• Member Since 16th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen Jul 18th, 2011

PokerFace


E

A series where all 6 ponies we know and love face their elements head-on. Will this end well? ..Probably not. I'm pretty sure it's in chronological order.. XD Sorry if it's not -shrug- I'm just not that smart XD EDIT: I'm completely re-doing this. So don't bother reading it. XD

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 15 )

Interesting concept, especially for someone that likes Grimdark like me...but it needs a LOT of work. Chapters 1&2 are the same; probably a minor upload error. The actual writing isn't necessarily poor; your descriptive ability is pretty good. However, the characters are a little off. Applejack snapping on Pinkie Pie, Pinkie Pie eating an entire orchard...it's all just a little overdone. Reign their personalities in a little. As for the plot...it seems like you're just summarizing episodes with a grim twist at the end. There's nothing wrong with AU, nor written recaps of episodes...but it's just not interesting when there's nothing to distinguish the AU from the source material except a random, unjustified death. Maybe adding in a few twists or so to explain why the story diverges from it's original path in a dark direction would be beneficial...? However, it is your story, and you're free to do what you want.

A beta reader would be a good idea to catch small errors, as well as let you know when you're getting out of character or being excessive. Not trying to tear you down or anything...just a couple of suggestions. Good luck. : )

336

No, thank you! :D The interface on this website is hard to use, which is probably why I screwed up with the chapters. XD The advice you gave is sound, and I'll get working on it. But as for the beta readers.. o.e I haven't been able to get any. Literally I've emailed a handful of people and none seem to like ponies. XD

If it's supposed to follow the canon timeline, maybe you should post chapter 3 before 2, and change the current chapter two to match the fact that Pinkie's probably gone.

This hasnt been updated for a long time...

354 I'll beta. GRIMDARK might not be my favorite genre when dealing with the Mane 6, but... FO: Eq and it's branches of stories are a great love of mine, heh heh. So, I could Beta for you. (Don't really know what it's like to beta, PM me with any details you'd like to discuss beforehoof!)

Yeah...Gilda is not the read meaniepants,PINKIE IS:trollestia:

I wish you would continue this endeavor. It's interesting. But I also feel I can guess the deaths of those left. Rarity barbecued by dragon(you can guess why), Applejack, probably a fight with a buffalo endin with her headfirst on some train tracks. Twilight's end would probably be a magic explosion. Eprove me wrong...I dare ya.

Um...when you gonna finish this buddy? I'd like to see what you've done.

4 stars...only because you havent uploaded in quite some time, other than that im following and reading along

, even if the stories take place in different episodes, like chapter 2 taking place after 3, it felt a bit weird to read the 2nd chapter where rainbow dash "supposedly" dies, and shes in the 3rd, i think they need to be reversed.

:fluttercry: This made me feel sad
you get 3 spikes
:moustache::moustache::moustache:

replacing Pinkie Pie, who had died a month earlier

Soo, if Pinkie is dead, how do eplain this:

“What happened to you?” They all said in unison, Pinkie Pie leaning forward to stare AJ in the eyes. Applejack pushed Pinkie Pie’s face away, looking down.

I freaked out big time.
Why you ask? Because I'm that type of person who is overprotective of a cartoon character.
In this point, Pinkie Pie.

Did I mention that my step sister had to pin me down for about 10 minutes due to my gigantic freak out? :pinkiecrazy:

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