Luna had gotten her wish. An entire city to rule as she saw fit. It was Celestia’s test. A test to see if she had truly reformed. A test to see what kind of ruler she could be. She quickly found out. Welcome to Luna's city of eternal night.
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5933719 Part of the issue was that it was originally going to be a one chapter one shot, but then several of my readers kept encouraging me to keep going. And you are correct in that trying to make it a novel length story, it could use a rewrite. When it was only a one shot, I felt the exposition dump was necessary to give people the sense of background and to set the mood that I wanted quickly. Several of the ideas set in that first chapter required pretty big suspensions of disbelief, which work for a short piece, but are hard to maintain logically for a longer story. Several times I considered putting it on hiatus until I could go back and retool everything, but once I invest 'x' amount of words in something I feel compelled to have it reach it's conclusion.
I want to say that as soon as I finish my other novel length project, I will come back and overhaul this one from the beginning. I WANT to say that, but odds are that I will have something else in the works, and it will keep being put off. I did eventually manage to go back and clean up DFR, all 140k+ words of it, so at some point Sin Whinny will receive the same treatment. Until then I will do my best to make what's left of the story, (about half), as interesting and compelling as possible for all the readers that are still following it.
Also, no worries about me quitting. If you know of BleedingRaindrops, then you know just what a truly vicious critic can be. I weathered her storm concerning another story, and put her comments to good use. This was because what she had to say was both accurate, and meant to be taken not as an attack, but as a way to help me improve my writing.
Comments like yours and hers can olny help to focus my attention on areas where I am lacking. In a field where every word you write is a representation of who you are, pride really does come before a fall. And anyone not willing to listen to the people who take the time to read what you have written will invariably embarrass themselves.
(Ah, that was a rather long winded way of saying 'thank you'.)