Rainbow Dash Buys an Adult Toy

by theRedBrony

Once upon a time...

Rainbow Dash desired a particular item. For her own personal use.

This item was not something easily obtained. It was widely available in this day and age, of course, from various places, but still… buying one was not quite as simple as going to the corner store. Rainbow desired one nonetheless. She had an urge, you see. Oh, it was a perfectly natural urge, and Rainbow knew this, but it was still something – she thought – that was not normally discussed in polite company.

Rainbow didn't absolutely need it, of course. She had other ways to take care of this… problem, and she had done so, many, many times in the past. But it was such a… primitive method, you might say. It was easy enough, but she felt like she was a little more grown up now. She desired something… more.

Yet, despite her very natural urges, and her desire to acquire the item that could satisfy them, she did not know where to acquire said item. It was not something that one simply asked around for. Though she was in no way ashamed of herself, the topic was, again, not something she would readily and openly discuss. Especially not to just anypony, lest somepony get the wrong ideas about her. She had a reputation to uphold, after all, and gossip spreads fast.

Even if she inquired with one of her dearest friends – she was certain – they would all blab about it to one another and then they would all get the wrong ideas about her. That's not something Rainbow was willing to let happen. She was the cool one. The sturdy rock, infallible. Invulnerable to such silly things. She wasn't willing to let anypony think any less of her, no matter how natural, or even normal, this all was.

But Rainbow knew she'd have less of a chance of tarnishing her shiny spotless spit-shined reputation by discussing this with a friend, rather than a complete stranger. Well, short of taking a train to somewhere far, far away like Manehatten, and then asking around there. While wearing a trench coat, fedora, and sunglasses to hide her identity, of course. But then she'd just come off as a complete creep. She doubted anypony would even want to help her find what she wanted, if she had to go around asking for it dressed up like that.

Of her five closest friends – not counting Spike because that would just be weird – she had a sneaking suspicion that more of them possessed this item than most ponies would think. But she had to be certain before she just up and asked. Rainbow believed that Rarity had mentioned – in passing – something about having one. In fact, Rainbow suspected Rarity would have one, being the kind of lady she is. But Rainbow had definitely heard Twilight say she had one, at some point or another. Besides, she thought, asking Rarity might lead to an even stranger conversation than she might have with Twilight. And Rarity, everypony knew, had loose lips. So Twilight it was.

It was a difficult question to broach, to be sure. Rainbow stood at Twilight's door babbling for a solid minute before Twilight had to just tell her to spit it out already. Rainbow did, and of course the inevitable barrage of counter-questions came from Twilight, which Rainbow tried desperately to brush off. She was blushing very quickly, and Twilight – caring for her friend – calmed her down and reassured her that there was nothing at all abnormal about any of this. Lots of mares had one, after all, and stallions too!

Rainbow thought about it. Stallions? She didn't think they were that common. But then again, she had never asked, so how would she know?

Twilight had mentioned something about perhaps buying one used. But the very thought disgusted Rainbow. This was for her own personal use, for pony's sake! She did not want a used one, covered in somepony else's germs and hairs and who knows what else? Even if Rainbow would've entertained such an idea, it would mean she would have to rigorously clean the thing. And Rainbow just couldn't help but feel that no matter how sanitized she could get it, it would always feel like somepony else had used it. Yuck. Twilight had even offered the use of hers – apparently packed away in some box somewhere – to which Rainbow politely (and perhaps a bit awkwardly) declined.

No, she wanted one to call her own, and she wanted it fresh, clean, and new.

Twilight naturally agreed to help Rainbow in her endeavor. And to keep it under her proverbial hat. She discretely asked around for a few days. Rainbow knew her friend would be good at this, she could somehow ask the questions that would lead her to where to ask the actual question, without giving away much, if anything. Rainbow admired this skill. It seemed like another kind of magic to her, a magic of words. Though perhaps, and more likely, Twilight just knew who to ask and for what.

In only a few days' time, Twilight had an answer for Rainbow. She had located an actual printed mail-order catalog from a manufacturer that she highly recommended. Rainbow was just about to fly off with said catalog in her mouth, when Twilight called her back. Twilight insisted that she help Rainbow make a selection. But Rainbow was embarrassed enough as it was, having already asked so much of her friend for such a personal matter. She thought she would be perfectly fine picking one out on her lonesome, and she didn't really feel entirely comfortable discussing the intimate details of her use of the item with Twilight.

But her friend did not relent, she absolutely insisted she have some say in the matter, her having used one before, and Rainbow having not. Ultimately, Rainbow conceded. Twi had a point, after all. They sat together in private, Spike having been off helping Rarity with something or other, the little rascal.

Rainbow found, though, that after the initial awkwardness, it was really quite easy to talk with Twilight about such things. Fun, even. They even shared a few laughs about their past experiences. Together, they picked just the right one for Rainbow, who was surprised at the vast selection of models. They had one for everypony, that was for sure. She saw some in that catalog that she didn't even know existed – or for that matter what kind of crazy pony would use some of those things!

The final choice felt like the right one for Rainbow. It was not too small, nor too big. Sleek and smooth, it definitely appealed to her. They even had a wide selection of colors – to Rainbow's amazement – but she refused to let Twilight in on just what color she wanted. With a decision made, Rainbow took the catalog home, and filled out the mail order form by herself. She slid the paper in an envelope along with a check made out to the manufacturer for the listed price. She was grateful that the name of the manufacturer was frequently abbreviated, lest somepony see the name in the mailing address. Not that Derpy would pay attention to such things, but still.

Even as an abbreviation, Rainbow still tossed around the idea of not even writing a return address on the envelope and then sticking it in somepony else's mailbox for pickup. But she figured if for some strange reason it didn't make it through sorting, one of the local mailponies would probably recognize where it came from, and send it back. Which would be to the wrong house. Then somepony would open it and figure out what was going on. So she just wrote her own return address on the envelope, stamped it, and flew it down to her mail box. And lifted up the little red flag.

Finally, after two excruciatingly long weeks, it arrived, in a very large rectangular wooden box. The sheer size of the crate frightened her. Was that it? It was huge! What kind of monstrosity had she ordered, she wondered. Surely she had ordered the right one? The thought crossed her mind that Twilight might've pulled a prank on her somehow. But Rainbow quickly dispelled that thought. She herself had filled out the ordering form. No foul play or trickery could've been had there.

Upon cracking open the box, she found the packaging to be deceptively large. The product inside, she felt, was of a perfectly normal size. One that she felt she would be quite comfortable with.

And there it was. Finally. The custom color – a powder blue, much like her own coat – was spot-on to what she had imagined. A brief inspection of the packing had led to the discovery of a box of accessories! Rainbow wondered wide-eyed at what strange and foreign things might have been considered 'accessories' to such a product. But she set the small box aside unopened, thinking to herself, 'later.'

A small square of paper was stuck to the product, a piece of advice from the manufacturer. She already had some idea, but the paper made it perfectly clear that lubrication was key to good, long-lasting enjoyment of their product.

Giddy that she had finally received it, Rainbow decided to use it immediately. She took it to her bedroom and placed it on her bed. Taking every precaution to guard her precious reputation, she closed all the cloud curtains on her windows. Lest some poor young filly fly by and catch a glimpse of Rainbow in the act.

She had everything she needed. She was ready. Keeping in mind to make steady, even, yet firm movements… She began. Only a few strokes in, Rainbow stopped for a moment and smiled, reveling in her enjoyment. Boy, did it feel good…

…to finally have a typewriter to write her fanfictions.

---

Author's Note:

Keystrokes, people. Keystrokes. What the hell were you thinking?

If you liked it, I'd really like it if you followed me :D

Next chapter is all author's notes.

Comments

[MerlosTheMad]

?Lol, well played, sir.

[The Judge]

You did well,sir.
media.giphy.com/media/p7U1fHij5UxOM/giphy.gif

[PiMan]

The misdirection was obvious, but it took until the very last line to know what Dash was really on about.
I'd call that a success on your part.

[Mad]

I was not under the impression that typewriters were adult toys.

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

Well, you sure managed to trick me. I thought she was buying a
Pony action figure.

[Kross_Umber]

I thought the "adult toy" would be revealed to be an office minigolf set. The toy you went with is potentially much dirtier Liked.

[Walabio]

You wrote horsewords.

[destinedjagold]

…to finally have a typewriter to write her fanfictions.

Oh, you.

[MisterManAndMissLady]

I don't know man; I thought it was gonna be like, some sort of vanity until I got to the end

[ZeroPony]

I was expecting this.

[MidnightEclipsed]

I thought Rainbow bought a... Y'know...
plushie.

[Vates Despero]

AHHH! Damn it ya got me! I thought it was going to be a mane brush. The reputation, the Rarity, the hair and germs. I briefly considered a toothbrush but then Twilight's was in an old box.

You win this one author...

[PoisonClaw]

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You sneaking son of a gun...

[CommisarSilver]

It would have been nice to seem some hints along the way, through i guess that might ruin the whole "twist"?

made me laugh. well done!

[Nemesis lunalover]

MY GOD! DAT TWIST DOUGH!

[Wagonwheel]

I was thinking it was a brush

[Aotrs Commander]

I was expecting "saddle."

Well played.

[Spenny The Pony]

I was expecting an electric toothbrush for some reason. Don't know why, I guess I hit the wrong hints.

[TodayIWriteFanfics]

This is why the internet exists.

So I can read the plot twists.

Well played.

[randome284]

I was expecting a... Sex toy... A dildo... I was very wrong.