottle’?” I asked, setting the small pint bottle carefully down onto my end table.

“No? Is that something you people do?” Twilight asked.

“You people as in us humans in general, or drunkards slash alcoholics?”

At my question, Twilight’s ears went flat.

“While the boys and girls are dancing,
Oh dancing,
While the sweethearts are romancing.”

“It’s an honest question,” I said, placing the now confirmed fifth bottle into a plastic bag with other empties, then grabbed another bottle to drain and removed the cap.

“I wasn’t meaning anything by it, I was just curious if…” Twilight bit her lip.

“No no, it’s fine. I get this kinda shit frequently. No, I’m not doing this because I’m desperate.”

“Then why? I mean, from a non-drinkers aspect it looks like you’re trying to salvage every drop…”

“Yes, and no.” We were both quiet as I finished another bottle, and after placing it in the bag and putting the cap onto the drain bottle, I stood and walked towards my fridge. A few moments later I returned, and in my hand a completely full pint bottle of Jack Daniels. “You know what that is?” I handed over the bottle to the mare.

Twilight took the bottle in her magic. “Looks like another bottle of… liquor.” I could tell she hesitated to use the word booze, slang to most, but to those trying not to offend could hide other meanings.

“Yes, and no. That there, is my first Journeyman’s bottle. I started that about, oh, three years ago, and finished it less than a year ago.”

Twilight studied the bottle closely. “That’s a lot of liquor bottles to drain to fill this.”

“Maybe yes, maybe no. Point is, that there is a special blend.”

“Of what?”

“I don’t know!”

Twilight lowered the bottle to stare at me, a confused look on her face.

“The point is, every liquor bottle I emptied, I drained into that. It’s a unique blend of whiskeys, bourbons, rums, vodkas, and whatever other liquor I emptied here. It’s got a unique blend that can’t be copied.”

“So… what are you doing with it?” Twilight magik’d back the bottle.

I took the bottle in my left hand, casting it in the light of my lamp to study the different waves and forms it made from the combined liquors. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

I shrugged, standing to restart the silent record player.

“I mean, Alex, there’s some sort of reason for this, right?”

I sat back down, letting the music take over for a short time. There was something unique about the Andrew Sisters singing, something you didn’t hear any more. A trio of women singing in almost perfect harmony, together, and in perfect timing.

“I figured, one day, I’m gonna share the bottle with my friends, and probably find out it tastes as bad as it sounds,” I took a sip from my glass of whiskey, the ice cubes long since melted. “Just like when I saved a two liter of Game Fuel.”

Twilight raised a brow.

“It was a drink that’s now since been brought back, but back in O’ six or whatever, it was limited production, so I saved a few two liters of it, and on my eighteenth birthday, we opened one, and God did it taste bad.”

Twilight snickered.

I joined in. “Yeah, we can laugh at it now, but at the time it was quite the disappointment.”

“If I’m to guess it sat as long as you implied, I would imagine so.”

I nodded in agreement, emptying the last empty fifth. All was silent for the next few moments as the record finished with a clunk, and Twilight used her magic to start the record again.

“So, what exactly is a Journeyman’s bottle?”

“Oh, right, I never did explain that.”

I placed the now empty fifth bottle into the full plastic bag, tying it up to be recycled later, and took my seat.

“Basically, as I was told, back in the day when men would travel a lot, and go from place to place for work and adventure, they had with them a bottle. A single bottle, for when they bought their booze, they’d drink and have a good time. However, they didn’t want to carry all these bottles around with them with little amounts of liquor, so they’d pour them all into a lone bottle, and drink from that on occasion. For each person, their bottle would be a unique flavor and blend of drinks unique to them and them alone, so hence the Journeyman’s Bottle.”

Twilight blinked, and using her magic took my Cognac bottle and inspected it, going so far as to open and take a sniff. As expected, her muzzle scrunched in protest to the foul smell, and I laughed.

“Like I said, I mostly drink whiskeys and bourbons, so it’s gonna be heavy on that end. And yet, there are other drinks in there.”

“It is definitely a unique scent…” Twilight replaced the cap and put the bottle back on the floor beside me.

“Yeah, take a wiff of this one.” I opened the full Jack pint bottle, and hand it over.

“No, thanks…” she says nicely, and I replace the cap.

“Suit yourself. One day, you’re gonna need to drink some, and you’ll be un… um.. Unready?”

“Unprepared?”

“Yes, that word.” I took another sip of my whiskey.

“Life is like a Mardi Gras,
It will make you live, make you love.”

“So… you’re not doing that because you’re in need?” Twilight asked.

I shook my head. “Hell, if I was that desperate, I’d sell more shit to pay for booze. No, this is more of an experiment, that one day I’m gonna open up and test.”

Twilight nodded, taking a sip of her glass of water.

“So rest assured, I’m not completely fucked.”

The record player shut off with its usual clunk, Twilight turning to watch as the turntable came to a slow stop.

“I hope so…”

I focused my gaze onto the now still player.

“I hope so too…”