• Member Since 27th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Apr 28th, 2023

TimeRarity64


I prefer writing and reading original stuff, with a sinful taste to abnormality, darling. :raritywink:

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"Sometimes it's better to think and look back at what got you far in life, but mostly at the people that still were there for you, even if it'd be little or big for the most." --TimeRarity64

Ever since her father passed away, Rainbow Dash feels as if something was not right and that throughout the tough times they had, she treated him unfairly. So, she decides to write a letter, not just for her teacher's assignment, but for her father.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 4 )

I really like the concept for this story, but it's held back by a few things.

First, this story would really benefit from an editor. There are some grammatical errors and awkward word choices spread throughout the story that disrupt the flow a bit.

Also, Rainbow Dash is in school? And has an MP3? These aren't necessarily bad, but if you have stuff like this in a fic, it's important to add an explanation for some of these things. Otherwise, the reader is left scratching their head.

Lastly, while I enjoyed the poetry aspect of this story, I have to question as to whether or not it's something Rainbow Dash would do. Even though the idea of Rainbow writing a poem is certainly interesting, it's important to write in a way that it fits the character. The problem is that, to me at least, it doesn't really feel like Dash. The words used in the poem just feel off for her.

Overall, while the idea for this story was a solid one, the execution could use some work.

5401361 Understanding where you're getting at, I happen to wish no change in this...it's perfect in my eyes, best leave it be with her and focus just on her and her father. Character needs nothing to show in this type of story, only focusing on one thing. The problem, the solution, and the conclusion. Though, I thank you for the comment, I just can't make her into character or it will distract the reader from the point made in here.

Dash is...perfect the way she is.:raritywink:

This is a good story. I love stories with a really dark plotline but I also like stories like this one. It shows hope, to readers. It shows that any bad situation isn't going to have a full stop at the end of it, it's going to have another word after that, it might be bad, it might get worse but at some point a good word is going to appear. Well done mate, you did good.

By the way, is that song you put up in the authors notes area the song she's listening to? If so that's pretty cool! We can listen to the song while reading!

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