Heeheehee, this was great, and I freaking loved how Lyra was acting XD hehehe.
She's so cute.

with Lyra having to suffer through an afternoon of Twilight referring to her as "Lyra Fartstrings" until the mint unicorn had slipped some into a sandwich at which time Twilight had become "Sparklepoots"

You killed me with that XD HAHAHAHA!

Awesome job!

"The data from the tests I did finish lead me to theorize you can't get me pregnant,"

"You two look nice in those, they really accent your legs."

Ponies with socks, I never really got that whole thing there...

"I'm sorry..." he sighed, "I forgot the 'Dear Princess Twilight' part. Do I need to start over?"
"I'm not a princess, I'm just a librarian," Twilight snorted at what she thought was going to be something serious turning out to be a lighthearted joke.

Har Har

"Wait, what? I mean, I've noticed a lot of the ponies I've met have unique fragrances but I had run out of anti-odor long before arriving here and what with the physical labor involved in my salvaging work I sweat a lot. I'm usually worried that I reek... you mean to tell me they liked that?"

This is it, Twilight. This is the moment. After sliding the final button through the hole and with the waistband that had prevented her from removing the shorts now free, she waited for Titus to lift his hips off of the mattress slightly before giving a tug, drawing them down well past his thighs almost to his knees. Expecting to be done she was a little disheartened to see she still had more clothing to free him of.

"I'm told stallions never last this long, so what am I doing wrong? Why haven't you ejaculated yet?" "You've been doing great Twi but give me a break, you've only been at it a few minutes!" "Only a few minutes? Y-you mean... this is normal in humans?"

Stupid bird. She eyed the small silver device that had been successfully and surprisingly effortlessly snuck from aboard the ship by one of their supporters in the pony village and delivered to her a few days prior. None of this would be necessary if my ship wasn't at the bottom of a lake but with any luck his hyperdrive is still functional or, at the very least, Titus can fix it and I won't have to continue with this ruse much longer. Kneeling down on the cold stone floor of the cavern she closed her ice blue eyes and let out a long breath as her meditation began.

Just gonna throw it out there... Its Vergere isn't it?

I really cannot wait until the next chapter that I cannot afford to leave my chair no matter what happens...

Going to call it right now, the one pulling the GRA's strings is actually Titus' master who has turned to the dark side and hired the bounty hunter to fake her death.

I actually don't mind these giant chapters. But the rediculious sentences?

He took longer than he meant to, having lost track of time after zoning out under the comfortable stream of hot water and when he came to his senses he quickly finished up; not finding any clothes in the shower room locker he wrapped a towel around his waist and left, intent on retrieving a set from his quarters but found that his path made a detour past the turn he needed and upon nearing the airlock he happened to glance up and noticed for the first time the multitude of muddy hoofprints dotting the ceiling and idly followed them through the ship to eventually arrive in Piloting.

You have some sentences here that are over one hundred words long. Heck, there are whole stories that are shorter than this one sentence!
And yes, this, like almost every other sentence; is a run on. Several times over.

7515817 I actually think I know how run-on sentences became prevalent because I remember that I went back and read the early chapters and they looked really choppy because of the short sentences that felt like they didn't flow very well. Thanks for pointing that out though, I'll try and work on eliminating run-ons as best I can when proofreading of the upcoming chapters.

Edit: This whole story came about when I came to realize that, because I wasn't in school, writing wasn't a part of my daily life anymore and I had fallen out of practice so my ability had degraded. In college I had written a short story for a D&D character's background in my free time (completely unrelated to MLP) and, after talking with my creative writing professor about it, he asked to show it to a few colleagues. I ended up moving out of state before I could finish writing it and I lost contact with my professor so one copy is laying around somewhere in one of my files and he has the other still, but I can remember how much fun I had writing it so FimFiction and Final Frontiers became a means of enjoying that feeling once again.

An added bonus was that I'd get back in the practice of writing again so thank you for your constructive criticism, it's very much appreciated!

Titus' master?
"Ship at the bottom of the ocean" is entirely possible with what we know of her skill in flying.
Though...She seems quite a bit dark. Not really at Sith yet, but still there. But then again, that is about what we expected of a brutal warrior society like the griffon.
Will this turn out to be a morally grey dilemma?

hooooo kay then 1,000,000 bits says luna changing him into a stalion messed with his genetics and he can infact get her pregnant

8076047 This sort of gets discussed in a later chapter, but once the spell had ended everything about him returned to normal.

When is he going to rescue from the girl from the Griffins

9723717
Coming up in the chapter I'm working on!