What the buck?!?!?!??
Sunset wanted to scream as she stared at the mirror. She was an alicorn, a freaking alicorn! Wait, what? Celestia is her mother? And did the sun deity really just said her little sister Twilight waited at the breakfast table?
Having a total overload, her brain decided to make an emergency restard. Sunset fainted. {Will include EG}
I've had this idea for a while with Sunset and Twilight being sisters. I'm sorry, but I couldn't make the beginning any better. Future chapters will be longer and hopefully better written. Tell me what you think about the General idea.
Chapters (11)
Silly Sunset, yes, of course you want to be a princess!
Everyone wants to be a princess, Sunset. Join us. Join us.
lol love it hope to read more soon
I am curious.
Sanic
oh gad
Hm
5824060 Dude, you're making me nervous, what hmm??!!
Sorry, I'm always on edge after releasing a chapter that bad.
5824066 the pizza part I would think it wouldn't be very good
5824083 Oh, huh...go figure. I thought it was something else.
5824100 can't think of everything so it's must be nothing
the only negative here for me. is that it's short for my tastes
Dude you made me think this was going to be a bad chapter with the way you made the title but no it was pretty entertaining
5837947 I still think it's a bad chapter....
5838582 I mean I felt like. It did contribute a little bit to the overall plot that you have been putting up so far and once again it was pretty good, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself
Is Luna or Discord also around there? now that I think
5912308 Since it's been a while, since the last update, next chapter's name is going to be: Why is there a face on the moon? Oh no...
When Sunset is going to start worrying about what changed the whole world? (or if she's in a dream, or got swapped with an alternate universion version of herself or whatever)
5474320 every pony for themselves *yrips Sunset and runs*
5730741 that deserbes another
Oh by the way I added you're story to my group 'Alicorn Sunset, Yay'
Tia, what are you planning?
6125978 Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaake
I've been waiting for this opportunity for way too long.
6126008 Do I have to get My Selene to steal your cake?
Please move this to an author's note block at the end. It really breaks the immersion of the story and, if you hadn't written that, I wouldn't have had any reason to complain because it feel natural as a way to build anticipation.
garbled grammar Your is. I'm not sure what you intended.
I'm not sure what properly natural-feeling sentence would match your intent, but at least fix the grammar. "Is all of this actually happening"
While the evolution of English has added a requirement to use an auxilliary or copular verb like do/does/did to negate a verb or turn it into a question, "is" is already a copular verb, so you don't add do.
The Wikipedia page on the subject is fairly easy to understand: Do-support
"workout" is a countable noun meaning "exercise routine" so using "some workout" here violates the "must agree in number" rule.
(It's valid English when using "some" to indicate indeterminacy rather than quantity as in "He said he was doing some workout. I wasn't paying attention.")
Here are valid forms:
"you need to do some workouts" (valid, but not natural-sounding English)
"you need to do a workout" (even worse, because, obviously, one workout won't change how you look)
"you need to have a workout routine" (closer to what you want, since "have a workout routine" makes it clear that the emphasis is on the regularity of the exercise)
"you need to work out every now and then" (While "workout" is a noun, "work out" is a compound verb)
Both of the latter two ones are things native English speakers would say, but "you need to have a workout routine" is more what you'd hear as advice from a friend or health professional. Given Sunset's teasing tone, you want "work out every now and then" because the teasing implication is that Twilight is so out of shape that she's having trouble with the task.
I chuckled at burning her calories in the sun. Good enuf4me
More Please Love this
So funny
So for the staff reactions I take former Sunset was still in Demon-mode personality wise, wonder how Celestia will react to the new and improved Sunset?
Loved the story so far, great work.
More......please?
6326029 Am working on it. Had a lot of distraction going on. Give me one to two days, three at most. So, now I put the pressure onto myself.
6326029 I'm honestly not happy with the outcome. At least next time will finally be interesting. *cough* flying *cough*
I can see why you have some issues with this. Only two things, well three things are different in this Equestria. Both Sunset and Twilight are alicorns and daughters to Celestia. The rest of the gang would be changed from that so Rainboom has happened and I would think Twilight still had a surge when that happened since even though filly alicorn she still has to learn magic. And Sunset KNOWS the Elements helped Luna from her original timeline.
It will still be interesting to see how Sunset and Twilight will interact in the Summer Sun Celebration.
P.S. Sunset. Enjoy the cakes.
6336182 Yeah. the greatest issue I have was, I had just no fun writing this chapter.
...
Did you hear something?
Did somepony say "no fun"?
Oh fuck, see ya around! Hopefully...
6336194 occasionaly you have a chapter that you need for plot reasons but not enjoy.
P.S. You can't outrun Pinkie.
I was half expecting Sunset confronting Celestia about what she knew about her timeline.
(To be honest, I've been expecting Sunset asking Celestia for help about the whole situation a long time ago.)
6337325 That would take all the fun out.
Interesting seeing the changes being a mother have done to Celestia way of thinking.
Good work.
6339690 The idea came from a fan made video, where Twilight was Celestia's daughter. One girl (I think) mentioned in the comments that no mother would ever risk the lives of her own children.
6340353 Very true, but that will mean quite some changes to how EVERYTHING will develop.
6340359 Not to mention I have a little surprise prepared from the very beginning. I'm actually scared it will backfire.
6340488 If it backfires too badly just use the MLP God-EX-Machina to fix it, Pinkie Pie!
6340740 ...She's actually part of it.....
6340748
Why does that not surprise me?
6338999 Since when being in-character is no fun?
Sunset is supposed to be proactive and this fanfic doesn't have the [Random] tag or being used for the sake of a joke (the closest you could have to a proper justification).
Anyway, on the incoming Nightmare Moon incident: Celestia not wanting to risk her daughters to her sister makes sense[1]. Then again, I exect Sunset doing something about that too (as I said Sunset is supposed to be proactive).
[1] However Celestia claimed "Maybe I don't have to..." about that. Methinks Celestia is somewhat resigned to it and is only trying to prevent t+S from acting by Mom veto.
By the way, I'm left wondering if there's was any significant reason for moving the Summer Sun Celebration two weeks ahead of time. (Not fishing for answer on this one, for It seems to be a too specific to be a change just because, so I expect the reason being explained in the story later)
6344649 Ahead of time? I think you either misread or I wrote something stupid. The Summer Sun Celebration IS in two weeks in this story.
6346851
I interpreted the word "today" applied to "Summer Cun Celebration" instead of the preparations for it. That actually painted different picture of how Nightmare Moon's return would be.
6349697 Wrote something stupid.....
Gimme a minute....
Ah, yeah, now I get what I wrote. It was meant to say the preparation, akapaperwork would be done today.
If you're writing about the Rainbooms, you're looking in the wrong world (Sunset has never been friends with the pony versions of Rarity, RD, etc.)