The Champion's End
Luna’s Story 2: Wrath of the Moon Champion
Part 10: The Champion’s End
Stalwart Hide stood in the rain, over a fresh grave. His mane was a mess despite his helm, and he looked terrible. Here lies Trixie Lulamoon, it said. The last of her kind in a long line of those loyal to Princess Luna. There were two dates, and a dash between them. Simple, to the point, and it didn’t mention she had been executed by beheading. Nor that she’d murdered over a dozen ponies. The stallion had made sure she’d received a proper burial, and that none who hated her knew where the plot was. There had been enough heartache, and it was time to put her to rest.
Stalwart Hide’s armor pink-p-pinked in the rain while he stood there staring at the freshly dug earth and tombstone. He didn’t know what to feel. She wasn’t evil, just… confused. She’d done all those terrible things, even sending him to the hospital, but he’d fallen in love with her anyway. Why? What had she done to deserve any sort of adoration from him? He moaned miserably, kicking a stone into the treeline. He tilted his head back, squeezing his golden eyes shut and letting the rain sooth the hot misery in his face. Why did he mourn for her? She was a monster, wasn’t she? He could feel his abs and chest quivering. He would not cry. He would not-- the Captain of the lunar stallions suddenly fell to his knees and sobbed aloud. He didn’t even know why. He just had to cry, cry it all out. His wings opened and pressed against the muddy ground to steady him. The ancestors were strangely quiet. This was not their field to offer aide.
While he wept o’er the grave, a long and black wing slowly extended over him to block the rain. He looked up quickly, rubbing his muzzle. “P-princess Luna!” he gasped, making to rise quickly. She stopped him, pushing him gently back to his knees. She wore a strange, silken veil over her face. It sprouted from her crown and hung down past her chin, a thin-woven shroud of mourning. He looked up at her in wonder. “What are you doing here?” he asked in foal-like confusion, whispering at her.
The princess of the night looked down at the stallion, trying to remain upright and regal. But, she just could not do it. Keeping her wing extended over him to block the rain, she told him everything. About the original Moon Champion. About her descendants growing connected to Nightmare Moon. About how the whole thing had poisoned Trixie into a terrible, supremacist attitude in all she did. She told him of how, as Nightmare Moon, she had fed the entire family line the lust for battle, vengeance, destruction. Warped her beautiful Moon Champion’s line into jagged weapons of war they were never meant to be. He stared at her in slowly growing horror, then teary confusion, then in quivering rage. “And that is how--!” Crack! He’d slapped her. Right in the face. She yipped in surprise, not expecting the pain. She touched her cheek in confusion.
“Go away.” He whispered, touching his chest. His armor collapsed into itself and the ancestors quieted further. His black mane was weighed down by the rain as he stepped out from under her wing. Luna stared at him, wounded. “I’m not your lunar stallion right now. S’my day off anyway. Go away.” He asked, hunching forward a little.
“Stalwart Hide, I understand that you are sad for her death. I know exac--!”
“You’re immortal!” he barked at her savagely, turning to snap his wings open aggressively. “You know nothing of death! How fragile life is to those of us that don’t live forever like you do!” he coughed, shaking his mane and setting her with a glare.
Luna had never felt so far from one of her beloved lunar stallions. She closed her wings slowly, her head hanging. “I have buried more friends than you will ever know.” The alicorn whispered. She turned to leave. “I can only hope—“
“No! Shut up!” Stalwart Hide struck her with another arrow of hate. “You ordered her executed, now you live with it!” he spat at her, losing his head entirely. “Go away!” The stallion must’ve been mad with grief, telling his princess off like that. She recoiled a little at his anger, leaning back and lifting a hoof. He snapped his wings closed, turning away from her to stare at the grave some more. She could see his shoulders shuddering with silent weeping. Not wanting to make it worse, the alicorn turned and left him to his mourning.
When she reached the edge of the private graveyard, she found the waiting Aegis Shield. “How did he take it?” the stallion asked slowly, standing under a tree where she’d left him.
“Only as well as he could have. He was lovesick, and I took her away.” Luna said glumly, sighing. “He’s mourning.” They walked, side-by-side, until they reached the path and walked along it. “We wouldn’t be surprised if thy friend left the corps for our actions.” She slid into her old dialect, sighing sadly.
There was a long silence, and Aegis Shield looked up at his princess. “Luna, did Stalwart Hide ever tell you how he got his cutie mark?” he asked her. She shook her head no, her brow furrowing. “An old house collapsed on him when he was just a little colt, and he walked out of it alive.”
“A old house?! How?!” she gasped, eyebrows rising. “How did he survive?!”
“Nopony knows. Even something as big as a house falling on him didn’t keep him down. No matter what abuse he took, he would always get up again.” Aegis Shield said stoically, walking shoulder to shoulder with her. He swallowed a little, then looked at the path. “I suppose what I’m trying to say is he won’t be like that forever. He’s very tough. He can take any abuse the world throws at him, and keep going strong.” He smiled at Luna gently. “Give him time, he’ll come around.”
Luna nodded slowly. They stopped next to a fountain, having come back to the streets of Canterlot. She stared into the rippling waters for a time, then looked skyward. The silence was long, but the sound of rain was soothing. “Come to my room this coming dawn.” She said to Aegis Shield. “I… don’t want to be alone.” She said it in a vulnerable way. “I won’t tempt you with romance, I just… want you to be there. To... hold me.” She turned her ears back guiltily. Her lover nodded slowly, leaning and rubbing his chin on her mane a bit. She curled her head about to touch his. They shared a quiet moment.
A Few Days Later…
“You are sure this is what you want to do, sister?” Celestia asked. “This is a powerful artifact, surely it could be used for good again someday?” the white alicorn watched her sister shake her head sadly.
“No, it was rightfully hers, and we cannot continue the cycle with any relatives she might’ve had.” Luna said slowly, giving her sister Trixie’s lunar medallion. All the power of the ancestors, locked away for good. “Do it.” She nodded in confirmation.
Celestia stepped forward to the edge of the balcony. Heaving a sigh of effort, she lifted the medallion with her pearly aura. It hovered for a moment and then, quite suddenly, rocketed skyward and into the sun. Luna felt the ancestors within finally reach their complete rest. She sighed with relief. It was done. The daytime princess extended a wing and embraced her sister. Even now she could feel her quietly shaking. “Lulu…” she cooed softly, stroking her sister’s mane.
“Tia, it was so hard…” Luna whispered. “Just sitting there while it happened…”
“It had to be done. For the peace of mind of our beloved subjects.” Celestia gently smiled in the timeless way she often did, wrapping her sister in her wings for comfort. Luna leaned into her, an ink blot pressed up to a golden drop of autumn rain. “Their wounds will heal in time.” She said sagely.
“Yes.” Luna said quietly, resting her head on Celestia’s shoulder. They stayed like that for a long time, until it was time to lower the sun and raise the moon.
Later…
Stalwart Hide stood in front of the name wall in the lunar barracks in the middle of the day. All the lunar stallions were sleeping, and the princess as well. Looking around and making sure nopony was around, he slowly opened his rune books and mumbled through the lines of ancient Equestrian. Phoneticizing a quick alphabet, he composed something with pen and quill. Then, he reached into his saddlebags and squinted into a corner. Working with sharp, thin tools, he carved a new name. Trixie Lulamoon the Last Moon Champion. Satisfied with his work, he blew on it to get rid of the stone dust. Working slowly to get rid of the evidence so it wouldn’t draw any eyes, he put his tools away and closed his saddlebag. He leaned back, sitting on his haunches, admiring his work.
The Next Evening…
Stalwart Hide reported for duty early. Princess Luna and Aegis Shield were already set up for the Midnight Court. There were states-ponies rushing about and filling out the evening’s opening ledgers. Squires with fresh paper, quill, and ink were rushing back and forth. “Stalwart Hide.” Luna said, betraying surprise with her tone. “Thou aren’t due for duty for another half an hour!”
“I have an appointment.” He said with a slight smile.
The princess seemed startled by this. She turned and rather clumsily ruffled through the stack of papers up next to her on the throne. After a long and rather comical struggle, she came up with her blue sheet (blue sheet being her night’s appointments). Sure enough, there he was at the top of the list. Well, ‘list’ was generous, there were only three ponies on it and the other two weren’t due for hours. She looked down at him, blink-blinking, then slowly set the paper aside. “Hast thou come to curse me and quit the lunar stallions?” she said softly, turning her ears back in a sad expression. Right away she’d gone to her worst case scenario.
“No, I came to receive my punishment.” He said, smiling at her gently.
“For what?” She asked, again startled by his behavior. Aegis Shield cocked his head in confusion. What was his comrade doing? “Thou hast redeemed thyself for all thy transgressions…” she trailed off, confused.
“Well, let’s see…” Stalwart Hide said, cocking his head and looking at the ceiling. “Fraternizing with the enemy, bathing with the enemy, doing nothing about a murder right before it happened, striking a royal in the face and cursing her name, and--” he went on down a list, some of the items of which were as silly as stealing an extra piece of pie at the dinner table. Aegies Shield mouthed the words ‘bathing with the enemy’, just to see what they tasted like. He found himself slowly smiling. Was this Stalwart Hide’s strange way of offering an olive branch after what had happened at the cemetery?
“Stallion!” Luna said, rising from her throne. “We’ve already redeemed thou, and thy grief was more than enough to cover for thy… lack of control!” she tried to put it gently, a certain warmth touching her face. She hadn’t been expecting such an official apology, much less in the midnight court. Much less… at all. She didn’t know what to do with herself, but her hooves were carrying her down the stairs of the dais to stand in front of him. Stalwart Hide knelt on all four legs, bowing his head. Then, much to Luna’s vast annoyance, spread his wings upon the ground. Damn that Hammershot and his infectious, ancient expressions. He looked up at her wordlessly, and she stared down at him. His eyes were pleading.
“Go on.” He whispered to her, bowing his head. Was this his way of apologizing? She couldn’t tell.
Not knowing what else to do and knowing it was what he wanted, the princess of the night reared up and flared her wings. Just then, Hammershot appeared in the doorway of the throne room with a message for her majesty. He rounded the corner just in time to see Luna’s dinner plate-sized hooves come crashing down on Stalwart Hide’s wings, and hear his belting cry of pain. The stallion dropped his scroll in shock, turning as white as a sheet. One of the statesponies had to fetch it from the floor, for the lunar stallion just stood there slack-jawed and frozen to the spot.
Stalwart Hide clenched his teeth, hissing a little. After the short, jagged cry, he’d refused to make much sound at all. The body was a machine, and the pain caused tears. He shook his head quickly, rising up and gingerly folding his poor wings. Without another word, he went and stood at the left side of the dais. He stared at the rest of the room like he bucking belonged there, and the light flicker of gold in his eyes dared anypony to question it.
Luna flicked her confused gaze at Aegis Shield. Had she just mended something by stomping on it? She’d never done such a thing. Her lover shrugged rather openly, smiling and gesturing with his muzzle that she return to her throne. She did, seating herself regally upon it. Looking down at the back of Stalwart Hide’s head for a long time, she slowly relaxed. In some bizarre and twisted way, everything had calmed down again. After a long time, she looked up and saw Hammershot.
Frowning, princess Luna silently gestured to one of her statesponies. The mare approached the frozen lunar stallion, poking at him a little. Hammershot had turned into a statue all by himself it seemed. She gave him a brave shove, and one of his wings held him up at a rather impressive forty-five degree angle. He was that rigid. “Well what do you know, fainting pegasus syndrome.” Luna said with interest. “Leave him like that, we shall see how long he stays that way.” She smiled at the rather dirty look Aegis Shield gave her, but planted her royal rump on her sitting pillow none the less. It made the usually droll midnight court far more interesting. Stalwart Hide allowed himself a small smile.
THE END
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
A/N: Be sure to read the next part, "Long Live the Night"!
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are there plans for another sequel or a prequel?
Reading that Trixie died wasn't fun. Nonetheless, I respect greatly how you ended it. I doubt it was fun to do either. I'm glad you did not cave to the readers that wanted her saved... How you ended it gave fit the story even if it didn't supply a happy ending.
P.S. I created a account just to comment here.
561467 Alas, the second act of the play must always be the lowest point. None of my readers wanted her to die, but it had to be done.
561479 I agree. I didn't enjoy her death, but a happy ending where she lives wouldn't be as high a quality of a story. Some of the responsibilities of a writer suck, but I'm glad you owned up to them.
Well, I had hoped for a less terminal solution, but I accept the solution as a valid one. Probably a kinder fate in the end than loss of one's magic and a lifetime of drudgery, anyway. This was yet another strong chapter, and closed out this segment of the story nicely. It was a generous act of kindness on the part of Stalwart Hide, and I suspect that will be an oft-visited and well tended grave by two individuals, with possibly a third making an occasional visit in those moments when time can be spared from the Court.
Stalwart's final gift to Trixie of a place on the Honor Wall was done in exactly the manner I think that Luna will approve of, when she finally ends up noticing the addition. (And honestly, other than Stalwart, Luna, and to a limited extent Aegis, that wall of names is pretty much ignored by the entire corps.) I am curious what sort of carving tools he used, though. Stone is not an easy material to work, but he managed to to this quietly enough not to be noticed. That, or everyone was giving him some slack and the benefit of a deliberate disinterest in his actions at the time.
And even with the overall seriousness of the chapter, you still found time to interject a bit of humor with poor Hammershot and his new phobia about wingstompings. I know it's not going to be a fun topic, but I'm afraid after this Midnight Court, he's probably going to find little posed action figures in a lot of places matched up to Luna's choice of position for him.
Superlative job with the story, and I'll be looking forward to the next story arc of the Lunar Stallions.
Damn that really sucks I probably gave up or something.
Shit.
Not sure I buy that modern Equestria would have the death penalty, or that Celestia would stand by while Luna used an ancient death penalty law to execute someone who was basically collateral damage from Luna's Nightmare Moon issue. Pretty damn hypocritical of Luna to do so as well in my opinion, if she was was worthy of redemption in the series opener then Trixie should have been as well.
If I was Stalwart I would have told Luna she could take her Lunar Stallion armor and shove it, and not just return to duty after accepting a wing-smash.
Also, if your plan had been to kill her off from the beginning, it would have been nice if the story had had either the Tragedy or at least the Dark tag.
I tend to agree with DJthomp. Most certainly tragedy, for many reasons. Trixie is as much a victim of the armor as her entire family line was. Poisoned by Nightmare Moon. There was little admission of guilt or culpability from Luna, and it definitely didn't seem to mitigate her sentence at all. That modern Equestria would have a death penalty too seems odd, especially considering Celestia's line earlier how she cares for all her little ponies.
I definitely don't like it, and I'm not sure what that means for your future works with the series.
I'm on the fence with this ending, and that's because I can't think of an alternate punishment for Trixie. Life in prison wouldn't be practical as they don't have a setup for that and I'm not sure if they could have gotten away with rehabilitation.
i1142.photobucket.com/albums/n613/bombermanpyr/Doctor%20Who%20Reactions/MadeDocCry.jpg
561460>>561467>>561594>>561626>>561642>>562089>>562413>>562435>>562498
Be not sad, my little ponies. The second act of a play is always where things look their darkest. Part of writing a unique story is taking risks, and that was a big one. I'm glad there was no table-flipping or anything like that, haha. Needless to say, I've already begun work on the third and final act of this series. We've gathered the stallions, we've suffered the wrath, what could be bigger and more epic than that? You'll just have to see! (And knowing me you won't have long to wait, so click the "watch" button for me and you'll know exactly when the new part comes up!)
Trixie's demise was a hard decision to make. At first it was just going to be an OC. But then I realized no, then there would be no weight behind her identity. We needed an actual character to attach this haughty personality to. There was no other choice but Trixie in the end, and I think the fit was perfect. Yeah, I had the kill her off in the end, but I didn't like doing it to say the least. That's the REASON that the scene was so sad and impact-heavy, to tell the truth. They DON'T execute ponies in Equestria. Then again, there is no murder in Equestria (at least not for the past hundred years or so). The minor shade of grim-dark at the end was supposed to drive the last nail in the story's coffin. They'd never dealt with a villain this extreme, so they had to resort to the extreme. We can of course argue that Trixie was the victim of circumstance, but that's what makes the ending controversial and thought-provoking, right? That's the point of good writing.
So! As per usual, here are my cliche garuntees. The next story will NOT include:
1. War
2. Discord
3. Changlings
4. Griffins
Something much more epic is on the horizon, and I hope you'll join me for the final chapter of Luna's Story,
Vivas Noctus!
~Cleff
562526 Final? I gues the series needs to come to an end at some point... There are not enough Guard stories and even fewer with this amount of interaction with one of the Princesses. Then again you've been spoiling us with how quickly you have been turning out these quality stories, I'm tracking ~150 stories and you're are the only ones that have such constancy.
562526 They've never dealt with a villain this extreme? What?
Nightmare Moon -> hit with a blast from the elements (twice)
Discord -> hit with a blast from the elements
Chrysalis -> blown away with some strange love/shield explosion
Moon Champion -> gets her head cut off
Yeah, Discord never killed anyone that we saw, or even gave an indication that he was going to, but Nightmare Moon's eternal night certainly would have. And based on your Lunar Stallion backstory I've been assuming that her bodycount from from 1000 years ago was a significant number.
It's not that I am adverse to pony death, I've read too much Grimdark fic for that to be true, I just want it to make sense within the context of the story. And I can't agree that Trixie's death did (unless there is something you aren't telling us at the moment).
Cleff my friend; We love your work as always. While we were very sad to see the Trixie die, it had to be done we suppose. We feel that she would not wish us to be upset. Trixie accepted her fate and we must do the same.
Vivas Noctus!
562526It just sucks she has to die that way, but it's cool.
Well, looks like story three is posted, see you guys over there.
562595
There is a difference between defeating an enemy in combat on the one hoof and trying and punishing a criminal for their actions on the other. Part of the reason nothing more happened to Nightmare Moon, Discord, and Chrysalis after they were beaten is arguably that the question of taking them to court for their crimes never even came up -- Nightmare Moon was stuck in the sky, Discord a statue (which given his power level may well be the best result anypony could even hope for), and Chrysalis not available for comment due to having been blasted over the horizon by Shining Armor's and Cadence's last-ditch effort.
But then you have your wayward Lunar Champion, who is alive and in prison and who's left a very unambiguous trail of pony corpses behind in a realm where murder has been practically unknown for as long as anypony save perhaps the princesses can remember...and suddenly the question of how to deal with her does rear its head. Apparently the law -- which has never been updated because there was no need in recent times -- does call for her death, so what's a princess to do? Make an exception just because this one pony is somehow more special than other killers? Change the law so the penalty for murder is less severe (with all the repercussions that may have, considering what we've seen of the seedier side of pony society in this very story)? Or let the due process of law run its course, leading to the first pony execution since whenever? I don't think there really are any easy answers to be had here.
571939 You are assuming that there is a law on the books that they are just following. The story (from Luna in chapter 9 "She had a terrible decision to make.") seems to imply otherwise - why would Luna have had to make a decision unless it truly was something she could have decided either way?
My issue with this isn't the death or the execution, it's how out of character Luna and Celestia are in ordering it done. It was a mock execution to appease the population - Celestia basically says as much in this last chapter - and avoid having to publicly admit that it was actually Luna's (or possibly NMM's, if we go with the theory that Luna was corrupted by some outside force, as the beginning of story 3 might be suggesting) fault in the end.
To be perfectly blunt I wasn't posting these comments to debate the issue, I was really truly hoping I could convince Cleff that he broke the ending of an otherwise excellent story and that he should go back and fiddle with it a bit to make the execution flow better. Since by the time of this comment we're a couple chapters into story 3, it seems unlikely that will happen so I'd rather just let the issue drop.
572128
Well, yes, I am in fact assuming that there is a law dealing with murder and the punishment thereof in the Equestrian books. The execution scene basically says so...and Trixie is in fact guilty of killing all these ponies of her own volition, no matter how justified she may have thought her vigilante actions were. So as I see it Luna's choice basically comes down to applying that existing law in full -- and in so doing punishing her own champion and shocking a populace who's basically no longer used to such things -- or not doing so and thereby flaunting her and her sister's own laws and opening herself up to all sorts of quite justified charges of favoritism. Damned if she does, damned if she doesn't.
But as you say, enough of that. The end of the story stands well enough as it is, I think, dark aspects and all.
572128>>572171
Not to stir up more argument, but I would like to assure you both that the themes of the end of this story will be explored in "Long Live the Night." The end of part two was made thus, controversial, to stir debate amongst the readers and make them wonder at how much guilt went with whom. Nightmare Moon? Luna? Trixie? The ancestors? Its not an easy subject to explore, and everyone has their own opinion about who's to blame. But, the fact that you ARE arguing proves that it's an interesting topic that needs further exploration. I'll try to answer more as part 3 goes on. You guys know I weave a larger tapestry, the picture will come into focus. I promise.
572836 Yeah, if you are planning on giving us a good follow up on this in story 3 then I will most likely be satisfied enough.
585580 Eep! Um, thank you! It's a great honour to serve our Princess of the night! Vivas Noctus!
this is truly an epic series. i applaud you for that.
*EPIC GENTLMAN OPERA CLAP*
however, it's going by TOO DAMM FAST!
604195 This was only Act II, my little pony! Head over to part three, and I'll see you there!
631598 Its bits and pieces of different things. More Ancient Equestrian will show up later....
I wasn't expecting the Axepony. I was expecting Luna to excute Trixe herself. You know, sort like: What she creates,she destroys kind of thing?
Now I read two stories from you. Both brilliant, cute, hilarious and adorable. I will continue to read your stories!
I don't know... How guilty is a pony if she had been taught all her life the way of nightmare moon. Seems harsh not to try finding a way to rehabilitate.
That kind of loyaly, twisted or not could be worked with... I don't know seems senseless.
Then again a pony dropping a roofie into a drink seems... Non-Pony too.
So, in this equestria... murder is unheard of but rape isn't? Arguably I would be harsher with premeditated rape then cold blooded murder. But that's just me.
On the other hand Luna is old school and didn't have a thousand years of peace and is still used to the harsh justice of a world at war.
Poor Trixie.
Dat ending. I'm still giggling from it. Hammershot petrified and leaning over. . .the mental image of that is glorious.
I had a serioues "DA FAWK?!" moment when I read it was Trixie. Did not see that coming. Very nice.
562089
agreed.
Very nice work, and I really do not see any way you could have ended it differently. Questions of guilt aside, Trixie did kill a lot of ponies (one of which was done right in front of a Lunar Stallion so there is no getting around a conviction) and there was really no way to get around the law. She could not be accepted into either the guards or the stallions after what she did, no amount of rehabilitation would have satisfied the population for a release after her crimes, and life in prison is arguably no better than death (assuming they even have the facilities for long term incarceration). Leaving her locked up in prison would also be politically problematic because of the issues with changing the law on a whim and the fact that it runs the risk of making it look like Luna is protecting the criminal because of the ancestral connection.
Now, the issue of guilt is another beast entirely because there is a very strong argument that Trixie is as much of a victim as those she killed which gives it a lot of impact and really helps make it a strong tragedy which I find a great change of pace with all the happy endings people like forcing onto stories.
As for using Trixi vs. using an OC, I can see how Trixie makes it easier to add impact to the story and her character did work beautifully for the part, but I think you also could have made an OC work if you had a second parallel storyline following her throughout the whole story to give the audience a connection with her and see how much a victim she is to set yourself up for the tragic ending.
842439 Very true. There was a lot of heat and emails I got about her execution. Pretty tragic stuff, though I hope you enjoyed the story-- and read the third one.
842454 It was great. I thought the tragic ending was perfect for the story, and I am moving onto the third one now.
ack... My heart... It burnnnnsssssss. After you made Trixie such a likeable character you cut her head off
Well, at least it's a beautiful wtory... That sort of makes up for it.
I'll get back to loving this trilogy after I finish having my feelz.
I'd just like to start by saying, this is great, I absolutely LOVED Luna's story one, on par with your other stories (some of which I read before getting to this) and beyond, and this story was excellent as well, if a little sad. The writing was absolutely amazing, the emotions were carried flawlessly, there was suspense fear, excitement, intrigue and sadness. The only thing I have to say, is that in the last few chapter, (and in other stories) there are some mistakes, in that you had spelled the word right, but it was the wrong word, for example you had 'hide' instead of 'hid' and 'sweaty' instead of 'sweat', other than that this is an example of an awesome story from an excellent writer that left me in a state of emotional confusion.
Anger and sadness.
The sadness is quite obvious, it was a saaaaaaaad ending, you gave Stalwart Hide a lover and then beheaded her. When she could have been saved.
Thus bringing me to the reason for my anger, it is a die hard, and persistently niggling belief of mine that you should NEVER kill or permanently disfigure main a named character from the host universe in which you write fanfiction. It's just not right, and not courteous, you can hurt, traumatise, injure, and otherwise incapacitate a canon character, but you MUST never KILL them, it upsets convention. You may say that I'm being a major stick in the mud, and looking back on this, I'll probably think so too, but it's a big thing when I see and author trespassing on propriety, as it goes against propriety, to take character that is in good faith given to you, and killing them off when they are not yours to do so. I just have to say it, and get it out there, because I don't think you'll take this kindly (but I hope you do) and I KNOW that you aren't going to change this just because one guy (me) is upset. Don't get me wrong, you are a phenominal writer, Luna's story 1 was great, Tough Love was amazing, a little too manipulative of Luna (on everyone else) but still epically written, and I'm loving 'Twighlight and the Spartan Stallion', which reminds me I need to read that update. So I think you are an AWESOME writer, and this story was excellent, I just have issue with the killing of named characters that aren't yours, which means Pony/Donut Joe AND Trixie.
Which brings me to another thing, you needed a haughty, aloof, and self-centred mare to play the Moon Champion, while having an impact on readers, Trixie was of course, the natural choice. However I believe a fault with this being in character, from what I understand of Trixie, is that she's all mouth. Generally self-obsessed and cowardly, meaning the last place you'd find her is a combat situation, where she has nobody to hide behind. Whereas from what we saw, she is relatively unskilled in magic, not at all as powerful as she says, and from what we're told, a coward. Her actions were not those of a Moon champion, in hiding or not, plus that she always over-stated herself, never being as strong as her boasting, though the Armour may have fixed that. All in all I believe her to have been a logical, but bad choice, though she could have been acting scared before, it was a one-hundred foot bear, and the armour would probably extend her skill and power reserves for magic, so Okay, yes, she was a logical choice, but I still believe the effect would have been just the same had you added one of your own, because damn, that was fierce, but I still stand that it's bad protocol to mess with other peoples stuff, OC's are only allowed to kill OC's, although by this point I'm probably just blowing hot air, or typing it. Please understand though, I had to say it, and get it off my chest, I lost sleep over this, for no reason, it shouldn't have annoyed me that much, but it did. So sorry for unloading on you man, you probably think I'm mad by this point ('
Now for the repetition part, I'm probably the 20 hundredth (exaggeration) person to say this, but I think cutting her head off was un-needed, there was no more need for any more death, and if it had been explained to the families, that Nightmare Moon had claimed the victims, then perhaps they would have still been hateful, but may have allowed her to live (it's pony like that), then her armour would still be destroyed, but Stalwart Hide would be better off, he'd have someone to take care of, after the explanation, the way the modern pony society is, they probably wouldn't have blamed Luna for shielding the murderer, and allowed her to rehabilitate. Also, her reign of terror could have brought to an end early, had Stalwart Hide said in the ally 'Princess Luna wishes to speak with you, come back to the palace with me' or something like that, she would have followed him because he cited her superior, instead of kicking the tar out of him because he challenged her supremacy, but it was awesome so I can't complain too much, just say how I woulda done it, can't help it, have to. That brings me to my final order of business. Was the number twelve on purpose? Because it was wrong, was that intentional, like a cover up from the true horror from the public? She killed 2 out of 3 at the pie shop, another 11 in the kidnapping incident, that makes 13, counting the bank robber, that's fourteen, and the ponies from the bar, sixteen, plus Pony Joe, making a grand tally of 17 dead. Now THAT was nit-picking, and I'm sad at myself for it, no make that mortified. Haha.
Anyway, PLEASE don't take this as a flame, I'm not grilling you, or burning you, or ungroundly (made up word) accusing you. I merely had to say what I was thinking, and I absolutely respect you as a writer, you are a paragon of fanfiction, it's an honour to gaze upon thy words.
Happy writing to you.
Keep it up.
Loving every second, Vivas Noctus to you.
~Armis
Honora Imperator.
873235
Thanks for all your kind words and honest opinions. It means much that you would tell me what you really think rather than slap down "great story!" like so many before you. I hope you enjoy part 3, "Long Live the Night!"
>>Aegis Shield
Hey man, sorry for the belated reply (I was asleep when you answered) And I'd first like to say, your welcome! Then I'd like to thank you for so graciously accepting my marathon review after I basically 'vented my spleen' so to speak.
Not to fear, I'm sure I shall enjoy your end to the epic.
Thanks for the reply. Glad to be of help.
Cheers.
Honora Imerator
880803
562526*Flips table*
I'm not afraid to express my hate for Trixie. I know it was supposed to be sad that she died but I went to the next part in the series and saw that 1 yr anniv. thing and was like "Ha! Bitch gun lost ya head!"
But 5 mins. later I somehow just fell out of my computer chair.
Excuse me but I genuinely don't understand the peace offering via wing stomp. Could you please quickly explain that one to me?
Also, I might go ahead and say that Luna and Celestia should have some check to their power as princesses. In the first story we see Celestia dismiss a good soldier in a moment of anger and then couldn't return were it not for the Lunar Stallions. Kinda messed up right?
I'm not happy about Trixie dying, but I hear your point when you say you needed weight behind the character. I do feel that it is not fair for Luna to hide the reason for how Trixie came to be as she is. Now she will forevermore be painted as an evil murderer while Luna's involvement in the matter never sees the light of day.
Also just gotta say I am not happy about the lack of equality between males and females in this series.
All stallions in service must be castrated (penis too) so as to not be distracted on duty while mares face no such thing? I know for a fact women can be just as distracted by a studly/cute/handsome man.
Apparently no mares could be a Lunar Stallion yet only a mare could be their much stronger leader.
Despite Equestria being a "Mare's World" it still has the taboo of a stallion striking a mare. (caught that Batman Returns reference hehe)
But seriously, even if it never comes up in part 3, is there some kind of reversal for the completely unjust mutilation of male soldiers? What if they want to have a family? or sex!? it's a crucial part of a successful relationship you know. It's not like they will serve till their dying day.
Alright I've ranted enough, I apologize but these issues were quite vexing throughout the reading.
Thanks for hearing me
919484 The wing stomp is not a peace offering, its an invitation for punishment, should it be deemed necessary. Stalwart Hide used it as a tool, yes, but only to clear his own conscious.
As for the castration, that is based into REAL working horses. A stallion is far calmer and makes for a better working animal after gelding. That's just a fact of life. Much the same can be said for Celestia's guards. They're calm, stoic, and prideful. No massive hormones to worry about.
Celestia did not fire Stalwart Hide, she dismissed him from his post. Big difference.
I know the gender inequality is a big thing for many, but we don't have gender equality in real life, so it never became an issue about balance to me. The Lunar Stallions were all stallions because, back in the old era before Nightmare Moon, only stallions could join the military. The ancestors inside the armors were all male, thusly only males could wear them. That was just the way things were. I can't imagine what would happen if a mare donned a stallion's Lunar armor. It might decide to kill her. We never had an armor reject anypony in the first two stories, so that's something to think about too.
As for Trixie's punishment, there's really not much alternative. She murdered like... 17 ponies, I think it was. Sitting in jail forever or doing community service doesn't do justice to the crime. She's a victim of circumstance, but she's still a monster none the less. Her line ended with her, thankfully, so there will be no more mares like that to worry about.
947343
Hey glad to hear from you!
Thanks for clearing up why Stalwart Hide invited Luna to step on his wings.
I still think that castrating horses just so they could be more docile is wrong. Also due to the fact that we choose which ones stay intact based on their "quality". Furthermore, castrated males are no longer referred to as stallions! It is as if you were no longer allowed to be called a man because you lost your "man bits" to cancer or something.
But that is beside the point. Equestrians are like humans in that they have a high functioning brain right? Some men can be really libidinous but they don't go around raping everyone lol. As such, I feel that in modern Equestria stallions would be more "in control" of they sex drives; therefore, rendering complete castration cruel and unnecessary. Plus man, even their penises? I thought geldings only lost their testicles?
You mention in Spartan Shield's story that Equestria has become an ideal utopia yes? I would figure that means males and females have equal rights and responsibilities now. Perhaps it is merely my "male ego" that is bruised upon reading of a female being (for all intents and purposes) better than a male. Which might stem from having had "man-haters" for teachers quite often.
Yes Trixie was an insufferable wretch, but the instigator still goes unpunished for that crime. She still doesn't deserve to shoulder the blame alone. As I stated in part three, it seems your princesses are above retribution.
Well all in all, I suppose it is just a work of fiction but never before was I so involved in a story.
Thanks for hearing me.
You killed Joe and Trixie
YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hmm, where to begin?
Ah well, here goes.
Had this on my radar for a long while. I finally found the time to invest in your story, and boy, was it worth it. I've read Luna's Story part 1 and 2, and I must say that I really like the characters you've crafted. Having a hard time deciding whether I like Hammershot or Stalwart Hide more.
Aside from the occasional typo, I don't think I can find anything to complain about.
You've got some interesting lore behind the Lunar Stallions too, which really adds to the depth of the story. The transformation sequences are visceral enough that we really get to feel what they go through each time. Although... reciting the oath does seem a little inconvenient in order to activate the medallions - the Moon Champion had a pretty easy time preventing Stalwart from gearing up.
Gah, I'm not that good with reviews, so I'll just finish up: Love your story, love your characters. I wish you well in all your writing endeavours!
1040373
Thanks! The Lunar Stallions are actually partially based off of the Green Lantern corps, which is one of my favorite comics. So yes, they have an oath to recite-- but they're supposed to gear up before they go out at night, haha, not after.
I hope you enjoy part 3, Long Live the Night, if you ever get to go read it!
I half expected for Hide to commit suicide.
I still sorta do.
I gotta say Inner Demons trixie dispite havign tons more back story and lovin than this one...somehow had more impact in her death?
then again maybe its becuse I didnt exactly think she would be the silent dead *shrug* by Luna if Celestia says once more anythign about her bloody ponies and how they need peace i want to 
i swear then agian if there was another war ponies would likly have the bad end of it due to lack of actual training of magic use (do note Twilight dispite being personal student of Celestia barly knows a lick of her true potentral yeah celestia is totaly a great teacher! (sarcasm) ) anywoo enough of me castign blame or hate. 
This was a Brillient story and i gotta say even though by right this wouldnt have been my cup-o-tea it was amazingly surprising to me how much i liked it.
wish you luck in further afairs and stories!
damn......WHY DOES THIS REMIND ME OF SHAKESPEAR