An Even Worse Self Insert

by ROBCakeran53

3: They Say It's Wonderful

They say falling in love is wonderful,
It’s wonderful, so they say.
And with the moon up above, it’s wonderful,
It’s wonderful, so they tell me.

I was always told that a vacation was time to rest and relax. Where you’re given the time to unwind and let your worries stop bothering you, even if only for a couple of days a year. You’re suppose to just forget them, leave them at home or work, and focus on having a good time.

But what is that good time? Is it sitting on a beach for most of the day? Laying in a hotel bed while you listen to the busy streets below? Is there a particular thing a person is suppose to do to achieve their ideal use for their time off? Or must we find our own comfort zone through trial and error?

Do we actually have to even leave the comfort of our own home? Even if just for a few hours? Days? Maybe even a week or two? Maybe… maybe. Or do we need to leave our comfort zones and explore the world more. Break out of our shell and just go out and do something spontaneous.

Talking with both family and friends, I’ve found no real answer. Everyone seems to have their own idea of the world “vacation”. The two times a year I leave the comfort of my mitten shaped state, I tend to use the word “vacation” when explaining where I’m going. But year after year, it feels less of a vacation, and more of a hassle. More trouble than it’s worth.

Sure, I enjoy the company, seeing friends I’d only spoken to in sparse conversation over the interwebs or instant messaging. And yet… it’s not my ideal vacation. It’s not really “time off” from work or even home. I’m still facing the same struggles, just another place.

“You’ve had that glass up to your mouth for the last two minutes. Are you going to take a drink?”

I backed the glass away from my lips, looking to my left to the purple pony beside me. I look forward again, and take several gulps of the tonic water, emptying the glass of its contents.

“Sorry, I just wasn’t sure if you were doing something, or really that lost in thought,” Twilight said, a worrying look on her face.

“A mixture of both,” I said, pouring myself another glass of the beverage.

“So, I noticed you’ve been gone for a few days.”

I nodded my head. “Yeah, va-” I hesitated a moment, then continued, “-vacation. I went on a vacation.”

Twilight raised a brow. “Did you?”

I looked at the silent record player, sighing as I stood to start the machine again. “No.”

“Was it suppose to be a vacation?”

“Probably.”

“Well, I’m guessing you traveled somewhere, right?”

I sat back down, the song having begun once again to the sound of what I figured were violins. Irving Berlin sure loved his string instruments.

“Yeah.”

“Well, did you enjoy yourself?”

The answer I wanted to say was obvious. Yes, of course I did. I saw friends, had a good time, and spent more on food in a weekend than I do in a week.

“I guess,” I substituted my answer. Why?

Twilight took a sip of water from a glass. Judging by the red plastic and Coca-Cola marking it came from my stockpile near my fridge.

“So, why do you still look so troubled?”

I shrugged. I’d already been back to work for two days, and being one of only two full time employees, any time I was gone it put a lot of stress on my boss. Which, in turn, trickles down the line to me.

I watched as the record spun, Frank Sinatra’s voice was young when this was recorded. His voice was still youthful and pure, before the 50’s could take away that youth and vigor. Back when people had so few wants and needs in the world. Or did they? How different was it back then compared to now?

I could picture back then, when a vacation meant packing up the family and going on a roadtrip to wherever. Adventure, camping, maybe just to see the beauty of the West.

Or the other side, where a man and woman would go out to spend time alone together. To see the romantic parts of the world, or even just the countryside. Spending time with just themselves, having dinners at nice restaurants and spending too much money on champagne. Back in those days, it must have just been so wonderful.

“So they say…” I whisper.

“So who say?” Twilight asked.

“I don’t know. Just ‘they’.”

Twilight joins my gaze at the record player.

“You have lots of friends, don’t you?”

I only nodded my head.

“Ponies who-”

“People.”

“Right, sorry. People who care about you, and love you. That’s the point of your vacation, isn’t it? To see them, to be reminded of them? To show that they’re more than just faceless names over the… um, what do you call it?”

“Internet?”

“Yeah, that. So, is it?”

“Is what it?”

“Is that the point of your vacation?”

I took my gaze away from the record player, now looking at the open suitcase still sitting on my floor with half its contents sitting there, untouched. The card games I’d used to play with friends sat there, now alone and sad like me. Sad for different reasons, I began to think.

“This… wasn’t a vacation. This was just time away. Time to spend with friends.”

Twilight’s right ear twitched at the clunking sound of the record player. She didn’t wait for me to move before she magicked the machine back to life.

“I’m not rested, or restored, or feel any better than I had before I left,” I said. My lips were dry, so I took a drink.

“So then take an actual vacation.”

I turned to the mare. By her expression, I sensed she saw my stressed look.

“I don’t know what that is.”

“Vacation?”

“My vacation.”

“Do you have a guess?”

I thought about it; thought about all the different things I’d done outside my norm. None of them ever came back to me feeling like I’d actually rested myself. Looking around, I spotted my calendar, still on November of the prior year.

Ignoring the fact that I still didn’t have a new calendar, the month struck me.

“Being alone with someone.”

“Someone? Who?”

“I… I don’t know. Someone I need. Someone I can spend my time with, to care for, care for me, and to…”

Twilight looked at me expectantly. I couldn’t say the word, instead resting my feet up on the food massager in front of me. I really should start using that thing more. I closed my eyes, my thoughts trying to stray me away from what I wanted- no, needed to think about.

”I can’t recall who said it,
I know I never read it,
I only know they tell me love is grand,”

Frank’s words wrangled my thoughts back in. I took another sip of my tonic water. Twilight took another sip of her tap water. I set my glass down beside me on the end table.

“I want to feel what love is like. I want to know what it feels like to be in love, to be loved in return. I want something more than just friends. I need it. My life is falling apart before me, slowly, and drowning myself in friendships is just putting band aids on my sinking life.”

“So then find someone.”

Killing the mood, I rolled my eyes. “Oh yeah, you’re one to say.”

“Who says I haven’t?”

I physically turned my body on the couch to face the mare, brow raised. Twilight shrugged.

“I’m not at liberty to say, spoilers.”

I frowned. “That’s cruel.”

“What’s cruel, is what you’re doing to yourself.”

“What? Longing to be in love?”

“No, thinking that friendship is only a bandaid on love. Friendship is full of love.”

“But not romantic love. Not the kind of love I can lay in bed with, to hold in my arms, to hold my hand as we watch the television or just do nothing at all but be in each others company.”

Twilight shook her head. I took a quick swig of the remains of my glass, putting it back down on my end table with force.

“Okay then, miss know it all, what’s your theory then? I’m all ears.”

Twilight looked away from me, watching the record player I guessed as the song was ending. I ignored it, keeping my eyes on her. For giant eyes, they were very hard to read or gauge emotion when I wanted the ability.

“Friendship isn’t there to take the place of romance. It’s there to help you through the struggles of life, even finding the romantic love you long for. If you treat it like it’s just there to numb the pain, then that’s all it will do. You need to embrace it and accept that the love you receive from your friends is there to keep you strong, keep you going; pushing forward instead of being stuck in the same place.

“That is what friendship is. Love. Unromanced, unbiased, just there to comfort you and keep you warm in heart.” Twilight looked to me. “They may say it’s wonderful, but forcing it won’t do you any favors. The time will come, and when it does you will know. So until then, just keep your heart open, and allow your friends to just be there for you.”

I stared at the mare, my mouth partially open. I felt like crying, Hell maybe I even was, I couldn’t be sure. My mind was having an internal struggle. Was she right? Was she wrong? Was I right or wrong?

I turned away from the mare, stood up, and approached the record player. This conversation was suppose to be about vacations, not… whatever it turned into. Or was it still about that? My hand hovered over the lever to start the machine again. I looked behind me to the couch, Twilight looking at me with a half smile. I pulled away from the machine and dropped back onto my couch.

“I think I’m getting sick of this song,” I said.

“Then why don’t you flip the record?”

“Because it’s going on three in the morning, and I have to work.”

Twilight looked over her shoulder to the clock. “Oh wow, I’ve been here longer than I thought.”

“I’m not sure about longer, but later for sure.”

Twilight got off of my couch, stretching her wings as she tried not to knock over anything. “Just remember what I said, Alex.”

And with that, she walked out of my bedroom and into my hallway. A moment later there was a bright flash of light.

I looked back to the quiet record player, then to my empty glass, and lastly Twilight’s empty glass.

“Fuck it.”

I grabbed the blanket from behind me on my bed and laid down on the couch. Old, broken down, and worn beyond its years, the one thing this couch had going for it was it helped keep my mind from thinking too hard as I struggled to get comfortable.

It’s wonderful, so they say.

Author's Note:

Bad Horse was right. I have no idea where this fic is even going.

Comments

[StardustSurvivor]

That's actually really profound, and I have a lot of friends who need this lesson beat into their heads.

[Level Dasher]

I have no idea where this fic is even going.

Does it need to go anywhere?

[Admiral Biscuit]

[Horse Voice]

Sometimes, a story is more about the journey than the destination. I'm sure it will find its proper conclusion when the time comes.

[RainbowSparkle3]

Twilight is awesome. That's all I have to say.

[pahnazd]

Sometimes we need someone else to open our eyes... but we still have to take the step ourselves.
I don't know if you intend this to seem deep or not, but it has more depth to it than most shallow-ish random slice-of-life fics lately.

Twilight's 'spoilers' line was great, though

[Bad Horse]

I'm guessing it's going wherever you're going. Don't feel obligated to make it a "story". Just keep it honest, if you dare, and it will be something more distinctive than that.

Though I feel a bit like a voyeur reading it.

[nothingtoseehere]

It's slice of life. It doesn't have to go anywhere. Most lives don't.

[HoneyBadgerr]

8371852
absolutely 110% this.

[Prof Holly Oats]

I am loving this so far! I hope you don't mind me pointing out a few typos and making suggestions (I know not everyone appreciates it). If you'd like me to stop, just say so. Also, bear in mind, I'm definitely not a grammarian

Everyone seems to have their own idea of the [word] “vacation”

“Was it [supposed] to be a vacation?”

...instead resting my feet up on the [foot] massager in front of me.

Somewhat of an assumption on my part. I suppose you could be misusing some kind of tenderizing device

...my thoughts trying to stray me away from what I wanted — no...

Just changed the hyphen to an em dash. Also, can you use "stray" like that? I know you can lead someone astray, but I'm not sure you can stray them

I want to know what it feels like to be in love, to be loved in return.

What’s cruel, is what you’re doing to yourself.

That comma's unnecessary

...and drowning myself in friendships is just putting [Band-Aids] on my sinking life.
...thinking that friendship is only a [Band-Aid] on love.

Would Twi even know what that is? The name's phonetically close enough to "bandage" that I think she'd either assume you'd mispronounced that or she'd use it with air quotes

...putting it back down on my end table with force.

I'd probably just say you slammed it. If that sounds too forceful, maybe "clapped". "Putting" just sounds so... meh

Okay then, [Miss Know-it-all], what’s your theory then?

...watching the record player — I guessed — as the song was ending.

You need to embrace it and accept that the love you receive from your friends is there to keep you strong[;] keep you going; pushing forward instead of being stuck in the same place.

I think you could change that second semicolon to an em dash for more emphasis, but I could be wrong about that. Also, holy crap, Twi!

That is what friendship is.

My hand hovered over the lever to start the machine again.

Not a typo, but I'd initially misread "hovered" as "vored". I've been spending too much time on r/furry_irl

A moment later[,] there was a bright flash of light.

[Dustchu]

Man... I honestly don't know how to comment on this.
This doesn't really feel like your average story. Like, I've actually talked with you and shit, so reading this feels like I'm taking a peak into how your life runs and stuff.

I feel like I need better shit to say to this.
But good job man, good job.