• Published 29th Apr 2012
  • 728 Views, 10 Comments

The Manehattan Chronicles - Vinyl Dash



Fire Wing wakes up in the middle of the forest with no memories at all.

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Meeting the team

Fire and Thorn fly up to the magnificent base. He sees the glorious and colorful rainbow fountains. Fire looks at the statues of random pegasi. “Who are these statues of?” He inquired.

Thorn looked back with a smirk. “Those statues are of the old and current leaders of the gang.”

“Well, I want to be a leader.” Fire says like a foal.

“You can admire the statues later. Now, come on!” Thorn gallops into the base with Fire tailing a couple of feet behind. Fire enters the base and sees a giant fountain that out shines all of the other fountains.

“You ponies really like your fountains.” Fire observed.

“Yea. Come on, you need to meet two members that you will be working with the most.” Thorn trots down a hall.

Fire admires the fountains for a little bit longer. He turns and notices Thorn went down the hall.

“Wait for me!” Fire calls as he breaks into a gallop. He runs down the hall for a while until he runs into a tall, buff pegasus.

“Watch where you’re going punk!” Fire looks up at the pegasus he ran into. The pony is white and has a black mane. He is wearing the same jacket that Thorn is.

“S-s-s-sorry.” Fire stutters, shaking.

“Who are you anyways?” The pegasus demanded.

“I’m Fire…or at least that’s what Thorn told me.” Fire told the pegasus backing away slowly.

“Fire! There you are. It looks like you met General.”

“I’m sorry for running into you, General, sir.” Fire salutes.

At that Thorn and General break into laughter. “That’s my name, not my rank.”

Thorn looks at General. “Sorry I have to cut this short, but Fire needs to meet the rest of his team.”

“All right. See you later, Fire.” General says smiling.

Fire follows Thorn down the hallways. Thorn points down a hall. “That is the living quarters. You’ll be staying in room 201.”
“201 got it. Who are we meeting first?” Fire asks.
“We are meeting my lovely wife Winter Frost.” Thorn tells Fire in a love-struck voice.
“Can’t wait to meet her.” Fire says sincerely.

“Oh, and General is your team’s captain.” Thorn added.

Fire follows Thorn to an ice blue pegasus. Fire glances out the window and sees a library Triggering another memory.

Fire is standing outside a tree with the sky blue pegasus from the last memory. Fire knocks on the door and a light purple unicorn with a violet and pink mane opens the door. “Hey Fire, Hey R-“

“FIRE!” Thorn shouts into his ear.

“Huh?” Fire asks as he shoots out of his memory. “Oh yea we were meeting Winter Frost.”

Fire looks at Winter Frost seeing her ice blue coat and white mane. She is wearing the same jacket as everypony in the room. “Hi Winter Frost. I’m Fire; I think I’ll be part of your team.”

“Hello Fire. That’s good. Ever since we lost our old captain we’ve needed a demolitions expert.” Winter Frost tells Fire.

“Ok. I think I may have been a demopony.”

“Good.”

“It’s been a long day. I think I’ll retire to my room.”

Fire walks to room 201 and sees just a plain old room with a bed and a dresser. He lies down and ponders.
‘Who is that cute sky blue filly?’ He starts to fall asleep. ‘Why am I this tired? What were those two… flashbacks I had earlier?’ Fire yawns. ‘Why was I in the woods?’ Fire finally drifts into a deep slumber.

Comments ( 10 )

I have to say,
Pretty short like... I guess chapters.
But I like the format :rainbowdetermined2:

Thanks. javascript:smilie(':pinkiehappy:');

If you don't like please tell me why..:fluttercry:. That way I can improve.:pinkiehappy:

519929
Well there really isn't that much to critique on...
It's really short [2 chapters = 1000]
A good chapter should be close to 1000 by itself :I

520375
Is the story line good? Is the flow good?

520638
It's not the greatest, but it's better than a wall of text of 2nd person dialogue :rainbowdetermined2:

520647
Sorry about that. It's really my first fanfic... ever.

520655
Don't be sorry. Instead try being assertive
Iron Will: and instead have pride in what you type :rainbowdetermined2:

I don't see what the problem is with short chapters. Isn't it the author's decision as to where to devide his writing?:duck:

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