Just a cathartic story for blowing off steam/guilty pleasure. Typical self-insertion HiE. Read at your own risk.
And yes, I am totally ripping off Through the Eyes of Another Pony. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, after all. So if despite my intentions your interest was piqued, go read CardsLafter's story instead, it's much better.
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...*Facepalm* WHY THE FRELL DID I NOT NOTICE THE "INDENT PARAGRAPHS" BUTTON BEFORE?
Someone throw a book entitled "How to Pay Attention by I forgot what's his name again?" at me.
So yeah. I think one chapter of this crap is enough for now. Back to working on the stuff that's actually fit for humanoid consumption.
And Now For Something Completely Different. Enjoy your Power Metal From Space!
With a plot, this would be very nice!
Epic fight scene, check.
HiE, check.
Pegasi, check.
Wait this isn't a chapter of Falling Stars...
.
But it's Rokas so I'll read it anyway
This is strangely good
/ 
You get a
517115
Hehe. Don't worry, I'm working on Chapter 13 as I write this (just a break). That's why I fiddle with a BS story like this one: working on it got me all limbered up
so I can work on the serious stuff without having to start cold.
Now if I could only stop reading the other fanfics that catch my attention...
Or re-reading Outsider for the hundredth time.
517197
Strangely good seems to be par for the course for stuff I conk out.
516942
Plot is for the sane! Sanity is for the weak! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
-PURGE THE HERETIC!
*Epic clash of Space Marines ensue*
517308
FIGHT MUSIC
Because for some reason posting up the chapters of this crap that's already been written helps distract me from my own suckage long enough to write something decent in another story.
How? I have no idea.
So yeah, more suckage. Or is it narcissism? Probably both.
COME AT ME BRONY.
Meanwhile, everyone else has this face:
Interesting. So this is a blatant rip-off of another story of which I have no reason how the hell it received so many likes?
I think I'll just stick with this one.
As the chapter title goes, I know that I am a sick, sick man. And I'm probably going to regret putting this up here, but then again, who the flip cares about a half-assed fanfic writer? No one here knows me in person nor knows my family or friends, so whatever.
My point is, yeah. I'm screwed up in the head. But as the man says, I do know the difference 'tween fantasy and reality. =P This here is silly fantasy meant to let me vent and blow off steam and exorcise various personal demons. There's a reason Catholics invented Confession, after all. OH SNAP.
Anyway, your mileage may vary. Consult your owner's manuals for all relevant topics, and then call our toll-free, help-free support line. Operators can't wait to talk to you in broken English.
ALSO: This was written before "The Last Roundup" aired, hence my take on Derpy/Ditzy. Since this story isn't really that important to me, I left it the same, which is why this one also has the "alternate universe" tag.
ALSO-ALSO: Anyone who can get the reference in Derpy/Ditzy's address WITHOUT googling it gets a cookie.
It's not a bad piece of fiction, mate. I like it, anyway. It's a different direction from the usual HiE genre, and while there are one or two grammatical and spelling errors, it's not anything to get tied up about.
Just one thing though: You bash yourself a lot in this one, and while the in-character stuff isn't all that bad, a lot of your OOC self depreciation wears thin, fast. You are a good writer, and you write interesting stories that are a pleasure to read. Don't be so down on yourself. When you are it makes Fluttershy cry. And do you wanna make Fluttershy cry? Do you? DO YOU?
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I'm just a bit manic depressive. Well, I assume; I ain't been diagnosed, but I'd have to be an idiot not to notice how my emotions run through highs, then lows, or lows, then highs.
Anyway, I just get moods and I unfortunately write things when I'm in 'em. Sorry 'bout that. But also I self-depreciate because I'm trying to remind myself that whatever people write it ain't but words. Sticks and stones, yanno.
And yeah,grammar mistakes. Like I said, this is my vent piece, so I'm not too concerned and don't really check it too much since this isn't meant to be a "here! lookit what I did!"" but more "meh, felt like it."
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Eh, it sounds more like bipolarism to me, if you have lots of highs and lows. I'd suggest talking to someone about it. I did for mine, and it helped.
Most of the best written work happens when people are emotionally charged, and this isn't any different. It's a genuinely good story and you're a genuinely good writer, whose work I find entertaining and of excellent quality. Keep it up, mate. It'd be a loss if you ever stopped.
Don't mind me, just exercising some demons here.
I know what I said. Also, who let you in my head?
*Facepalms* Pinkie, you will be the end of me.
Right now, alcohol. 'Scuse me while I go find some vodak.
I KNOW WHAT I SAID.
I think this is the weak-link of the chapters. The internal dialogue is really too long and often over the chapters to keep the humor going. Instead it tends to leave me going, "Oh look he's talking to himself again, looks like it's safe for me to skip a few paragraphs until it's over."
The meta jokes are a little hard to take as well. It's just too much randomness and not enough subtlety.
Not up to your usual level Rokas.
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I do recall saying this is my "fucking around" story. ;p At least I know what not to do, now.
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Hey you've got one of my top 10 favorite stories at this point. I can totally appreciate fucking around. Even still, given your response I see you appreciate the feedback so I wanted to give you my 'dry' opinion without taking that into consideration.
Edit: The 'talking to voices in the head' trope is good and all but there is an art to it. Like I normally hate it but Cardslafter manages to pull it off so there is a reason to the madness. Like stream of consciousness is bad.
594401
Well, I guess the voices in my head are just not as amusing to others as I thought they'd be. And yes, those internal dialogues are pretty much verbatim with respect to how things go in my head. At least they would be, were I in that situation. It's all emulated, you know, running a copy of my personality on a virtual engine that represents the conditions encountered in the story.
But yeah, so I know to tone that sort of thing down in this and other stories. The copy of Pinkie Pie in my head will be disappointed, but she's already had too free a rein for too long anyway.
EDIT: Sorry for the double post, dang thing was confusing me.
Also, as to the meta jokes, I think those are a matter of taste. I rather like meta humor myself (for God's sake, I'm re-reading Bob and George again, which pretty much annihilated its 4th Wall with nuclear fire) so for that to each his own.
594576
Ok last comment before bed
A lot of it is pacing and setting. I got a much more 'serous' feel for the story early on than I did comedic, so when the comedy came I kept feeling like, "Wait, am I in the right place? Shit was just going down and now it's all silly and 'fuck the 4th wall.'"
You quickly established a 'fuck your utopia' early but it seems to have dissipated by this point and then *BAM* silly internal dialogue debate. I love you to death Rokas, but I could give two shits about whether that internal dialogue was really yours or something you created for the story. You have to keep the story grounded though, just like you do in Falling Stars (why is it I can only ever think of "The Deconstruction of Falling Stars" when I think of that title?) You set the scenes and mesh the comedy in later (with Ivan, oh god I love Ivan
). In this case you went the same way but just went way too crazy. Look at TTEOAP, he starts out crazy silly and then goes serious. There is a balance for it.
Yeah I totally agree that the meta-humor is personal taste. I like meta humor, just not in my fics, always completely wrecks my immersion.
I've had this problem with a number of other fics that people liked though so I highly suggest you get a second opinion. It may be just my own personal tastes in a story. Either do wacky with serious themes supporting it (ala TTEOAP) or do serious with wacky supporting elements (ala Falling Stars). Trying to do both at equal levels just leaves me confused.
594614
Heh, sorry if I've kept you up. I work a third shift job full time so on my days (nights) off I stay up to keep my sleep regimen straight.
I'm not sure what a "fuck your utopia" setting was being established, frankly. I had a beast chasing the main character, which is something the show's done several times, maybe did it a bit more darkly with the rather final ending to the fight. After that, a bit of the protagonist trying to keep himself out of the looney bin (because really, how would explaining you're from another reality sound? See Anthropology by JasontheHuman for a counter-example), while puzzling over some oddities.
For the record, this story was always intended as a more light-hearted take on my usual fare of war and death and epical things (I know that's not a word, I don't care). As such it's supposed to be an actual slice-of-life thing, which means sometimes there's goofy parts, and sometimes there's serious parts. I rather figured there would be some backlash, but again, this isn't an A-class attempt by myself. I guess that shows, eh? Mainly, I actually missed TTEOAP's earlier, silly approach as it acquired advanced Cerebus Syndrome.
...Oh God, I just went to TVTropes.org to look up Cerebus Syndrome and I'VE BEEN THERE FOR HOURS
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Yeah, TV Tropes can do thato to ya.
1809469
You have no idea. I wasted another hour and a half just by checking on the TVTropespage for my other story, Falling Stars.
It's a quagmire of mind-trapping, bite-sized ideas that you can't have just one.
You know, I like how honest you are about it.
Wait... You're the author of "Falling stars". TAKE MY UPVOTE!!! TAKE ALL OF THEM!!!
2031893
No sense in beating around the bush. It's mainly just stress relief indulging in the whole "I wanna go see the ponies" thing. I don't pretend that makes it a good story.
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Shouldn't upvote something just 'cuz I'm the same author, you should upvote something if you genuinely like it.
I love the phrase he uses in the beginning, "Sweet mother of pi in all of its blessed irrationality" Love it. Awesome story. Please sir, may I have some more?
You should never go around ponies, man you might explode...
There is so much wish fulfillment in this story...
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Twice!?
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YES, YES! LET YOUR MIND BECOME LOST IN THE LABYRINTH OF TROPES FOR ETERNITY! MAY THE POTHOLES TRAP YOU TILL YOU CAN RECITE THEM WORD FOR WORD!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
But Rock, this is good! Even if it is self-indulgent.
No shame in having a little self-indulgence every now and again, in moderation.
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On the other hand, it's well written wish fullfilment. Ya don't come across stuff like that often.
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Pouty Rarity is pouty.
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More like Ducky Rarity is Ducky.
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#swag.
...
He's not gonna reference THAT Skyrim meme at some point is he?
Also.
He needs to FUS RO DAH! at some point.
Tis a requirement now.
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Stop reading my mind.
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NEVA!
THE HIVEMIND IS ALWAYS EXPANDING!
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killitwithfire.jpg
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i.qkme.me/3pgzp1.jpg
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Deploy heart-attack bait!
http://pridark.deviantart.com/art/Hugs-375701977
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OH FRAK-
static4.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/OH+GOD+WHY+HNNNNG+_2e450d155edac8e03e6967b521f1da18.jpg
M-Must-must resist! MUS-T REEESIIISSTT!!!
NO! I SHALL NOT BE FELLED LIKE THIS! RAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
media.animevice.com/uploads/1/15158/479398-who_the_hell_do_you_think_i_am_by_k_a_t_o.jpg
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I THINK YOU'RE SOME OVERUSED MEME THAT I NEVER GOT IN THE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE I NEVER SAW THAT ANIME.
Also:
http://mattings.deviantart.com/art/Wing-Snack-360972894
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Oh fine. You wanna play hardball? Let's play hardball!
images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/28500000/OMGOSH-so-cute-Rainbow-Dash-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-28577716-894-894.png
3291887
It doesn't show up.
3291990
Does for me.
3292240
Yes but without the delivery the effect is nonexistent. Ergo, you lose.
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gamezot.net/xe/files/attach/images/125/264/005/74f8cc8ce93d3cf20010a5fe1652f4f1.png
Different one. Better? >.>
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It works, at least.
Counter-Luna:
http://pridark.deviantart.com/art/I-love-you-373197983
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DOUBLE COUNTER!
HERE WE GO!